7 Wisdoms I Am Grateful I Possess Today

7 Wisdoms I Am grateful I Possess Today

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard 

The 7 Wisdoms I am grateful I possess today are:

1. One is too many, a thousand never enough. If I do not have the first one, I will not have the last one. So, just do not pick up today. 

2. It does not matter if it was the engine or the caboose that hit me. I still got hit by a train. If I do not want to keep getting hit by trains I must learn to spot them and stay out of the way! That means I need to focus on changing the only one I can really change...ME!

3. Rule 62: Do not take myself so damn seriously! Remember to laugh.

4. God has not brought me this far to drop me on my ass now. Trust Him.

5. Trust God and let the path unfold before me. Do not get the bulldozer out a blaze my own path. When I do that, I create bigger messes to clean up and delay God's purpose from happening in my life. 

6. I cannot keep what I have unless I give it away; yet, I cannot give what I do not have. So, I must not forget to put my oxygen mask on first!

7. Death is not the end of a one's life. They simply transition to a different dimension and go Home. We all go Home some day. The love we share crosses all dimensions. If I STFD I am able to feel that love and see the signs they send all around me. STFD!

A Beautiful Sewing Machine and Sacred Memories

A Beautiful Sewing Machine and Sacred Memories

By Andrea Tadpole-Tadpole-Broussard

7/11/23

I have been working on my Dad's blanket of valor for awhile now. I finally got to the homestretch on it and my cheap sewing machine quit on me. So, I started praying and researching sewing machines. I needed one that could handle thick layers of material. It is what they call "heavy duty" now. I found one on Amazon for a few hundred dollars. Supposedly it was heavy duty but everything was plastic on it. So, I was not sure about it. That, and I really did not want to spend that much money.

Through what I believe were some divinely appointed events I met an awesome woman and fellow seamstress on Facebook. I asked her about the machine I found on sale. She planted a seed in my mind to look for a good, older machine because they were made so much better. So, I decided to scroll through Facebook market one last time. I stumbled on an ad for one listed for $75. The guy had a video of it running and it looked brand new. It was still available and my new friend encouraged me to go check it out. I went after work today.

It looked like it had rarely, if ever been used! It was just like the one I learned to sew on as a young girl with my mom and grandmother. Sacred memories flooded my mind as I was checking it out of my mom and grandmother teaching me. So much so that I teared up. Those were beautiful times in my life; treasured moments that I would give anything to have back.

Anyway, it is not the same brand but everything works like I remembered. It has a solid wood cabinet and is gorgeous. It even has a set of cams to embroider with!! It is impeccably clean, no scratches and the manual was still in plastic. I was able to buy it for $65. I got it home and it works great!!

If you had told me a couple of years ago that I would be sewing quilts and loving it, I would have told you that you were crazy. Yet, here I am in a beautiful home I thought I would never have again and I have my own art/quilting room. It is like an oasis and a sacred space for me where I can create. For me creating is my voice and much needed therapy to heal my broken heart.

I am so blown away at God's grace and mercy right now. I started taking some actions in my own inward life to get back to a more positive mindset. It is easy for me to forget that if I put out positive stuff that positive comes back to me. This is another reminder.

I am so grateful tonight for new direction and shifting to positive energy in my life. Thank you God for taking care of me even when I am not perfect and act like Much Afraid or Doubting Thomas. Most of all, thank you for new friends and a beautiful sewing machine that I can create sacred memories with.

New Connections

This is something I wrote about a new online group I joined recently called Gratitude Slam.

New Connections

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard 

7/9/23

Ok, this is totally disconnected from any questions posed in here recently or maybe it is, I do not know because I just came up for air today. Here goes:

I have been a recluse and hid in my grief from my father dying for many months now. When he died it brought out the ugly big time in my family and I had to cut ties with some people I love deeply in order to protect my own heart. I not only lost my Dad, I lost several family members due to hatefulness and greed on their part. Grieving all this loss took me down hard for awhile. 

I believe in manifestation and the power of positive and negative thinking. I heard someone say years ago, "If you do not like what life is throwing at you, change your thinking." I never forgot it. It might take me a while to recognize and change my thinking but I eventually do.

So, I took a chance and joined this group a few weeks ago. I had no idea what a massive impact this would have on me or the beautiful doors it would open. I have been so lonely. I have barely dipped my toe in the refreshing waters of this group, taken tiny steps and to me made minor changes. Yet, God, now that I invited Him in to the problems I have, has blessed me once again. I do not know why I am always surprised when He does! Believe me, I know I do not deserve it. It is all from His tender loving grace and mercy. 

One thing has led to another and by what some people would call coincidences (not me), God has brought angels in human form into my life. It is as if we were divinely appointed to be in eachother's lives at this specific time and place. God's love continues to blow my mind! So, tonight, I need to express to God and everyone how very grateful I am for new connections in my life.

Ruminating

Ruminating 

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard 

7/7/23

This question was posed to me today:

What positive evidence exists that you are ruminating less?

I looked up the definition and to ruminate means to think deeply about something. I do not necessarily think that ruminating is a negative thing. It depends on what I am thinking about. Let me give you an example. 

Before I got clean and sober my every waking moment was consumed with thinking and planning how to get my next fix, pill or drink. I would gladly sacrifice all, tell whatever lies I had to, basically do whatever I had to do to get it. Whatever values I had were long gone. My mind was completely obsessed or stuck in never-ending rumination over alcohol and drugs.

The first few months I was sober I went from ruminating over alcohol and drugs to ruminating over the past and all the mistakes and bad choices I made. It got so bad that I nearly relapsed. Then, God put a woman in my life who bulldozed through my BS. She taught me how to change and redirect my thinking to ruminating over "the solution" aka the 12 steps instead of drinking and drugging. 

I reluctantly agreed to work the 12 steps with her. Honestly, some times she drug me through them. I would call crying about something. Her broken record answer would be, "Have you prayed? Did you write your gratitude list today? What step are you on? Are your dishes done? Did you make your bed?" Any time I could not answer her questions she would tell me to call her back when I had those things done. I finally started getting serious about my recovery and would do anything she asked of me so I could stay sober because I knew if I drank again I would surely die or be walking dead which was worse.

I remember sometime around 6 or 9 months sober I was walking through the hall at work and I was smiling. It was not a fake, plastered on smile. It was a smile that came from the very core of my being out. I stopped in mid stride and thought, "I have not smiled like this ever!" Then it dawned on me, I had not thought about drinking in at least a month. For me, this was a miracle and still is today!! That was my first of many spiritual awakenings.

In the process of reflecting on ruminating tonight, I realized that after my Dad died it was like a major shot to everything inside me. I truly believe God's grace has kept me from relapsing until I could get back up and start using the tools again that this woman gave me so many years ago.

Today, my thinking is clearer and more focused. I am not dithering in circles. The smile is growing inside me again. I am so thankful that God, the Universe, the primordial ooze or whatever you choose to call it has lead me to this group. Michael and every member have helped me find myself again, for that I am truly grateful! I look forward to reading and posting every day. Finally, I am ruminating on something positive again. Like I said, ruminating is not a bad thing if I am focused on the positive things! ❤️ 

P.S. if you want to find a group that is awesome look up Gratitude Slam on Facebook. Michael Ian Cedar is the leader and he is amazing! He is the one who posed this question.

37 Years Sober

37 Years Sober

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard 

7/5/1986

Today I quietly celebrated 37 years sober. To say that I am grateful is a huge understatement. There are several angels that I owe my life to. They were there in the beginning and continued to love me and guide me through the 12 steps Carla McHenry, her brother Lewis, Harold Inman, George Gibbs, Bonnie, Beverly and Ozart, and so many others. They believed in me when I could find nothing to believe in much less myself.

When I look at all I have been through since I got sober, my heart feels so blown away. Here I was this 10 foot tall, bullet proof, pissed off at the world, 23 year old girl. At least that is the attitude I projected to everyone to keep people away. My whole life revolved around finding and using alcohol and drugs to the point I nearly lost custody of my kids. It was only God's grace that kept us together.

I have been so blessed since I got sober. Life has not been perfect. I have made many mistakes and stupid choices along the way. Yet, God has always been there for me. His grace and mercy are neverending.

I have been fortunate enough to raise my children, Sedrick and Alicia and they are beautiful adults now They make me proud. They have given me the most amazing grandchildren!

Destiny, Kaylee, Bella, Courtney and Michael all have my heart. I see the future in their eyes. My oldest granddaughter Destiny is going to make me a great-grandmother soon too! How awesome is that?

I know that without my sobriety I would have died many years ago. I would have missed out on some of the most beautiful moments with my family. Those are things money cannot buy. So, I am very grateful to God for keeping me clean and sober one day at a time since 7/5/1986.

Reflection

My word 1-word intention for the week is REFLECTION.  Wednesday I celebrate my 37th year sober and I have always taken the week of my "rebirth" day to reflect upon where I was on July 4, 1986 and my journey since then. In honor of God's grace and mercy in my life and my indescribable gratitude to my Creator for my sobriety I offer this writing that I did a few years ago. It still rings true today.

Mile Markers

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

1/5/2020

I am a recovering alcoholic. I have been sober since 7/5/1986. I have stayed sober through God's grace and mercy and with the help of a 12 step program. Along my journey, God has blessed me with different women who have been my spiritual teachers. I call these women my sponsors. Believe me, I would not be here without them. They have given freely of themselves and taught me how to use many spiritual tools in my sober life.

I was headed home yesterday from grocery shopping and I started thinking about stuff going on in my life. Most of it I cannot control and I was worrying about it. I started talking out loud to God about it while driving down the road. Then out of nowhere I heard Him say, "Where are your mile markers Andrea?" See, my sponsor told me many years ago to make sure and erect mile markers in my life. These mile markers are things that I can look back on that I could see the hand of God working in my life. They will help me have faith when life is hard. They will remind me that God has never left me and never will.

So, I started thinking about my mile markers. I remembered a time when I was 23 or 24 years old. I was in the first 6 to 9 months of my sobriety. My children were 2 and 4 years old. I was a single mom, attending college and very active in 12 step meetings. I had a work study job at the school but money was tight. 

This one particular night it was a few days before payday. I had a couple of dollars left. I stood there putting my last few dollars in my gas tank and thinking I could go to my 12 step meeting and make coffee as I had committed to do and I would not have enough gas to get to class the next day. Or, I could skip the meeting, go home and make it to class the next day. I stood there debating in my mind what to do. Then I thought if I do not have my sobriety I will lose my children and school will be a faded memory so I better go to my meeting. I said a prayer and asked God to take care of me. No one knew of that prayer but me and God.

I showed up early to my meeting and was making coffee. One of the old timers came in. His name was Harold Inman. He had been sober longer than I had been alive and he was like a grandfather to me. He always encouraged me. I remember him telling of being in prison and having to put cardboard in his shoes because he had holes in them and would rather blow his money on booze than buy new shoes. Yet, here he was a fine and intelligent man. He worked for attorneys and judges and was esteemed by them all. I had the greatest respect and admiration for him.

After Harold and I got the meeting set up people started coming in. We were busy greeting them. Right before the meeting started Harold called me down the hall away from everyone. He hugged me and slipped $60 in my hand. I started crying because I had not told anyone about my earlier prayer at the gas pump. I told him I could not take the money because I could not pay it back. He said, "Andrea, God told me to do this. I never said you had to pay it back. Just pay it forward some day." I thanked him and promised him I would. I was able to fill my gas tank, get food for my kids for a few days and make it through till my next payday.

I will never forget that milemarker. For me, it was a holy, sacred moment when I saw God in a man. Harold and I remained friends until he went to be with the Lord. I paid it forward many times, still do in different ways. Harold taught me that.

Life gets crazy and scary at times. Everyone says, "It will all work out and I am praying for you." Once in awhile, God speaks to someone who is listening and brings an angel to take care of us. I am so grateful for those angels today. I am blessed with many mile markers. So, tonight I am going to remember them and rest in His blessed assurance that everything will be alright. He has never left me and never will.

P.S. I am very grateful for Michael Ian Cedar and everyone in Gratitude Slam. What an awesome mile marker this is!! 💜💜💜

Thoughts On My Life

Thoughts On My Life

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

6/17/23

I have had a lot of major stress going on for a very long time. I had brain surgery in December 2020, the next summer my mom nearly died and her husband, Vernon did die. I brought her home from Florida and then my dad got sick. He eventually died February 2022 and we buried him. That was one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. Part of my heart was buried that day too. Somewhere in the middle of that God blessed me with a beautiful home. This spring I spent a couple of months out of state with my daughter while she recovered from neck surgery. Somehow Andre and I have made it through and we are still standing even when it would have been easier to fall. When I look back at all this I can see the hand of God woven through everything. Even with darkest storms around me, they have not consumed me.

I have found the greatest comfort and joy in my children and grandchildren. I have watched Sedrick, Alicia and Victoria (my daughter-in-love) mature into the most amazingly beautiful adults. They have weathered their own struggles with life. Yet, they are still standing strong. Despite the sorrow we have been through as a family, they have never left my side, even when it probably would have been easier to run. They are my greatest blessings.

I have watched my two oldest granddaughters, Destiny and Kaylee graduate high school and college. They are growing into such beautiful young women! My other granddaughter Bella is a senior in high school now and will graduate this time next year. My granddaughter Courtney is making her way through adolescence. She is so much like I was at her age. She is a beautiful and an "old soul". My grandson Michael is 4 years old and obviously got all the "smart genes" in our little family. He loves to learn and soaks things up like a sponge. He has this infectious joy that pours over me like a healing balm for the grief I feel in losing my dad.

Most people who really know me know that I rarely do much for myself. I work all the time. I am there for my family. I keep pushing, trudging and flailing through life. The one thing that has kept me going is my relationship with my Higher Power who I know as Jesus. This time of year is always so precious to me because I remember being a 23 year old girl that was so angry at the world and scared to death. I had 2 little children that I was raising alone and I was failing badly. On top of it all, I was in the grips of alcoholism and addiction. At that time I really believed the world would be better off without me. I saw no hope.

The last couple of weeks before what I now know as my rebirth date and Damascus Road experience on July 5, 1986 were a living hell. Despite my many attempts to end it all, God would not let me die. Through a number of holy moments in my life, God sent me angels in the flesh and on July 5, 1986 I began my journey living sober and clean. I have not had a drink or drug since that day.

I promise you, I have not stayed clean and sober because I am so strong. On the contrary, I am a wuss inside. I stay sober because in my weakness Jesus is strong. He is my everything. My favorite story is where He kept a prostitute from being stoned. I saw a picture one time depicting the Lord literally standing and hovering over this woman and holding back the angry crowd who wanted to stone her to death. That was me. He saw something in me worth saving, even when I wanted them to stone me. The neverending love and grace I felt on July 5, 1986 has never left me since then. Life has been hard and devastating at times by my Jesus has always been there in every step, breath, heartbeat, and tear. His grace is so incredibly beautiful and amazing.

So, I started this post to share about finally pushing myself to make changes in my life since last fall. After brain surgery and everything else, I got lazy. I gained a massive amount of weight. I decided in October to make small changes and get this weight off. I am nowhere close to where I want to be, but I have lost 39 pounds so far. I am not telling this for accolades. Actually, I have realized it is okay to celebrate and care for myself too. I will not promise to never gain weight again, that is my business. However, I have made a commitment to myself to take better care of myself in all areas, one day at a time.

One of the things I have done to celebrate myself was go get my hair done the way I want it and to hell with anyone who does not like it! (Yes, I still have a little bit of that stubborn, nonconformist streak in me.) God blessed me with an amazing stylist. Cristy always makes me feel like the only client she has when I see her. I very seldom relax. When I go see her, just her very presence and spirit set me at ease. She always makes me feel beautiful. She has no idea what a blessing she is to me. I went to see her last night and she did my hair and I love it! Even more though, I sat and actually relaxed and that ache of sorrow in the depths of my heart and soul left for a little while. I know God sent me this beautiful angel named Cristy to help heal my heart. She is well worth it and even more, I am worth it.

On July 5th I will celebrate my rebirth date. I will have 37 years sober. I am so grateful that Jesus has never left me. Even when my old fleshy self gets in the way, no matter how bad life's storms are He has never let me fall. If I had succeeded in taking my own life all those years ago I would have missed out on so much.

I am not a churchy person. If it works for you awesome but it is not always my thing. However, someone belittled me the other day for my love for and faith in the Lord. I snapped back and set them straight. See, I understand that without Jesus, life is not worth living. That is where alcoholism and addiction took me. Jesus pulled me out and has given me such a beautiful life. So, I will never apologize for that.

To my inner circle of family and friends, thank you for staying the course in this crazy world with me!! I love you more than I know how to say!! 💖💖💖

Here's What's On My Mind Today

Here's What's On My Mind Today

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard 

6/1/23

My Daddy died 2/11/22. I still have a hard time with it. He was my best friend, my hero, my confidant, my voice of reason in the chaos of life. I feel so completely lost without him. I manage to push through the days and work but that is all I do. All I know is grief is not linear. We do not go from point A to point B on the journey we never wanted to take. For me grief is more like a tangled up ball of yarn. It is all twisty-windy. Just about the time I get to the point I think I the ball of yarn is untangled I find even worse tangles. I do not know if that makes sense to anyone else, but it does to me. Grief is hard and while people can try to be encouraging; it is a journey we go on alone. Today, I woke up crying and have been crying off and on most of the day. It is just one of those twisty-windy days for me. I have learned to be gentle with myself and takes things a day at a time. There is no timeline for grieving the loss of someone we loved so deeply. Some people can snap out of it and move on. I am not some people. I may never snap out of it and that is okay with me. I loved my Daddy very deeply and always will.

My Near Death Experience

My Near Death Experience

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

5/28/23

I wrote this in response to a post from a friend. I wanted to keep it for my klds so i am posting it here.

Many years ago I had a near death experience. When it happened I was not in my body, I was in the presence of God. I felt so completely free, like nothing I had ever experienced before or since. When God told me I had to go back I honestly did not want to. God showed me my children and others that I had to help. He told me I still had work to do here. I knew He was right. When I came back into my body it felt so heavy! EVERYTHING in this world felt heavy. 

There are days that all I can feel is the heaviness of life on this side. It is hard to keep going some days. Yet, the one thing I know for certain is that God is in control of the number of my days here, not me. So, while I am here I need to do my best to focus on Him. I have my bad days but they do not last as long anymore.

Grieving the loss of loved ones makes it even harder. When my dad died, the last thing I told him was it was okay to go "home", that I would take care of my stepmom and he did not have to worry. He knew what I meant. He gazed into my eyes, squeezed my hand and took his last breath. 

It might sound crazy, but I deeply miss "home". Do not take me wrong, I am not suicidal. I just miss "home". Yet, I know it is not my time yet. I still have work to do. I do my best to keep my focus on God one day at a time.

So, keep your focus on God. If you do not already, pray unceasingly and live one day at a time.

A Day with My Grandson

A Day with My Grandson

5/26/23

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

My grandson Michael is 4 years old. He is the neatest little boy. He is so incredibly intelligent that people are amazed by him, especially me. He absolutely loves to learn. His mind is like a sponge and I am pretty sure he has a photographic memory.

He is totally amazed with the solar system. He knows planets, galaxies, stars and all kinds of things I never knew existed! Currently his new obsession to learn about is the states of the United States. He knows all of the capitals and even some counties. He loves to look at globes and can already point out many countries. He likes to draw and paint and minecraft is his favorite video game.

He is an old, beautiful soul wrapped up in an amazing little boy. He is one of the greatest blessings in my life and I am in awe that God picked me to be his "GeGe".

Today was the first time I have gotten to hang out with him alone. He is finally big enough that his mom and dad, my son, are okay with it. We had a great time together. We went to see my mom, his great grandma. Then the 3 of us went out for lunch. After that we took my mom to shop for new, glass tables at the furniture store my son works at.

Michael loved every minute of seeing where is beloved daddy works. It reminded me of going to work with my dad one time when I was about his age. Those kind of moments are etched on a child's heart forever, I know they were on mine. Michael told me this was one of the "awesomest days of his life".

We did not do anything big or special. I did not spend massive amounts of money. We were just together. What I spent was time, time that I will gladly spend over and over again because it is worth more than anything in the world. We simply laughed, played and enjoyed eachother. Michael reminded me to live in the moment today. A 4 year old child still has the uncanny ability to do that and Michael is no exception.

Michael told me on the way to my mom's that he likes to draw and paint. He knows I am creative and we talked about our favorite colors. My mom is an artist and she paints. When we got to her house I showed him her paintings. She had just finished one of a fox and she showed it to him. He was so sweet! He looked at it and really studied it. Then he critiqued it. He said he loved the mountains and the snow. He told her it was beautiful! That made her day. My mom asked him what he would name the fox. He stood there for a minute and thought. He finally said he would name it Lupe. We were like, okay his name is Lupe then!

Always being the curious one and the one who forever looks for symbolism, I looked up the meaning of Lupe. It means from the river of the wolf. Michael and I are Cherokee on my father's side. We happen to be from the Wolf Clan. I took the opportunity to explain this to Michael. I want him to know at least some of my part of his heritage. My father died in 2022. I cannot help but think that this was his way of letting me know he was there with us.

I have been missing my daddy so desperately bad lately. Michael is the oil of joy for my aching heart. Today, God knew I needed to hang out with this little boy who has such a gorgeous mind and spirit. He reminded me to take joy in the little and simple things. He reminded me that no matter how bad my heart aches for my dad, I still have a life to live and it is beautiful. I have much to be grateful for, especially this little boy!

To my little grandson Michael, I do not have enough words to be able to tell you how very much I love you! Thank you for hanging with me and just loving me today. I cannot wait to do it again! ♥️♥️♥️

Iam Tongi and Grief

Iam Tongi and Grief

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard 

5/19/23

I worked till 11pm last night, roughly 16 hours. I went to sleep at 2am and was jolted awake at 4:30am from crying in my sleep. I miss my Daddy so bad. There are not enough words to explain the sadness I feel, there is only tears. I picked my phone up and went scrolling through Facebook and ended up on YouTube watching Iam Tongi at his homecoming. 

This beautiful young man has touched the very heart of our grieving nation. Well at least he has touched mine. It seems like everyone is rushing through life pretending the pandemic never happened. Yet, it did happen. I lost many friends over the past few years. Worst of all, I lost my Daddy. I do not know if the lump in my throat will ever go away or if  my heart will ever stop aching.

Somehow this young man's singing reaches through the sound waves and soothes my broken heart. Maybe it's because we both understand the journey of grief we are on. It is one none of us wanted to take, yet here we are. Thank you Iam Tongi for giving me the gift of your music. #iamtongi #TeamTongi

Check out I'll Be Seeing You by Iam Tongi on Amazon Music

https://music.amazon.com/albums/B0C59ZYZX7?trackAsin=B0C5BCSD3W&ref=dm_sh_jj2DLQ1LqFF7tCgPCGWRlZ8zD 

Stay Off the Train

Stay Off the Train

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

5/14/23

My Daddy had this picture hanging in his bedroom for as long as I can remember. I always thought it was funny and it is. However, it pretty much sums up my life. I have it hanging on the door for me to see when I go in and out. It reminds to take care of myself FIRST, not last; stay off the train and let it fly on by. Only then, do I find peace.

I woke up missing my Daddy something fierce today! The knot in my throat and ache in my heart is back. I bawled my eyes out again. Sometimes I just need to do that. On my way out the door there was a penny and a quarter at my feet. I know he is trying tell me he is here and I will be okay. But, right now I miss my Daddy.

So, I am going to spend some time today getting back to working on his quilt of valor. I have not touched it since I got back from my daughter's place. That is when I feel his presence the most. I hear you Daddy...take care of myself and stay off the train!

I love you Daddy ❤️❤️❤️

Silence Is a Killer

Silence Is a Killer

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard 

5/8/23

I commented on someone's post about sexual abuse on Faceache today and it ruffled some feathers. I do not really care if it did. Those that are offended can feel free to unfriend and block me. No love lost here. I went ahead and deleted my reply and am posting it here on my own page. Don't like it? Move on.

This topic has nothing to do with current political and legal drama going on. I could care less. But, when comments are made about sexual abuse...I CARE. I lived through it as a teen. So, this is about MY experience and MY thoughts about it. 

Oh, and do not bother telling me to see a counselor. I have already been there and done that for many years. And NO, I will never forgive the one who abused me. He is on God's altar. I have freed myself from it but God can deal with him. I will have my say about things though. Again, if you do not like my thoughts, feel to exit right on out of my life. Any snarky, hateful, political posts will be removed. As my grandma used to say...buckle up buttercup here we go!

[ suppose it is a victim's right to not report sexual abuse/harassment. However, when a victim does not speak up RIGHT WHEN IT HAPPENS, they allow the abuser to go free and victimize others. I was 14 or 15 years old when it happened to me. I SPOKE UP. I did that because I did not want it to happen to anyone else. After I told on the miscreant, many people in my family turned against me until it came out that numerous girls who were older than me had been molested by the same freak years before me! Had they or their parents spoke up, it would have never happened to me. Let that sink in.

Their silence was deadly on many levels. By staying silent they helped the abuser to kill a part of me that I can never get back. To me, they were an accessory to the crime because they chose not to speak up!! Yes, that statement will anger alot of people who refuse to deal with their own guilt. That is on them. They are on God's altar too.

If all the sudden 20 years later someone suddenly decides to report sexual abuse, it just seems too little too late to me. I respect their right to keep silent, but they cannot expect everyone to believe them when they waited so long. Nor, can they expect victims that came after them, when they refused to report their own abuse to have any respect for them. THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR SILENCE!! 

Even as a young woman, when I experienced sexual harassment at work, I cared more about my own self respect than my professional career and chose to report it. I also did not want anyone else going through what I did. I am sure there were women before me that did not tell.

My comments have nothing to do with anything connected with a certain misogynistic, narcissistic imbecile and the circus going on with them currently. Frankly, I will not give them the respect of using their name. My thoughts come from a place of personal experience. Sexual abuse did not have to happen to me. If only someone BEFORE me would have SPOKE UP RIGHT WHEN IT HAPPENED to them!! So, I have no empathy for someone who waits decades to finally come forward. Too little, too late. 

Please, if you go through sexual abuse of any kind SPEAK UP RIGHT WHEN IT HAPPENS! If you need someone to support you emotionally through it I am here. Just reach out.

My Daughter, Random Thoughts and Daddy-Daughter Date Reposted

My Daughter, Random Thoughts and Daddy-Daughter Date Reposted

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard 

4/27/23

I woke up at 2am this morning and I cannot go back to sleep. Here I am laying in bed in New Jersey at my daughter's. I have been here for a month caring for her. I am heading home soon. I am going to miss her and my granddaughters so bad it hurts. So many memories have been running through my mind so, I started scrolling through my old blog posts and listening to praise and worship music. Then this blog post popped up. I miss my Daddy so bad I think my heart will ache for the rest of my days. Oh, what I would give for another day like this one! I love and miss you Daddy!! ♥️♥️♥️

Daddy-Daughter Date

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

1/6/2020

Last night my Dad called me and asked me if I wanted to go running around with him today, just me and him. I said, "You mean a Daddy-Daughter date like the one when you took me to Arthur Treachers Fish and Chips when I was a little girl?" He laughed and said, "Sure! We can grab something to eat while we are out." So we planned our date.

Here I am, 57 years old and I was just as excited as I was 50 years ago when I went on my first Daddy-Daughter date with him. There have been others over the years but for some reason this time I felt more special than I have in a long time. I woke up early and made myself look as pretty as I could. As I did, memories flooded my mind of my mother fixing my hair and dressing me up real pretty so long ago. I felt like a princess way back then.

Today, my Dad came and picked me up. We spent a few hours running errands around town. We were trying to decide where to eat lunch and my Dad said, "I would take you to Arthur Treachers if I could." They closed up many years ago, but hearing him say that melted my heart. We settled for lunch at Cracker Barrel. We just spent time together talking and laughing. We stopped by my son's house to see him for his birthday. We got to see my little grandson Michael and my daughter-in-love Victoria too. I sat there and watched Michael play peekaboo with us and realized there were three generations in the room. I thought how blessed I am that I still have my Dad around.

I have always been a Daddy's girl. The journey we have been on together has not always been perfect. Through my teenage years and young adulthood we often fought things out like two rams colliding with our horns. I spent a lot of time angry at the world and shut him out. Yet, we always seemed to find our way back to eachother. That is how love is, it never gives up.

Like I said, I have always been a Daddy's girl growing up even though I would not let anyone know. He was tall and strong and no matter how mad he might be at me he would come to my rescue at the drop of a hat. Today he is much older and not as strong but I know he would rescue me if he could. He was my hero back then and still is today.

I realized today I did not take any pictures. I always take pictures. It occurred to me that I was too busy feeling like a princess and enjoying my Daddy-Daughter date with my sweet Daddy. Today is etched in my heart just like our date at Arthur Treachers so many years ago.

I love you Daddy 💜

My Place I Call Home

My Place I Call Home

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

4/26/23

For most of my life, I have danced on the edge inside just trying to survive. I have always felt like I am on the outside looking in and never managed to fit in anywhere. I have never felt at home anywhere.

In March, I came to New Jersey to help my daughter after major surgery. I had only planned to be here for 2 weeks. Her insurance and hospitals decided to play games and unapproved and reapproved her surgery. They fought back and forth. She finally had her surgery a week ago. So, I have spent over a month here. I am not upset about it. I have missed her desperately and am grateful for the time we have spent together. However, I realized that I finally do feel like I have a place that is home to me in my heart.

God blessed me with my own home over a year ago. In that time I have seen my father and step dad die and helped my mother gain back her independence after a near fatal surgery. It has all been so difficult. Yet, I realize now that through it all, my home truly has been my place of safety and comfort.

Life tends to be a twisty, windy, jacked up mess for me most days. Being the oldest, I tend to be the one everyone expects to fix things. I have learned that it is not my job anymore. I just have to give it to God and trust Him. That is easier said than done. But eventually, I do let go.

I was sitting on my porch a few months ago, rocking in the swing my Daddy insisted that I have years before he died. I was looking out at the school across the street that I went to when I was a kid. It dawned on me that I was the happiest in my childhood at that time. It was before all the bad stuff started.

I never in a million years would have thought I would live where I do. Yet, God knew better than me. Every time someone walks in my home for the first time, they say how peaceful it is. That peaceful feeling is what led me to buy it.

There is more…I never planned to be able to have a room dedicated to my art, sewing, and other creative endeavors. I have one now. It is weird in a way. When I go into my artroom and create, it feels like God has wrapped me in a warm blanket. It is my private, sacred, safe place.

Barring any major problems, I will be heading back to Oklahoma this Saturday with a whole new gratitude for my place I call home in this crazy world.

A Little Dime from Heaven

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard 

4/18/23

So, call me crazy...well,  I am. Anyway, I was wishing I could call my Dad today. He was always the voice of reason and calm on the phone for me. Being the medical person he was, he would have already filled me with a plethora of info on my daughter's surgery. While I was in the surgery waiting area during her surgery I felt like I was flying through the air without a safety net. That net being my Dad. I silently told him, "I just wish you would let me know you are here." Then I busied myself reading and forgot about the request. My daughter made it through okay. As we were getting in the car to go home I saw a dime on the ground right in front of my car door. I know it was my Dad's way of saying he is still near us all the time. I managed to get my daughter home safe and sound. Now she is on the mend. I am grateful for the reminders like this one today that I am not alone.

Valkarie

Valkarie

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard 

4/10/23

Once in awhile I am blessed with the opportunity to just click on all levels with an animal. This beautiful dog is one of them. Her name is Valkarie. She is my daughter's boyfriend Chris's dog. She is so smart and intuitive. She has a beautiful, gentle and grateful spirit. Chris rescued her a few years ago when she was about a year old. I am so grateful I got to meet her and spend time with her! She has made it her job to take care of me since I got here. I still have a heavy heart and miss my Dad deeply most days. I think she knows that. She has brought me deep joy; something I have needed so much. God comes to us in many ways. He uses animals a lot in my life. I am truly grateful for meeting this gorgeous, kindred spirit. 💖

One Year Ago and A Thousand Nights

One Year Ago and A Thousand Nights

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard 

2/10/23

One year ago I was at the hospital with my Dad. I had a premonition to take off work the next day because I knew he was going to die. I did not want my step mom to be alone either. It was one of those times that I wish I was not there; yet I would not havr been anywhere else but by my Daddy's side. I had called and texted my brother several times begging him to come be there with us. My brother finally managed to find time, get permission from his wife or whatever reason he had for not being around to come. 

My memory of time is a little blurry but I know it was the wee hours of the morning when the Physicians Assistant came in to talk to us. My Dad had just had a bout of tachycardia and they got his heartbeat back to normal. He was having a hard time breathing and could not talk. The Physicians Assistant asked him if he wanted them to take every measure to try and save him. He nodded yes. She said they would try.

I remember sleeping in a folding chair next to his bed. It is amazing what we can withstand when we love someone so deeply. I would doze off for a few, then wake up and pray. Sometimes my Dad would grab my hand for me to hold his. I held hands and watched TV with him every evening for 3 months before he died. Oh what I would give to do that again! 

We got through the night and I thought there was a glimmer of hope. Maybe I was wrong. Surely he would pull through. The day drug by as if in slow motion. A few hours before he died his oxygen level started going down. They tried the bipap but it did not help. They decided to put him on a ventilator and made us leave the room. A few minutes later the lung doctor came and got us. She said his lung had collapsed. They could put a tube in his lung but there was no guarantee he would make it and asked what we wanted to do. We decided to go see Dad and then make a decision. My Daddy was so weak and frail. I told my step mom he had been through too much. She told the doctor to stop everything. They took the ventilator off of him and let us back in the room. 

I do not know how long we stood by him, me on one side, my stepmom on the other and brother at his feet. It could have been 5 minutes or 5 hours, I do not know. It was as if time stood still. I just remember never letting go of my Daddy's hand and him never letting go of mine. Our eyes were locked in a gaze for the longest time. I finally told him, "Daddy just go home. It's okay, just go home. I'll be there with you some day. Till then I'll be okay and I'll take care of Linda. I promise I will." Right after that he gently squeezed my hand and died.

Everyone thinks that I am strong but I tell you I am not. I collapsed to my knees by his hospital bed and sobbed uncontrollably for I do not know how long. My brother and my stepmom had left the room and I was there alone. I felt like my whole world crashed down around me. I lost the one man that I have loved the longest, for my whole life. We had our rough patches in life but our love for eachother always guided us back. He was my hero, my confidant, my best friend, my safe place in this crazy world. I did not know how I would go on without him. I finally composed myself, kissed my Daddy on his forehead and said goodbye.

I wish I could say that my family all pulled together and helped us get through the funeral and everything. Sadly, those who I now call my siblings because they do not deserve the title brother or sister in my life, were nowhere to be found. I tried to get them to pull together with me and help bury our Father but they were too busy fighting over control of money that was never there, to be of any sort of support to my stepmom and I. Had it not been for my children, grandchildren and husband I do not know how I would have made it through it all.

Because my siblings refused to be a part of anything, I wrote my Father's obituary and eulogy, I planned the agenda for the memorial service and I designed and printed the cards for the service. My daughter helped my stepmom with scheduling everything. My son and his wife handled the video and music for the service. I officiated the memorial service. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. Yet, as the oldest child, I wanted to make my Father proud. 

I did the best I could every step of the way, all while being assaulted and lied about on social media by my siblings. It is so sad to me that they have never realized how much I loved them. After all the emotional and verbal abuse and other stuff they pulled, they have obliterated the bridge back to me. That is on them. See, I know in my heart I did what was right by my Father and I have no regrets.

After the dust settled and life went back whatever normal was for everyone else, it was not normal for me and I do not believe it will be ever again. I miss my Dad with every fiber of my being. It has been one year but I feel like I have cried a thousand nights. I do not know if I will ever stop crying. I do not know if I will ever stop having moments when I forget and try to call or text my Dad. I do not if my shattered, broken heart will ever heal.

I keep myself busy and push myself to take joy in little things. One of my greatest pleasures are my grandchildren. I love them very deeply. Each one of them has a special place in my heart and always will. They are the oil of joy for my broken heart.

I know that my Dad would tell me to pull it together and stop being so sad. I try to keep myself occupied. I started quilting. I enjoy doing it. I think it is very therapeutic too. I am working on a blanket of valor for my Dad right now. I stopped in the middle of making it and made my grandson one for his birthday in December. I felt like my Dad would want it that way. When I finish his blanket of valor I am going to make my granddaughters, my son, daughter and step mom one too. I am sure I will make one for my mom, daughter in love and husband too. So, I will have plenty to keep me busy for awhile. Quilting does not take away the fact that my Dad is gone but it keeps me focused. So, it is part of my new normal.

I have rambled enough. I just wanted to stop and remember my Daddy tonight. I hold on to the hope that I will see him again some day in Heaven. The love we share is still alive and will never die. I love you my sweet Daddy. You will never be forgotten. 

God's Wrath

God's Wrath 

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard 

2/7/23

I personally choose not to focus on God's wrath. As a child and young, troubled adult, the threat of God's wrath was used as what I consider a form of spiritual abuse by so called Christians who went to church on Sunday and looked really pretty and righteous; yet in reality outside of church were nothing more than white washed tombs. They used the threat of His wrath to belittle me and try to scare me into hanging on to "my salvation" lest I die and go to hell without Him. So, frankly, they did nothing more than make me hate God and church.

When I got sober at 23 years old, I found Jesus again at the foot of my bed in tears and crying in desparation for help. I did not find Him again in a church. Some people do, and that is awesome. It just was not my path. When I found the Lord again, I experienced His unconditional tender love and certainly undeserved grace and mercy. That same love is what has carried me through life's peaks and valleys. The Lord has granted me the daily gift of sobriety ever since that day at the foot of my bed. 

I remember some time in my first year of sobriety telling God that if the only reason I had to serve Him was because I was afraid of Him, then I would not do it. I was not going to be another white washed tomb. I begged Him to reveal Himself to me in a way no one ever had. I demanded that He prove to me that He was more than wrath and fear.

Over the next few months, the Lord came to me in very quiet yet beautiful and loving ways. Things happened that no human, including me, could take credit for. He showed me the immense love He had for me, if I would only open up and receive it. He showed me that He loved me just as much when I was face down in my puke drunk as He does today all these years later sober.

Over the years, I have come to realize that the "wrath" I experienced that drove me to my knees was self-imposed. It had nothing to do with God at all. See, I understand today when I turn away from the Lord, my very act of pushing Him out of my life opens the gates of hell and wrath upon me. I do it to myself. Yet, He is still there begging me to turn around. I know for a fact that when I was in the grips of the wrath of alcoholism the Lord was there to cover me at times and take on the wrath, so I would live another day.  He kept calling me home to Him even though I would not listen. I am so grateful He did not give up on me when everyone else did. 

I am not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. I am a spiritual being having a human experience. I battle with my humanness every day. Some days are better than others. I have learned that God is not the enemy. He is my ever loving Abba Father. As long as I keep my focus on Jesus, admit to Him when I am wrong, do my best to clean up my messes and let His grace and mercy flow through me; the amount of wrath I experience in my life is pretty much non existent. 

 It is not about me getting perfect before I run to Him. It is about me letting Him love me just the way I am; put together, or pulled apart. It does not matter. It is all about His love. Honestly, there is not a word in the human language that I have found yet that adequately describes His love. I suspect one does not exist.

So, if everything looks chaotic and maybe even what I call "wrathy" in your life, focus on JESUS. His love, grace, and mercy truly do endure forever. I am living proof. 

God's Invisible Qualities

God's Invisible Qualities

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

2/3/23

We are doing a study on Romans at my church. We have an online discussion board and I really like it. Especially considering I write better than I speak. The current question on it is how do I see God's invisible qualities in my life in reference to the first chapter of Romans. I have been letting this question ruminate in my heart and mind for a couple of days. I do not know if this will make any sense to anyone or if it goes exactly with the discussion, but it is what is on my heart to share, so here goes.

I saw God's invisible qualities in a recent encounter with one of my granddaughters in the last few days. She is 17 years old. Her and her mom (my daughter) and sister live many states away. We are close in spite of the miles between us. Our love for each other always finds a way to bring us together.

She recently got her heart broken by her first, now ex-boyfriend. It has been devastating for her. I have been texting her encouraging words and memes every day. The other night, she called me via video chat, and we sat and talked for at least 2 hours. I had been in my own funk that day. My father died a few months ago, and grief had me by the throat right when she called.

As we began to talk, it was as if time stood still for me. Nothing else mattered, but my granddaughter. I listened to her heart, and I saw the beautiful spirit she had. She talked about her love for the Lord and how confusing and sad everything has been. I did my best to give her encouragement in spite of the fact that I felt so empty inside. We ended our call with a prayer. It was a very sacred time between me and her.

Over the last few days, I have reflected about those holy moments I shared with her. God always gives me those moments out of nowhere when I am not paying attention to the move of His spirit and when I need them the most. I definitely did not feel like I had much to give to her at the time. Actually, even though she does not know it, she gave more to me. In those sacred moments, she was the oil of joy to my broken heart. My granddaughter sent me a text last night and told me how much that time together meant to her and that she is doing better.

God always does things in the quiet, invisible ways. He is so loving and omniscient, yet He does not need to call attention to Himself. He just lets His beautiful Holy Spirit move. When it moves it is breathtakingly gorgeous. It is always just what we need in that moment.

I do not believe in coincidences. I believe in holy moments. I am very grateful for His invisible qualities and never-ending, unconditional love. His grace and mercy are beyond words to me. Most of all, I am blessed to have holy moments with my beautiful granddaughter Bella. ❤️