Ode to Mikey

I wrote this about my grandson Michael Aidyn Jude Zelsnack born January 30, 2008. Always loved, never forgotten. 💜💜💜

Written on Apr 14, 2010

Ode to Mikey

by Andrea Tadpole

Born on a stormy sea of silence

His tiny life beyond my grasp

His spirit carried away on angel's wings

With all my hopes and dreams

I never got to see him smile

I never saw his eyes

I never felt his tender touch

Or listened to his cries

Waves of sorrow pulled me down

To horrid depths of grief

I feared I'd never reach the top

Breathe free or find relief

What was his purpose

Why was he here

Why was he meant to be

There had to be a lesson

If I could only see

Then I heard him in the silence

Calling out my name

Rise up, go home and live your life

Walk on amidst the pain

Take care of those I've left behind

Never let them go

Forgive them even if it hurts

And when your pride says no

Hold tight to God

Keep the faith

And then you'll see

That I am always with you 

I am happy

I am free

Death

Seems appropriate to repost this. I wrote it back in 2016.

Death

by Andrea Tadpole Broussard

Please indulge me while I pour my heart out in words. It seems that's the only way I know how to release my emotions.

Today is January 11, 2016. January is a happy - sad month for me. Happy because my son's birthday is the 6th and one of my granddaughter's is the 23rd. Sad because my grandson Mikey died January 30th, he would've been 8 this year. My sister-in-law Rhonda died January 9th, 2 years ago. This year is even more sad because my ex father-in-law Mike Zelsnack whom I dearly loved died on January 7th and I just found out another friend in my recovery life died unexpectedly today. He was my age. I am stunned.

As I sit here I wipe the tears so I can see to write. My mind flips through all the family and friends who have made their transition to Gloryland. There's Dewina, Stella, Mike Z, Gina, my 2 grandbabies, my grandparents, George Gibbs, Harold Inman, today Mike B....the list goes on and on.

Mike B was a friend who I always saw at meetings. I remember his first meeting when his dad Delbert introduced us. I got the rare opportunity to watch the metamorphosis of recovery happen in him over the years. What a beautiful gift! He was a kind man with a gentle spirit who loved his wife Melody truly, madly and deeply. My life was blessed for knowing him. He will be greatly missed.

It's times like this that Heaven feels a million light years away. Yet, I know when I sit real still in the quiet I get a glimpse of Heaven in my midst and I realize it's only a breath away. Once in a while I feel the presence of a loved one who has gone on before me and I know they are okay. Then I can breathe and keep living for today.

I'm not a religious nut but I do read and know the Bible. When I heard of Mike B's passing today this scripture popped in my mind and I was reminded that my hope lies in Jesus:

1 Corinthians 15: 50-58
I declare to you, brothers and sisters, that flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God, nor does the perishable inherit the imperishable. Listen, I tell you a mystery: We will not all sleep, but we will all be changed - in a flash, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, the dead will be raised imperishable, and we will be changed. For the perishable must clothe itself with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality. When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true:

“Death has been swallowed up in victory. Where, O death, is your victory?
Where, O death, is your sting?”

The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.

To Mike B, his family, to all my family who have lost loved ones, to our loved ones in Heaven...my prayers are with you all. Death is not the end, it's a transition. Those who've gone on are the truly blessed ones because they're at God's throne. May they dance at God's feet until we meet again.

Daddy-Daughter Date

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

1/6/2020

Last night my Dad called me and asked me if I wanted to go running around with him today, just me and him. I said, "You mean a Daddy-Daughter date like the one when you took me to Arthur Treachers Fish and Chips when I was a little girl?" He laughed and said, "Sure! We can grab something to eat while we are out." So we planned our date.

Here I am, 57 years old and I was just as excited as I was 50 years ago when I went on my first Daddy-Daughter date with him. There have been others over the years but for some reason this time I felt more special than I have in a long time. I woke up early and made myself look as pretty as I could. As I did, memories flooded my mind of my mother fixing my hair and dressing me up real pretty so long ago. I felt like a princess way back then.

Today, my Dad came and picked me up. We spent a few hours running errands around town. We were trying to decide where to eat lunch and my Dad said, "I would take you to Arthur Treachers if I could." They closed up many years ago, but hearing him say that melted my heart. We settled for lunch at Cracker Barrel. We just spent time together talking and laughing. We stopped by my son's house to see him for his birthday. We got to see my little grandson Michael and my daughter-in-love Victoria too. I sat there and watched Michael play peekaboo with us and realized there were three generations in the room. I thought how blessed I am that I still have my Dad around.

I have always been a Daddy's girl. The journey we have been on together has not always been perfect. Through my teenage years and young adulthood we often fought things out like two rams colliding with our horns. I spent a lot of time angry at the world and shut him out. Yet, we always seemed to find our way back to eachother. That is how love is, it never gives up.

Like I said, I have always been a Daddy's girl growing up even though I would not let anyone know. He was tall and strong and no matter how mad he might be at me he would come to my rescue at the drop of a hat. Today he is much older and not as strong but I know he would rescue me if he could. He was my hero back then and still is today.

I realized today I did not take any pictures. I always take pictures. It occurred to me that I was too busy feeling like a princess and enjoying my Daddy-Daughter date with my sweet Daddy. Today is etched in my heart just like our date at Arthur Treachers so many years ago.

I love you Daddy 💜

Seddy

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

I am laying here tonight remembering what I was doing 38 years ago. I was half way through a 48 hour labor. It was long and hard. The little one I carried was what we now call my rainbow baby. The one I carried after I lost my first baby.

I remember from the day I found out I was pregnant I knew I was having a boy. I just knew it in my heart. I also knew his name would be Sedrick and I would call him Seddy. I prayed every day that God would protect him and keep him safe. I sang old hymns like Amazing Grace, Sweet Chariot and How Great Thou Art to him all the time before he was born and every night after he was born. We always sang together as he got older.

When he was born the only thing I wanted to hear was his cry. When I heard his cry I could finally breath again inside. Seddy truly was and still is my rainbow. He has always found a way to make me smile and laugh, even in the darkest times. He is my oil of joy just like his little boy is for him today.

My mind is flooded with memories about my sweet Seddy. I remember when he was little he climbed everywhere. I was always finding him hiding in cabinets. He was so smart and observant. He got his first stitches when he was 2 years old. He figured out how to take a broom and knock the hook lock loose on the door to the basement stairs so he get some cookies on the shelf next to the door! He has always been independent like that.

As he got older, before school age he would always wake me up by singing to me. He always made up songs. I loved them. He got interested in music in high school and started writing his own songs. He played the guitar, drums and any other instrument he picked up. His music was and is like medicine to my soul. As a young man, Seddy has always had a passion for Christ. He played in praise and worship for his church. He has always loved people and brought joy to them through music.

Seddy has been through his own hard knocks in life. I remember the day I realized he had become a man in my eyes. It was the day he placed his tiny daughter Zoey's casket in the ground. I remember I drove him and Zoey's mom home from the funeral and the song Jesus Take The Wheel came on the radio. It was exactly what we needed to hear. A few years later he had to bury his little stillborn son. His first marriage was a casualty from all the grief. Yet, he stayed true to his daughter Kaylee and has always been there for her. He is an awesome father.

Eventually he got remarried to his beautiful wife Victoria. They had a son, Michael Charles, a little over a year ago. I saw the joy return to Seddy when he held his son. It was such a holy moment.

Seddy is now Sedrick to everyone. He's a salesman and just like his great grandfather Shelby, he can sell sno cones in a snow storm. He just has that gift. I have watched him battle Lupus daily but still keep pushing through. His perseverance amazes me.

I am the proudest mother in the world when it comes to my son. He has become all I ever wanted him to be and more. He works hard. Loves his family with all that he is and most of all loves and serves the Lord. I am so blessed to be his mom.

I love you Seddy. I always have and always will.

I know I am a day early but...

Happy birthday!!

Mom 💜

Mile Markers

Mile Markers 

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

1/5/2020

I am a recovering alcoholic. I have been sober since 7/5/1986. I have stayed sober through God's grace and mercy and with the help of a 12 step program. Along my journey, God has blessed me with different women who have been my spiritual teachers. I call these women my sponsors. Believe me, I would not be here without them. They have given freely of themselves and taught me how to use many spiritual tools in my sober life.

I was headed home yesterday from grocery shopping and I started thinking about stuff going on in my life. Most of it I cannot control and I was worrying about it. I started talking out loud to God about it while driving down the road. Then out of nowhere I heard Him say, "Where are your mile markers Andrea?" See, my sponsor told me many years ago to make sure and erect mile markers in my life. These mile markers are things that I can look back on that I could see the hand of God working in my life. They will help me have faith when life is hard. They will remind me that God has never left me and never will.

So, I started thinking about my mile markers. I remembered a time when I was 23 or 24 years old. I was in the first 6 to 9 months of my sobriety. My children were  2 and 4 years old. I was a single mom, attending college and very active in 12 step meetings. I had a work study job at the school but money was tight. This one particular night it was a few days before payday. I had a couple of dollars left. I stood there putting my last few dollars in my gas tank and thinking I could go to my 12 step meeting and make coffee as I had committed to do and I would not have enough gas to get to class the next day. Or, I could skip the meeting, go home and make it to class the next day. I stood there debating in my mind what to do. Then I thought if I do not have my sobriety I will lose my children and school will be a faded memory so I better go to my meeting. I said a prayer and asked God to take care of me. No one knew of that prayer but me and God.

I showed up early to my meeting and was making coffee. One of the old timers came in. His name was Harold Inman. He had been sober longer than I had been alive and he was like a grandfather to me. He always encouraged me. I remember him telling of being in prison and having to put cardboard in his shoes because he had holes in them and would rather blow his money on booze than buy new shoes. Yet, here he was a fine and intelligent man. He worked for attorneys and judges and was esteemed by them all. I had the greatest respect and admiration for him.

After Harold and I got the meeting set up people started coming in. We were busy greeting them. Right before the meeting started Harold called me down the hall away from everyone. He hugged me and slipped $60 in my hand. I started crying because I had not told anyone about my earlier prayer at the gas pump. I told him I could not take the money because I could not pay it back. He said, "Andrea, God told me to do this. I never said you had to pay it back. Just pay it forward some day." I thanked him and promised him I would. I was able to fill my gas tank, get food for my kids for a few days and make it through till my next payday.

I will never forget that milemarker. For me, it was a holy, sacred moment when I saw God in a man. Harold and I remained friends until he went to be with the Lord. I paid it forward many times, still do in different ways. Harold taught me that.

Life gets crazy and scary at times. Everyone says, "It will all work out and I am praying for you." Once in awhile, God speaks to someone who is listening and brings an angel to take care of us. I am so grateful for those angels today. I am blessed with many mile markers. So, tonight I am going to remember them and rest in His blessed assurance that everything will be alright. He has never left me and never will.

My Prayer Today

I have not paid alot of attention to the chaos of this world lately because I have my own stuff going on right now. However, the news caught my eye today and all the wars and rumors of wars got my heart stirred up. So, I went to my prayer closet, also known as my bathroom and God gave me a prayer.

Now before I begin, I do not care who you did or did not vote for. I do not care what denomination you are, your race, sexual identity, party affiliation or anything else. I just do not care. That is not what this is about.

Also, I wanted to pull my little family together and hold hands and pray, at least that is the vision I had in my spirit. That is impossible to do since we are spread out near and far. So, as you read this imagine us all in a circle, holding hands in a prayer of agreement. If we need anything right now, WE NEED TO PRAY. Here goes...unedited...

My Prayer Today 1/3/2020

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

Father God I come before you with my family and friends right now. Lord I know you see all that is going on in this world. I know that you see each of our lives and all the things we struggle with every day. Father, right now I am scared. I do not know what the next day, weeks or months are going to bring for any of us. I have no answers and all I see are clouds rolling in. Just like the apostles on the boat in the storm with your Son we are all freaking out and hanging on. Please calm this storm!! Please bring us all peace in this crazy world.

Lord, I think about my youngest grandchild, my only grandson. What will he see when he is grown and I am no longer here? What will my granddaughters see? What will my children have to endure? Lord please strengthen each of them and give them greater faith in You than I could ever have because they will need it. God I know it was not by chance that they were born. They were born for such a time as this. You have a purpose for each of them. Please protect them and give them the peace that passes all understanding. Give them the eyes of the Holy Spirit so they know which way to go.

Father God I call down a legion of angels around my family and friends to protect us all. Lord I ask you to keep our children and grandchildren safe. Lord Jesus reveal yourself to them like you have to me so many times in my life. If I did not have my faith in you Lord, I would have ended it long ago.

Lord, above all, I hit my knees tonight in prayer for ALL leaders in this nation and the world. Shut their mouths and bring us peace. Father God I pray for our military, young sons and daughters out there serving for us. Please protect them and bring them home safe.

I pray all this in the name of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Amen and amen.