Heaven Sent Me This Cat

Heaven Sent Me This Cat

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard 

10/30/22

The longest term relationship I have had in my life other my parents and kids is this old cat. His name is Sebastian. I think he is 15 this year. My granddaughter Destiny batted her beautiful brown eyes at me all those years ago and begged me to adopt him. I did not want another cat after my last one died, but she talked me into getting him. We picked him because he pressed his little face against the window as if to say, "Pick me! Please get me out of here!!!"

The first few years Sebastian and I were archenemies in a lot of ways. He liked to scratch up important things of mine in revenge for who knows what. Then, I found myself heartbroken and alone and he loved me through it. I did not realize how close we were until I had brain surgery in December 2020. When I got home from the hospital I was indescribably weak and exhausted. The exhaustion was a nasty side effect of having my brain put back in my skull where it belonged. It still lingers at times today.

The minute I walked through the door at home and collapsed into my recliner Sebastian jumped up in my lap. He stayed by my side 24/7 for the 6 months it took me to get back to some kind of normalcy. I truly believe he loved back to health quicker than any other medicine I was on.

There are times still today that he will demand for me to sit down and let him on my lap. I am then required to scratch his head for however long he sees fit. I tend to push myself too hard and I think he knows it. He forces me to stop, take a break and relax. I know Heaven sent this beautiful creature to me all those years ago because God knew I would him way more than he ever needed me!

I love you my beautiful Sebastian!! ❤️

The Dead Man Float

I wrote this for a friend tonight about grief...

The Dead Man Float

10/29/22

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

This sounds horrible but this is how think. I have never managed to surf the waves very good. I kept getting body slammed! So, years ago when my granddaughter died and I was having a horrible time, I kept trying to invision riding the waves and having no luck. My mind went back to 8th grade when I learned survival swimming. We had to master this float called the dead man float. It would supposedly keep you alive and conserve energy if you were stranded far away from land in deep water or waves. We had a contest and I won because I could do the dead man float better than anyone in 8th grade. So here I was in the stormy seas of grief over my granddaughter dying and I saw myself calm down and do the dead man float. Somehow it made me relax. The tears still fell, the heartache was still there but if I stopped fighting it and just floated I could get through it. The dead man float has my ass many a day, especially this past year.

My Dad's Ashes

I wrote this to my granddaughter Destiny because she's missing her Grandpa, my Dad really bad...so am I.

My Dad's Ashes 

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard 

Written October 22, 2022

I am going to tell you something that you might think is really weird. Somehow I find comfort in it though. When I got the idea to do the necklaces to memorialize your grandpa, I never thought in a million years that I would be the one to touch his ashes and make them for everyone. Yet, something in my heart pulled me to do it. I had never seen human ashes before so I had no idea what they looked like. When I opened his urn I was amazed because they looked so similar to the sand on a beach, especially the sand in Florida. 

The sand by the ocean is not pure and fine. It has small chunks of the world or maybe even the universe in it. My Dad's ashes looked like that. I kept thinking of the verse in the Bible that says "ashes to ashes, dust to dust". We all come from God and starlight and dust and that is where we return. I was thinking how huge my Dad was in everyone's life, especially mine. Yet, his body was reduced to ashes that were sacred and precious to me. I truly believe he wanted us to take a small piece of him with each of us because it symbolizes the tremendous love we had for him and he had for us. That love never dies. 

Destiny, if you, Bella, Courtney, your mom, Sedrick, Kaylee, Michael, Victoria, Chris, Linda, my Mom, Andre and even Zane and Jimmy could magnify the love you still feel for your grandpa times 1000, I still love you more than that and your grandpa loves you even more. All we have left at the end of our lives is the love we share. 

So, I have learned through my Father dying perhaps the most important lesson of all...

Do not take those you love for granted. One day they are here and the next they are gone. Things are not that important. The love we share is. 

So, my beautiful granddaughter, hold on tight to love you share with your grandpa and all of us. Love never dies.

God's Protection and My Car

God's Protection and My Car

10/19/22

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

I had something happen that reminds me of God's protection on our lives. Even when we do not realize it He is always working, often in the background, to keep us from harm. Last week, I spent a few days negotiating online with a local dealership to possibly trade in my car for a new one. My car was a mess inside and I knew I needed to clean it out. I had been putting it off for a long time, almost a year. I was busy taking care of my mom and dad. Then my dad died. The last thing on my mind was cleaning my car.

One evening last week I pushed myself to get my car all nice and clean inside. It almost looks brand new now. I also went through all the papers and electronic stuff I keep in my car. I got rid of most of it and what was left fit nicely in my glove box. There was nothing in the center console under the tray. The whole time I was cleaning my car I was thinking why is this so important? My car is still fairly new so why am I even trying to trade it?

Short story long, the deal for the new car fell through. The dealership was playing too many games and I walked away from it. As I was leaving the dealership I figured all was not lost. At least it pushed me to clean out my car. So, I went on with life.

Last night we went to my stepmom's for a few to help her out. I am a stickler about always locking my car. I thought I locked it when we got home. This morning I went out to get groceries from the delivery guy and noticed as I walked by my car that the center console was open and all the change and small items that were in the tray were in the passenger seat. It was obvious someone pilfered through my car last night. I went through my car and nothing was missing!

As I was walking back in the house I almost heard God's voice out loud say, "See Andrea? That is why you had to clean your car out last week. I knew this would happen and I was working even then to protect you today." All I can say is, "WOW!" Here I am this pessimistic, Doubting Thomas inside. I get up every day and poke my finger in the Lord's side just to make sure He's still here. He lets me do it because He loves me unconditionally and understands that I am not this person of strong, amazing faith. I do pretty much everything afraid, as if I am jumping off a cliff and hoping God catches me. He always does in spite of my insecurities.

This may seem trivial and silly to some people but not to me! Today, once again, I am reminded of the awesome love and power of my Creator and Abba Father. He cares so much for me that He even plans in advance to protect me from things that could harm me in the future. I am forever awed, humbled and grateful for the love my Savior God has for me. Amazing grace how sweet the sound...❤️

Roses and Blue Jays

Roses and Blue Jays

October 16, 2021

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

Grief is a roller coaster we never want to ride. Once we are on it, the ride is long and unpredictable. We just have to hang on and trust God to carry us through. The last few days the ride has taken me down a never ending hill going at what feels like a million miles an hour. I keep thinking it will get easier living without my Dad but on days like today it feels like the sadness will never end.

My dad was coming to me as a crow for awhile. Then, the other day I found a Blue Jay feather. It was weird because it happened randomly as I was walking in a store. It fell from the sky and fluttered to the ground right in front of me. Of course, I picked it up and saved it. I know it was a hello from Heaven, feathers always are.

Today I was getting out of the car at home and a Blue Jay flew past me and sat right in front of me on a rosebush in the middle of the last of the roses for the season. He looked at me for the longest time. I just stood there in the sacred silence and smiled. I finally said, "Hi Dad, I know it's you. I love you and miss you!" He cocked his head at me as if to say, "It's about time you notice me!" Then he flew away.

The Native American side of me is all over this. Call me crazy or overly sensitive, I do not care. I believe deeply in symbolism and nature. I know that God and those who have gone before us speak to us in symbols from nature. It is no coincidence that my father's birth month is June and his birth flower is the rose. I did not realize when I bought this house last year with rosebushes in the front yard how precious they would be to me now.

I did some Googling on roses and Blue Jays. Here is what I found. Since ancient time, roses have been seen as God at work in whatever situation they appear. Roses symbolize miracles and God's amazing love at work in the world. Many people have reported smelling roses when they encounter an angel. Blue Jays are seen as very powerful spirit animals. They symbolize that the universe is telling one that they are on the right path and to keep going. Blue Jays are also messengers from Heaven. They have the power to connect us with our ancestors and transfer the love and compassion we share between us. How cool is that?!

I have had a lot of things on my mind lately. There is one situation I have been praying for a miracle for me. I have been questioning if I am making the right decisions, am I on the right path? Sometimes the grief clouds my vision and I feel like I have to fight to see where I am going in my life. I have caught myself calling my Dad so many times just to hear his voice tell me everything is going to be okay and to keep going. I have felt like he is so far away. Yet, he has been right here with me all along. I just had to slow down and pay attention to the messages in the roses and Blue Jays in front me.

Thanks for getting my attention Daddy! I miss you now more that ever and love you even deeper! ❤️