Grandpa Shelby

I wrote this on 12/20/12. Here it is another birthday without you Grandpa Shelby. I sure miss you! In honor of you I am reposting this today.

Grandpa Shelby

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

I am thinking about my grandpa Shelby Morrison today. He died many years ago. His birthday is today. I don't remember how old he would have been but it does not matter. He will always be alive in my heart.

On the outside he was big and clumsy. People often assumed he was an oaf and stupid. Boy were the wrong! Turn on some good music and he could dance like Fred Astair. My favorite memory of him is dancing in the livingroom with me and him twirling me around.

He was a quiet man and he worked hard at the railroad as a switchman most of his life. On the side he had a concession business. He sold snow cones, cotton candy and other stuff. He also sold balloons at all the area Christmas parades. He was a shrewd business man and wise beyond his years.

He was a good man and loved the Lord. He always gave food to the hungry, shelter to the homeless and clothes to the naked. He never judged anyone. He just loved people. My grandma always said he took in stray people instead of stray dogs. I only hope to be as good as him.

Every one in the neighborhood knew him as the snowcone man. To me, he was my grandpa and I loved him dearly.

I miss you grandpa! Keep watch over my grandbabies and other loved ones till I get there! I'm still dancing!!

Love you!!!  ~Andi~

My Grandson Michael Charles Zelsnack 12/12/18

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

As I sit today watching my beautiful daughter-in-love in labor with my little grandson Michael Charles my eyes fill with tears and my mind fills with memories. Tears of incredibly, indescribable joy at the amazing gift we are being given. Memories of those who've gone on before us who I know are here in spirit welcoming this new life into the world. Birth is such a crazy amazing journey. Its filled with utter joy and anticipation at its inception. There are struggles along the way. The final leg of the journey is the worst pain one could ever go through and yet the product is a total manifestation of unending, life altering love.

For me, to be present to see a woman give birth is a holy and sacred moment. Such a humbling and blessed gift. I have only been to one other besides the birth of my own children. i feel the Holy Spirit so heavy, loving and magnificent in this room today. I am awestruck once again at God's creation and the love I see between a man and woman, my son and daughter-in-love. It reminds that God's love never fails.

I am reminded again of the sacred duty God has  given me as a grandmother. I cannot wait to welcome this little boy to the world. Most of all, I cannot wait to watch him grow and learn.

So, welcome to this world and welcome to our family my little, tiny friend!! I will always be here whether in person or in spirit when this body is long gone to love, guide and protect you through this crazy thing called life.

This day...these sacred, holy moments will be forever etched on my heart. I will always love you Sedrick and Victoria. Most of all I will always love you more little Michael Charles, my beautifully and wonderfully made grandson.

Love,

Your Proud GeGe

💖💖💖

Thoughts On Revenge

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

Revenge gives some people sick satisfaction even if it hurts innocent bystanders, especially the ones closest to them. The price for Revenge is high. In the end Revenge sucks the very life out of you and kills all that you loved the most because you would rather hold on to the hate than reach for something good. You would rather bask in the twisted and familiar feeling of hateful Revenge than let go and allow God's forgiveness to heal your broken heart. Revenge will leave you cold and dead inside, alone in a selfmade prison. Yet the whole time you hold the very keys to let yourself out.

My Journey of Grief

I am writing this for my dear, sweet friend Alice who recently lost her beloved husband. I hope it helps others as well.

My Journey of Grief

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

I have been through tremendous loss in my life. Many loved ones have gone on...from mere minutes old to over a century old and all ages in between. There are no two ways about it, loss and grieving that loss hurts and it is devasting.

For me, grief comes in waves just like sitting at a beach. Some days there is a nice cool breeze, I can feel the soothing wind in my hair and see the calm ripples of the waves of memories on the water and I am at peace. Other days, there are storm clouds on the horizon and the waves are fierce and slam against the shore with fury, leaving my heart pulverized in sorrow again. On those days, I am doing good to simply utter a whispered prayer for help and simply breathe. Occasionally a tsunami overtakes me out of nowhere and I am sucked under the turbulent waves with sorrow like I have never known. Even in the depths of this grief, God, in His tender loving way, always somehow lifts my head above the water and I am able to fight to live another day. His grace always amazes me. This unfortunately, is all part of the process of letting someone go whom I have loved with all I am. It is, for me, the price I pay to love so deeply.

Grief is not pretty. Its ugly and painful and most of those left around us do not know what to do to help. So, they say heartfelt phrases like "it will get better", "just remember the good times", "be grateful they are in Heaven", the list goes on ad nauseam. While they mean well, these do not help us, the grief stricken ones, they only soothe the other's guilt for not knowing what to do to help. For me, the best thing anyone has ever done is just be there. No words. No "fix it" kind of things. Just their presence in my life is all I need because, grief is a journey that one must walk through alone. At least it is for me.

I have learned through tremendous never ending loss at one point in my life, to be gentle with myself. The greatest soothing balm for me has always been my grandchildren and other young ones in my life. Children are so full life and joy, especially babies. God has always managed to have a baby in my life during my deepest sorrow. Just rocking them was soothing because in reality it was me who was being rocked.

Another thing I do which I believe comes from my Native American ancestry is I look for signs of my loved ones around me. Cardinals, butterflies and frogs are messengers from them for me. The cardinal is my grandmother, the butterfly is my granddaughter, and the frog is my grandson. When I see these it is like a, "Hello, I am still here in spirit around you!" from Heaven.

People always say "time heals". I frankly think that is a lie. It will take an eternity to heal from loss for me. I do believe though, that with time I learn to live with the loss. The gaping hole in my heart heals over but it will always be tender there. There are still what I call "tsunami days" but they are farther apart with time.

I always say, "Heaven is so far away yet so close its only a heartbeat and breath away." So, remember to take time to be still and watch for little "hellos from Heaven" once in awhile. They are there around to remind you that you are not alone and your loved is there watching over you.

I love you!

~ Andrea ❤

The Sweaty Buttcrack Story

The Sweat Buttcrack Story

10/24/2018

by Andrea Tadpole-Broussard 

I love all of my grandchildren and am crazy about them, the ones here as well as the ones in Heaven. However, this story is about a few special and what I consider holy moments with my beautiful granddaughter Courtney. 

Courtney has sky blue eyes and gorgeous long, blonde hair. Her smile and energy light up a room. She is like an old, creative soul and loves all forms of art and music. Her imagination is magnetic and draws me in like a moth to a porch light. In many ways she is my mini me because I have that same creative spirit. When she and I are together its like we have known eachother for many lifetimes. We play and just totally enjoy eachother. Its as if time stands still and nothing else exists but me and her and that holy moment. We always pick up right where we left off. She is one of my greatest joys and treasures.

Courtney has an innocence about her that few people can comprehend. She is usually very optimistic and always believes the best in people. So, in the rare moment that I find her unhappy I always try to cheer her up. This past summer she and her mom and sisters stayed with us for a little while. One day I came in from work and Courtney was sitting on the couch looking sad. She was worried about things happening in her life and all the uncertainty around her. 

Of course, I had to lift her spirits up so I pulled her to my lap to tell her a story. I have always had my own stories made up of a mishmash of others I have heard over the years. I told her this story, which is now known to us as "The Sweaty Buttcrack Story". It made us both laugh and hopefully it will you too.

The Sweaty Buttcrack Story

by Andrea Tadpole-Broussard 

Life can often be like a parade. Imagine that you are marching in a band in the parade. All you can see is the person in front of you. Maybe they are skinny or fat, tall or short. Maybe their clothes look nice or maybe they are torn. Regardless, all you can see is the person in front of you. Sometimes all you can see is the sweaty buttcrack in front of you. 

When you have been marching in this parade and staring at this sweaty buttcrack in front of you for a long time, it can be tiring and frustrating. You wonder why God has you marching where you are, behind this sweaty buttcrack. You might even feel like quitting and giving up because all you are ever going to see in life is a sweaty buttcrack!

When you go through times like this in life you have to trust God because He is the ruler of the universe and can see the entire parade, not just the sweaty buttcrack in front of Him. He loves you and is always there watching and protecting you. So, the sweaty buttcrack you are behind is there for a reason. When it is time, God will move you to a place that is more awesome than you could ever imagine. You just have to be patient, keep marching and trust Him because you know that not every day will be a sweaty buttcrack day.

Of course,  Courtney and I were laughing our heads off by the end of the story. A few days went by. I came in tired from a hard day of work and said hello to Courtney. I asked her how her day was. She nonchalantly said, "It was just another sweaty buttcrack day grandma!" Little did she know I had one too!! I hugged her and we both laughed. The "sweaty buttcrack" comment is our inside joke now and oddly enough, it is our reminder that God loves us and is still there, ever present in our lives, even on sweaty buttcrack days.

You might find the term sweaty buttcrack offensive and totally "ungodly" but I do not. I believe that God has the most awesome sense of humor. Why else would He gives us the oil of joy? Courtney has always been my oil of joy and I can think of no one better to march next to on sweaty buttcrack days than her.

I love you more Courtney! 💖😜💖😍💖

The Tiniest Little Angel Named Zoey

February 28, 2006 I met an angel. Her name is Zoey and she's my beautiful granddaughter. I found something I wrote about her on Christmas Eve 2006. This is my edited version of it. The words I wrote then still ring true today. I love you Zoey. You are alive in my heart and I still feel your touch when I see butterflies!

Here is my writing:

The Tiniest Little Angel Named Zoey

by Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

At Thanksgiving dinner in 2005 my son Sedrick announced to us all that he and his now ex-wife were pregnant. Over the course of the next few months our excitement grew. We were not only expecting Sedrick's new baby, but my daughter Alicia was pregnant too. I was the proudest grandma you would know. Sedrick sent me ultrasound pics as he got them and every day at work I would look at the latest one on my computer monitor. I imagined how the baby would look and was so excited, we all were. I prayed for what I called "my little peanut" and my other grandchildren every day as I always do.

Looking back, the day before Zoey was born was rather surreal. Her mom hung out with me all day, which was unusual, but I was happy about it. I remember I kept thinking what an exciting time this was going to be. Two newborns in our lives at once! We talked about the upcoming baby showers and planned and dreamed that day. Little did we know what was about to transpire.

The next morning I got the call to rush to the hospital. This day is now known to me as "the most horribly beautiful day of my life". I will explain why I call it this eventually. As the day wore on family began to arrive and we embarked on this journey. We all prayed that God would intervene and save our little baby. Sedrick was such a wonderful, tender loving man all the way through. He never left her side. Held her, whispered words of encouragement to her, cried with her, wiped her tears. I was in total awe of the man my son had grown up to be.

Time seemed to stand still. The night seemed to last 100 years. We all held out hope that things would change. Then God sent an angel in the form of a nurse to give the devastating news. The baby would be coming and to prepare for the worst. I call this nurse an angel because she handled all of us in an honest yet loving way. She had walked this road many years ago herself and knew exactly the words to say to us.

The kids asked me to take the pictures when Zoey was born. Even though I knew what a daunting task this was, I considered it an honor to do so. I also know that it was God who took the pictures because I could barely see through all the tears. I personally view these pictures as a celebration of the life of the tiniest little Angel I have ever known. The images are seared in my mind's eye forever and Zoey's spirit is etched in my heart for all eternity.

These photographs also represent the love of a family and its ability to pull together and hold each other up when a tragedy such as this strikes. So, please know that these photos were taken out of desperate love for Zoey so her memory will survive.

When Zoey was born she was at 18 weeks gestation. The doctors stood there in amazement that she was even alive when she came out. Her heartbeat was so strong and I know if she could have, she would have stayed here with us. Yet, that was not in God's plan.

I am humbled by the memories I have of the strongest and most beautiful young man I have ever know....my son Sedrick. The loss he endured has been worse that any nightmare I have ever had, yet I have watched him keep trudging forward, sometimes gracefully and sometimes screaming and crying all the way. That is okay with me. Who would not be devastated? No one ever said you had to live gracefully through tragedy; you just have to live in spite of it and live he has.

My favorite photos are two....one is of Sedrick singing Jesus Loves Me to Zoey at her last moment of life. The other is of Zoey grabbing her daddy's finger with her little hand. Tell me there is no life at conception!! I am not buying it. The most beautiful picture of love was given to me in that moment. Someday when my heart can bare it I will paint this picture. Still today, 12 years later, the tears are too heavy to even try.

The saddest thing for me that first Christmas after Zoey was born was not being able to hold her. I miss her more than I know how to say. I can only imagine how her daddy must feel. If I could I would switch places with Zoey so he would not hurt anymore.

We all grieve in our own way, and mine has been in silence with a void deeper than the Grand Canyon. I do not have the ability to "suck it up and move on" nor do I ever desire to be that callous. One cannot walk through this kind of event without being forever changed. I say this because I beg you all to please just love us where we are at and help us ride the waves of emotion when they hit no matter how long ago it was. If we keep pulling together and grieve together, the load we have to bare will not be as heavy.

I myself believe that I will never "get over" Zoey, nor do I want to. In her brief moments Zoey taught me about the most important things in life…..love and family. Zoey declared her love for us all by reaching out and grabbing her daddy's finger; by hearing her daddy sing and by fighting to live 11 minutes. This little, teeny, tiny girl managed to make us all stop our chaotic lives and gather together in a hospital room to witness the miracle that she was.

Zoey taught me not to take people for granted and to cherish each moment because we do not know when it will be our last. I believe that Zoey is still among us in Spirit. She shows herself to me in Courtney's vivid imagination, in the twinkle in Bella's eye, in Kaylee's infectious laughter and in Destiny's tenderness.

As I said before, the day Zoey was born was the most horribly beautiful day of my life. Horrible because I could not fix it, I could not switch places and give her life. Horrible because of the sorrow and pain I have seen my son walk through. Beautiful because I have watched a family lift each other up and weather this storm together. Beautiful because I was blessed to know Zoey and see her mighty spirit in that hospital room that day. Beautiful because Zoey will be in our hearts forever.

So, in case life gets crazy and I forget to post this on February 28th (I am getting older ya know) Happy Early 12th Birthday Zoey! GeGe will never forget you, I will always love you until the end of time.

Reposted for my grandson Mikey

My little grandson Mikey would have been 10 today. Happy birthday in Heaven my sweet lil one ❤🙏❤🙏❤

Thiis is for you...

Ode To Mikey

By Andrea Tadpole Broussard

Born on a stormy sea of silence
His tiny life beyond my grasp
His spirit carried away on angel's wings
With all my hopes and dreams

I never got to see him smile
I never saw his eyes
I never felt his tender touch
Or listened to his cries

Waves of sorrow pulled me down
To horrid depths of grief
I feared I'd never reach the top
Breathe free or find relief

What was his purpose
Why was he here
Why was he meant to be
There had to be a lesson
If I could only see

Then I heard him in the silence
Calling out my name
Rise up, go home and live your life
Walk on amidst the pain

Take care of those I've left behind
Never let them go
Forgive them even if it hurts
And when your pride says no

Hold tight to God
Keep the faith
And then you'll see
That I am always with you 
I am happy
I am free

30 Years Ago

30 Years Ago

By Andrea Broussard

I'm sitting here tonight remembering myself 30 years ago. I was 24 or 25 years old and newly sober in AA. I think I had about a year sober. I was just trying to pull my life together so I could give my son and daughter a decent life.

In the midst of this time a friend of mine and I started a Christian based group locally for anyone to attend, not just alcoholics. It was for anyone who needed help be it addiction, alcoholism, mental or emotional issues, whatever. I was young bouncing all over the place but I managed to help start this group.

After a while I moved on but my friend continued it. It is still going today. I have had many friends and family who have found relief from life's troubles in this group. Through a set of circumstances my son found this group tonight. He's not an alcoholic or addict. Life has just served him a crap load of loss and difficulties including a dibilitating illness. He called me after his first meeting tonight to tell me how awesome it was, how much it helped and how he couldn't wait to go back. I could here the hope back in his voice. It was music to my ears!

I have been praying so hard that God would bring him relief and help. Little did I know 30 years ago that this group would survive and thrive and be here today to help my son.

Once again I stand awe of my Abba Father, my God and my Creator. I am reminded that God is always working way in advance to help us. He always has a plan. He uses us even when we don't realize it to lay the groundwork for others to be helped in the future. I am humbled to think the tiny part I played to start this group is now helping my son. I'm even more grateful to those who kept this group going even after I left. God is so good and mercy endures forever.