May 29, 2019

The Flood of May 2019

I live about 2 miles from the levy walls on 65th W Ave and Charles Page. This is the scariest thing I've gone through in my life other than getting sober a long time ago. At one point the other night I didn't know if I should hide in the basement from a tornado or climb on the roof because of a flood. I prayed and God gave me the clarity I needed. My granddaughter, my animals and I are safe. People stepped up to help, they are my angels. I wish my husband was here but he stayed home to keep looters away. I hope he doesn't get hurt.

I was laying in my hotel bed after I evacuated in the wee hours of Sunday morning thinking and I realized this flood and storms is a metaphor for my life. I am dealing with a problem with my vision and I have random spells of blurred vision and sometimes blindness, it's a possible brain tumor or something. I'm waiting on a cancellation at Claremore Indian hospital for an MRI of my eyes and brain. If they don't get a cancellation soon my appointment is July 30th. I'm scared...BIG TIME SCARED. I can't wait that long!! I'm also looking for another job and have other issues to deal with.

This whole flood nightmare has made me go back to one day, one hour, one minute at a time. I have to take life that way right now or I'll go crazy. So, all this crap life is throwing at me is in God's hands. I can't, He can, I think I'll let Him.

I have a granddaughter Zoey who died many years ago and she always comes to me as a butterfly. Today I was out walking my dog and a tiny little butterfly flew ahead of me all along my walk. Any time I stopped it stopped. I know it was Zoey telling me that even though I don't know what the future holds or what the plan is everything will be ok.

May 27, 2019

Reposting for Rhonda

I realized it's my sister-in-law Rhonda's birthday today so in her memory I am reposting this.

Note: I wrote this for my "Big Sis" Rhonda...I will miss her and never forget her...RIP Rhonda :'(

The Oldest

by Andrea Tadpole

You were told
From the very start
You're the oldest
You must be strong

Take care of your
Little brothers and sisters
Protect them
And guard their
Every heart

You must always
Be there
Whatever is needed
You do

Yet never
Show your
Weakness
Lest you fail
The little ones
They're always
Looking up to you

Problem is
You never learned
To let anyone
Care for you

You hid your worries
Deep inside
After all
You're the oldest
That's what you were
Supposed to do

Why does God
Let some live
While others
He let's die

It seems
He takes the
Beautiful ones
And leaves
The rest of us
To cry

I suspect
He looked down
And saw your
Every pain

Knew you couldn't
Take it and
Brought you home
Out of the rain