By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard
I believe that all the prayers my loved ones have said, all the ones I have said and still say are still going and never stop. They continue forever. Same energy that is in the universe...from our lips to God's ears.
By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard
I believe that all the prayers my loved ones have said, all the ones I have said and still say are still going and never stop. They continue forever. Same energy that is in the universe...from our lips to God's ears.
Written in 2010
by Andrea Tadpole
Late at night
Trying to sleep
Mind running crazy
Too many worries
Too much to remember
Too much to forget
Feel so overwhelmed
Feel so alone
When will the hard times end
Happiness eludes me
Sorrow engulfs me
Too much loss
Too much pain
Is God real or is it all a sham
Just wanna sleep
by Andrea Tadpole-Broussard
I wrote this today in response to a discussion about prayer and whether it works or not. Don't want to lose it so I'm posting it here:
I can waste my life mind f#cking myself over which came first, the chicken or the egg and miss out on the beauty in life. That's not to say that life is always easy. Frankly, most of the time life is a shit sandwich that I have to choke down and the good stuff makes it worth it. For years before I got sober my grandmother, Mary...may she RIP always told me, "Andi I'm praying for you and some day you're going to get help!" Every time she said that I cringed because I wanted to die. I hated life and everyone in it. On 7/5/86 I got sober. I look back and can see the hand of God was working all the way through to make me willing to get help. I know without a shadow of a doubt that my grandmother's prayers kept me alive and got me sober. So, I'm not going to waste my life over analyzing God and spiritual things. I just accept it and believe. Thank God for my grandmother!
Today, February 14, 2017 my husband Andre and I are celebrating our second wedding anniversary. Andre wrote this for me on February 7, 2017. I did not want to lose it so I am posting it here. I feel so blessed to have this man in my life. <3
The Roller Coaster
By Andre Broussard
Life is a roller coaster. We all have our ups and downs. We all HOPE someday to make it to the top of this roller coaster. At the top comes nothing but the same each day that goes away. It's always good. But FAITH is something that happens in the middle of this roller coaster. We go from good to bad with each day. At times even seem we are on top. Then other times it feels we are at the very bottom. It's then we see the very bad in life. Nothing around us is good. We see all the ugly. Then comes LOVE. Love is giving and receiving. It comes from GOD through others. The people we love and support. This part of the roller coaster is the strongest. Nothing bad can overcome us when we are this strong. At the top we are very scared, at the bottom we feel very feel safe.Why put love on the bottom? The answer is easy, it is strong enough to carry us to the top again. In life we all have choices Hope, Faith and Love. With all that said my choice with everything is to love and support you until I die. I think this is where GOD put me. I am so sorry we are on this roller coaster. But I'm so very happy that I'm on it with you.
By Andrea Broussard
It's11:51pm on September 16th, 2016. Before the clock strikes midnight I want to say that 4 years ago today I met my sweet Andre. He is the most loving and caring man. I am truly blessed to call him my husband today. He and I have a good life together.
We both have gone through hell in the past and by God's grace come out the other side. We understand that about each other. Life isn't always a nice pretty picture. Quite often it's a big mess. Yet, even in the hardest times Andre and I have always ended the day together in each other's arms. He's not perfect and neither am I. Yet, we are perfectly imperfect together.
Andre is my gentle giant, my soft landing when the hard, old world knocks me down. He's my safe place where I feel loved and protected. He has renewed in me the belief that there is still good in the world. He has done this by the way he treats people. He's the most kind hearted man one could ever meet. He's always willing to help out a friend. He takes care of his family and now mine too in different ways that most people never hear about.
Andre has learned to live with my hearing impairment and always supports me in dealing with it. He never has belittled me when he has to repeat something for the fifth or sixth time. He just deals with it. This may not mean much to those of you who can hear, but to me it means the world. I trust him with my life.
Andre is a good man. He makes me want to be a better person. I am blessed to have him by my side and honored to be his wife. I love you more my sweet Andre! <3
I wrote this to my son on 7/9/14 in response to something he posted on Facebook. Times have changed and they keep getting better. Love you Sedrick!
From one broken hearted retread to another...stop over thinking things ;-) oh and if your so called husband or wife turns out to be a lying cheating whore (yes men are whores too) I don't think God expects us to stay with them. I get so dam sick and tired of the white washed tomb know it all "Christians" in this world telling everyone else how to live. Take the telephone pole out of your own eye before you point out the splinter in someone else's.
It's more important to love and seek GOD not church. If God is first and we take care of ourselves and stop trying to fill the void with a mate then the right one comes along. It took me 3 divorces and too many years living with another guy to figure that out. Relationships take lots of work on BOTH sides even when they're good. But when two people who have never taken the time to be alone and have a life and heal old wounds before jumping to another one its bound to end in heartache and its a recipe for failure.
Sedrick Zelsnack you're an awesome man. Take time to take care of you. Be kind and gentle to yourself. Seek God. Enjoy life. Get to know yourself and what you really like and dislike. When you do that it won't matter if your in a relationship or not. It won't matter if your two exes are the biggest bitches in the world. You'll be able to let roll off you because you'll understand finally that it's not about you at all. It's about them. They are being bitches because they realized what dumbasses they are. They had it made with you and tore it all down on themselves. Their loss.
Then, finally when you least expect it God will bring the one for you when you're not looking anymore. He did for me and I honestly thought I would never be with anyone again.
My comment has nothing to do with anything posted before me. Just sharing my heart with you son. I love you!
I'm sitting here at Cecil's Tire waiting to get a flat fixed. I stumbled on this memory on Facebook. I still am deeply, madly in love with this man who I now call my husband <3
Posted on 7/15/13 on Facebook
Andre and I have been together for 10 months now. He is the kind of man I always dreamed of but feared I'd never find. He's not perfect and neither am I. I don't think either of us were looking for perfection. We were looking for the kind of love that stands the test of time. The kind of love that's built on mutual trust and respect with that special "chemistry" and passion that keeps life fun even in hard times. I waited to announce our relationship on Facebook until we were both sure about us and where we are going. Andre and I went to Florida for vacation together last month and we both agree that this trip is what sealed the deal for us. Andre and I "officially" moved in together last week. I'm the happiest woman in the world!
Andre, I love you with all my heart! I wrote this for you:
by Andrea Tadpole
Deep in the night
Like an angel
Back to life
When we met
His eyes twinkled
With pure delight
At first sight
I fell fast and hard
From the very start
Yet he was there
To catch me
Dark brown skin
Smooth as silk
Honey sweet kisses
That make me melt
He has a way of
No one else
Has ever felt
Strong and protective
Yet soft and tender
Its finally safe
I can surrender
To the love
To this man
Moments like this make me proud to be Andre's wife. He is mowing the yard for neighbor whose husband died a couple of days ago. Such a beautiful act of kindness. He said the last thing they need to worry about is the yard. I'm so blessed to call this man, whose heart is so beautiful, my husband. <3
As I sit here watching the fireworks go off above our nation's capitol on TV, tears well up in my eyes. Thoughts of many July 4ths gone by flood my mind. I think of July 4, 1986 when I was in the grips of alcoholism and addiction. I think of that lost, young woman who had no hope. Then the hand of God, through angels here on earth showed me a path to get well and my life has never been the same.
I am humbled that through all the good, bad and ugly of life I have stayed clean and sober. I have not worked a perfect program but I have kept my faith in God despite how things looked.
I have been given the gift of raising my children when I should have been dead. I have seen them grow to adulthood and they are my pride and joy. I have 4 beautiful granddaughters who are the lights of my life.
God has restored my relationship with my parents. They have stood by me through it all and loved me even when I was unlovable. I am so blessed to have them.
I have had many friends along the way. Some have stayed and some have moved on. Others have come back. A few phenomenal women have been my mentor, sponser and friend too. They have talked me off the ledge many times over the years. I owe them my life.
A few years ago God blessed me with an awesome man, now my husband, André. He always keeps me grounded and reminds that world is not a horrible place. He makes me feel special and brings me joy. I prayed for a man like him and gave up finding him a long time ago. God has a sense of humor. When I quit looking, there he was. What a beautiful gift he is!
Today I sit here at peace and happy. If you knew me 30 years ago, you understand what a miracle I am. I am not bragging, just letting you know God is awesome.
Assuming I make to midnight tonight and the calendar flips to July 5, 2016, I will celebrate 30 years of sobriety. I am so completely blown away by that thought. I am not a guru. I do not have a secret potion. I just was blessed with awesome friends who I met through Bill W. They taught me a way of life through the 12 steps. You all know who you are and I am forever grateful to you for giving your recovery to me.
Most of all I thank my Higher Power, who I choose to call God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Without my God I would have died long ago. His grace and mercy amazing. I continue to stand in awe of Him.
Over the past few months several people I know have lost loved ones. Two of them were women whose husbands died unexpectedly. Today, I found out that my next door neighbor's husband dropped dead yesterday playing basketball, from most likely a heart attack.
These couples are close in age to me and Andre. This wasn't supposed to happen, yet it did. I have watched two of these women walk day-by-day through grief. They have shown such grace in such devastating times.
With this going on around me it reminds me to cherish my family and friends even more. I'm so blessed with the people I have in my life. My son and his wife, my daughter, my grandchildren, my parents and the few people I call friends mean the world to me.
Then there is my husband Andre who walks through life with me every day. He is my rock and the greatest joy of my life. I could not imagine life without him. He wrote in his wedding vows to me: "I am not promised tomorrow, but thank God I have you today." Those words ring loud and clear to me tonight.
Make sure and take the time to show the ones you love how much you care. You never know when you won't have the chance again.
RIP Jim Conley :'(
Written on June 12, 2015
There are times in my life when doors get slammed in my face one right after the other and I don't understand why. Its during those times that I feel like God is a million miles away. I have been going through one of those times lately. Those of you who are in my inner circle know what I'm talking about so I won't give all the details here. There also stolen moments when I say little, silent prayers or thoughts to God that no one ever knows about but me and Him. Most of the time I move on and I don't think about the prayers much because the clamor of the world distracts me; but these are the deepest, secret desires in my heart that seem like the most impossible to ever attain.
My Higher Power tends to have a sense of humor in my life and He confuses the hell out of me with His timing. It seems He's very, very slow yet always on time. He never ceases to amaze me, usually at the worst of times, to remind me that He's still there. A couple of days ago was one of those times.
One of my deepest, dearest friends is Gail. She has been my sponser, mentor, confidante, friend and cheerleader for 17 years. We met through our mutual friend Bill W. She has been the voice on the other end of the phone and literally saved my life the night my grandson died. We used to go every week or two and have a cup of coffee and talk about everything and nothing all at once. We have ridden the storms of life out together. She has loved me unconditionally and given me hope when I had none. She was the one that inspired me to follow my dreams of a degree in art. To say that I love her is a huge understatement. I owe her my life and I will be forever grateful that God made our paths meet.
Her husband Ken, whom I loved dearly too, died several years ago and she moved to another state to be closer to her daughter and grandchildren. We have talked on the phone ever since. One of those little, silent prayers that I said to God was that I would get to see her face to face again because I miss her so much.
So, here I am tripping through my life getting doors slammed in my face, not knowing which way to turn and thinking God has forgotten me. Then, earlier this week Gail called and said, "I'm in Oklahoma City do you want to come and go to the art museum with me?" Of course I did that's a no brainer! So we met up the next day at the Oklahoma City Museum of Art. She's an artist just like me and neither of us could rush through any piece of artwork. I had the most wonderful time I've had in a very long time. We each talked about the images before us and talked about life and talked about nothing all at the same time again. There was one moment during our tour that I was watching her when she wasn't watching me and I was reminded of my little, silent prayer to God. What a holy, sacred moment that was. Here at one of the scariest, most difficult times in my life God brought me an angel in the flesh.
I am so grateful for those moments when God blows my mind and gives unmerited grace. I am even more grateful for the people like Gail that He puts in my life. They are my precious treasures in the world.
I love you Gail and I'm so blessed to have had a day with you. Thank you for giving that to me!!
Today Andre and I took the afternoon and went to some of the graves of our loved ones. One of the things I love most about Andre is that he understands the importance of remembrance...remembering those who have gone on before us.
It was a beautiful day. We first went to his sister Carolyn's grave in Beggs. Years ago Andre planted a tree for her right behind her headstone. We were blown away at how tall it is now. What a beautiful testament to a brother's love for his sister. I'm so blessed and proud to be this man's wife. <3
Next we went Floral Haven to visit the graves of my grandchildren, Zoey and Mikey. Oh, how I wish I could have traded places with them so they could live, yet God had other plans. As I watch my other grandchildren grow I think of Zoey and Mikey and how beautiful they must be. They are forever in my heart and I know I see them someday when I cross the great divide.
Going to my grandparent's graves in Locust Grove was I very hard for me because I miss them so much. It's been many, many years since they died but grief doesn't have a timeline. They are etched in my heart forever.
I stood at my grandma's grave with tears rolling down my face because I'm so grateful. She was not a perfect woman, she had her demons she fought but she always loved me and my family. So did my grandpa. They gave all they had to us even though they possessed very little materialistically. They were my safe place. I miss the more now than ever before.
I drove off wishing I could have them back. As we were exiting the cemetery a cardinal flew ahead of us and darted off into the trees as we pulled onto the road. I know it was my grandma's spirit telling me she's with me and all is and will be well.
Today I went to the one place in the world that I feel the deepest spiritual connection, the boardwalk at Indialantic, Florida. As I was walking on the beach I found two feathers. They made me think of my friend Melody, who recently lost her husband, Mike unexpectedly. She had posted something on Facebook about feathers a few days. So, I picked up the feathers.
When I was leaving a lady saw me carrying the feathers. She told me I must have had an angel by me because I found the feathers. I told her about my friend Melody and her husband Mike. She said he must be trying to say hello to Melody. I believe that is true. I also think it's a sign from others I've lost along the way.
As I sat holding the feathers and watching the waves roll in I thought about what the lady said to me and about those I've lost, and about Melody, Mike and others. I thought about all the people who have crossed my path over the years, the angels in my midst. They are like these feathers. They are not perfect. The weather of life has beat up their outsides and they have the dirt and dust of defeat on them. Yet, in spite of it all they all have beautiful spirits that shine brighter than the sun.
I find the way God speaks to me to be amazing. He uses every day things to teach me lessons and get my attention if I will only listen. So, to Melody, Mike, my grandbabies, and other unsung heroes in my life thanks for being the angels in disguise.
Today my little grandson Mikey aka Michael Aydan Jude Zelsnack would have been 8 years old. He was stillborn. A day does not go by that I don't think about him. Everytime I see a little boy his age I wonder what he'd be like. I love you Mikey you're always in my heart and never forgotten... Fly with the Angels my sweet little grandson!!
I wrote this for him a long time ago:
Ode to Mikey
by Andrea Tadpole
Born on a stormy sea of silence
His tiny life beyond my grasp
His spirit carried away on angel's wings
With all my hopes and dreams
I never got to see him smile
I never saw his eyes
I never felt his tender touch
Or listened to his cries
Waves of sorrow pulled me down
To horrid depths of grief
I feared I'd never reach the top
Breathe free or find relief
What was his purpose
Why was he here
Why was he meant to be
There had to be a lesson
If I could only see
Then I heard him in the silence
Calling out my name
Rise up, go home and live your life
Walk on amidst the pain
Take care of those I've left behind
Never let them go
Forgive them even if it hurts
And when your pride says no
Hold tight to God
Keep the faith
And then you'll see
That I am always with you
I am happy
I am free
by Andrea Tadpole Broussard
Please indulge while I pour my heart out in words. It seems that's the only way I know how to release my emotions.
Today is January 11, 2016. January is a happy - sad month for me. Happy because my son's birthday is the 6th and one of my granddaughter's is the 23rd. Sad because my grandson Mikey died January 30th, he would've been 8 this year. My sister-in-law Rhonda died January 9th, 2 years ago. This year is even more sad because my ex father-in-law Mike Zelsnack whom I dearly loved died on January 7th and I just found out another friend in my recovery life died unexpectedly today. He was my age. I am stunned.
As I sit here I wipe the tears so I can see to write. My mind flips through all the family and friends who have made their transition to Gloryland. There's Dewina, Stella, Mike Z, Gina, my 2 grandbabies, my grandparents, George Gibbs, Harold Inman, today Mike B....the list goes on and on.
Mike B was a friend who I always saw at meetings. I remember his first meeting when his dad Delbert introduced us. I got the rare opportunity to watch the metamorphosis of recovery happen in him over the years. What a beautiful gift! He was a kind man with a gentle spirit who loved his wife Melody truly, madly and deeply. My life was blessed for knowing him. He will be greatly missed.
It's times like this that Heaven feels a million light years away. Yet, I know when I sit real still in the quiet I get a glimpse of Heaven in my midst and I realize it's only a breath away. Once in a while I feel the presence of a loved one who has gone on before me and I know they are okay. Then I can breathe and keep living for today.
I'm not a religious nut but I do read and know the Bible. When I heard of Mike B's passing today this scripture popped in my mind and I was reminded that my hope lies in Jesus:
1 Corinthians 15: 50-58
I declare to you, brothers and sisters, that flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God, nor does the perishable inherit the imperishable. Listen, I tell you a mystery: We will not all sleep, but we will all be changed - in a flash, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, the dead will be raised imperishable, and we will be changed. For the perishable must clothe itself with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality. When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true:
“Death has been swallowed up in victory. Where, O death, is your victory?
Where, O death, is your sting?”
The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.
To Mike B, his family, to all my family who have lost loved ones, to our loved ones in Heaven...my prayers are with you all. Death is not the end, it's a transition. Those who've gone on are the truly blessed ones because they're at God's throne. May they dance at God's feet until we meet again.
Today I had to go meet a friend of ours at the local AT&T store to switch out a phone number for my husband. I arrived about 10 minutes before them. It wasn't too busy. I got signed in and the door greeter directed me to another young man at the counter on the other side of the store. The music was blaring really loud, so loud that I couldn't hear myself talk. So, I smiled and told the young man that I was sorry, I'm hearing impaired and I wear hearing aids. I pulled my hair away and pointed to them. I told him that I knew that the tone of my voice was off and I was probably talking too loud and that I was sorry but I couldn't hear myself talk over the music. He rolled his eyes at me and started trying to conduct business with me anyway. I again explained that the music was drowning my ability to communicate with him out and I kindly asked if he'd turn it down so I could hear myself talk. Again I reminded him that I knew my voice was off because I couldn't hear myself talk. He got angry with me and started yelling real loud at me that I didn't have to be rude. By then other customers were watching this. I stood there embarrassed and fighting back tears. About that time a manager came out of the back and turned off the music and apologized. I asked if someone else could help me instead of the young man who had just publically humiliated me. He agreed and another young man came over. I observed the manager making the one that was so mean to me leave the sales floor altogether. All of this happened in a span of 5 minutes. I pulled myself together before my husband's friend got there so I didn't embarass him and we were able to get the business done.
No problem, right? After all I was able to get on with my task at hand. WRONG. I should be use to this and just shake it off, right? WRONG. I know I deal with things like this every day. People treat me horrible and are quick to ridicule and humiliate me all the time. They treat me like I'm stupid. All because they can hear and do not care about understanding hearing loss. Most days I do shake it off but today I don't have it in me.
For most people with hearing loss there is no one that understands at home to turn to. Most loved ones can hear and just don't understand why these types of things upset us. They think we should just cow tow and take this kind of treatment from people. It's that way for me too. I live in a hearing world and everyone thinks I'm the one that should adjust my behavior and just take it and be polite. Well, today I did do that and my heart is broke but there's nowhere to turn that someone just says I understand and it's ok.
I don't need to be told what I should've done or what I didn't do right or how it was my fault. I just need someone to hold me and let me cry because it's a selfish cruel world out there.
Rant over :'(
by Andrea Tadpole Broussard
WARNING: Do not read this wrong, I'm NOT suicidal. I am very happy with my life in spite of the daily struggles of life. Having said that, sometimes when I think about all the loved ones I have in Heaven I often think that they are the lucky ones. They are at God's throne with no cares or worries. Sickness and sorrow is gone for them. Yet, I'm still here in the crazy messed up world trying to eek out a living and hang on to whatever job I currently have, deal with physical problems with me and family still living, whatever life throws at me, etc ad nauseum. I get all wrapped up in focusing on all the problems and lose my focus. When I get like this I have to make myself stop and breathe. I have to force myself to focus on the small joys (which are actually huge ones) like my grandchildren and their laughter, the unconditional love of my dog and cat, the awesome man I call my husband, the fact that I'm one day at a time headed to 30 years sober this summer, coffee with a good friend, and the list goes on in my mind. When I shift my focus to this I start to remember that God is still here and taking care of me and my loved ones. Even in spite of a more often than not cruel world God has and still does carry us all through.
As my sponsor and dear friend Gail Langston always tells me, "Turn the magnifying glass around and magnify God instead of the problem. Make God one inch bigger than your problem." I struggle to do this daily but when I do I get glimpse of Heaven right before me in the eyes of angels who appear out of nowhere to help. I always say that God is so slow yet somehow always right on time. I just have to trust Him and never stop praying.
I have family and friends who are dealing with heavy issues and problems right now. These things are out of my control. They weigh heavy on my mind and heart. All I can do is pray, the reality is that prayer is the best thing I can do. Believe me when I tell you I'm praying...I AM PRAYING. It's not just a nice post, I mean it. So, I've rambled here in this post but I hope those in my inner circle understand that I have not forgotten you. I'm still praying. God has not forgotten you. Magnify Him and not the problem. Trust Him. I love you guys!!
53...WOW!!! I never thought I'd live past 23 and here I am 30 years later. What a wild ride it has been. My sweet friend and confidante Gail Langston always tells me to let the path unfold before me and trust God. Today I'm doing better at that and I am grateful more than anyone knows for the life I have. There have been good days, downright horrible gut-wrenching days and everything in between. Through it all God has continued to love me in spite of my craziness. He has blessed me with an incredible husband whom I love with all my heart. I have 2 awesome kids and 4 granddaughters who are the lights of my life. God restored my relationship with my parents years ago and my father is my rock. I have good friends, old and new who are my treasures. Life is good. :-)
I stumbled on this story online. I did not write it. I didn't want to lose it so I'm posting it on my blog. Such an important story....
Here's the story:
When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into our bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door every morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.
I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.
Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.
So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!
If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.
If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up…..
by Andrea Tadpole
Gratitude Day 30: Wow!! This is the first year I've made it through the whole month of November doing the daily gratitude. So, I was thinking about something today that I'm grateful for. I included this in a post in a group I'm a part of. It's a story about 2 people God blessed me with in my life years ago. Gratitude isn't a big enough word for them. Here goes:
When I got sober I was 23 years old. I was stuck most of the time going to meetings with what I called old farts. You know 50 to 70 year old men who sat around and shot the shit about the old days and tried to one up each other on their war stories. They would tell me that I was too young, that I had not had enough to drink and to get back out there and do some more and come back in a few years. Then maybe I'd be ready to stay sober. They didn't think my bottom was low enough. But they did not understand one thing about me. I was convinced like I am today that if I took another drink I would surely die. I also knew that if I could not find recovery in AA I would commit suicide or relapse and be a walking dead person for many years till alcoholism killed me. AA was the only option I had left.
Just about the time that I was fed up with these old men who mouthed off at me all the time and I was ready to quit AA, God put two angels into my life. One was a big tall white guy named Harold. He was probably in his 60's and he had been through hell and back. He'd been to prison and all kinds of things I could never imagine. The other was a little black man named George. He was about the same age as Harold. He'd never been to prison, owned his own company and worked hard all his life. Harold and George had been friends for many years in the program. For some reason they sat one on each side of me at meetings. They would lean over and whisper in my ear and tell me not to listen to those idiots. That everyone has to hit their own bottom. That just because one person's bottom "looks" lower doesn't mean it is. They told me the only requirement is the desire to stay sober. They said alcoholism is no respector of age, race, gender, social or economic status. The most important thing they told me is no one can take my seat in AA but me. I owe my life and much of my sobriety to these two old men. They are dead now but what I wouldn't give to sit in a meeting with them today.
Gratitude Day 21
November 21, 2015
Today I am grateful my husband Andre. He takes good care of me. He does things for me that no one else notices. He is one hell of a good cook...me not so much. He always keeps me from falling into the bah humbug mood during the holidays by insisting on decorating. He has learned to live with my hearing loss and is so sweet and patient with me about it. Every night he holds me. That may seem silly to some people but for me it's the glue that holds me together in this crazy world. He tolerates my weirdness and believe me it takes a special person to do that. I am one blessed woman!!!
by Andrea Tadpole
I have a lot of things on my mind these days. Too many thoughts run through my head and I cannot focus on one. I am so lonely most of the time, even when I'm in a crowd. I see people around me but I peer at them as if through a crack in my door. Inside, everyone is held at bay. They only get in so far and I choke. I don't know why. I am not REALLY talking to anyone. I find myself smiling and nodding a lot but never really saying where I am at. I feel myself slipping away but I don't know where I am going.
I went to a funeral for a friend's baby boy the other day. During the eulogy I stood there and thought about all the deaths I have been through. Since 2004 I have buried at least 10 family members and friends. The very thought of it sickens me. The sorrow is at depths I have never known and there are no words to describe it.
My mind went back to my granddaughter Zoey's birth, her 11 minute fight to live and her death. Her funeral is a blur now. All I remember is begging God over and over to let me switch places with her. A couple of years later we buried her brother Mikey, a few spots over from her.
Mikey was my only grandson. There is no way to describe the torment I went through when Mikey died. I was not allowed at the viewing. I was banned from the funeral and not allowed to stand under the same pavilion I was sitting at today. I wasn't allowed to say goodbye to him; all because of some asinine misunderstanding. It crushed me to the very depths of my soul. I sat on my granddaughter's bench and sobbed during the service. The evil ones running the show, my son's mother-in-law and father-in-law tried to have me removed from the grounds. It didn't work. I was allowed to drop a single handful of dirt on my grandson's tiny coffin and that was all. There was no one to really console me. The one's that were there expected me to just shake it off and move on.
Since that horrible day my son and I have rebuilt our relationship. His sorry excuse for a wife is now an ex and her evil spirited family is gone. All that's left are the two graves of my two grandchildren whom I would gladly give my life up for still today. The relationship I was in is over. I was laid off from my job. Everything in my life has fallen apart. It's all dead and gone.
While I was thinking about these things I was gazing at the crowd and I saw my friend Donnie in the background. For a brief moment my heart leapt inside me. I have missed him so much. He was smiling his ornery smile that always made me laugh. I chuckled in the midst of my tears. Then I remembered; Donnie was killed in a head on collision a couple of months ago. I didn't go to his funeral because I could not bear it.
At that moment I knew Donny's spirit was there to tell me goodbye and that he was okay. I am grateful for that gift, yet it does not make reality any better. It does not make the gnawing ache in my heart go away. I am afraid the knot in my throat is permanent and I will choke back tears for the rest of my life.
Over the past few years I have had to pull myself from the ashes and try to move on; I just don't do it very gracefully. How can one recover from such annihilation with any dignity left? How does one do it? Tell me, because I haven't found a way. The best I can do is just make it through each day, one day at a time.
There are days the ache in my heart is suffocating and it is a fight to get out of bed and go to work. At times I have no ability to really connect with anyone. I am just there. That's all. I am an artist. I love to create whether its a painting, drawing, stained glass, photography; yet I have hit a block in many of my creative outlets. I have not painted or drawn anything since Zoey died. I started a painting of her. The sorrow was so heavy I could not finish it. It's still in my closet unfinished. I keep thinking some day I will get back to it.
The one thing I have done continually is writing. I love writing my thoughts and feelings. Like writing stories about my life and I love to write poetry. It is very healing. I don't think I am a good writer but it helps to put it out there. I have a blog where I keep it all. I secretly hope I get thousands of followers some day but know in reality that will probably not happen.
Today I have a job. It's not a permanent job, but nothing in this life is permanent anyway, is it? I honestly have no idea where I am going. I just want to find peace inside myself again. I want to quiet the gnawing ache in my heart or at least learn to live in spite of it. I want to paint and draw again. I want to find the courage to write the book I see in my heart. The pages are blank and that terrifies me. I suspect though that if I just start writing the words will come and the pages will be filled.
I find the greatest joy still lies in spending time with my granddaughters when I allow myself to do it. They are like soothing balm to my weary soul. True gifts of beauty, light, fire and joy from above. I am blessed to be there grandmother. They give me so much more than I could ever give them.
I am not sure where my life's journey will take me, but I hope it is somewhere good. I've had all the sorrow I can take for a lifetime.
I just had the most awesome thing happen today and I have to share it! As most of you know from my previous post, I'm celebrating 29 years of sobriety today. I don't tell you this because I'm such a great person, because I'm not. I tell you this because I understand how awesome God is and how wonderful His grace is. He's the one that has kept me sober one day at a time.
The greatest treasure that I have in my life is my family and friends. If I call you my friend it means a lot to me because I only have a few, yet my friends are as close as family to me. On Valentine's Day this year I married my best friend Andre and well, there just aren't enough words in the world to tell you how much I love him.
Today Andre went to work and I went to my dad's. He had called and invited me out for early lunch for my sobriety birthday. Now, you have to understand something, my father never goes shopping. He goes in the store on a mission gets what he needs and leaves as fast as he can. Yet today, he and my stepmom (my other mother) Linda, had me go all over Owasso shopping for this and that after lunch. I thought it was a little strange but I went along with it because I enjoy spending time with them. When I took them home my dad announced that he was going to follow me to my house to work on a car he had there. I tried to talk him out of it because it was too hot and I didn't want him to get sick but he insisted. On the way home I spoke to Andre who asked me to stop at the store to pick up something for him before I got home that he needed when he got home from work. He insisted that I stop before I got home. I thought that was weird but agreed. When I turned off to go to the store my dad sped on by me. Again, I thought that was a little odd but I hurried and got what I needed and headed home.
Long story short, as I rounded the corner of my house I saw all of my family and friend's cars there. I knew something was up. When I entered the house they all yelled surprise! Andre had orchestrated a surprise party for my sobriety birthday. We had a day of joy and celebration. It was better than I could ever have imagined. There stood all the ones I love. My awesome husband, my son and daughter, my granddaughters, my dad and stepmom, our friends Chris and Kristi and their son Josh and my friend Lindsey. The only thing that would have made it better would be if my mom, my friend Elaine and my sponsor Gail had been there, but I know they were there in spirit.
Last year, I was busy working and the chaos of life crept in and I didn't get a chip or celebrate my sobriety birthday. I said a prayer and thanked God and kept going. It bugged me inside that I hadn't taken the time to celebrate it but I just kept moving. This year I made a secret promise to myself and God that I would buy my medallion and celebrate my sobriety some way before the end of July. He obviously already had it figured out. Not only did my family and friends throw me a party, but they gave me my 29 year chip!!
God never ceases to amaze me with the plans He has for my life. Not only has He continued to bless me with the gift of sobriety one day at a time, but He's given me a beautiful life. I have a husband who loves and supports me and I have family and friends...all whom I love deeply. We are not perfect but we manage to weather the ups and downs of life together.
Thank you to everyone for giving me such a beautiful day today! Most especially, thank you to my sweet Andre for taking time out to stop for a day and give me an amazing party...today I will let you win the fight over who loves who more! ;-)
Above all...thank you God for my sobriety. Without it, I would not have the awesome life I have today.
Today was a really bad day for me. As most of you know, I'm hearing impaired. I do not use sign language, I read lips and I have a good voice because I lost my hearing in my early 20s. I have never let my hearing loss stop me from living life the way I want. I have learned to deal with it the best I can and feel that I've done a damned good job so far. I don't expect people to powder my ass just because I have a disability. In fact I'm opposite. I just want the freedom to live and be myself. The people that know and love me have learned to deal with my hearing loss and they all treat me with respect. I don't allow people who don't treat me with respect to be in my world long. Living in a hearing world is hard enough. I don't have room for people who put me down.
Most days I do pretty good but today was horrible. I was out in the public lobby where I work today trying to talk on the phone. I can talk on the phone fine but I have to turn the hearing aid on my ear I'm not using off so I can hear the person talking on the phone. This makes hearing my own voice impossible. I end up talking loud and don't realize it.
Right when I ended my call a security lady marched over and towered over me sitting in a chair. She griped me out for talking too loud. I tried to explain that I'm hearing impaired and I cant hear my own voice especially in areas that echo like the lobby but she kept ridiculing me. She embarrassed me in front of everyone. She made me feel like I must be some kind of freak.
She kept asking me questions and when I answered too loud she would tell me to stop talking too loud. I told her I was sorry but I can't make myself hear and as long as she detained me and forced me to converse with her in an area that I have difficulty hearing in I would talk loud because I CANNOT HEAR MY OWN VOICE. She said I was making up my hearing loss so I showed her my hearing aids. She just kept on me.
I finally asked her if she was enjoying discriminating against me and publically humiliating me. I told her I didn't appreciate it and I needed to go back to work. She then yanked at my badge to read my name out loud and said she was reporting me. I told her I would've gladly given her my name and grabbing my badge wasn't necessary. She got mad and stomped off.
I don't know what I did wrong. I wasn't rude to anybody I just was talking on the phone in the lobby like everyone else does. I'm sorry I have an invisible disability. It doesn't mean its not true even though you can't see it!
Once someone is told that a person is hearing impaired that should be the end of it. This woman didn't have to continue to embarrass me in front of everybody in the lobby.
I cried all the way home from work and off and on all evening. I'm real tired of being treated like crap by uneducated, callous people who don't even know me. I'm really a nice person. One just has to take the time to get to know me to realize that.
I'm tired of all the judgements and assumptions made about me when people find out I'm hearing impaired. I'm NOT STUPID. I'm very intelligent. I graduated summa cum laude from TU and I got a 4.0 GPA when I earned my MBA. I did better than most HEARING PEOPLE with no special treatment. I read people's body language better than any hearing person because I have to.
I guess I just feel like I'm out here all alone trying to deal with an invisible disability that very few people understand and most refuse to learn about.
Tonight my heart is broke. :'(
This was written by André and I and the minister Chaz Wesley who married us:
A Ceremony of Marriage
Prepared Especially For
Andrea & Andre’
(Andrea Tadpole & Andre Broussard)
OKAPI Center – 2550 W. Edison
February 14, 2015 - - 1pm
2 Moms (or sister) light individual candles
2 Candle Lighters
Andre & Best Man
2 flower girls
Banner - Joshua
<’You & I’ - - bridal march>
Bride and Father
CHAZ: Who gives this bride away? Father (Elmer): her mother/family and I.
CHAZ: Dear friends and family, - We are here tonight to celebrate the love that Andrea and Andre’ have for each other, and to witness and bless their union in marriage. We join them to recognize their relationship, show our support, and honor their path. We as their community, friends and family join with them in celebrating their commitment to each other.
If any person now present can show just cause why these two persons should not enter into the agreement of marriage let them now speak or forever hold their peace.
(Everyone holds their breath and) Silence follows.
Before we begin this wedding ceremony Andre and Andrea have asked that we stop for a moment and honor and welcome the presence of the spirits of all those who have gone before them today. Among them are Andre's Sisters Rhonda & Carolyn and Grandmother Mattie Bradley; Andrea's grandchildren Zoey & Mikey Zelsnack & baby Bogle, their grandparents and many other family and friends who have gone before them. We honor them today with a moment of silence.
SONG: The Prayer
CHAZ: From 1 Corinthians 13 New International Version (NIV)
“If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”
In honor of heritage and tradition, please join me in a moment of silence as I recite:
A Cherokee Prayer:
God in heaven above please protect the ones we love.
We honor all you created as we pledge our hearts and lives together.
We honor mother-earth - and ask for our marriage to be abundant and grow stronger through the seasons;
We honor fire - and ask that our union be warm and glowing with love in our hearts;
We honor wind - and ask we sail through life safe and calm as in our father's arms;
We honor water - to clean and soothe our relationship - that it may never thirst for love;
With all the forces of the universe you created, We pray for harmony and true happiness as We forever grow young together. Amen.
CHAZ (to audience): Andre’ and Andrea have come to perform today, in the presence of family and friends, an expression that is, indeed, heavenly and harmonious – an act of courage in each other and themselves, giving voice to a story of honor and love. The heart of this marriage will be the relationship created moment by moment. --- In a world where trust often falls short of expectation, it is a tribute to these two who now join hearts in perfect faith . . .
<<<Bouquet to attendant>>>
CHAZ - VOWS: Andrea and Andre’ have each prepared their own, personal vows to express to one another . . . . and so I invite you to witness their heartfelt promises of Love and commitment . . . . . these are their words:
From Andrea to Andre: “I give myself to you unreservedly. I leave my old life behind and cleave unto a new life with you. As I embark on this journey with you I promise always to keep you in the forefront of my mind. I promise always to be loyal to you, even if that means personal sacrifice.
I will treat you with respect, dignity and gentleness. I will be there for you no matter what. When it looks like the world has walked out on you, I will be there right by your side. I will love you, encourage you, and support you in all that you do. I promise never to abandon you.
You do not always have to be strong and you do not have to do life alone anymore. You can rely on me. I will be a source of strength to you when you are weak.
I promise always to conduct myself in an honest and trustworthy manner, not only with you, but others. I promise to set special time aside to spend with you regularly. I promise to be attentive to your needs and feelings, I promise to listen to you even when we don’t agree. When we do disagree I promise to ‘not let the sun go down on my wrath’ - - I promise to endeavor to live in a spirit of unity and compromise with you - - I give you my heart and all my love.
From Andre to Andrea: “If I had my way, we would have these past three years stand still. I have learned to love you more each and every day that goes by. As I look at the world around us and see war, poverty and injustice – I need only look into your eyes and see Peace, Abundance, and Light . . . . a place that we go from time to time called “our world.” In this world lives strength, music, magic, joy and love. But the greatest of these is love. Our family and friends here today completes this world – and knowing this kind of peace is the greatest joy of my life. We aren’t promised tomorrow but I have the joy of loving you today.”
VOWS: CHAZ: Will you please, now join hands, and face me.
Will you, Andre’, give yourself completely and joyfully, as you choose Andrea to be your wife; to live and share your life together in the covenant of marriage . . . . Will you love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in laughter and in sorrow, in conflict and peace, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, be faithful to her as long as you both shall live?
ANDRE’: “I will/do.”
Will you, Andrea, give yourself completely and joyfully, as you choose Andre to be your husband; to live and share your life together in the covenant of marriage . . . . Will you love him, comfort him, honor and keep him, in laughter and in sorrow, in conflict and peace, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, be faithful to him as long as you both shall live?
ANDREA: “I will/do.”
CHAZ: Friends, Andrea and Andre’ are absolutely delighted that all of you, their dearest family and friends, could be here tonight to share this special moment with them. They have asked me to thank each of you for your love, appreciation and support … and for sharing this most special and intimate of moments with them, their wedding day.
And so, in your best voices, and with the words, “We Will,” I now ask all of you, family and friends, if you are willing now and always to sustain and strengthen this marriage by upholding both Andrea and Andre’ with your love and support and your faith in whom they will be together?
Response: “We Will.”
<RINGS: take rings from BEST MAN> CHAZ: So we come, Andrea and Andre’, to the presentation of the rings by which you affirm and bind your love for each other -
These rings, fashioned to have neither a beginning nor an end will sit quietly on your fingers, reminding you of the power of your vows and the pledge of your partnership. Your wedding rings are an outward and visible sign of the inward and spiritual bond which you share.
These rings are the symbols of vows taken, a circle of wholeness. These rings mark the beginning of a journey filled with wonder, surprises, tears, laughter, celebrations, grief and joy. May these rings glow with the warmth and love that flows through you today – and remind you of the growing relationship you have come to celebrate and confirm.
Andrea will you take this ring and place it upon Andre’s finger, and as you do, repeat after me:
I give you my heart and my faithfulness
From this day forward ~ you shall not walk alone ~ My heart is your shelter
And my arms are your home – with this ring, I thee wed.
Andre will you take this ring and place it upon Andrea’s finger, and as you do, repeat after me:
I give you my heart and my faithfulness ~
From this day forward ~ you shall not walk alone ~ My heart is your shelter
And my arms are your home – with this ring, I thee wed
CHAZ – Minister’s Message: And now, a few words of blessing:
Andre’ & Andrea - May your marriage bring you all the exquisite excitements a marriage should bring, and may life grant you also patience, tolerance, and understanding in the moments it doesn’t seem to be happening.
May you always need one another - not so much to fill your emptiness as to help you to know your fullness. A mountain needs a valley to be complete; the valley does not make the mountain less, but more; and the valley is more a valley because it has a mountain towering over it. So let it be with both of you.
Before us today you’ve created a rainbow of décor, color, creed, faith, equality, and harmony. For the rainbow experience to happen, three things are needed: sunshine, raindrops, and a spectator. It is not that the sun and the raindrops cease to exist if there is no one there to see them . . . but unless someone is present at a particular point in which to witness the occurrence, no arch of blended colors can be seen – and thereby shared with another. When the causes and conditions come together to create the rainbow, it appears to be there because it is witnessed through another’s eyes.
Today, in this place, there exists an environment in which all three parts come together:
· The radiance expressed through the eyes, smiles, and hearts of those around you – as well as through the two of you (representing the sun)
· Tears of joy (the moisture)
· Those who support you and stand with you on this wondrous occasion (these friends/ family/witnesses/spectators)
May this be a union witnessed through the eyes of many – and may it be a rainbow so brilliant, so unique, and so vivid, that the world stops for a moment to observe it, honor its beauty, and stand in awe….
Unity Candle Ceremony
Today Andre and Andrea come here from two different families and heritages. We are especially grateful for the values which have flowed into them from those who have loved and nurtured them and pointed them along life’s way.
The values and heritage each brings to this marriage will continue to be an important element in their lives, but now will be shared between them. Out of these two families, a new family will be created.
At the beginning of the ceremony today, members from each of Andre and Andrea’s families lit the individual candles which represent the two separate families.
When the two individual flames merge as one, it will symbolize the union of their two families in this marriage and the rich heritage each brings to it.
To Andrea and Andrea:
Today you have decided to share the rest of your lives with each other.
This beautiful union is now symbolized by the lighting of the Unity Candle.
The individual candles represent all that you are and all that you have been until this moment
It is a candle of Unity because both candles must come together to create the new light.
Its fire is miraculous because it represents the light of two people in love.
This candle is also a candle of Commitment because it takes two people working together to keep it ablaze. - - Love is like a flame; it has the heat of passion, it is constantly changing, its radiance is there for all to see and together you must protect it from being extinguished. - -Andre and Andrea please light the center candle to symbolize the union of your lives.
After center candle is lit:
Today, as you have lit this candle, may the brightness of these flames shine throughout your lives…
May it be known from this moment forth, that you enter this commitment and partnership with one another, never forgetting you are first an individual –unique and divine, completely whole as you are . . . . And may you remember this day as a day of choosing the courage and reassurance of a greater Light – a Light of Oneness that comes from each of you – where you will find you way in darkness; warmth and safety in the cold; and grace and joy in your family and friends; and peace and strength in your bodies, minds, and spirit.
As I read earlier from the apostle Paul in his letter to the Corinthians; what I believe to be the one message demonstrated by every master-teacher that has shared their truth with the masses; and what each generation gathered in this place today most appreciate from any great love song ever proclaimed – they have all said the same thing: “All you need is love.”
Love is the unifying, harmonizing power of the Divine – the single greatest treasure that we have the ability to share with another. May you have that love, may you know that love, and may you honor it over and over again by loving one another.
Andre’ and Andrea, in this company of friends and family, you begin a new life today, joined together in holy matrimony. May the commitment and devotion that you feel for one another grow stronger every day of this union.
By the love that has brought you here, by the vows you have exchanged and by the integrity of your commitment… in the presence of your dearest family and friends, and by virtue of the authority vested in me by the State of Oklahoma, I now pronounce you Husband and Wife.
Andre’, you may kiss your most beautiful bride.
Ladies and gentleman, with honor and privilege, I proudly announce for the first time:
Mr. and Mrs. Andre’ & Andrea Broussard
I wrote this in 2010 after a bad day dealing with hearing loss...
Rantings of A Hearing Impaired Person
by Andrea Tadpole
I have severe hearing loss in my left ear and moderate in my right. I have a voice because I didn’t lose my hearing until I was in my 20s. I don’t sign, I read lips. When I was 24 I had surgery on my left ear to fix it and it went bad. I lost even more hearing in it. From 23 years ago when I woke up from surgery until today my left ear has rang 24/7 sometimes so loud I cannot hear or understand anything, much less hear my own voice. My heart has beat in my ears really loud most of the time all my life because the artery that runs in my neck is unusually close to my middle ear. Surgery to fix it would kill me. I usually don't gripe about it, I just try to do the best I can to live with it.
Yet, today, I am complaining. I am sick and tired of people expecting me to be able to hear like a “normal” person. I CANNOT MAKE MYSELF hear any better than I do. If I could I would. I cannot help it that I cannot hear MY OWN VOICE very good at times. I cannot explain why one minute I can sit and talk to someone and the next I can't understand a word they are saying because the background noise drowns everything out. It’s not personal; I have hearing loss that's all. Hearing aids don't make me hear "normal" they make me hear EVERYTHING and my brain doesn't know how to filter sounds anymore. Sometimes the “NOISE” from wearing hearing aids overwhelms me to the point that I can’t think. Is that my fault? Is it something that gives you the right to be pissed off at me about it? I can't fix it. I can only live with it.
When the one's I love get mad at me and give me the silent treatment because I couldn't understand or spoke too loud or whatever it is that I did that day to "embarrass" them again because I can't hear it breaks my heart. My heart is broken today.
DO NOT EVEN TELL ME YOU UNDERSTAND if you CAN HEAR because YOU DON'T. Try walking in my shoes before you are so quick to kick me when I'm down. Try a little bit of compassion for me instead of shutting me out. IT HURTS.
I'm fed up with all the racial slurs, bullshit posts and name calling from EVERY RACE right now concerning Ferguson and the whole issue surrounding races in the US today. So, I'm going to say my peace and if you don't like it, feel free to unfriend me. I don't really care anymore. Part of this is from a comment I just made on another post so here goes:
I agree that there have been MANY horrific atrocities done in the past in this country. Native Americans were systematically exterminated. I have ancestors in my family line of Cherokees who died on the Trail of Tears. African Americans were enslaved and treated inhumanely. It was horrible. There are other races who've been persecuted too. I agree IT WAS WRONG. It breaks my heart that anyone of ANY COLOR has been treated like that. ALL LIVES MATTER. However, I cannot change the PAST. I can only live in the present and make choices TODAY that will hopefully change the future.
I read post after post, some of my friends, shouting down with whites and others yelling down with blacks. All this does is feed the evil corroding thread of violence in our nation today. Some people scream stop racism and apologize for the race they are all in the same breath. So how does that stop racism? To me, it just keeps the hatred going.
I REFUSE to apologize for the color of my skin. I don't expect anyone else to apologize for theirs either. I "look" white but I have Native American ancestors and I'm Irish, Scottish, Dutch and German that I know of. Just because I might look one color or the other should not matter in this world.
If everyone would stop whining about and wallowing around in the past and move on things would get better. I'm sick of people saying how bad one race or the other is. Enough is enough. Let it go. Instead of sowing into the hatred, maybe try sowing into unity and harmony. Instead of rioting and protesting why not start in your OWN home and every day lives to embrace our differences instead of apologizing for them? Enough is enough.
In the words of the late Rodney King, "Can't we all just get along?!"
by Andrea Tadpole
Today I am grateful that I actually love myself today. For the longest time I hated myself and as a result I allowed people into my life who tore me down. Today I don't have many friends, but the ones I have build me up and I do the same for them. If I had not learned to love me first those friendships would of been impossible.
by Andrea Tadpole
Today I am grateful for the gift of writing. Having the ability to put my feelings and thoughts into words has saved my sanity and life many times over in my life. It's given me a way to paint pictures with words. Some beautiful, some not so pretty. All in all though, when I look back in my writings I am reminded of where I've been and what I've lived through. It allows me to see the hand of God ever present in my life and in the lives of those I love.
Today, November 18th is my mother's birthday. I know it's selfish, but I'm grateful my mom is still alive. I hope and pray the doctors can relieve her pain and get her back well in the upcoming surgery. I hope I can see her soon. I miss her deeply.
With the cold weather outside today I am grateful for a home with a warm bed, warm clothes and shoes, a decent car, good food to eat, and a man and family and friends who love me and I them. There are many people alone on the streets and cold today. I've been there. It's a tough and hard road. So grateful for the life I have today.
I was not feeling well Friday and Saturday so I didn't write my Gratitude for day 15. Here it is, I wrote it to my sweet Andre:
I'm laying here remembering a time when I had the flu and I was all alone. I didn't have anybody that cared enough to check on me or sit with me. It was one of the worst times in my life. I felt like an insignificant speck in the vast universe. Today you and I have each other. It is so comforting to know that you're the one person in the world who will always be there for me just like I will always be there for you. I'm still feeling a little bad. Fever comes and goes. I read and think it's from the pneumonia vaccine. It makes me feel better to know that you'll be home soon and I'm not alone anymore. I love you more than I have words to say! <3
Now that's what I am grateful for!!
by Andrea Tadpole
I'm not into country music but this song touched me like no other. It made me think of my own mom, Alice Tarrant. She not well right now and in Florida way too fat away from me. I love her so much. Her birthday is this Tuesday and I wish I could be there. I miss her deeply.
I thought of my daughter, Alicia Zelsnack too. She became a mom at barely 16. She chose life for her daughter Destiny when she didn't have to. Now she's the mother of three beautiful girls. She is the most awesome loving and compassionate mother and woman. I admire her. She has no idea how beautiful she is. That makes her radiate beauty even more.
Last but not least, I though about my "other mom, my step mom Linda Tadpole. We are kindred spirits. We are both artists. From the moment I met her I knew we met in another lifetime somewhere. I love her deeply.
So, tonight day 14 of my Gratitude list, I am greatful for all the strong, compassionate, loving women God has blessed me with along life's journey. My life would so incomplete without them.
Garth Brooks - Mom - Live on Good Morning Americ…: http://youtu.be/cRduDpZ52UA