I am writing this for my dear, sweet friend Alice who recently lost her beloved husband. I hope it helps others as well.
My Journey of Grief
By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard
I have been through tremendous loss in my life. Many loved ones have gone on...from mere minutes old to over a century old and all ages in between. There are no two ways about it, loss and grieving that loss hurts and it is devasting.
For me, grief comes in waves just like sitting at a beach. Some days there is a nice cool breeze, I can feel the soothing wind in my hair and see the calm ripples of the waves of memories on the water and I am at peace. Other days, there are storm clouds on the horizon and the waves are fierce and slam against the shore with fury, leaving my heart pulverized in sorrow again. On those days, I am doing good to simply utter a whispered prayer for help and simply breathe. Occasionally a tsunami overtakes me out of nowhere and I am sucked under the turbulent waves with sorrow like I have never known. Even in the depths of this grief, God, in His tender loving way, always somehow lifts my head above the water and I am able to fight to live another day. His grace always amazes me. This unfortunately, is all part of the process of letting someone go whom I have loved with all I am. It is, for me, the price I pay to love so deeply.
Grief is not pretty. Its ugly and painful and most of those left around us do not know what to do to help. So, they say heartfelt phrases like "it will get better", "just remember the good times", "be grateful they are in Heaven", the list goes on ad nauseam. While they mean well, these do not help us, the grief stricken ones, they only soothe the other's guilt for not knowing what to do to help. For me, the best thing anyone has ever done is just be there. No words. No "fix it" kind of things. Just their presence in my life is all I need because, grief is a journey that one must walk through alone. At least it is for me.
I have learned through tremendous never ending loss at one point in my life, to be gentle with myself. The greatest soothing balm for me has always been my grandchildren and other young ones in my life. Children are so full life and joy, especially babies. God has always managed to have a baby in my life during my deepest sorrow. Just rocking them was soothing because in reality it was me who was being rocked.
Another thing I do which I believe comes from my Native American ancestry is I look for signs of my loved ones around me. Cardinals, butterflies and frogs are messengers from them for me. The cardinal is my grandmother, the butterfly is my granddaughter, and the frog is my grandson. When I see these it is like a, "Hello, I am still here in spirit around you!" from Heaven.
People always say "time heals". I frankly think that is a lie. It will take an eternity to heal from loss for me. I do believe though, that with time I learn to live with the loss. The gaping hole in my heart heals over but it will always be tender there. There are still what I call "tsunami days" but they are farther apart with time.
I always say, "Heaven is so far away yet so close its only a heartbeat and breath away." So, remember to take time to be still and watch for little "hellos from Heaven" once in awhile. They are there around to remind you that you are not alone and your loved is there watching over you.
I love you!
~ Andrea ❤
