It is midnight on July 5, 2019 and I am celebrating 33 years of sobriety. I always call July 5th my rebirth day because it was the day God gave me my life back and I was reborn. This past year has been hell. In many ways one of the worst of my sobriety. I have not picked up a drug or drink thanks to God's amazing grace and mercy. Yet, there have been many things that have happened beyond my control that cut me to the bone. Most days I have literally trudged through the day fighting back tears. I have buried my grandmother, buried my husband's brother, dealt with family drama that ripped my heart apart, survived the recent flood, then spent 9 days in the hospital with a vision problem that still is not solved. I have other problems going on too every day.
Yet, in the middle of all the seeming chaos and sorrow of my life I have had some very awesome and beautiful things happen. We celebrated the birth of my beautiful grandson Michael Charles in December. He was an answer to many prayers from myself and our family. He is the happiest little boy and his smile and laughter is the medicine for my broken spirit.
We celebrated the high school graduation of my oldest granddaughter Destiny in May. That moment was one of the proudest for me. See, when she was born I did not know how we could provide for her. Yet, step by step and day by day God has always made a way for her.
I have watched my son, daughter, daughter-in-love, granddaughters Kaylee, Bella and Courtney push through life one day at a time as well. All of my granddaughters made it through another year of school. My kids have survived despite bumps and sometimes craters in the road of life. Despite their imperfections I am so proud of them and love them with all that I am.
Tonight I was sitting in the house thinking I always buy and watch the kids shoot fireworks to celebrate my sobriety birthday and this year I did not have the money. I thought well it is what it is. Then, Andre came inside and said come watch the fireworks. So, I went out to the yard and the neighbors put on a show. It was just what I needed. Sometimes I forget that God is ALWAYS there, even in the littlest things like fireworks for me to watch and celebrate my sobriety.
I asked my son yesterday, "Where is your gratitude?" The reality is, I was asking myself. There are lots of changes coming in the future...some good, some bad, some sad, some unexpected. Yet, I am reminded again to count my blessings and be grateful for all that I have. I do not know what the next year brings, but with God's grace and mercy I will face it sober. For, without my sobriety I have nothing.
One last thought, when I got sober 33 years ago I was young and scared. I had no idea how to do this thing called life and I wanted to die. Yet this little boy Sedrick and little girl Alicia desperately needed me to pull it together and be the mother I needed to be. So, I took it scary step by scary step, minute by minute, day by day. If had relapsed back to drinking and drugging I would have died and missed out on these two beautiful children and their lives. They have grown with me and often raised me, but we made it. I am so grateful I did not miss out on them and my grandchildren. What a gift!
