Getting Out of Myself

I wrote this for my son, Sedrick today. He's going through a hard time. I didn't want to lose the words so I'm posting them here.

Written: 12/29/17

Getting Out of Myself

By Andrea Broussard

I was thinking about something. When I was 24 years old I had surgery on my left ear. It was supposed to restore hearing in my ear. A one hour surgery turned into eight hours and a dismal failure. My left ear drum fell apart and they put a fake one in. I woke up from surgery with horrid ringing in my ears. My balance and equilibrium were shot. I could take two to three steps before I passed out. It was horrible and scared me to death.

Here I was with two little kids who depended on me. I had just a year sober. I had surgery on spring break from college classes. I couldn't miss class. I stationed folding chairs all around the house and out to the car so I could make it to the car without falling. If i was sitting I was ok. It was only if I was moving that I pass out within a few steps.

You and Alicia helped me. A classmate of mine met me at my car every day to carry a folding chair and help me walk in to class.  It took me all semester to get to where I could walk a long distance without falling. But little by little it got better. At the same time of all this I had to learn to live life with hearing loss and hearing aids. I was scared to death but I kept pushing forward baby step by baby step.

The next semester of college a deaf, black man started class with me. The teacher asked if someone would be is notetaker and lab partner. I remember looking around and not one person volunteered so I did. Here I am about half deaf myself trying to help this man. He was probably forty years old. I learned that he just woke up one day about six months  before to go to work and was completely deaf. It devastated him. He was trying to get retrained to care for his family.

He and I became good friends. He taught me about getting out of myself to help others even when I think I have nothing to give. He put my life in perspective and helped to see all I have to be grateful for. After that semester I never saw him again but I've never forgotten the gift he gave me of learning to get out of myself and help others.

Someday Sedrick when you're better God will put someone in your path to help. I promise you, then you'll understand why you're going through this. I know you can't save the world, no one can. But if you'll pray and ask God to put the person you're to help in your path and be receptive to it that person will come. It might be a family member or a random stranger. The help you give might be an encouraging post on facebook, a bended knee in prayer with someone or a fellow lupus sufferer who just needs to talk to someone who understands. See, I was the only one that could help that deaf man so long ago. When I was busy getting out of myself to help Him, God was working out my problems. Just ask God to show you what to do. He will. ❤

I guess I'm trying to tell you that God has a plan and a reason for this. I promise you, you will get through this. If I can make it through all the hell I've been through and still have a spark of hope in me you can too. I love you Sedrick!

Sebastian

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

I have an orange, tiger cat named Sebastian. I succumbed to the pleadings of my granddaughter Destiny one day about 8 years ago and adopted him from our local Petsmart. At the time, I really did not want another cat but I could not say no to my granddaughter's big brown eyes. Sebastian should have been named Garfield because he is natured alot like that cartoon character. Everything is done on his terms and in his own time most days. He is however very attentive to me if I am sick or heartbroken. In times of trouble he never leaves my side. But, like I said on most normal days he is independent. He comes up for a pet one minute and turns surrly the next. He and I have a love-hate relationship the majority of the time.

Before I go any further I must explain that I believe animals have spirits and God puts them in our lives for a reason. I have had dogs, cats and birds who taught me lessons over the years when I slowed down and paid attention. Sebastian is no exception to this.

Sebastian has always had one ritual with me. I take a bath almost every night. He has to be in the bathroom with me when I bathe and often pushes his way in. I have learned to accept this as part of my bedtime ritual. Every night, there I am in the bathroom doing my stuff with Sebastian staring intently at me. I often wonder he is thinking but I guess it is better I do not know.

Tonight was nothing different. I went in to brush my teeth and run my bath water. I looked over and there was Sebastian straddling the open toilet about to fall in the water. He looked like he was hanging on for dear life. I reached over to help and he hissed at me as if he did not want or need my help. Just as he was about to fall in the water I grabbed him real fast, closed the lid and sat him back down. I finished brushing my teeth and got in the tub. He calmed down and just sat there staring at me like he always does.

While I was soaking I started thinking about how similar I am to Sebastian. I pray for God's help every day, but live my life as if I do not need Him. Even when He is there trying to tell me that I am going to fall in the water and help me, I push Him away like a stubborn old cat. Yet, He is always there to grab me before I fall in. If I would just trust Him in the first place I would save myself alot of heartache most of the time. Still, here I am a "Doubting Thomas" even though the touch of His hand is so apparent in my life.

I am so grateful that God never gives up on me and always finds ways to get my attention. He even uses a cat I never wanted, but really secretly love to teach me spiritual lessons. His grace and mercy is undeserved yet absolutely beautiful to me. I am once again in awe of my Creator.

Prayer for My Children

I always worry that people will think I'm a religious nut if they know how I pray but tonight I don't care. My family is under attack and so this is my war room prayer right now...

Prayer for My Children

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

Father God, I come to you tonight and I ask you to wrap Alicia up in your arms and give her rest and peace. I pray that you touch her and heal her from top of her head to the soles of her feet. I rebuke this sickness that is plaguing her and I plead the blood of Jesus over her. I speak complete healing into her body right now. I command, in your name that her kidneys and heart and whatever else is wrong line up with your word that says by your stripes she is healed.

Lord, I lift Sedrick and Victioria up to you. Lord, I know their hearts are aching and mine aches for them. Father God, I know how much they long for a child and I know losing these 3 pregnancies has crushed them. Father, I don't have the answers as to why this is happening. All I know is you are faithful to us all and our hope is in you. I ask you Lord to give them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning and garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness. Lord, please quiet their minds and give them peace in the midst of their grief. Please continue to carry Victoria during the physical loss she is going through right now. Please give her peace and strength. God I know their babies are in Heaven with you. It's just so hard when Heaven so close yet so far away.

Lord, I bring Sedrick to you and I speak healing and peace into his tired body. Lord, please give him strength. I rebuke this anxiety and insomnia that tortures him in the name of Jesus. I speak calm and rest into his spirit and mind. Show him that you are there and have him and his family in the palm of your hands. Give him faith and serenity in the middle of the storm. Light the Holy Ghost fire in him again and give him more songs to sing for you.

Father God I rebuke the spirit of fear that seems to plague us all. I pray that you would give us stability and security that comes from knowing that you'll never leave us or forsake us. Lord, I ask you to shut the mouths of those who would speak negativity into our lives and try to tear us down. Remove the bullies from our lives. Bring us all the agape love you taught us while here on earth even though we don't deserve it. Help us to treat others with that same love too.

Father God, I believe and know that my prayers go on for eternity. They don't just hit the ceiling and bounce back. The prayers my grandmother prayed for me so many years ago got me sober and keep me sober today. So, I pray in faith now for my children and grandchildren and generations to come. I call down a legion of angels to surround and guard and protect my children, their children and those to come. I rebuke the evil one who is trying to destroy them in the name of Jesus. I pray that the Holy Spirit will reach out and touch my children and give them discernment so they know which way to go in life.

Lord, I have faith in you and know you hear the prayers of this lowly mother who loves her children with all that I am. I know you answer prayers because I'm living proof. Please, protect and bless my children, grandchildren and those to come. Give them peace, health and prosperity. Make a way when it looks like there is none. Guide them and shelter them all the days of their lives, long after I'm gone.

I pray this in the holy, blessed name of my savior and brother and your son Jesus.

Amen

God's Love

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

The first morning after my granddaughter Destiny was born I picked her up to put a clean diaper on her naked butt. She peed and pooped all over my lap and puked in my face. I looked at her and said, "So this is how its going to be huh?" I swear, she gave me the orneriest grin. I have been in love with her ever since. I believe a mother's love and a grandmother's love for her children is the closest one ever gets to the unconditional love God has for us. It barely scratches the surface of the immense love He has for us. No matter what messes we make in life, no matter how horrible we are to God, He is always there and loves us no matter what. The minute we run back to Him He is there to clean us up and change our clothes. What a beautiful love!

Love You More

Love You More

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

10/10/17

I have been thinking about the ways in which I try to treat the ones I love the most as special to me, in particular my husband and family. One thing I do is I always say "love you more" to them. To me the words "love you more" aren't a meaningless cliche to be used on anyone and everyone. I don't say these words to anyone else, only my husband and family because I love them the deepest and more than anyone else in this world. I thought those I love did the same. It really hurts to know that they don't. I thought I was special to them and they loved me more too.

My Dreams

My husband Andre texted this to me today 9/24/17 and I don't want to lose it so I'm posting it to my blog. His words are precious to me!!!! ❤❤😍😍😍

My Dreams

By Andre Broussard

Sometimes I don't tell you about all my dreams. Well every night I used to have the same one.They stopped a few years ago. I used to wake up all upset because it was just that, a dream. My life was all about going to sleep to dream those dreams. Again and again I would just wake up to the dream. Not long ago while asleep I realized those dreams was long gone. It's hard for me to see and say how I feel at times. But the easy part is looking at dreams and reality. I realize now looking at reality you was many dreams come true! I would do anything to make this dream last the rest of my life. Each day I realize I don't miss those dreams. I live with it while I am awake. No longer is it a dream, it is the love of my life!!! I Love You So MUCH MORE!

Worth Sharing Again

I wrote this on 9/17/16 so its been 5 years now. It's worth sharing again...

For My Sweet Andre

By Andrea Tadpole Broussard

It's11:51pm on September 16th, 2016. Before the clock strikes midnight I want to say that 4 years ago today I met my sweet Andre. He is the most loving and caring man. I am truly blessed to call him my husband today. He and I have a good life together.

We both have gone through hell in the past and by God's grace come out the other side. We understand that about each other. Life isn't always a nice pretty picture. Quite often it's a big mess. Yet, even in the hardest times Andre and I have always ended the day together in each other's arms. He's not perfect and neither am I. Yet, we are perfectly imperfect together.

Andre is my gentle giant, my soft landing when the hard, old world knocks me down. He's my safe place where I feel loved and protected. He has renewed in me the belief that there is still good in the world. He has done this by the way he treats people. He's the most kind hearted man one could ever meet. He's always willing to help out a friend. He takes care of his family and now mine too in different ways that most people never hear about.

Andre has learned to live with my hearing impairment and always supports me in dealing with it. He never has belittled me when he has to repeat something for the fifth or sixth time. He just deals with it. This may not mean much to those of you who can hear, but to me it means the world. I trust him with my life.

Andre is a good man. He makes me want to be a better person. I am blessed to have him by my side and honored to be his wife. I love you more my sweet Andre! <3

5 Years Ago Today

5 Years Ago Today

By Andrea Tadpole Broussard

I wrote this for my husband Andre today, 9/16/17

Andre,

I was going to buy you a card but I decided since you keep texts and emails maybe you'd read it this way more. So, I sent it to both.

5 years ago today on 9/16/12 you messaged me on OKCupid and I met you face to face on 9/17/12. So began our journey through life together. You are the most awesome man in the world and you have made me the proudest woman in the world. Life is not perfect and we have had our share of struggles. Yet, our love for eachother has carried us through...the greatest of these is love.

The day I met you, you captivated me with your smile. I saw your heart in your eyes and I fell in love with you. I have been head or heels for you ever since.

Like you said in your vows to me the day you gave me the sacred honor of being your wife..."We aren’t promised tomorrow but I have the joy of loving you today.”

I love you MORE my sweet Andre and I always will.

❤❤❤ Andrea ❤❤❤

P.S. This is my favorite recent picture of us because we made an awesome memory together that day. May we make many more!! 😍😍😍

A Lesson In Faith

By Andrea Tadpole Broussard

August 14, 2017

I have been meaning to share this story for the past few days. I just now have taken the time to do it.

I have a friend who is on my Facebook. Over the past couple years she has been caring for her sister who had some major health issues happen that left her an invalid with a feeding tube, unable to move, etc. My friend has done nothing but work and care for her sister, all while dealing with heart problems herself. She has a pacemaker and defibrillator.

About a month ago I shared a link to her Gofundme because she is on the verge of losing everything. Right after I posted the link a friend in Florida messaged me and asked if she could send something to me for her. I said sure and forgot about it.

About a week later my friend had issues with her heart and her doctor pulled her off work until two days ago. This sent her into an even worse financial tail spin and last week her sister's insurance was cancelled unexpectedly. 

My friend got on Facebook over the past few weeks and posted about it all. She was of course in a huge panic. All along I have been praying. This past Friday she posted that another friend who knew someone somehow got her sister's insurance reinstated, the errors corrected and paid in full. She also said that she could start back to work Saturday but did not know what she was going to do about gas money to get through the next two weeks.

Saturday, a check for $100 came in the mail from my friend in Florida. I had forgotten all about our conversation a month ago and she is not friends with my other friend on Facebook so had no idea what had been going on. I was able to meet my friend at her work Saturday and give her the money and tell her this story. 

I was blown away. Here God was working on my friend's behalf a month ago to help her now! I always tell people God will make a way but sometimes I do not really believe it for myself. Life drives us all crazy at times. There are so many unknowns and curveballs thrown at us. Here I am, the epitomy of Doubting Thomas having to poke my finger in the Lord's side every day to make sure He is still real. He understands that about me and still lets me poke His side every day.

He allowed me to learn this lesson in faith to remind me that He is always working on a plan, even in advance, to take care of us in spite of our humaness and doubt. I am forever grateful.

31 Years Sober

I wrote this last year when I had 30 years sober. Today is my 31st sober birthday. These words still ring true today. I could not make it without the love and grace of God and my friends and family, especially my husband Andre, my dad and mom, my children and grandchildren. I love you all!!

30 Years

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

As I sit here watching the fireworks go off above our nation's capitol on TV, tears well up in my eyes. Thoughts of many July 4ths gone by flood my mind. I think of July 4, 1986 when I was in the grips of alcoholism and addiction. I think of that lost, young woman who had no hope. Then the hand of God, through angels here on earth showed me a path to get well and my life has never been the same.

I am humbled that through all the good, bad and ugly of life I have stayed clean and sober. I have not worked a perfect program but I have kept my faith in God despite how things looked.

I have been given the gift of raising my children when I should have been dead. I have seen them grow to adulthood and they are my pride and joy. I have 4 beautiful granddaughters who are the lights of my life.

God has restored my relationship with my parents. They have stood by me through it all and loved me even when I was unlovable. I am so blessed to have them.

I have had many friends along the way. Some have stayed and some have moved on. Others have come back. A few phenomenal women have been my mentor, sponser and friend too. They have talked me off the ledge many times over the years. I owe them my life.

A few years ago God blessed me with an awesome man, now my husband, André. He always keeps me grounded and reminds that world is not a horrible place. He makes me feel special and brings me joy. I prayed for a man like him and gave up finding him a long time ago. God has a sense of humor. When I quit looking, there he was. What a beautiful gift he is!

Today I sit here at peace and happy. If you knew me 30 years ago, you understand what a miracle I am. I am not bragging, just letting you know God is awesome.

Assuming I make to midnight tonight and the calendar flips to July 5, 2016, I will celebrate 30 years of sobriety. I am so completely blown away by that thought. I am not a guru. I do not have a secret potion. I just was blessed with awesome friends who I met through Bill W. They taught me a way of life through the 12 steps. You all know who you are and I am forever grateful to you for giving your recovery to me.

Most of all I thank my Higher Power, who I choose to call God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Without my God I would have died long ago. His grace and mercy amazing. I continue to stand in awe of Him.

My Thoughts on the Virginia Shooting at Baseball Practice on 6/14/17

Today's tragedy in Virginia is heartbreaking to me. This is an outward manifestation of the horrible division in our great nation today. I have friends and family of all political beliefs and some with none. I have friends and family of all races, creeds, religions, sexualities, etc. I love these people despite the fact that we might not see things the same way and even disagree at times. We ALL have one thing in common...WE ARE AMERICANS. It is time for the vicious hatred and division in our nation to stop. We have got to unify and remember it's okay to agree to disagree without turning to hateful rhetoric, character assassination and other mean spirited things. All of these kind of actions serve no good, certainly provide no solutions,  continue to fuel the fire of anger in our country and result in sickening days like today. Please stop the hatred and division in your own lives as I am in mine. If we each do this we will find peace and unity again.

If anyone turns my posted into a venue for more political crap to be spewed your comments will be deleted.

PLEASE PRAY WITH ME FOR PEACE AND UNITY IN OUR NATION.

This song is appropriate today...
https://youtu.be/A29S6cn0nig

Easter 2017

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

Please understand, my comments are not directed at anyone in particular, just what I have seen in my life. If church works for you, go for it. I am just sharing my thoughts.

I have never been one to celebrate Easter very much. By that I mean that I have never cared for the commercialized version of Easter bunnies, eggs, baskets, etc. I did do the obligatory Easter baskets, eggs and hunts with the kids when they were growing up. I just never cared for the hoopla that surrounds it.

I find it repulsive that many people go to church every Sunday and praise God. They put on nice clothes and act the part during the service only to go home and back to the lies they live. Most would spit on a homeless person before they would help them. They will tell someone who is going through a hard time personally or financially to "hang in there I am praying for you" yet offer no real help. Most churches will not open up their doors to the hopeless unless it looks good publicly for them. Most pastors care more about those that tithe the most than helping those that really need it. I know that every church is not this way but sadly, the majority are. Churches for the most part have become a social club where people compare their net worth, homes and cars and Jesus is a pesky side item. This is why I do not go to church very often.

I have never been one who can act fake and my life has fallen apart more than it has been together. So, I never did fit in with the white washed tombs seated in the pews. I know if Jesus were walking the earth today He would turn tables in most places we call church. The churches have lost sight of who they supposedly worship. I quit church in order to hang on to my relationship with Jesus. Sorry if it does not make sense to anyone but it does to me.

See, Jesus is not about a bunch of rules and regulations.  He does not care where I live, what car I drive, how much money I make, who I hang out with, whether I cuss in traffic, or any of that kind of stuff. He loves me unconditionally. He loved me just as much when I was face down in my puke drunk as He does today with over 30 years of sobriety. Jesus loves me because of who He is, not because of how good I can get. That is His amazing grace.

Jesus is simply love, unconditional love. If it were not for His unconditional love I would have died many years ago. I would have missed the life I have lived and have now. It has not been perfect but even in the midst of my deepest sorrows I have seen His hand working and felt His touch. It came from angels in disguise around me.

So, I am pausing for a moment today to acknowledge that Jesus, the One I found on my knees at foot of my bed on the most terrifying night of my life over 30 years ago, is still alive. He's alive in my heart and ever present in the angels in disguise around me. This is what Easter is to me.

More Thoughts On Prayer

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

I believe that all the prayers my loved ones have said, all the ones I have said and still say are still going and never stop. They continue forever. Same energy that is in the universe...from our lips to God's ears.

Insomnia

Written in 2010

by Andrea Tadpole

Late at night
Trying to sleep
Mind running crazy

Too many worries
Too much to remember
Too much to forget

Feel so overwhelmed
Feel so alone
When will the hard times end

Happiness eludes me
Sorrow engulfs me
Too much loss
Too much pain

Is God real or is it all a sham

Don't know
Don't care

Just wanna sleep

Prayer

by Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

I wrote this today in response to a discussion about prayer and whether it works or not. Don't want to lose it so I'm posting it here:

I can waste my life mind f#cking myself over which came first, the chicken or the egg and miss out on the beauty in life. That's not to say that life is always easy. Frankly, most of the time life is a shit sandwich that I have to choke down and the good stuff makes it worth it. For years before I got sober my grandmother, Mary...may she RIP always told me, "Andi I'm praying for you and some day you're going to get help!" Every time she said that I cringed because I wanted to die. I hated life and everyone in it. On 7/5/86 I got sober. I look back and can see the hand of God was working all the way through to make me willing to get help. I know without a shadow of a doubt that my grandmother's prayers kept me alive and got me sober. So, I'm not going to waste my life over analyzing God and spiritual things. I just accept it and believe. Thank God for my grandmother!

The Roller Coaster

Today, February 14, 2017 my husband Andre and I are celebrating our second wedding anniversary. Andre wrote this for me on February 7, 2017. I did not want to lose it so I am posting it here. I feel so blessed to have this man in my life. <3

The Roller Coaster

By Andre Broussard

Life is a roller coaster. We all have our ups and downs. We all HOPE someday to make it to the top of this roller coaster. At the top comes nothing but the same each day that goes away. It's always good. But FAITH is something that happens in the middle of this roller coaster. We go from good to bad with each day. At times even seem we are on top. Then other times it feels we are at the very bottom. It's then we see the very bad in life. Nothing around us is good. We see all the ugly. Then comes LOVE. Love is giving and receiving. It comes from GOD through others. The people we love and support. This part of the roller coaster is the strongest. Nothing bad can overcome us when we are this strong. At the  top we are very scared, at the bottom we feel very feel safe.Why put love on the bottom? The answer is easy, it is strong enough to carry us to the top again. In life we all have choices Hope, Faith and Love. With all that said my choice with everything is to love and support you until I die. I think this is where GOD put me. I am so sorry we are on this roller coaster. But I'm so very happy that I'm on it with you.