Adonai

by Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

When my granddaughter Zoey died I used to listen to this CD over and over because it comforted me. One time I saw Zoey at God's throne dancing and worshipping in a vision. She looked at me and grabbed my hand and said, "Dance GeGe, dance!!" She pulled me out from the side and we danced around the throne together. I will never forget it. I lost the CD years ago and have longed for it but I could not remember the name of it, only what the cover looked like. Today, I have felt like giving up. My eyes are worse, I'm tired and other stuff going on. I sit down and open YouTube to listen to something inspirational and what pops up out of nowhere just now? Zoey and my grandson Mikey always find a way to say hello from Heaven!!! I am just so humbled by God's love right now as I listen with tears running down my face. Even in the one of the hardest times of my life He gives me this...the very thing my heart, mind and spirit needed.

Watch "Various Artists - Adonai: The Power Of Worship From The Land Of Israel" on YouTube
https://youtu.be/TJC5djHAliA

Thirty-three Years Sober

It is midnight on July 5, 2019 and I am celebrating 33 years of sobriety. I always call July 5th my rebirth day because it was the day God gave me my life back and I was reborn. This past year has been hell. In many ways one of the worst of my sobriety. I have not picked up a drug or drink thanks to God's amazing grace and mercy. Yet, there have been many things that have happened beyond my control that cut me to the bone. Most days I have literally trudged through the day fighting back tears. I have buried my grandmother, buried my husband's brother, dealt with family drama that ripped my heart apart, survived the recent flood, then spent 9 days in the hospital with a vision problem that still is not solved. I have other problems going on too every day.

Yet, in the middle of all the seeming chaos and sorrow of my life I have had some very awesome and beautiful things happen. We celebrated the birth of my beautiful grandson Michael Charles in December. He was an answer to many prayers from myself and our family. He is the happiest little boy and his smile and laughter is the medicine for my broken spirit.

We celebrated the high school graduation of my oldest granddaughter Destiny in May. That moment was one of the proudest for me. See, when she was born I did not know how we could provide for her. Yet, step by step and day by day God has always made a way for her.

I have watched my son, daughter, daughter-in-love, granddaughters Kaylee, Bella and Courtney push through life one day at a time as well. All of my granddaughters made it through another year of school. My kids have survived despite bumps and sometimes craters in the road of life. Despite their imperfections I am so proud of them and love them with all that I am.

Tonight I was sitting in the house thinking I always buy and watch the kids shoot fireworks to celebrate my sobriety birthday and this year I did not have the money. I thought well it is what it is. Then, Andre came inside and said come watch the fireworks. So, I went out to the yard and the neighbors put on a show. It was just what I needed. Sometimes I forget that God is ALWAYS there, even in the littlest things like fireworks for me to watch and celebrate my sobriety.

I asked my son yesterday, "Where is your gratitude?" The reality is, I was asking myself. There are lots of changes coming in the future...some good, some bad, some sad, some unexpected. Yet, I am reminded again to count my blessings and be grateful for all that I have. I do not know what the next year brings, but with God's grace and mercy I will face it sober. For, without my sobriety I have nothing.

One last thought, when I got sober 33 years ago I was young and scared. I had no idea how to do this thing called life and I wanted to die. Yet this little boy Sedrick and little girl Alicia desperately needed me to pull it together and be the mother I needed to be. So, I took it scary step by scary step, minute by minute, day by day. If had relapsed back to drinking and drugging I would have died and missed out on these two beautiful children and their lives. They have grown with me and often raised me, but we made it. I am so grateful I did not miss out on them and my grandchildren. What a gift!

The Flood of May 2019

I live about 2 miles from the levy walls on 65th W Ave and Charles Page. This is the scariest thing I've gone through in my life other than getting sober a long time ago. At one point the other night I didn't know if I should hide in the basement from a tornado or climb on the roof because of a flood. I prayed and God gave me the clarity I needed. My granddaughter, my animals and I are safe. People stepped up to help, they are my angels. I wish my husband was here but he stayed home to keep looters away. I hope he doesn't get hurt.

I was laying in my hotel bed after I evacuated in the wee hours of Sunday morning thinking and I realized this flood and storms is a metaphor for my life. I am dealing with a problem with my vision and I have random spells of blurred vision and sometimes blindness, it's a possible brain tumor or something. I'm waiting on a cancellation at Claremore Indian hospital for an MRI of my eyes and brain. If they don't get a cancellation soon my appointment is July 30th. I'm scared...BIG TIME SCARED. I can't wait that long!! I'm also looking for another job and have other issues to deal with.

This whole flood nightmare has made me go back to one day, one hour, one minute at a time. I have to take life that way right now or I'll go crazy. So, all this crap life is throwing at me is in God's hands. I can't, He can, I think I'll let Him.

I have a granddaughter Zoey who died many years ago and she always comes to me as a butterfly. Today I was out walking my dog and a tiny little butterfly flew ahead of me all along my walk. Any time I stopped it stopped. I know it was Zoey telling me that even though I don't know what the future holds or what the plan is everything will be ok.

Reposting for Rhonda

I realized it's my sister-in-law Rhonda's birthday today so in her memory I am reposting this.

Note: I wrote this for my "Big Sis" Rhonda...I will miss her and never forget her...RIP Rhonda :'(

The Oldest

by Andrea Tadpole

You were told
From the very start
You're the oldest
You must be strong

Take care of your
Little brothers and sisters
Protect them
And guard their
Every heart

You must always
Be there
Whatever is needed
You do

Yet never
Show your
Weakness
Lest you fail
The little ones
They're always
Looking up to you

Problem is
You never learned
To let anyone
Care for you

You hid your worries
Deep inside
After all
You're the oldest
That's what you were
Supposed to do

Why does God
Let some live
While others
He let's die

It seems
He takes the
Beautiful ones
And leaves
The rest of us
To cry

I suspect
He looked down
And saw your
Every pain

Knew you couldn't
Take it and
Brought you home
Out of the rain

Thoughts on Faith

I texted this to my son today and I don't want to lose it. I'm going to put in the book I write before I die someday.

Thoughts on Faith

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

You remember when Destiny was born? When Alicia got pregnant I had no clue how I was going to take care of a baby. I had no money and a crappy job. I look back and I see God's hands all over us then. If He can do that then He will take care of you and Victoria and Michael. Help will come from the strangest most unexpected places. Look at where it came from for us and Destiny.

People who didn't even know us came out of the woodwork. We were given diapers and clothes enough that I didn't buy any for a year! God reminded me of money Mike had hidden years before and I was able to get a car for Alicia. Someone gave her just enough $ for a crib and carseat. Someone else gave us the pack n play.

You and I are both in a scary spot in life but these are times when God shines the brightest.

Sonya texted me this the other day:
God writes your story. Praying you are able to live the story God wrote about you! Also, in Exodus, there is a scripture when the Hebrew people left Egypt and were up against the sea God spoke to them and said "Stand still and watch the salvation of the Lord". Same goes for you! 

When I read that I got this picture in my heart of little old me standing at the Red Sea with parted walls of water towering over me on either side. I could hear God saying, "Walk through, I got this." Could you imagine that? I stood there for a minute amazed and terrified but then I saw the Egyptians or enemies fast approaching so I thought what the hell go for it. Somehow despite my humanity and Doubting Thomas personality,  God still pulls me through and saves me. He does the same for you.

So, you tell me to have faith and I'll tell you. We will get thru this thing called life together. Ok? I love you son.

Tears

It's been 235 days since my grandma Lillian died. This came in my email today. I like what it says.

Tears - Day #235

My most recent hospice client hated to cry. Part of it comes from being unable to wipe her own tears away; part of it comes from family members who tend to get annoyed or angry when she cries – because they are powerless to “fix things,” not because they’re mean. Her tears make her really mad; and this anger has nowhere to go either: she is literally paralyzed in bed and has no way to rid herself of rage. She is physically frozen, but emotionally seething.

One day I read her a passage from a book about the healing power of tears, and it was the key to moving her forward into expressing her grief around her own imminent passing. She cried for a long time; not sobbing, just a quiet weeping. I wiped her eyes, and cheeks, sat very close, and looked at her with compassion and love.
Don’t forget to cry, and do it often. Every drop carries away the toxins of sorrow, and leaves your body refreshed and more able to carry on through the overall grieving process.

Quotation of the Day
And with tears of blood he cleansed the hand,
The hand that held the steel:
For only blood can wipe out blood
And only tears can heal. - Oscar Wilde

Butterfly Message

My husband wrote this for his sister who died in 2001. I'm sharing it on my blog so I do not lose  it. I think its beautiful.

Butterfly Message for Dearest Carolyn
Our Daughter, Our Sister, Mother, Wife and Friend

July 1, 1965 – May 9, 2001

By Andre M. Broussard

Your beautiful smile now will be shared by all to see. You smiled through the pain. Your many Journeys through life have been a challenge. You have managed to continue on, when so many would have given up. Your strength and courage has been a personal testament to us all. You have earned your wings among the Angels.

Your growth and development reminds us all of the Butterfly Message which went as follows:
A man found a cocooned butterfly. One day a small opening appeared. He sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through that little hole. Then it seems to stop making progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could, and it could not go any farther. So, to help the butterfly he took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon. The butterfly then emerged easily, but it had a swollen body and small-shriveled wings. The man watched and waited for the butterfly to fly.

What the man, in his kindness and haste, did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the tiny opening were God’s way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings, so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.

Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in all of our lives. If God were to let us go through our lives without any obstacles, it would cripple us. We would not be as strong as what we could have been. We could never fly! Carolyn, God healing your wings enabling you to soar above us all, has given us hope, that one day our wings will be healed, and each of us will be able to fly together someday.

Now, when we look up among the stars, and gaze at the many beautiful wonders of the night, your star will be the newest and brightest of them all. When we feel the heat from the sun upon us, it will be you embracing us all, letting your loved ones know, you have arrived safely into God’s arms, and you have been greeted by other loved ones, who arrived earlier. And you have been welcomed with open loving arms.
From time to time, there will be signals from you above, reminding each of us that you are keeping a watchful eye on us all. Each time we see a butterfly, we will see you.

We release you for your long awaited journey home. We all know you have left a piece of you here, to protect the many memories of you.
You are loved and cherished and will always be remembered.

Love, your family and friends.

My Journey with Nanuk

by Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

I have always believed that animals have spirits. I also believe that animals are sent to be in our lives like people are. Back in mid February, a friend of mine, April Rain Wind, rescued a dog and posted it on Facebook in hopes that someone would foster him. I usually scroll on by those types of posts but this one stopped me in my tracks. Nanuk, as he has been dubbed, is a White Siberian Husky. His eyes are a beautiful, ice blue and they captivated me from the start, even in pictures. Nanuk had been obviously abused. His 2 front legs had been broken. He also had a choke collar with teeth that had been on him so long it had grown into his neck. He ended up having surgery on his legs and they had to cut the choke collar off.

One thing lead to another and Nanuk came to live with us. From the moment we met he has been like a long lost friend to me. Its as if we've known eachother forever. He is sweet and loving in spite of past hurts. His eyes are even more beautiful in person and I know he can see into a person's soul. I'm very blessed to get share this journey with him.

Over the last few weeks we have all worked hard with him. We have done everything the vet said. He's been on very limited activity, crate to leash to outside for bathroom breaks or eating only. Worn a cone around his neck 24/7. Absolutely no running or jumping. When he first came to us he had splints on both front legs and they were wrapped. At his first checkup the vet found that the splints rubbed sores on his legs that got infected. He spent a few days in the hospital then back home with even more limited activity. If anyone has ever had a Husky you know what a challenge this has been!

Slowly over the weeks Nanuk was getting better and better. He was also making inroads in my heart.  My life had been pretty stressful and he made me focus on something besides me. Needless to say, we have become close friends. I believe you can do that with animals. It's strange, no words every really spoken, yet a bond has grown out of the seeds of love and hope that were planted every day in the commitment to be there.

Anyway, last Saturday, Nanuk took a turn for the worse. He would not use his right leg at all. It started swelling and he was in alot of pain. April and I rushed him to the vet and they said his body might be rejecting the hardware in his legs. We were so scared and I was an emotional wreck inside. The vet started him on antibiotics and we posted a call for prayer for him on Facebook.

All I can say is, PRAYER WORKS!!! Yesterday morning when I took Nanuk for a walk he was putting weight on his right front leg on the walk outside. On the way back in he started limping, I assumed from being tired. As the day went on he got better and better. April, whom I now call his his rescuer and "angel extraordinaire", and I  took him to the vet after work anyway. The vet said he thought the infection was localized and not a rejection to the hardware. He put him on 6 weeks of antibiotics to make sure all infection completely clears out. He said he did not have to wear the cone anymore and next Monday we can start with gradual normal activities. The vet said everything is healing nicely!!

I am so grateful to everyone who has touched Nanuk's life in any way, be it through donations, time, and prayers. I know prayer works!! I am also grateful to this beautiful dog, Nanuk for pulling me and my dear friend April back together. Life makes us all crazy busy sometimes and we lose each other in the pursuit of God-knows-what...I know I'm guilty of it. I believe all animals come to us to teach lessons. Nanuk has taught me to refocus and make time for the ones I Iove.

Thanks again for the prayers everyone! I will keep you updated.

P.S. I let him off the leash for just a few seconds, the first time in weeks. Of course he had to do a victory lap!!! I'm sure next Monday he'll really go crazy! 😍

Nanuk Update 4/2/19

by Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

Last Saturday Nanuk took a turn for the worse. He would not use his right leg at all. It started selling and he was in alot of pain. We rushed him to the vet and they said his body might be rejecting the hardware in his legs. We were so scared and I was an emotional wreck inside. The vet started him on antibiotics and we posted a call for prayer for him on Facebook.

All I can say is, PRAYER WORKS!!! Yesterday morning when I took Nanuk for a walk he was putting weight on his right front leg on the walk outside. On the way back in he started limping I assumed from being tired. As the day went on he got better and better. April Rain Wind, his rescuer and angel extraordinaire and I  took him to the vet after work anyway. The vet said he thought the infection was localized and not a rejection to the hardware. He put him on 6 weeks of antibiotics to make sure all infection completely clears out. He said he did not have to wear the cone anymore and next Monday we can start with gradual normal activities. The vet said everything is healing nicely!! I am so grateful to everyone who has touched Nanuk's life in any way, be it through donations, time, and prayers. I know prayer works!! I am also grateful to this beautiful dog Nanuk for pulling me and friend April back together. Life makes us all crazy busy sometimes and we lose each other in the pursuit of God-knows-what...I know I'm guilty of it. I believe all animals come to us to teach lessons. Nanuk has taught me to refocus and make time for the ones I Iove. Thanks again for the prayers everyone! I will keep you updated.

P.S. I let him off the leash for just a few seconds, the first time in weeks. Of course he had to do a victory lap!!! I'm sure next Monday he'll really go crazy! 😍

Nanuk

I wrote this back in February when I first started fostering my rescue dog Nanuk, a Siberian Husky.

by Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

I have always believed that animals have spirits. I also believe that animals are sent to be in our lives like people are. Recently, a friend of mine rescued a dog and posted it on Facebook in hopes that someone would foster him. I usually scroll on by those types of posts but this one stopped me in my tracks. Nanuk as he has been dubbed, is a White Siberian Husky. His eyes are a beautiful ice blue and they captivated me from the start even in pictures. Nanuk had been obviously abused. He had 2 broken legs. He also had choke collar with teeth that had been on him so long it had grown into his neck. He ended up having surgery on his legs and they had to cut the choke collar off.

One thing lead to another and Nanuk came to live with us. From the moment we met he has been like a long lost friend to me. Its as if we've known eachother forever. He is sweet and loving in spite of past hurts. His eyes are even more beautiful in person and I know he can see into a person's soul. I'm very blessed to get share this journey with him. I love you Nanuk! ❤

If I Died Tonight

by Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

If I died tonight
Would you miss me
Would you have regrets
Things you should have said or done

Would you miss my smile
Crave my touch
In the very depths of your soul
Yet know that you’d never have it
That I’d never be there to hold

If I died tonight
Would your heart ache
And grasp desperately at any way
To cross the great divide
For just a second with me
With your arms open wide

Out of nowhere
Would you hear my voice
Calling out your name
Would you feel your heart leap
Maybe even look
Then remember I’m gone forever
I won’t be coming back again

Eternity is a long time
There are no overs
So why are you wasting your life
And why are you wasting mine

If I died tonight
How would you feel
Really
Stop for one minute and think
How would you feel

I guess I’m the only one that’s real
I live in the moment
I live in now
Sometimes that’s not pretty
Sometimes it’s not happy, joyous and free
It sucks
It’s just reality

See I understand
We don’t live forever
Today is all we have

If you need me
I’m there
I’ll listen
I’ll carry the burden with you
Because I know

If you died tonight
I’d miss you
You’re in my heart
Part of me would die too

If I died tonight
Would you miss me
Just asking
Just need to know
It seems like I'm not that special
Easily forgotten
Even easier to let go

Message to a Friend About Grief

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

I wrote this to a friend in response to her pleas for help in dealing with grief:

I am responding in case you think no one read what you posted. Here is what I think and let me warn you, I'm not sugar coating it for you:

1. I have no idea what your relationship is like with your sister. However you DO have a family even if its small. When we are grieving loss like yours its a time for family to come together to be supportive and not get in fights over petty things. Life is too short, you most of all know that.

2. For myself, when I have been in the depth of grief it has been very intense. Its not pretty at all. I tend to send off vibes that push people away even though that's not what I want. People don't know how to handle me so they back away. I suspect you might be doing that too. It is what it is so hold on while you're riding the tsunami of grief. It will eventually get better and your family and friends will get closer.

3. Self pity is not a requirement for working through the sorrow of losing someone you loved. I am certain your husband would not want you slogging around in self pity. So, try doing something to get out of yourself. How about volunteering at a homeless shelter or the nursery at church or something? I found when I focus on helping others, even in a small way, instead of my problem, somehow it heals my heart too.

4. Find a face-to-face support group for grief or a counselor. Just find something that makes you get up and get out and focus on your own journey and recovery through this.

5. There are no quick fixes. Grief sucks. Its unpredictable, its ugly, it a rollercoaster from one day to the next emotionally. Be kind to yourself.

6. Instead of uprooting your life all at once, why don't you plan a take some trips to different places that you've always wanted to go? Figure out what YOU like first. Then if you want to move go for it!

7. Nobody can fix you. While its nice to have the company of friends, grief is a journey we walk alone. So, start taking care of yourself and stop whining. My grief therapist told me that years ago and she was right. Get up every day, put your makeup on, go for a walk or drive or whatever you can find even small bits of joy in. Eventually the small bits of joy turn into big ones and your heart will start to heal.

8. Come to Tulsa any time you want. I'd be happy to have lunch with you or something. I really do love you, ya know? ❤

9. Last but not least, pray continually. Hang on to God with all your might. Trust Him and let Him guide you. He will never let you down.

I'll get off my soapbox now.

Sending much love from this grief survivor to you. My prayers are always going up for you! 🙏🙏🙏

Prayer for My Family

My family is going through alot right now. My daughter and her two youngest girls are battling the flu right now. So far, my daughter doesn't have it. My daughter-in-love has some health issues going on and my son has his ongoing battles. My nephew, Jere is having a medical procedure tomorrow. So, I am posting a prayer for them. Please, if you believe in the power of prayer stand in agreement with me.

Prayer for My Family

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

Father God, I come to you tonight and I ask you to wrap Bella and Courtney up in your arms and give them rest and peace. I pray that you touch them and heal them from tops of their heads to the soles of their feet. I rebuke this sickness that is plaguing them and I plead the blood of Jesus over them. I speak complete healing into their bodies right now. I command, in your name that their bodies line up with your word that says by your stripes they are healed. Lord, I pray a hedge of protection around my daughter, that she will not get the flu, that it dies if touches her. I speak health and energy into her body and peace for her mind. I pray that you grant Alicia unmerited favor with her employer during this difficult time. Please give Alicia the peace passes all understanding and help her rest.

Lord, I lift Sedrick and Victioria up to you. Lord, I speak healing into Victoria's body. I pray that her immune system strengthens and heals the infection she has. Father God I pray that you give my son strength and relieve his pain. I rebuke and I cast lupus into the pits of hell where it belongs. Lord I know you have the same love for my son that you have for David. I know the lyrics and music he writes are your greatest joy and all of Heaven rejoices when he sings. Father God break Sedrick free from the writer's block he has. Loose the chains from his heart and mind and make the anointing of the Holy Spirit overtake and consume him. Lead him to the job he needs and make him prosper so he can take care of his young family.

Lord I hold up my nephew Jere to you. God I am many states away from him but you are right there with him. God, please take care of him and bring him through the procedure tomorrow safely and give him a speedy recovery. Bring all the help he needs for him and his boys to him. Calm his spirit and ease his mind in Jesus name.

Lord please bless and strengthen my parents too. Give them energy and vitality. Please keep them safe.

Father God I rebuke the spirit of fear that seems to plague us all. I pray that you would give us the stability and security that comes from knowing that you will never leave us or forsake us. Lord, I ask you to shut the mouths of those who would speak negativity into our lives and try to tear us down. Remove the bullies from our lives. Bring us all the agape love you taught us while here on earth even though we do not deserve it. Help us to treat others with that same love too.

Father God, I believe and know that my prayers go on for eternity. They don't just hit the ceiling and bounce back. The prayers my grandmother prayed for me so many years ago got me sober and keep me sober today. So, I pray in faith now for my family, my children, grandchildren and generations to come. I call down a legion of angels to surround and guard and protect them all and those to come. I rebuke the evil one who is trying to destroy them in the name of Jesus. I pray that the Holy Spirit will reach out and touch my family and give them discernment so they know which way to go in life.

Lord, I have faith in you and know you hear the prayers of this lowly woman who loves her family with all that I am. I know you answer prayers because I'm living proof. Please, protect and bless my family, children, grandchildren and those to come. Give them peace, health and prosperity. Make a way when it looks like there is none. Guide them and shelter them all the days of their lives, long after I am gone.

I pray this in the holy, blessed name of my savior and brother and your son Jesus.

Amen

Hellos from Heaven

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

Most everyone knows by now that my family and I have been through great losses over the years. My children's father Mike, my granddaughter Zoey, my grandson Mikey, my grandparents, my sister-in-law Rhonda...the list goes on and on. Grief has been a constant companion in my life because it is inevitable when I have lost those I love so much.

Over the years I have found my own ways of grieving and dealing with loss. I have found ways to find joy in the midst of deepest sorrows. There is one thing that I have done for a long time. I am not even sure when or how it started now, I just know it worked so I kept doing it. I always watch for what I call "Hellos from Heaven". These hellos are random things that happen that remind me my loved ones are still around me in spirit. For example, when I see frogs I know my grandson is near, if I see a cardinal I know it my grandmother Mary, etc. One that is particularly special to me is butterflies because I always feel my granddaughter Zoey is near.

Like most people, I often get busy and wound up in the chaos and worries of life. I forget to be still and watch for the "Hellos from Heaven". Today was one of those days. I have been very busy at work all week and also very concerned about my two granddaughters Bella and Courtney. They are both home with the flu. My daughter Alicia is a single mom and working and taking care of them. She is worn out. I have been so worried and praying like crazy for them.

Today, I decided to work straight through lunch and leave a little early so I could take a care package to the girls. I decided I would wear gloves and a mask to protect me from exposure to the flu. I stopped by the drugstore and could not find any masks. I was searching hurriedly through the store and running all kinds of ideas through my mind of what else I could use. Just as I was about to give up something orange caught my attention in the corner of my eye. I looked and there laid a beautiful orange bandana with butterflies all over it. It was just the right size to tie around my nose and mouth. I stopped in my tracks and smiled because I knew it was my sweet Zoey telling me she was with me and everything would be okay. So, I tied my butterfly bandana around my face when I went in to see the girls. They laughed and I told them about the "Hellos from Heaven" and that Zoey wanted them to know everything was going to be okay. We all laughed with joy together and I know Zoey was there laughing with us.

There are many people in this world who think my "Hellos from Heaven" are not real and that I am crazy. Those kind of people are not a part of my life for long. I know our spirits live on forever because I have seen them. I also know that just when I need it most "Hellos from Heaven" appear. Thank you my sweet Zoey for finding a way to bridge the divide and reach my heart today with your beautiful hello. I love you forever my sweet granddaughter. ❤

My Little Boy

Written with love for my son Sedrick on January 5, 2019 - the day before his 37th birthday

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

37 years ago today I was in the midst of long, hard labor with my first child. Back then we did not have ultrasounds to tell us what we were having before our baby was born. Yet, I just knew it was a boy. I had picked his name when I was 14 years old. I had seen a movie called Little Lord Fauntleroy. It was a story about the love between a mother and her son who was named Sedrick. I knew at that moment I would have a little boy who would have the same name someday and we would share the same deep love for each other. I remember when Sedrick was born, the first time I heard his cry it was like music to my heart and soul because I knew he was alive and well. From that moment on he has been one of the deepest loves of my life. 

I was only 19 when I had him. Him being my oldest child and me being so young, he and I grew up together. As a little boy he was always the one that woke up happy. Every morning he would jump in my lap and kiss my cheek and tell me how much he loved me. Even when I was at my worst, face down in my puke drunk this little guy never gave up on me. He just loved me for me. No expectations, no hatred, just pure love.

As time marched on I got sober and he road that crazy roller coaster with me. He's been through hell and back with me many times over. From me learning how to live again in sobriety, to divorce, to my crazy idea to move to Las Vegas for awhile. Even through it all he always managed to be my comedian. He has always found a way to make me laugh and smile even in my darkest hours.

As a young teenager he found music and took off like a rocket. His music is the oil of joy to me. I will never forget the day he sang a song that he wrote for me. It was just another hectic day and Mother's Day was close. In the middle of the chaos he stopped me in my tracks when he said, "Mom, listen to this song I wrote!" I begrudgingly stopped what I was doing. Then he started singing, "Happy Mother's Day Momma, I made you breakfast in bed! Oh how I love you Momma even when you've done wrong." As he sang my heart melted and tears filled my eyes. I saw there before me the beautiful gift God gave me in him. That song has saved me many times when life has kicked my teeth in. It always comes up in my heart and reminds me that there is one person left in this world who loves me...my son.

Eventually, this beautiful young man graduated school and got married. I will remember the day my son became a man in my eyes like it was yesterday. It was when I watched him place his little baby girl's casket in the ground. I knew the love he had for her and I knew how much pain he was in. Yet, he loved her so much he laid her to rest himself. Words cannot describe how horribly beautiful that moment was. I stood in awe of him and I still do today. I realized again, how blessed I was to be chosen to be his mother.

Over the years we have been through alot. Most of it together; some of it apart for awhile. But somehow we have always found our way back to each other again. We have argued, fought, yelled, cried, played, joked and laughed together. We have not done life perfectly but we are still there for each other. Our love for one another has never died.

I have watched him raise his daughter and seen what an awesome father he is. Now, I get to watch him raise his newborn son. I watch from the outside in on his life and I am so proud of him. He has grown into such a fine, loving man, husband and father. Even though he's fighting his own battle with a chronic illness he never gives up. He always pushes and gives his all.

If I had been asked to draw a picture or write a story 37 years ago about the son I would have I would have short changed myself. I could have never imagined the man I would so humbly call my son today. He is a bright and shining spirit full of love and compassion. He is not perfect. He's an awful lot like me, opinionated and passionate. He deeply loves his family and most of all he deeply loves the Lord.

So, on the eve of your 37th birthday, my dear sweet Seddy, I just want you to know that no matter how crazy life gets I am still here. I love you and I am proud of you. I was your first and most devoted fan and I always will be. I knew and loved you long before anyone else. You had my heart then and always will. Happy birthday!

Love,
Momma ❤

Grandpa Shelby

I wrote this on 12/20/12. Here it is another birthday without you Grandpa Shelby. I sure miss you! In honor of you I am reposting this today.

Grandpa Shelby

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

I am thinking about my grandpa Shelby Morrison today. He died many years ago. His birthday is today. I don't remember how old he would have been but it does not matter. He will always be alive in my heart.

On the outside he was big and clumsy. People often assumed he was an oaf and stupid. Boy were the wrong! Turn on some good music and he could dance like Fred Astair. My favorite memory of him is dancing in the livingroom with me and him twirling me around.

He was a quiet man and he worked hard at the railroad as a switchman most of his life. On the side he had a concession business. He sold snow cones, cotton candy and other stuff. He also sold balloons at all the area Christmas parades. He was a shrewd business man and wise beyond his years.

He was a good man and loved the Lord. He always gave food to the hungry, shelter to the homeless and clothes to the naked. He never judged anyone. He just loved people. My grandma always said he took in stray people instead of stray dogs. I only hope to be as good as him.

Every one in the neighborhood knew him as the snowcone man. To me, he was my grandpa and I loved him dearly.

I miss you grandpa! Keep watch over my grandbabies and other loved ones till I get there! I'm still dancing!!

Love you!!!  ~Andi~

My Grandson Michael Charles Zelsnack 12/12/18

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

As I sit today watching my beautiful daughter-in-love in labor with my little grandson Michael Charles my eyes fill with tears and my mind fills with memories. Tears of incredibly, indescribable joy at the amazing gift we are being given. Memories of those who've gone on before us who I know are here in spirit welcoming this new life into the world. Birth is such a crazy amazing journey. Its filled with utter joy and anticipation at its inception. There are struggles along the way. The final leg of the journey is the worst pain one could ever go through and yet the product is a total manifestation of unending, life altering love.

For me, to be present to see a woman give birth is a holy and sacred moment. Such a humbling and blessed gift. I have only been to one other besides the birth of my own children. i feel the Holy Spirit so heavy, loving and magnificent in this room today. I am awestruck once again at God's creation and the love I see between a man and woman, my son and daughter-in-love. It reminds that God's love never fails.

I am reminded again of the sacred duty God has  given me as a grandmother. I cannot wait to welcome this little boy to the world. Most of all, I cannot wait to watch him grow and learn.

So, welcome to this world and welcome to our family my little, tiny friend!! I will always be here whether in person or in spirit when this body is long gone to love, guide and protect you through this crazy thing called life.

This day...these sacred, holy moments will be forever etched on my heart. I will always love you Sedrick and Victoria. Most of all I will always love you more little Michael Charles, my beautifully and wonderfully made grandson.

Love,

Your Proud GeGe

💖💖💖

Thoughts On Revenge

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

Revenge gives some people sick satisfaction even if it hurts innocent bystanders, especially the ones closest to them. The price for Revenge is high. In the end Revenge sucks the very life out of you and kills all that you loved the most because you would rather hold on to the hate than reach for something good. You would rather bask in the twisted and familiar feeling of hateful Revenge than let go and allow God's forgiveness to heal your broken heart. Revenge will leave you cold and dead inside, alone in a selfmade prison. Yet the whole time you hold the very keys to let yourself out.

My Journey of Grief

I am writing this for my dear, sweet friend Alice who recently lost her beloved husband. I hope it helps others as well.

My Journey of Grief

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

I have been through tremendous loss in my life. Many loved ones have gone on...from mere minutes old to over a century old and all ages in between. There are no two ways about it, loss and grieving that loss hurts and it is devasting.

For me, grief comes in waves just like sitting at a beach. Some days there is a nice cool breeze, I can feel the soothing wind in my hair and see the calm ripples of the waves of memories on the water and I am at peace. Other days, there are storm clouds on the horizon and the waves are fierce and slam against the shore with fury, leaving my heart pulverized in sorrow again. On those days, I am doing good to simply utter a whispered prayer for help and simply breathe. Occasionally a tsunami overtakes me out of nowhere and I am sucked under the turbulent waves with sorrow like I have never known. Even in the depths of this grief, God, in His tender loving way, always somehow lifts my head above the water and I am able to fight to live another day. His grace always amazes me. This unfortunately, is all part of the process of letting someone go whom I have loved with all I am. It is, for me, the price I pay to love so deeply.

Grief is not pretty. Its ugly and painful and most of those left around us do not know what to do to help. So, they say heartfelt phrases like "it will get better", "just remember the good times", "be grateful they are in Heaven", the list goes on ad nauseam. While they mean well, these do not help us, the grief stricken ones, they only soothe the other's guilt for not knowing what to do to help. For me, the best thing anyone has ever done is just be there. No words. No "fix it" kind of things. Just their presence in my life is all I need because, grief is a journey that one must walk through alone. At least it is for me.

I have learned through tremendous never ending loss at one point in my life, to be gentle with myself. The greatest soothing balm for me has always been my grandchildren and other young ones in my life. Children are so full life and joy, especially babies. God has always managed to have a baby in my life during my deepest sorrow. Just rocking them was soothing because in reality it was me who was being rocked.

Another thing I do which I believe comes from my Native American ancestry is I look for signs of my loved ones around me. Cardinals, butterflies and frogs are messengers from them for me. The cardinal is my grandmother, the butterfly is my granddaughter, and the frog is my grandson. When I see these it is like a, "Hello, I am still here in spirit around you!" from Heaven.

People always say "time heals". I frankly think that is a lie. It will take an eternity to heal from loss for me. I do believe though, that with time I learn to live with the loss. The gaping hole in my heart heals over but it will always be tender there. There are still what I call "tsunami days" but they are farther apart with time.

I always say, "Heaven is so far away yet so close its only a heartbeat and breath away." So, remember to take time to be still and watch for little "hellos from Heaven" once in awhile. They are there around to remind you that you are not alone and your loved is there watching over you.

I love you!

~ Andrea ❤

The Sweaty Buttcrack Story

The Sweat Buttcrack Story

10/24/2018

by Andrea Tadpole-Broussard 

I love all of my grandchildren and am crazy about them, the ones here as well as the ones in Heaven. However, this story is about a few special and what I consider holy moments with my beautiful granddaughter Courtney. 

Courtney has sky blue eyes and gorgeous long, blonde hair. Her smile and energy light up a room. She is like an old, creative soul and loves all forms of art and music. Her imagination is magnetic and draws me in like a moth to a porch light. In many ways she is my mini me because I have that same creative spirit. When she and I are together its like we have known eachother for many lifetimes. We play and just totally enjoy eachother. Its as if time stands still and nothing else exists but me and her and that holy moment. We always pick up right where we left off. She is one of my greatest joys and treasures.

Courtney has an innocence about her that few people can comprehend. She is usually very optimistic and always believes the best in people. So, in the rare moment that I find her unhappy I always try to cheer her up. This past summer she and her mom and sisters stayed with us for a little while. One day I came in from work and Courtney was sitting on the couch looking sad. She was worried about things happening in her life and all the uncertainty around her. 

Of course, I had to lift her spirits up so I pulled her to my lap to tell her a story. I have always had my own stories made up of a mishmash of others I have heard over the years. I told her this story, which is now known to us as "The Sweaty Buttcrack Story". It made us both laugh and hopefully it will you too.

The Sweaty Buttcrack Story

by Andrea Tadpole-Broussard 

Life can often be like a parade. Imagine that you are marching in a band in the parade. All you can see is the person in front of you. Maybe they are skinny or fat, tall or short. Maybe their clothes look nice or maybe they are torn. Regardless, all you can see is the person in front of you. Sometimes all you can see is the sweaty buttcrack in front of you. 

When you have been marching in this parade and staring at this sweaty buttcrack in front of you for a long time, it can be tiring and frustrating. You wonder why God has you marching where you are, behind this sweaty buttcrack. You might even feel like quitting and giving up because all you are ever going to see in life is a sweaty buttcrack!

When you go through times like this in life you have to trust God because He is the ruler of the universe and can see the entire parade, not just the sweaty buttcrack in front of Him. He loves you and is always there watching and protecting you. So, the sweaty buttcrack you are behind is there for a reason. When it is time, God will move you to a place that is more awesome than you could ever imagine. You just have to be patient, keep marching and trust Him because you know that not every day will be a sweaty buttcrack day.

Of course,  Courtney and I were laughing our heads off by the end of the story. A few days went by. I came in tired from a hard day of work and said hello to Courtney. I asked her how her day was. She nonchalantly said, "It was just another sweaty buttcrack day grandma!" Little did she know I had one too!! I hugged her and we both laughed. The "sweaty buttcrack" comment is our inside joke now and oddly enough, it is our reminder that God loves us and is still there, ever present in our lives, even on sweaty buttcrack days.

You might find the term sweaty buttcrack offensive and totally "ungodly" but I do not. I believe that God has the most awesome sense of humor. Why else would He gives us the oil of joy? Courtney has always been my oil of joy and I can think of no one better to march next to on sweaty buttcrack days than her.

I love you more Courtney! 💖😜💖😍💖

The Tiniest Little Angel Named Zoey

February 28, 2006 I met an angel. Her name is Zoey and she's my beautiful granddaughter. I found something I wrote about her on Christmas Eve 2006. This is my edited version of it. The words I wrote then still ring true today. I love you Zoey. You are alive in my heart and I still feel your touch when I see butterflies!

Here is my writing:

The Tiniest Little Angel Named Zoey

by Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

At Thanksgiving dinner in 2005 my son Sedrick announced to us all that he and his now ex-wife were pregnant. Over the course of the next few months our excitement grew. We were not only expecting Sedrick's new baby, but my daughter Alicia was pregnant too. I was the proudest grandma you would know. Sedrick sent me ultrasound pics as he got them and every day at work I would look at the latest one on my computer monitor. I imagined how the baby would look and was so excited, we all were. I prayed for what I called "my little peanut" and my other grandchildren every day as I always do.

Looking back, the day before Zoey was born was rather surreal. Her mom hung out with me all day, which was unusual, but I was happy about it. I remember I kept thinking what an exciting time this was going to be. Two newborns in our lives at once! We talked about the upcoming baby showers and planned and dreamed that day. Little did we know what was about to transpire.

The next morning I got the call to rush to the hospital. This day is now known to me as "the most horribly beautiful day of my life". I will explain why I call it this eventually. As the day wore on family began to arrive and we embarked on this journey. We all prayed that God would intervene and save our little baby. Sedrick was such a wonderful, tender loving man all the way through. He never left her side. Held her, whispered words of encouragement to her, cried with her, wiped her tears. I was in total awe of the man my son had grown up to be.

Time seemed to stand still. The night seemed to last 100 years. We all held out hope that things would change. Then God sent an angel in the form of a nurse to give the devastating news. The baby would be coming and to prepare for the worst. I call this nurse an angel because she handled all of us in an honest yet loving way. She had walked this road many years ago herself and knew exactly the words to say to us.

The kids asked me to take the pictures when Zoey was born. Even though I knew what a daunting task this was, I considered it an honor to do so. I also know that it was God who took the pictures because I could barely see through all the tears. I personally view these pictures as a celebration of the life of the tiniest little Angel I have ever known. The images are seared in my mind's eye forever and Zoey's spirit is etched in my heart for all eternity.

These photographs also represent the love of a family and its ability to pull together and hold each other up when a tragedy such as this strikes. So, please know that these photos were taken out of desperate love for Zoey so her memory will survive.

When Zoey was born she was at 18 weeks gestation. The doctors stood there in amazement that she was even alive when she came out. Her heartbeat was so strong and I know if she could have, she would have stayed here with us. Yet, that was not in God's plan.

I am humbled by the memories I have of the strongest and most beautiful young man I have ever know....my son Sedrick. The loss he endured has been worse that any nightmare I have ever had, yet I have watched him keep trudging forward, sometimes gracefully and sometimes screaming and crying all the way. That is okay with me. Who would not be devastated? No one ever said you had to live gracefully through tragedy; you just have to live in spite of it and live he has.

My favorite photos are two....one is of Sedrick singing Jesus Loves Me to Zoey at her last moment of life. The other is of Zoey grabbing her daddy's finger with her little hand. Tell me there is no life at conception!! I am not buying it. The most beautiful picture of love was given to me in that moment. Someday when my heart can bare it I will paint this picture. Still today, 12 years later, the tears are too heavy to even try.

The saddest thing for me that first Christmas after Zoey was born was not being able to hold her. I miss her more than I know how to say. I can only imagine how her daddy must feel. If I could I would switch places with Zoey so he would not hurt anymore.

We all grieve in our own way, and mine has been in silence with a void deeper than the Grand Canyon. I do not have the ability to "suck it up and move on" nor do I ever desire to be that callous. One cannot walk through this kind of event without being forever changed. I say this because I beg you all to please just love us where we are at and help us ride the waves of emotion when they hit no matter how long ago it was. If we keep pulling together and grieve together, the load we have to bare will not be as heavy.

I myself believe that I will never "get over" Zoey, nor do I want to. In her brief moments Zoey taught me about the most important things in life…..love and family. Zoey declared her love for us all by reaching out and grabbing her daddy's finger; by hearing her daddy sing and by fighting to live 11 minutes. This little, teeny, tiny girl managed to make us all stop our chaotic lives and gather together in a hospital room to witness the miracle that she was.

Zoey taught me not to take people for granted and to cherish each moment because we do not know when it will be our last. I believe that Zoey is still among us in Spirit. She shows herself to me in Courtney's vivid imagination, in the twinkle in Bella's eye, in Kaylee's infectious laughter and in Destiny's tenderness.

As I said before, the day Zoey was born was the most horribly beautiful day of my life. Horrible because I could not fix it, I could not switch places and give her life. Horrible because of the sorrow and pain I have seen my son walk through. Beautiful because I have watched a family lift each other up and weather this storm together. Beautiful because I was blessed to know Zoey and see her mighty spirit in that hospital room that day. Beautiful because Zoey will be in our hearts forever.

So, in case life gets crazy and I forget to post this on February 28th (I am getting older ya know) Happy Early 12th Birthday Zoey! GeGe will never forget you, I will always love you until the end of time.

Reposted for my grandson Mikey

My little grandson Mikey would have been 10 today. Happy birthday in Heaven my sweet lil one ❤🙏❤🙏❤

Thiis is for you...

Ode To Mikey

By Andrea Tadpole Broussard

Born on a stormy sea of silence
His tiny life beyond my grasp
His spirit carried away on angel's wings
With all my hopes and dreams

I never got to see him smile
I never saw his eyes
I never felt his tender touch
Or listened to his cries

Waves of sorrow pulled me down
To horrid depths of grief
I feared I'd never reach the top
Breathe free or find relief

What was his purpose
Why was he here
Why was he meant to be
There had to be a lesson
If I could only see

Then I heard him in the silence
Calling out my name
Rise up, go home and live your life
Walk on amidst the pain

Take care of those I've left behind
Never let them go
Forgive them even if it hurts
And when your pride says no

Hold tight to God
Keep the faith
And then you'll see
That I am always with you 
I am happy
I am free

30 Years Ago

30 Years Ago

By Andrea Broussard

I'm sitting here tonight remembering myself 30 years ago. I was 24 or 25 years old and newly sober in AA. I think I had about a year sober. I was just trying to pull my life together so I could give my son and daughter a decent life.

In the midst of this time a friend of mine and I started a Christian based group locally for anyone to attend, not just alcoholics. It was for anyone who needed help be it addiction, alcoholism, mental or emotional issues, whatever. I was young bouncing all over the place but I managed to help start this group.

After a while I moved on but my friend continued it. It is still going today. I have had many friends and family who have found relief from life's troubles in this group. Through a set of circumstances my son found this group tonight. He's not an alcoholic or addict. Life has just served him a crap load of loss and difficulties including a dibilitating illness. He called me after his first meeting tonight to tell me how awesome it was, how much it helped and how he couldn't wait to go back. I could here the hope back in his voice. It was music to my ears!

I have been praying so hard that God would bring him relief and help. Little did I know 30 years ago that this group would survive and thrive and be here today to help my son.

Once again I stand awe of my Abba Father, my God and my Creator. I am reminded that God is always working way in advance to help us. He always has a plan. He uses us even when we don't realize it to lay the groundwork for others to be helped in the future. I am humbled to think the tiny part I played to start this group is now helping my son. I'm even more grateful to those who kept this group going even after I left. God is so good and mercy endures forever.

Getting Out of Myself

I wrote this for my son, Sedrick today. He's going through a hard time. I didn't want to lose the words so I'm posting them here.

Written: 12/29/17

Getting Out of Myself

By Andrea Broussard

I was thinking about something. When I was 24 years old I had surgery on my left ear. It was supposed to restore hearing in my ear. A one hour surgery turned into eight hours and a dismal failure. My left ear drum fell apart and they put a fake one in. I woke up from surgery with horrid ringing in my ears. My balance and equilibrium were shot. I could take two to three steps before I passed out. It was horrible and scared me to death.

Here I was with two little kids who depended on me. I had just a year sober. I had surgery on spring break from college classes. I couldn't miss class. I stationed folding chairs all around the house and out to the car so I could make it to the car without falling. If i was sitting I was ok. It was only if I was moving that I pass out within a few steps.

You and Alicia helped me. A classmate of mine met me at my car every day to carry a folding chair and help me walk in to class.  It took me all semester to get to where I could walk a long distance without falling. But little by little it got better. At the same time of all this I had to learn to live life with hearing loss and hearing aids. I was scared to death but I kept pushing forward baby step by baby step.

The next semester of college a deaf, black man started class with me. The teacher asked if someone would be is notetaker and lab partner. I remember looking around and not one person volunteered so I did. Here I am about half deaf myself trying to help this man. He was probably forty years old. I learned that he just woke up one day about six months  before to go to work and was completely deaf. It devastated him. He was trying to get retrained to care for his family.

He and I became good friends. He taught me about getting out of myself to help others even when I think I have nothing to give. He put my life in perspective and helped to see all I have to be grateful for. After that semester I never saw him again but I've never forgotten the gift he gave me of learning to get out of myself and help others.

Someday Sedrick when you're better God will put someone in your path to help. I promise you, then you'll understand why you're going through this. I know you can't save the world, no one can. But if you'll pray and ask God to put the person you're to help in your path and be receptive to it that person will come. It might be a family member or a random stranger. The help you give might be an encouraging post on facebook, a bended knee in prayer with someone or a fellow lupus sufferer who just needs to talk to someone who understands. See, I was the only one that could help that deaf man so long ago. When I was busy getting out of myself to help Him, God was working out my problems. Just ask God to show you what to do. He will. ❤

I guess I'm trying to tell you that God has a plan and a reason for this. I promise you, you will get through this. If I can make it through all the hell I've been through and still have a spark of hope in me you can too. I love you Sedrick!

Sebastian

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

I have an orange, tiger cat named Sebastian. I succumbed to the pleadings of my granddaughter Destiny one day about 8 years ago and adopted him from our local Petsmart. At the time, I really did not want another cat but I could not say no to my granddaughter's big brown eyes. Sebastian should have been named Garfield because he is natured alot like that cartoon character. Everything is done on his terms and in his own time most days. He is however very attentive to me if I am sick or heartbroken. In times of trouble he never leaves my side. But, like I said on most normal days he is independent. He comes up for a pet one minute and turns surrly the next. He and I have a love-hate relationship the majority of the time.

Before I go any further I must explain that I believe animals have spirits and God puts them in our lives for a reason. I have had dogs, cats and birds who taught me lessons over the years when I slowed down and paid attention. Sebastian is no exception to this.

Sebastian has always had one ritual with me. I take a bath almost every night. He has to be in the bathroom with me when I bathe and often pushes his way in. I have learned to accept this as part of my bedtime ritual. Every night, there I am in the bathroom doing my stuff with Sebastian staring intently at me. I often wonder he is thinking but I guess it is better I do not know.

Tonight was nothing different. I went in to brush my teeth and run my bath water. I looked over and there was Sebastian straddling the open toilet about to fall in the water. He looked like he was hanging on for dear life. I reached over to help and he hissed at me as if he did not want or need my help. Just as he was about to fall in the water I grabbed him real fast, closed the lid and sat him back down. I finished brushing my teeth and got in the tub. He calmed down and just sat there staring at me like he always does.

While I was soaking I started thinking about how similar I am to Sebastian. I pray for God's help every day, but live my life as if I do not need Him. Even when He is there trying to tell me that I am going to fall in the water and help me, I push Him away like a stubborn old cat. Yet, He is always there to grab me before I fall in. If I would just trust Him in the first place I would save myself alot of heartache most of the time. Still, here I am a "Doubting Thomas" even though the touch of His hand is so apparent in my life.

I am so grateful that God never gives up on me and always finds ways to get my attention. He even uses a cat I never wanted, but really secretly love to teach me spiritual lessons. His grace and mercy is undeserved yet absolutely beautiful to me. I am once again in awe of my Creator.

Prayer for My Children

I always worry that people will think I'm a religious nut if they know how I pray but tonight I don't care. My family is under attack and so this is my war room prayer right now...

Prayer for My Children

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

Father God, I come to you tonight and I ask you to wrap Alicia up in your arms and give her rest and peace. I pray that you touch her and heal her from top of her head to the soles of her feet. I rebuke this sickness that is plaguing her and I plead the blood of Jesus over her. I speak complete healing into her body right now. I command, in your name that her kidneys and heart and whatever else is wrong line up with your word that says by your stripes she is healed.

Lord, I lift Sedrick and Victioria up to you. Lord, I know their hearts are aching and mine aches for them. Father God, I know how much they long for a child and I know losing these 3 pregnancies has crushed them. Father, I don't have the answers as to why this is happening. All I know is you are faithful to us all and our hope is in you. I ask you Lord to give them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning and garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness. Lord, please quiet their minds and give them peace in the midst of their grief. Please continue to carry Victoria during the physical loss she is going through right now. Please give her peace and strength. God I know their babies are in Heaven with you. It's just so hard when Heaven so close yet so far away.

Lord, I bring Sedrick to you and I speak healing and peace into his tired body. Lord, please give him strength. I rebuke this anxiety and insomnia that tortures him in the name of Jesus. I speak calm and rest into his spirit and mind. Show him that you are there and have him and his family in the palm of your hands. Give him faith and serenity in the middle of the storm. Light the Holy Ghost fire in him again and give him more songs to sing for you.

Father God I rebuke the spirit of fear that seems to plague us all. I pray that you would give us stability and security that comes from knowing that you'll never leave us or forsake us. Lord, I ask you to shut the mouths of those who would speak negativity into our lives and try to tear us down. Remove the bullies from our lives. Bring us all the agape love you taught us while here on earth even though we don't deserve it. Help us to treat others with that same love too.

Father God, I believe and know that my prayers go on for eternity. They don't just hit the ceiling and bounce back. The prayers my grandmother prayed for me so many years ago got me sober and keep me sober today. So, I pray in faith now for my children and grandchildren and generations to come. I call down a legion of angels to surround and guard and protect my children, their children and those to come. I rebuke the evil one who is trying to destroy them in the name of Jesus. I pray that the Holy Spirit will reach out and touch my children and give them discernment so they know which way to go in life.

Lord, I have faith in you and know you hear the prayers of this lowly mother who loves her children with all that I am. I know you answer prayers because I'm living proof. Please, protect and bless my children, grandchildren and those to come. Give them peace, health and prosperity. Make a way when it looks like there is none. Guide them and shelter them all the days of their lives, long after I'm gone.

I pray this in the holy, blessed name of my savior and brother and your son Jesus.

Amen

God's Love

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

The first morning after my granddaughter Destiny was born I picked her up to put a clean diaper on her naked butt. She peed and pooped all over my lap and puked in my face. I looked at her and said, "So this is how its going to be huh?" I swear, she gave me the orneriest grin. I have been in love with her ever since. I believe a mother's love and a grandmother's love for her children is the closest one ever gets to the unconditional love God has for us. It barely scratches the surface of the immense love He has for us. No matter what messes we make in life, no matter how horrible we are to God, He is always there and loves us no matter what. The minute we run back to Him He is there to clean us up and change our clothes. What a beautiful love!

Love You More

Love You More

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

10/10/17

I have been thinking about the ways in which I try to treat the ones I love the most as special to me, in particular my husband and family. One thing I do is I always say "love you more" to them. To me the words "love you more" aren't a meaningless cliche to be used on anyone and everyone. I don't say these words to anyone else, only my husband and family because I love them the deepest and more than anyone else in this world. I thought those I love did the same. It really hurts to know that they don't. I thought I was special to them and they loved me more too.

My Dreams

My husband Andre texted this to me today 9/24/17 and I don't want to lose it so I'm posting it to my blog. His words are precious to me!!!! ❤❤😍😍😍

My Dreams

By Andre Broussard

Sometimes I don't tell you about all my dreams. Well every night I used to have the same one.They stopped a few years ago. I used to wake up all upset because it was just that, a dream. My life was all about going to sleep to dream those dreams. Again and again I would just wake up to the dream. Not long ago while asleep I realized those dreams was long gone. It's hard for me to see and say how I feel at times. But the easy part is looking at dreams and reality. I realize now looking at reality you was many dreams come true! I would do anything to make this dream last the rest of my life. Each day I realize I don't miss those dreams. I live with it while I am awake. No longer is it a dream, it is the love of my life!!! I Love You So MUCH MORE!

Worth Sharing Again

I wrote this on 9/17/16 so its been 5 years now. It's worth sharing again...

For My Sweet Andre

By Andrea Tadpole Broussard

It's11:51pm on September 16th, 2016. Before the clock strikes midnight I want to say that 4 years ago today I met my sweet Andre. He is the most loving and caring man. I am truly blessed to call him my husband today. He and I have a good life together.

We both have gone through hell in the past and by God's grace come out the other side. We understand that about each other. Life isn't always a nice pretty picture. Quite often it's a big mess. Yet, even in the hardest times Andre and I have always ended the day together in each other's arms. He's not perfect and neither am I. Yet, we are perfectly imperfect together.

Andre is my gentle giant, my soft landing when the hard, old world knocks me down. He's my safe place where I feel loved and protected. He has renewed in me the belief that there is still good in the world. He has done this by the way he treats people. He's the most kind hearted man one could ever meet. He's always willing to help out a friend. He takes care of his family and now mine too in different ways that most people never hear about.

Andre has learned to live with my hearing impairment and always supports me in dealing with it. He never has belittled me when he has to repeat something for the fifth or sixth time. He just deals with it. This may not mean much to those of you who can hear, but to me it means the world. I trust him with my life.

Andre is a good man. He makes me want to be a better person. I am blessed to have him by my side and honored to be his wife. I love you more my sweet Andre! <3

5 Years Ago Today

5 Years Ago Today

By Andrea Tadpole Broussard

I wrote this for my husband Andre today, 9/16/17

Andre,

I was going to buy you a card but I decided since you keep texts and emails maybe you'd read it this way more. So, I sent it to both.

5 years ago today on 9/16/12 you messaged me on OKCupid and I met you face to face on 9/17/12. So began our journey through life together. You are the most awesome man in the world and you have made me the proudest woman in the world. Life is not perfect and we have had our share of struggles. Yet, our love for eachother has carried us through...the greatest of these is love.

The day I met you, you captivated me with your smile. I saw your heart in your eyes and I fell in love with you. I have been head or heels for you ever since.

Like you said in your vows to me the day you gave me the sacred honor of being your wife..."We aren’t promised tomorrow but I have the joy of loving you today.”

I love you MORE my sweet Andre and I always will.

❤❤❤ Andrea ❤❤❤

P.S. This is my favorite recent picture of us because we made an awesome memory together that day. May we make many more!! 😍😍😍

A Lesson In Faith

By Andrea Tadpole Broussard

August 14, 2017

I have been meaning to share this story for the past few days. I just now have taken the time to do it.

I have a friend who is on my Facebook. Over the past couple years she has been caring for her sister who had some major health issues happen that left her an invalid with a feeding tube, unable to move, etc. My friend has done nothing but work and care for her sister, all while dealing with heart problems herself. She has a pacemaker and defibrillator.

About a month ago I shared a link to her Gofundme because she is on the verge of losing everything. Right after I posted the link a friend in Florida messaged me and asked if she could send something to me for her. I said sure and forgot about it.

About a week later my friend had issues with her heart and her doctor pulled her off work until two days ago. This sent her into an even worse financial tail spin and last week her sister's insurance was cancelled unexpectedly. 

My friend got on Facebook over the past few weeks and posted about it all. She was of course in a huge panic. All along I have been praying. This past Friday she posted that another friend who knew someone somehow got her sister's insurance reinstated, the errors corrected and paid in full. She also said that she could start back to work Saturday but did not know what she was going to do about gas money to get through the next two weeks.

Saturday, a check for $100 came in the mail from my friend in Florida. I had forgotten all about our conversation a month ago and she is not friends with my other friend on Facebook so had no idea what had been going on. I was able to meet my friend at her work Saturday and give her the money and tell her this story. 

I was blown away. Here God was working on my friend's behalf a month ago to help her now! I always tell people God will make a way but sometimes I do not really believe it for myself. Life drives us all crazy at times. There are so many unknowns and curveballs thrown at us. Here I am, the epitomy of Doubting Thomas having to poke my finger in the Lord's side every day to make sure He is still real. He understands that about me and still lets me poke His side every day.

He allowed me to learn this lesson in faith to remind me that He is always working on a plan, even in advance, to take care of us in spite of our humaness and doubt. I am forever grateful.

31 Years Sober

I wrote this last year when I had 30 years sober. Today is my 31st sober birthday. These words still ring true today. I could not make it without the love and grace of God and my friends and family, especially my husband Andre, my dad and mom, my children and grandchildren. I love you all!!

30 Years

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

As I sit here watching the fireworks go off above our nation's capitol on TV, tears well up in my eyes. Thoughts of many July 4ths gone by flood my mind. I think of July 4, 1986 when I was in the grips of alcoholism and addiction. I think of that lost, young woman who had no hope. Then the hand of God, through angels here on earth showed me a path to get well and my life has never been the same.

I am humbled that through all the good, bad and ugly of life I have stayed clean and sober. I have not worked a perfect program but I have kept my faith in God despite how things looked.

I have been given the gift of raising my children when I should have been dead. I have seen them grow to adulthood and they are my pride and joy. I have 4 beautiful granddaughters who are the lights of my life.

God has restored my relationship with my parents. They have stood by me through it all and loved me even when I was unlovable. I am so blessed to have them.

I have had many friends along the way. Some have stayed and some have moved on. Others have come back. A few phenomenal women have been my mentor, sponser and friend too. They have talked me off the ledge many times over the years. I owe them my life.

A few years ago God blessed me with an awesome man, now my husband, André. He always keeps me grounded and reminds that world is not a horrible place. He makes me feel special and brings me joy. I prayed for a man like him and gave up finding him a long time ago. God has a sense of humor. When I quit looking, there he was. What a beautiful gift he is!

Today I sit here at peace and happy. If you knew me 30 years ago, you understand what a miracle I am. I am not bragging, just letting you know God is awesome.

Assuming I make to midnight tonight and the calendar flips to July 5, 2016, I will celebrate 30 years of sobriety. I am so completely blown away by that thought. I am not a guru. I do not have a secret potion. I just was blessed with awesome friends who I met through Bill W. They taught me a way of life through the 12 steps. You all know who you are and I am forever grateful to you for giving your recovery to me.

Most of all I thank my Higher Power, who I choose to call God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Without my God I would have died long ago. His grace and mercy amazing. I continue to stand in awe of Him.

My Thoughts on the Virginia Shooting at Baseball Practice on 6/14/17

Today's tragedy in Virginia is heartbreaking to me. This is an outward manifestation of the horrible division in our great nation today. I have friends and family of all political beliefs and some with none. I have friends and family of all races, creeds, religions, sexualities, etc. I love these people despite the fact that we might not see things the same way and even disagree at times. We ALL have one thing in common...WE ARE AMERICANS. It is time for the vicious hatred and division in our nation to stop. We have got to unify and remember it's okay to agree to disagree without turning to hateful rhetoric, character assassination and other mean spirited things. All of these kind of actions serve no good, certainly provide no solutions,  continue to fuel the fire of anger in our country and result in sickening days like today. Please stop the hatred and division in your own lives as I am in mine. If we each do this we will find peace and unity again.

If anyone turns my posted into a venue for more political crap to be spewed your comments will be deleted.

PLEASE PRAY WITH ME FOR PEACE AND UNITY IN OUR NATION.

This song is appropriate today...
https://youtu.be/A29S6cn0nig

Easter 2017

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

Please understand, my comments are not directed at anyone in particular, just what I have seen in my life. If church works for you, go for it. I am just sharing my thoughts.

I have never been one to celebrate Easter very much. By that I mean that I have never cared for the commercialized version of Easter bunnies, eggs, baskets, etc. I did do the obligatory Easter baskets, eggs and hunts with the kids when they were growing up. I just never cared for the hoopla that surrounds it.

I find it repulsive that many people go to church every Sunday and praise God. They put on nice clothes and act the part during the service only to go home and back to the lies they live. Most would spit on a homeless person before they would help them. They will tell someone who is going through a hard time personally or financially to "hang in there I am praying for you" yet offer no real help. Most churches will not open up their doors to the hopeless unless it looks good publicly for them. Most pastors care more about those that tithe the most than helping those that really need it. I know that every church is not this way but sadly, the majority are. Churches for the most part have become a social club where people compare their net worth, homes and cars and Jesus is a pesky side item. This is why I do not go to church very often.

I have never been one who can act fake and my life has fallen apart more than it has been together. So, I never did fit in with the white washed tombs seated in the pews. I know if Jesus were walking the earth today He would turn tables in most places we call church. The churches have lost sight of who they supposedly worship. I quit church in order to hang on to my relationship with Jesus. Sorry if it does not make sense to anyone but it does to me.

See, Jesus is not about a bunch of rules and regulations.  He does not care where I live, what car I drive, how much money I make, who I hang out with, whether I cuss in traffic, or any of that kind of stuff. He loves me unconditionally. He loved me just as much when I was face down in my puke drunk as He does today with over 30 years of sobriety. Jesus loves me because of who He is, not because of how good I can get. That is His amazing grace.

Jesus is simply love, unconditional love. If it were not for His unconditional love I would have died many years ago. I would have missed the life I have lived and have now. It has not been perfect but even in the midst of my deepest sorrows I have seen His hand working and felt His touch. It came from angels in disguise around me.

So, I am pausing for a moment today to acknowledge that Jesus, the One I found on my knees at foot of my bed on the most terrifying night of my life over 30 years ago, is still alive. He's alive in my heart and ever present in the angels in disguise around me. This is what Easter is to me.

More Thoughts On Prayer

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

I believe that all the prayers my loved ones have said, all the ones I have said and still say are still going and never stop. They continue forever. Same energy that is in the universe...from our lips to God's ears.

Insomnia

Written in 2010

by Andrea Tadpole

Late at night
Trying to sleep
Mind running crazy

Too many worries
Too much to remember
Too much to forget

Feel so overwhelmed
Feel so alone
When will the hard times end

Happiness eludes me
Sorrow engulfs me
Too much loss
Too much pain

Is God real or is it all a sham

Don't know
Don't care

Just wanna sleep

Prayer

by Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

I wrote this today in response to a discussion about prayer and whether it works or not. Don't want to lose it so I'm posting it here:

I can waste my life mind f#cking myself over which came first, the chicken or the egg and miss out on the beauty in life. That's not to say that life is always easy. Frankly, most of the time life is a shit sandwich that I have to choke down and the good stuff makes it worth it. For years before I got sober my grandmother, Mary...may she RIP always told me, "Andi I'm praying for you and some day you're going to get help!" Every time she said that I cringed because I wanted to die. I hated life and everyone in it. On 7/5/86 I got sober. I look back and can see the hand of God was working all the way through to make me willing to get help. I know without a shadow of a doubt that my grandmother's prayers kept me alive and got me sober. So, I'm not going to waste my life over analyzing God and spiritual things. I just accept it and believe. Thank God for my grandmother!

The Roller Coaster

Today, February 14, 2017 my husband Andre and I are celebrating our second wedding anniversary. Andre wrote this for me on February 7, 2017. I did not want to lose it so I am posting it here. I feel so blessed to have this man in my life. <3

The Roller Coaster

By Andre Broussard

Life is a roller coaster. We all have our ups and downs. We all HOPE someday to make it to the top of this roller coaster. At the top comes nothing but the same each day that goes away. It's always good. But FAITH is something that happens in the middle of this roller coaster. We go from good to bad with each day. At times even seem we are on top. Then other times it feels we are at the very bottom. It's then we see the very bad in life. Nothing around us is good. We see all the ugly. Then comes LOVE. Love is giving and receiving. It comes from GOD through others. The people we love and support. This part of the roller coaster is the strongest. Nothing bad can overcome us when we are this strong. At the  top we are very scared, at the bottom we feel very feel safe.Why put love on the bottom? The answer is easy, it is strong enough to carry us to the top again. In life we all have choices Hope, Faith and Love. With all that said my choice with everything is to love and support you until I die. I think this is where GOD put me. I am so sorry we are on this roller coaster. But I'm so very happy that I'm on it with you.

Four Years Ago

By Andrea Broussard

It's11:51pm on September 16th, 2016. Before the clock strikes midnight I want to say that 4 years ago today I met my sweet Andre. He is the most loving and caring man. I am truly blessed to call him my husband today. He and I have a good life together.

We both have gone through hell in the past and by God's grace come out the other side. We understand that about each other. Life isn't always a nice pretty picture. Quite often it's a big mess. Yet, even in the hardest times Andre and I have always ended the day together in each other's arms. He's not perfect and neither am I. Yet, we are perfectly imperfect together.

Andre is my gentle giant, my soft landing when the hard, old world knocks me down. He's my safe place where I feel loved and protected. He has renewed in me the belief that there is still good in the world. He has done this by the way he treats people. He's the most kind hearted man one could ever meet. He's always willing to help out a friend. He takes care of his family and now mine too in different ways that most people never hear about.

Andre has learned to live with my hearing impairment and always supports me in dealing with it. He never has belittled me when he has to repeat something for the fifth or sixth time. He just deals with it. This may not mean much to those of you who can hear, but to me it means the world. I trust him with my life.

Andre is a good man. He makes me want to be a better person. I am blessed to have him by my side and honored to be his wife. I love you more my sweet Andre! <3

Words for My Son on 7/9/14

I wrote this to my son on 7/9/14 in response to something he posted on Facebook. Times have changed and they keep getting better. Love you Sedrick!

From one broken hearted retread to another...stop over thinking things ;-) oh and if your so called husband or wife turns out to be a lying cheating whore (yes men are whores too) I don't think God expects us to stay with them. I get so dam sick and tired of the white washed tomb know it all "Christians" in this world telling everyone else how to live. Take the telephone pole out of your own eye before you point out the splinter in someone else's.

It's more important to love and seek GOD not church. If God is first and we take care of ourselves and stop trying to fill the void with a mate then the right one comes along. It took me 3 divorces and too many years living with another guy to figure that out. Relationships take lots of work on BOTH sides even when they're good. But when two people who have never taken the time to be alone and have a life and heal old wounds before jumping to another one its bound to end in heartache and its a recipe for failure.

Sedrick Zelsnack you're an awesome man. Take time to take care of you. Be kind and gentle to yourself. Seek God. Enjoy life. Get to know yourself and what you really like and dislike. When you do that it won't matter if your in a relationship or not. It won't matter if your two exes are the biggest bitches in the world. You'll be able to let roll off you because you'll understand finally that it's not about you at all. It's about them. They are being bitches because they realized what dumbasses they are. They had it made with you and tore it all down on themselves. Their loss.

Then, finally when you least expect it God will bring the one for you when you're not looking anymore. He did for me and I honestly thought I would never be with anyone again.

My comment has nothing to do with anything posted before me. Just sharing my heart with you son. I love you!

Posted 3 Years Ago on Facebook

I'm sitting here at Cecil's Tire waiting to get a flat fixed. I stumbled on this memory on Facebook. I still am deeply, madly in love with this man who I now call my husband  <3

Posted on 7/15/13 on Facebook

Andre and I have been together for 10 months now. He is the kind of man I always dreamed of but feared I'd never find. He's not perfect and neither am I. I don't think either of us were looking for perfection. We were looking for the kind of love that stands the test of time. The kind of love that's built on mutual trust and respect with that special "chemistry" and passion that keeps life fun even in hard times. I waited to announce our relationship on Facebook until we were both sure about us and where we are going. Andre and I went to Florida for vacation together last month and we both agree that this trip is what sealed the deal for us. Andre and I "officially" moved in together last week. I'm the happiest woman in the world!

Andre, I love you with all my heart! I wrote this for you:

My Man
by Andrea Tadpole

My man
Found me
Deep in the night
Like an angel
Brought me
Back to life

When we met
His eyes twinkled
With pure delight
His smile
Illuminated me
At first sight

I fell fast and hard
From the very start
Yet he was there
To catch me
He captured
My heart

Dark brown skin
Smooth as silk
Honey sweet kisses
That make me melt
He has a way of
Touching me
In places
No one else
Has ever felt

Strong and protective
Yet soft and tender
Its finally safe
I can surrender
To the love
We share
To this man
My man
Now
Forever

My Wonderful Husband

Moments like this make me proud to be Andre's wife. He is mowing the yard for neighbor whose husband died a couple of days ago. Such a beautiful act of kindness. He said the last thing they need to worry about is the yard. I'm so blessed to call this man, whose heart is so beautiful, my husband. <3

Thirty Years

As I sit here watching the fireworks go off above our nation's capitol on TV, tears well up in my eyes. Thoughts of many July 4ths gone by flood my mind. I think of July 4, 1986 when I was in the grips of alcoholism and addiction. I think of that lost, young woman who had no hope. Then the hand of God, through angels here on earth showed me a path to get well and my life has never been the same.

I am humbled that through all the good, bad and ugly of life I have stayed clean and sober. I have not worked a perfect program but I have kept my faith in God despite how things looked.

I have been given the gift of raising my children when I should have been dead. I have seen them grow to adulthood and they are my pride and joy. I have 4 beautiful granddaughters who are the lights of my life.

God has restored my relationship with my parents. They have stood by me through it all and loved me even when I was unlovable. I am so blessed to have them.

I have had many friends along the way. Some have stayed and some have moved on. Others have come back. A few phenomenal women have been my mentor, sponser and friend too. They have talked me off the ledge many times over the years. I owe them my life.

A few years ago God blessed me with an awesome man, now my husband, André. He always keeps me grounded and reminds that world is not a horrible place. He makes me feel special and brings me joy. I prayed for a man like him and gave up finding him a long time ago. God has a sense of humor. When I quit looking, there he was. What a beautiful gift he is!

Today I sit here at peace and happy. If you knew me 30 years ago, you understand what a miracle I am. I am not bragging, just letting you know God is awesome.

Assuming I make to midnight tonight and the calendar flips to July 5, 2016, I will celebrate 30 years of sobriety. I am so completely blown away by that thought. I am not a guru. I do not have a secret potion. I just was blessed with awesome friends who I met through Bill W. They taught me a way of life through the 12 steps. You all know who you are and I am forever grateful to you for giving your recovery to me.

Most of all I thank my Higher Power, who I choose to call God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Without my God I would have died long ago. His grace and mercy amazing. I continue to stand in awe of Him.

Today 7/3/16

Today 7/3/16

Over the past few months several people I know have lost loved ones. Two of them were women whose husbands died unexpectedly. Today, I found out that my next door neighbor's husband dropped dead yesterday playing basketball, from most likely a heart attack.

These couples are close in age to me and Andre. This wasn't supposed to happen, yet it did. I have watched two of these women walk day-by-day through grief. They have shown such grace in such devastating times.

With this going on around me it reminds me to cherish my family and friends even more. I'm so blessed with the people I have in my life. My son and his wife, my daughter, my grandchildren, my parents and the few people I call friends mean the world to me.

Then there is my husband Andre who walks through life with me every day. He is my rock and the greatest joy of my life. I could not imagine life without him. He wrote in his wedding vows to me: "I am not promised tomorrow, but thank God I have you today."  Those words ring loud and clear to me tonight.

Make sure and take the time to show the ones you love how much you care. You never know when you won't have the chance again.

RIP Jim Conley :'(