I Cry

I Cry

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard 

5/2/24

Yes, I cry! I cry all the time when I am alone because the crater in my broken heart from missing my dad so bad most days makes it hurt to breathe. I cry because my own personal life is a train wreck, and there is nothing I can do to fix it. I cry because I am so fucking tired from hospitals and ubering 10 to 12 hours a day for 3 months to barely scrape by. I cry because now I am trying to learn a new job fast, take care of my sick husband and wash my laundry in my bathtub because I cannot afford to hire a plumber to screw me over and fix my backed up laundry drain. I cry because I do not have the money to plant flowers this year. Oh...the list of reasons why I cry goes on ad nauseum. 

Frankly, if I did not allow myself to cry, I would probably end it all sometimes. I AM NOT SUICIDAL AT ALL. But, if I am too proud to fall apart and cry and pray and ask God for help, then I lose hope, and when I lose hope there is no will to live. 

The last thing I will say about crying is this. I cried tears of joy when my little twin great-granddaughters left town the other day. They were happy tears because I know that my Daddy knew them before us and he told me they were beautiful. I just did not have any idea how absolutely gorgeous they really were until I got to spend a few crazy days with them. That was a gift I did not earn and I was so blessed with it. 

I cried tears of joy the other night after the party with my little family. The only thing that would have made it perfect was if Alicia, Chris and Courtney were with us too. We celebrated Kaylee's 18th Gotcha Day, the birth of the twins and Bella's soon coming graduation. We did not have anything fancy, just a crappy old folding table and paper plates. We ate hot dogs and chips. Yet, my home was filled with laughter, something that I miss every day. That time was the oil of joy to my broken soul. 

We do not know when the last time will be that we see each other, life is too short. We have lost loved ones before the pandemic and so many during and after. That should have taught us all that life is a precious gift to be honored and treasured; and to love each other as much as we can while we still have each other.

It is just like God to keep allowing my little family to grow. Here we are with new little twins, Julianna will be here soon, Sedrick and Victoria's new baby will be here too. Michael keeps getting smarter and smarter every day...and life goes on. But for a few brief moments, I got to enjoy my family, and for that I am so truly grateful. 

So yeah I cry. I cry all the time. I'm crying writing this now.

I will always love you guys more! 💜

Oreos and Milk

Oreos and Milk

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard 

4/20/2024

I never thought that Oreos and milk would mean so much to me. It was the last thing I ate with my Dad. I remember, right before he lost his voice a few days before he died, I called him before I went to see him and asked him what he wanted to eat. I told him it did not matter as long as he would just eat something. He asked me to bring him Oreos and milk. So, I would have turned the Earth upside down to find them for him. We sat and watched some TV show together and dunked our Oreos in the milk. We laughed like two kids playing together. No words, just enjoying eating Oreos and milk together. Our young spirits intertwined in the present moment. It is one of the sweetest and most sacredly beautiful memories I have of the two of us alone together. It was just all about love and spending a few stolen moments eating Oreos and milk together. Moments that I will hold in my heart forever. I love you Daddy! 💜

Just need a little help...

Donate to help after medical emergency

Faith

My husband Andre has been very sick for several months. He has gotten weaker and weaker to the point of pretty much bedridden. It has been very difficult to watch the man I so deeply love disintegrate right before my eyes. 

All of this culminated into major surgery yesterday. After the surgery I spoke to the surgeon. The news devastated me because the extent of damage was much worse and recovery is much longer than originally anticipated. 

I wrote the following message to our family about it all. After sending the message to everyone and saying a prayer, his condition improved greatly. I believe in faith in God and the power of prayer. Here is what I wrote.

Faith

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard 

4/2/24

I wish I could tell you I am ok, but I am not. I have a million details running through my head right now. How am I going to do this? How am I going to do that? What about medical equipment, etc., ad nauseum. 

I always choose a word of intention for the week, one word to focus on all week. My word this week was FAITH. 

Right now, I do not feel like I have much faith. Yet, all God needs is something even as tiny as a cell in my body. I have that. My whole life, when all is falling down around me and it looks hopeless, I take that tiny little cell of faith and focus on Jesus.

It is times like these that God shows His greatest mercy and love. If God can part the Red Sea, if Jesus can heal a woman who merely touched His robe in a crowd, if He can heal a paralyzed man lowered in from a roof or make a blind man see; then He can heal Andre. 

Just please pray that God gives me and Andre strength to get through the days ahead. 

Please ask God to protect my heart from any anger thrown my way. I will not lie. My heart is breaking, and I am scared. 

Yet, in the midst of it all, one little song still trips through my head:

Jesus loves me this, I know...

And that's all I need to know.

I love each of you very much!!

My Thoughts On Life's Path

This was recorded by Andrea Tadpole-Broussard on Saturday, February 24, 2024.

My Thoughts On Life's Path

Am I Becoming a Crow?

Am I Becoming a Crow?

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

2/12/24

Those of you who know me know that I am always looking for signs and symbols around me. I believe they are messages from the other side, aka Heaven. I am always finding coins. Today was no different. I found a quarter and a penny. For some reason, coins always remind me of my Dad. I also found a tiny cross with a beautiful red gem in it. I do not think it is worth anything. It is just pretty to me. My first thought when I saw it was that it would go on my altar that I will start creating soon. I had already asked God to send me the things that belonged on it. So, this is the first one.

Later, as I was sweeping up leaves I went to an area I rarely sweep. There was this beautiful reflection of a rainbow on the concrete. I immediately thought of God’s promises and could have sworn He was standing right there. I clearly heard Him say, “Andrea, do not worry. I got you in my hands. I promised to always take care of you and I do not break my promises.” I stood there for a moment and let God’s comfort and peace wash over me. Then I kept sweeping.

As I swept, I was thinking about symbols and signs I see all the time. My mind went to the crow. I know it is my spirit animal, in fact all birds are. They always have been. However, the crow is extra special to me because it is my connection to my Dad in the spirit. I beckons to me.

I kept cleaning as my mind wandered. I remembered a story I read about how crows like to collect shiny objects. I realized that is exactly what I do. The question arose in my heart, “Am I becoming a crow?” I do not mean physically, I am talking metaphorically.

This question started an inner dialog with myself. Yes, I do have conversations with myself and God. I do not have a problem with that. People who do not do that are the abnormal ones. Not me. So, I began to think about all the birds that have crossed my path throughout my spiritual journey in life. Of them, the ones I have felt most drawn to are pigeons and especially crows since my Dad transitioned to the other side.

Crows have always been seen by most people as the lowest and most worthless birds. They are seen as a nuisance. I mean, farmers do have scarecrows after all. They are not wanted and do not fit in wherever they go. Yet, they are highly intelligent and excellent problem solvers. They are also known to be collectors of random things, especially if they are shiny.

My mind drifted to how my Dad used to tell me that he grew up without a bed and slept in the floor most nights. I remember when I was a little girl one time  he took me to see the home he was raised in. It had dirt floors, maybe two rooms and no running water or plumbing. His parents were very poor. My Dad told me he was treated as worthless as a child and felt like he never fit in. Yet,  just like the crow, he was highly intelligent and a great problem solver.

As an adult he worked hard. He served in the Navy and got an education. He always provided for us and we always had a bed to sleep in. When my Dad transitioned to the other side and we started going through his stuff, I found collections of random things many of them shiny, much like what I imagine crows collect. I kept some of them because just like my Dad and the crow, I have always been a collector.

Back to the question that I asked myself, “Am I becoming a crow?” I certainly hope I am! The spirit of a crow is just like my Dad’s; fiesty, stubborn, flamboyant with a sense of humor that will make you laugh so hard your sides ache. Yet, they both love their family and life’s misfits with a passion that never dies.

So, today, I will continue to be the crow and collect the shiny things. I will keep looking for signs and symbols from the other side. For, it is in these messages from Heaven that my eyes are open to the beauty that I can only see with my heart. It is where hope springs eternally and where love lives forever.

Tribute for My Father - 2 Years

Tribute for My Father - 2 Years

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard 

2/11/24

It took me a little while to get this done. My voice isn't too good and I didn't feel like putting makeup on. So, here I am raw and real remembering my Daddy. 💜💜💜

Tribute to My Father - 2 Years

My Jesus

My Jesus

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard 

2/11/24

I read a post today that got my brain whirling. Instead of answering directly on the page I read it on I decided to write my own thing. So here goes...

I did not find my Jesus in a church, although I attended them almost every Sunday for most of my childhood. I know the Bible and could wow everybody with everything that was crammed in my head as a child and things that I have learned when I have seriously studied it as an adult. Yet, honestly, I see no point in doing that. Just because one can spout the Bible does not mean they are a Christian. I read a saying once that said, "Sitting in a church pew does not make someone a Christian anymore than sitting in a garage turns someone into a car." That is how I tend to think about it.

Before what I call my "rebirth day" aka my sobriety date, I was saved and baptized every time I told a lie, committed some kind of weird sin or whatever other gloom and doom the pastor was preaching about that Sunday. I wore the aisles out going down to get saved again. Yet, the pews were filled with the biggest bigots in the world in most of the churches I attended. 

For me, the worst place to find unconditional love was in a church. People in most churches kicked their wounded, instead of loving them and picking them back up when they fell. That is just me and my experience. Other people love church or what I call organized religion, and I am all for it...for you. It just does not work for me. 

Most whitewashed tombs AKA churches in our nation and cities today, especially in Tulsa, would not recognize my Jesus if He sat down next to them. They would probably throw Him out. I am sure He would turn the tables in the temple on His way out because of the way they have perverted and made a mockery of the message of love He tried to teach us.

When I finally truly found my Jesus, I was in my bedroom floor sobbing, wanting to end my life. I just wanted to find a way to stay sober and clean. I cried out to my Jesus, and He came to me, right there in my bedroom floor. I was 23 years old. I have been sober since that day. When I was about 30 years old, I had a near death experience. Yet again, my Jesus came to me. I have no doubt in the existence of my Jesus and the love He has for all of us. We are the ones that shut Him out. He is always there, waiting for us to let Him back in.

Do I live a perfect life? Absolutely not! Most days, I am a bull in a China closet, bumbling through life and breaking everything I touch. I am socially awkward and keep my circle small, mainly because I suck at peopling. Hell, one minute I can be driving down the road praying and singing praise and worship music, and the next, some idiot cuts me off, and I am cussing at them and flipping them off.

I am who I am. Most days, I fail greatly at the principles and values my Jesus taught me and that I aspire to. I am so grateful that my Jesus knows everything about me; good, bad, and ugly and loves me anyway. That is because His love for me is not about me at all. It is about Him and the unconditional grace and mercy He has for me and all of us. For too many years in my life, I tried to get good enough to come to my Jesus. At 23 years old, on my face sobbing in my bedroom floor, I finally realized it never mattered how good I was. He loved me face down in my puke, drunk just as much as He does with over 37 years of sobriety today. It is all about His unconditional love. It is always there. It is up to me to allow it into my heart and life.

When I was about 13 or 14 years old, my parents decided that I needed to attend a Bible study with them about Revelations and the end times. We went every week for the longest time. I absolutely hated doing that because the man who taught it made me afraid. The things he taught, made me feel like I had to dance on the head of a pin, or be careful not to step on a crack, or do something else wrong so that I did not screw up somehow and miss the "rapture." I carried all the things this man told and all the horrible pictures he painted around in my mind for years. That was part of the reason why I kept going up and down the aisles of churches trying to get saved. I was scared to death that I would be left behind!

After I got sober, for the first time in my life, I realized that it was okay if I had my own conception of God, my Jesus, or a Higher Power. Also, my relationship with my Higher Power was and still is very sacred and personal to me. It is not anyone else's business and is not up for judgment from anyone. For me, if I do not have a relationship with a Higher Power, I am going to die because I will drink again. And, for me to drink is to die. So, I am very protective of my relationship with my Jesus today.

Over the last 37 years in my journey of sobriety, I have studied every religion I can get my hands on. I have studied all kinds of spiritual paths. I have studied the Bible intensely. I have learned the history of religions, my Jesus, the writings, and various translations of the Bible, you name it. I have researched other gods. See, I believe that if my Jesus is so weak that I have to keep Him in a tiny little box and I am afraid to look at other concepts with an open mind, then I am believing in the wrong thing. I also believe that if I am living in fear of stepping on a crack or something and missing the "rapture," then I believe in the wrong thing.

Over the years, I have come to realize that my Jesus is all that is important to me. My Jesus is not a religious organization. My Jesus is not a certain translation of the Bible or denomination. My Jesus gets me like nobody else does. I do not have to be perfect. I do not have to worry about whether I take the mark of the beast or not; whether I scan my groceries with a scanner or allow my employer to digitally deposit my checks that I am goimg to miss the "rapture". None of that matters! Yet that kind of crap was crammed in my head as a young teenager. How crazy is that?! That is nothing to do with my Jesus at all!!!!

 My Jesus is very much my best friend. He walks beside me every step of the way in my life and very often carries me. There have also been times He has drug my ass, kicking and screaming all the way, because I get caught up in fear. When I look back at those times, I can see that I was looking with my fleshy eyes when I should have been looking with my spirit. Yet, my Jesus knew my heart and drug me anyway until I could get up walk alongside Him once again.

I am not writing this to impress anyone. Frankly, I do not care what anyone else thinks. I guess I just want others to know that my Jesus is not about all the lies and crap thrown around in so-called churches today. He is not at all about fire and brimstone , gloom and doom, and some getcha God that we should fear. The message of my Jesus was and still is very simple, "Love one another as I have loved you."

Signs and Symbols From The Other Side

Signs and Symbols From The Other Side

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

2/8/24

Most people think I am nuts because I really believe strongly that our loved ones leave us signs and symbols from the other side when they pass on. I believe they do this because the gap between the two dimensions we each now live in is very difficult to cross. Some people have the gift to channel, I guess, but most of us cannot do that. So, our loved ones find different ways to make us stop and pay attention. They want us to see that they are still around us in spirit.

Today, I found another random quarter. At least some people would say it was a random one. I absolutely know this was from my Daddy. It was not random at all. It has the year 2022 on the face of it. I refuse to say that my Daddy died. Instead, I say he transitioned to the other side. This happened on February 11, 2022. I was there to lead him home. On the face, this quarter it looks a little beat up. Yet, when I flipped it over in my hand the other side looked brand new. Of course, it would be a picture of one of the beloved chiefs of our Cherokee tribe! I stood there laughing at the pure joy of seeing it as chills ran up my arm. My Daddy was and still is a very proud Cherokee man. He knew and absolutely adored Willma Mankiller.

The thought of them together on the other side blows my mind! My heart is overflowing with gratitude now knowing that my Daddy and my other ancestors, especially my Cherokee ones, are still here guiding me in spirit. I know they are here to protect me and that no matter what choufes I make in life, I will always be okay. After all, my Daddy promised to always have my back, even after he passed on.

Thank you my dear, sweet Daddy for another hello from the other side. You know that between me and you, we both realize that you are just in another dimension. Some people call it Heaven, I call it the other side. To me it is all the same.

I miss you so much Daddy! Yet, I know you are well and happy. I kniw you are my guide in the spirit because I feel your energy all around me every day.

Till we meet again in the same dimension, just know that I think about you and talk to you all the time. For me, you are not gone. You are here within my heart and in the love we still share. I love you Daddy!! 💜🌟💜🌟💜

For My Friend Wanda

For My Friend Wanda 

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard 

2/6/24

Wanda, something you posted a few days ago touched my heart and got me thinking. I remember reading a story somewhere years ago about a man who tried to change the direction of a river so it would not flow on his property in this one particular spot. I sure wish I could remember the name of the story, but I do not know it right now. What I remember is that he went through all this work and trouble for a very long time to finally get the river to flow in a different direction. At least he thought he had finally mastered it. 

The very next day, a massive rainstorm hit and the river went back to where it had always flowed in the spot he did not want. The moral of the story was that you cannot change the flow of the river. So, instead of wasting time trying to, it is better to just go with it. I translated that as accept that it is God's will, even if it makes no sense to me.

For some reason, that story has always stuck with me in my heart. I suppose it is because I am just like that man. I am always trying to change the flow of a formidable power that I can never change. I have wasted a lot of my life doing that. My continued failures at trying to have led me down some shady paths. Until I could accept things as being exactly as they are supposed to be, I did not find freedom or peace.

The second anniversary of what I call my Father's transition to the other side is coming up on February 11th. I have been remembering the months before he passed better lately. For the longest time, they were just a big blur. I tried so hard to keep him alive. I did everything I could, said every prayer I knew, chanted mantras, burnt incencse, you name it. Yet, it was not meant to be. Just like I could not change the flow of a river; I could not keep my Dad alive. 

I do not know why I am telling you this other than this has what has been on my mind lately. See, my Dad and I started out very rough in life. He was good to me when I was a baby and young child, but when I became a teenager he got vicious. I suppose when you are dealing with a rebellious teenager who is drinking, drugging and roaring through your life like a tornado all the time, one might get vicious too. All I know is that as a young person, I hated him with all my guts. There were many nights as a teenager that I would wish and pray that he would die.

Yet, when I got sober at 23 some how, some way God found a way into both of our hearts and we found forgiveness for eachother. We worked our asses off on our relationship together. It was not perfect, but we absolutely loved each other and we knew it. I have the deepest gratitude for the gift of love that God gave to me and my Dad. If you had known where we came from, you would understand what a beautiful miracle this was and still is.

The last 3 months of his life I spent the majority of it sitting every evening watching TV and holding hands with him. That is all he wanted from me. Just to sit and hold his hand. Those simple, quiet moments with him are forever etched my heart. 

When I was there to help him make his transition, I begged God not to let him die. Then, I realized again that I could not change the flow of the river he was on. The greatest gift I could give him was to let him go. When you love someone that deeply, you do what you have to do. I know you understand this.

I still talk about my Dad every day. I still tell his stories. I still talk to him every day. I feel him all around me. I see him everywhere I go. I see him in the trees and birds. I see him in the roses when they bloom outside in my yard. I feel him in the gentle breeze when I finally sit still. I see him in the things he leaves me along life's journey like quarters, pennies and feathers. They probably mean nothing to anyone but me. But they remind me that my Father is still with me even though my fleshy eyes can not see him. Most of all these things remind me that the love we shared is still alive.

I guess I am sharing this with you because I understand why you still talk about your husband. I understand why you still say his name. I understand why you still tell your stories about him. It is because the love you shared with him will never die. So, keep saying his name and telling stories about him. For it is within doing this that his love for you continues to live. 💜

Just listen....💜

Just one of my videos...

Click here to open the video

LIGHT

LIGHT

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard 

1/31/23

I am a member of a group on Facebook called Gratitude Slam. I am also a part of a program called LOYT aka Life On Your Terms. One of our assignments was to pick a one-word intention for 2024. I kind of like the thought of that because it is a little different than declaring a resolution. I never set resolutions because I am pretty sure that I will never keep them. 

Right after I was given this assignment a couple of weeks ago I started paying attention to words that would appear around me. One that started being very obvious was the word light. It seemed like everywhere I turned this word was there. So, I started thinking about it. I wanted to understand what light meant to me.

One of the first things that comes to mind when I think about the word light is where it says in the Bible that Jesus is the light of the world. I do not know the exact scripture but I know it is in there. I also know that light can be defined as illumination or it can be defined as the lack of heaviness.

The word light symbolises to me personally, that I want the heaviness of my life to stop. I need things to be light. I feel like there is so much responsibility on my shoulders for so many people and it is way too heavy for me. So I just need it to be light.

I am an artist and I am very creative. The greatest light that I have inside of me is imagination. Without imagination I have no creativity and I feel dead inside. Without the light of imagination the world gets dark really fast for me. I suspect that I should allow myself to let my imagination flow more.

Another thing that comes to mind about the word light is the experience I had while watching my oldest granddaughter Destiny be born. When I had my two children I was so busy giving birth that I never really paid attention to what happened when they took their first breath. My daughter had a C-section and I was able to be in the surgery room with her. I remember standing where I could see up over the curtain they had everything draped with. 

I remember watching them pull my little granddaughter out. When she took her first breath I was completely blown away. I saw this absolutely gorgeous, beautiful, beyond human words to describe, bright Gold light come alive in her. I knew immediately that it was her spirit. I was awestruck. I knew I was witnessing a sacred and holy moment. She had this Golden light around her for the longest time after. I remember I went with the nurse to clean Destiny up and then she wheeled her into her mother's room where she was waiting. Our family was there too. I was still so awestruck that I could not talk. The only thing that kept going through my mind was this little song "This Little Light of Mine". I had not even held Destiny yet. I just stood back and watched in awe. Once everyone was gone and my daughter was asleep, I sat in the wee morning hours and rocked and sang that little song to my granddaughter.

See, I have always known that we all have a light inside of us. Watching my granddaughter's light come alive inside of her confirmed what I have always believed. The older we get the more this world can dim our light. It can be caused from abuse, heartache, disappointment, stress or almost anything. The light is always there but it is up to us to focus on it and keep the worldly clamors from making it fade away. 

I was also thinking about light and dark. It seems like we cannot have one without the other. How would I know that there was light if I never experienced dark or vice versa? To me, it is the same way with color. If all I ever have is white or black, my world is going to be pretty dull and colorless. One could say it is the same with music. If the only note I ever hear is Middle C, I will miss the beauty of the entire Symphony. Michael Ian Cedar gave me that analogy. 

I must experience the positive and negative; the light and dark; the high and low notes; and all the colors in between white and black in order to truly experience the beauty of the world and even the universe. In order to be able to do this I must remain open and let my light shine. It is not always easy to do in this cruel world. 

When I got to Gratitude Slam I was in a very dark place. I was on the heels of losing my beloved father. My stepdad died and my mother almost died. Right before this, I had gone through brain surgery. One major thing after another kept knocking me down. So, I felt like life was a never-ending nightmare. The light inside of me was buried underneath the quicksand of heartache and grief. Gratitude Slam, LOYT, Michael Ian Cedar, his partner Elizabeth and all the members that I call my tribe saved my life. They came with their lights and helped me climb the ladder out of the pit of darkness that had engulfed me.

I had a sponsor named Gail in AA for many years. She died recently and I deeply miss her. She explained the journey that we were on together like this: All of us are on the same journey in sobriety and life. Her sponsor was ahead of her on the path and she had a flood light. Gail was just ahead of me with a cheap Walmart plastic flashlight. I was right behind her with a tiny pen light. There was another young woman behind me with a match that had a tiny ember still glowing on it. If any of us turned off our lights, the one at the very back who needed the most help would not see that there was any hope. It did not matter if my light was bigger or smaller than anyone else's. What mattered most is that I kept my light shining for others so they could find their way on the path of life too. My sponsor called all of us light bearers.

I have no clue what 2024 has in store for any of us. I do feel like things are a little lighter today. That is because of the light bearers God has put my life today. You know who you are. Without your light I would not be here. I would have given up the fight. So, one minute at a time, one hour at a time, one day at a time I will shine my light for the next person that needs to know that there is hope.

Happy New Year Everyone!!

Missing My Daddy Today

There are days I wake up with a knot in my throat and tears in my eyes. I miss my Daddy so much!

This video I did a while ago popped up today. 💜💜💜

Missing My Daddy Today

Trees of Life and Light

Trees of Life and Light

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard 

12/25/23

Merry Christmas everyone! I saw the prayer below and it spoke to my heart about a program I attend called LOYT (Life On Your Terms). Our intention for this 90 days is ROJ (Return On Joy). I thought those of you who are Christian like I am, might like the prayer too. To those of you who might celebrate something else or nothing at all, I pray many blessings for you as well! I am seeking a word of intention for myself for 2024. I keep randomly finding the word LIGHT. Coincidence? I think not. Notice the prayer says "lighted trees of life". I am painting a tree of life for my granddaughter Courtney. Wow! Just wow!! Signs everywhere if we slow down to see them. 🙏🏼🌟💜

Release the joy in us that’s been crushed by pride, wrong priorities, or world events. Tear down the strongholds that have held us captive far too long. Extinguish the flames of apprehension that rob us of a calm, quiet spirit. Show us again the beauty of that holy night so many centuries ago.

Your name is still called “Wonderful,” “Counselor,” “The Mighty God,” “The Everlasting Father,” and “The Prince of Peace.” As Your children, we cry out for a fresh filling, and a new awareness of Who You are. We choose by faith to make the “good news of great joy” a reality in our own lives, so others can see us as lighted trees of life, pointing to You this Christmas. We know one day every knee will bow and every tongue will confess that You are Lord. And we also know that peace on earth can only come when hearts find peace with You.

You are still our Joy. You are still our Peace. You are no longer a babe in the manger. You are Lord of lords and King of kings. And we still celebrate You as Lord—this Christmas and always. Amen.

~ Rebecca Barlow Jordan

Merry Christmas to My Little Family!! 💜

Merry Christmas

12/24/23 My Thoughts on Prayer

Prayer

Elephants, Sunshine and the Tree of Life

Elephants, Sunshine and the Tree of Life 

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard 

12/22/23

I am so grateful for the gift of creativity that my Creator gave me. I believe that it is one of the vehicles I can use to live my life's purpose and help others, especially my family who I love deeply.

A few weeks ago my granddaughter Courtney asked me to do a painting for her. It had to have an elephant, the tree of life and sunshine in it. Courtney is a very deep thinker so I asked her what those things symbolized to her. She told me that she was going through a really hard time and that she wanted to be able to look at the painting and see hope in it. She said that the Tree of Life symbolized hope and she just loves elephants. The fact that she wanted it to symbolize something excited me because I love symbolism. I believe there are hidden messages all through life. I just have to be willing to slow down and pay attention to the symbols around me.

I attend a self improvement type group called LOYT aka Life On Your Terms. I made a commitment to myself and LOYT to spend a few hours a week doing something creative. So, I took some time tonight to sketch out what will eventually be Courtney's painting. I gave her a sneak peek of it over the phone tonight. She loved it and she got what the hidden messages were. That makes my heart happy!!

I am sure the painting will be quite different from this sketch; but the overall layout will be what is there now. Here is how I described it to her. 

The smaller elephant represents Courtney and the larger elephant is her mother. I told her I just could not put only one elephant in the painting. It had to be two. That is because when I feel the most hopeless, I feel all alone. I wanted to remind her that she is never alone. Her mother's love will always be there and she will never leave her.

Both elephants have broken tusks. This represents the disappointments and heartache we go through in life. Yet, like the elephant we survive and stay strong when we hold on to each other. The love we share will carry us through the worst things in life as long as we stay connected. 

The sunshine peaking between the tree limbs behind them symbolizes me and the love I have for them. Just like the sun, I will always be there even when my old body is gone. My spirit will never leave because that is how deep my love is for the two of them and the rest of our family.

The crow is a nod to my father, Courtney's great-grandpa. He is in Heaven now watching over and protecting us. Just like the birds keep the bugs off of an elephant's back, her great-grandpa is ever-present and still has our backs too. 

The tree of life has very deep roots. We usually do not see how deep the roots are under the ground beneath a tree. Yet, they are there and serve as the foundation of the beautiful life growing above the ground. The roots symbolize the lessons our parents, grandparents and even our ancestors have taught us. They also represent the values that we live by such as Faith, Hope, Love, Integrity, Honesty, Courage and so on. The tree that grows above the ground is the expression of what one cannot see below the ground. It is the manifestation of who we are meant to be and the life we live with others.

Courtney is my youngest granddaughter. She is an old soul like me. If people truly lived other lives, I am certain we knew eachother in a previous one. We are alot alike in how we view the world. Of course, she is beautiful on the outside, however, her spirit on the inside is absolutely gorgeous! 

She has no idea what she has unlocked inside my heart with her request of me to paint. I have not drawn much or painted at all since I graduated art school in 2005. I stopped painting after not be able to complete a portrait of my granddaughter Zoey who died. Since then, I have felt like I lost the music I needed to sing through my painting. Today, finally, I will not let my music die inside of me!! 

Thank you my beautiful Courtney for having the key to unlock my heart. I will always love you more!! 💜💜💜

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12/22/23 My Thoughts On Life and Middle C

Holiday Gratitude List

Holiday Gratitude List

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard 

12/21/23

Today, as reflect on my life and this holiday season I would like to share a piece of my heart with everyone, especially what I call "my little family". Holidays are really tough for me, even more so since my Dad died. I usually just blurr through them and breathe a huge sigh of relief once January 1st comes and goes every year. I am doing my best this year to stay present inside and focus on the positive. Practicing gratitude helps me do that. So, here is my gratitude list for this holiday season.

1. I am so grateful for God, Jesus, hey you and other names I call my Higher Power when I pray. It all depends on my state of mind at the moment what I call my HP. Without God's totally unconditional love and never-ending grace and mercy for me, I would have killed myself a long time ago and missed out on the amazingly, beautiful orchestra that has been and still is my life.

2. I am so grateful for my continued sobriety. I know that people often think sobriety is just not drinking or using drugs. However, for me, sobriety is so much more than that. It is living by a set of 12 steps and 12 principles in my life everyday. I am not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. However, one day at a time, I do the very best I can even though on some days my best is terrible. That is where that never-ending love, grace and mercy that my HP has for me comes in. He makes up for all my screw-ups. If I do not have any other boundary that I commit to, uphold and will never compromise for anyone, that boundary is to not drink or drug no matter what. As long as I stay sober and do the very best I can every day to live and practice the 12 steps and 12 principles in my life, I have a chance and there is hope for a better tomorrow. For that, and for all of the angels in human form that God has put in my path, both in and out of recovery, I am very grateful because I would not be here without them.

3. I am so grateful for my children and grandchildren and their spouses, my husband, my in-laws and my soon coming 3 great-grandchildren. They are what I call "my little family." My little family is absolutely beautiful. We are not perfect. We all stumble and bumble through life together. We laugh together, cry together, and fight together. But, somehow we have always found a way to stay together. I know that it is the deep love we have for each other that binds us together. 

4. I am so grateful for the most incredible crossroad in my life. That was when I got sober on July 5th 1986. My children were still babies. I saw no hope and wanted to die that day. If I would have chose not to get sober I would have missed out on the most crazy, funny, passionate, and beautiful little family that I have. God has richly blessed us and for that I will be forever grateful.

5. I am so grateful for my parents. My father was not perfect, he would be the first to tell you that if he were still this side of Heaven. Oh I miss him so much! He taught me about humility and loving someone no matter what. My mom is one amazing woman. She blazed alot of trails for me. She was the first in my family to graduate college and planted that seed in me. She fought breast cancer and won 30 years ago. A lot of the successful treatments we have today they tested on her. She still deals with the fallout from being the crash test dummy way back then. She has taught me about perseverance. So, in spite of the fact that I have often locked horns with my parents, I love them deeply and am very grateful for them.

6. I am so grateful for my stepmom Linda. She has always been my cheerleader on the sidelines. Our friendship is a beautiful jewel in my life. She has been my oil of joy after losing my Dad, even though she is still grieving herself. She has taught me about being kind and practicing integrity and grace even when others don't and everything is falling down around you.

7. I am so grateful for my LOYT family, especially my coaches Michael and Elizabeth. Their voices into my life are more valuable to me than all the money in the world. I am so grateful they left the ladder down for me and helped pull me up out of the darkness. 

8. I am so grateful that my LOYT accountability partner Lisa speaks truth to me even when it is not easy. I am grateful for the truth grenades she has thrown over my walls of fear to blast them down and help me grow. She truly is n angel in human form for me.

My gratitude list could go on and on but I will stop there for now. 

I wish everyone a Merry Christmas or whatever it is that you celebrate and a Happy New Year!!

Love,

Andrea aka Mom aka GeGe 💜

Celebrating Me, My Bella and My Little Family

Celebrating Me, My Bella and My Little Family

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard 

12/6/23

I need to celebrate something about me, my Bella, and my little family tonight. Today, my granddaughter, Bella, who is a senior in high school asked me to proofread an essay she wrote for a college entrance application and scholarship. I am the resident proofreader, so, I opened the file and started reading through it. Much to my amazement, part of what she wrote was about the impact I had in her life one time. It was when she and her mother and sister moved to New Jersey, away from me in Oklahoma. I told her it was okay to cry but then wipe your tears and get back up and enjoy the journey that God has laid out in front of you. I never once realized that she even listened to me. I usually think kids just think it is just their crazy grandma talking. But, she wrote in her essay that she has never forgotten what I said and that it has carried her through some of the most difficult times in her life. 

I know what my life purpose is, but I often think I am not living it. See, I have all these grandiose ideas of how I should be doing it and how terribly I am failing at it. Then, out of nowhere, my beautiful granddaughter Bella makes me realize that God uses me the most when I do not even know it.

I think about day one sober when I was 23 years old. I had no idea, in spite of all the hardship in my life, that I would be blessed with such beautiful children and grandchildren. I never once thought that I would ever do anything to help them, or that they would admire me. So, as I sit here and tears of gratitude stream my face, I am going to celebrate the woman I have become. Most of all, I am going to celebrate the miracle that God created in me, the beautiful woman my Bella is growing up to be, and the gift of my beautiful little family that I so deeply love.