I Cry

I Cry

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard 

5/2/24

Yes, I cry! I cry all the time when I am alone because the crater in my broken heart from missing my dad so bad most days makes it hurt to breathe. I cry because my own personal life is a train wreck, and there is nothing I can do to fix it. I cry because I am so fucking tired from hospitals and ubering 10 to 12 hours a day for 3 months to barely scrape by. I cry because now I am trying to learn a new job fast, take care of my sick husband and wash my laundry in my bathtub because I cannot afford to hire a plumber to screw me over and fix my backed up laundry drain. I cry because I do not have the money to plant flowers this year. Oh...the list of reasons why I cry goes on ad nauseum. 

Frankly, if I did not allow myself to cry, I would probably end it all sometimes. I AM NOT SUICIDAL AT ALL. But, if I am too proud to fall apart and cry and pray and ask God for help, then I lose hope, and when I lose hope there is no will to live. 

The last thing I will say about crying is this. I cried tears of joy when my little twin great-granddaughters left town the other day. They were happy tears because I know that my Daddy knew them before us and he told me they were beautiful. I just did not have any idea how absolutely gorgeous they really were until I got to spend a few crazy days with them. That was a gift I did not earn and I was so blessed with it. 

I cried tears of joy the other night after the party with my little family. The only thing that would have made it perfect was if Alicia, Chris and Courtney were with us too. We celebrated Kaylee's 18th Gotcha Day, the birth of the twins and Bella's soon coming graduation. We did not have anything fancy, just a crappy old folding table and paper plates. We ate hot dogs and chips. Yet, my home was filled with laughter, something that I miss every day. That time was the oil of joy to my broken soul. 

We do not know when the last time will be that we see each other, life is too short. We have lost loved ones before the pandemic and so many during and after. That should have taught us all that life is a precious gift to be honored and treasured; and to love each other as much as we can while we still have each other.

It is just like God to keep allowing my little family to grow. Here we are with new little twins, Julianna will be here soon, Sedrick and Victoria's new baby will be here too. Michael keeps getting smarter and smarter every day...and life goes on. But for a few brief moments, I got to enjoy my family, and for that I am so truly grateful. 

So yeah I cry. I cry all the time. I'm crying writing this now.

I will always love you guys more! 💜