LIGHT

LIGHT

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard 

1/31/23

I am a member of a group on Facebook called Gratitude Slam. I am also a part of a program called LOYT aka Life On Your Terms. One of our assignments was to pick a one-word intention for 2024. I kind of like the thought of that because it is a little different than declaring a resolution. I never set resolutions because I am pretty sure that I will never keep them. 

Right after I was given this assignment a couple of weeks ago I started paying attention to words that would appear around me. One that started being very obvious was the word light. It seemed like everywhere I turned this word was there. So, I started thinking about it. I wanted to understand what light meant to me.

One of the first things that comes to mind when I think about the word light is where it says in the Bible that Jesus is the light of the world. I do not know the exact scripture but I know it is in there. I also know that light can be defined as illumination or it can be defined as the lack of heaviness.

The word light symbolises to me personally, that I want the heaviness of my life to stop. I need things to be light. I feel like there is so much responsibility on my shoulders for so many people and it is way too heavy for me. So I just need it to be light.

I am an artist and I am very creative. The greatest light that I have inside of me is imagination. Without imagination I have no creativity and I feel dead inside. Without the light of imagination the world gets dark really fast for me. I suspect that I should allow myself to let my imagination flow more.

Another thing that comes to mind about the word light is the experience I had while watching my oldest granddaughter Destiny be born. When I had my two children I was so busy giving birth that I never really paid attention to what happened when they took their first breath. My daughter had a C-section and I was able to be in the surgery room with her. I remember standing where I could see up over the curtain they had everything draped with. 

I remember watching them pull my little granddaughter out. When she took her first breath I was completely blown away. I saw this absolutely gorgeous, beautiful, beyond human words to describe, bright Gold light come alive in her. I knew immediately that it was her spirit. I was awestruck. I knew I was witnessing a sacred and holy moment. She had this Golden light around her for the longest time after. I remember I went with the nurse to clean Destiny up and then she wheeled her into her mother's room where she was waiting. Our family was there too. I was still so awestruck that I could not talk. The only thing that kept going through my mind was this little song "This Little Light of Mine". I had not even held Destiny yet. I just stood back and watched in awe. Once everyone was gone and my daughter was asleep, I sat in the wee morning hours and rocked and sang that little song to my granddaughter.

See, I have always known that we all have a light inside of us. Watching my granddaughter's light come alive inside of her confirmed what I have always believed. The older we get the more this world can dim our light. It can be caused from abuse, heartache, disappointment, stress or almost anything. The light is always there but it is up to us to focus on it and keep the worldly clamors from making it fade away. 

I was also thinking about light and dark. It seems like we cannot have one without the other. How would I know that there was light if I never experienced dark or vice versa? To me, it is the same way with color. If all I ever have is white or black, my world is going to be pretty dull and colorless. One could say it is the same with music. If the only note I ever hear is Middle C, I will miss the beauty of the entire Symphony. Michael Ian Cedar gave me that analogy. 

I must experience the positive and negative; the light and dark; the high and low notes; and all the colors in between white and black in order to truly experience the beauty of the world and even the universe. In order to be able to do this I must remain open and let my light shine. It is not always easy to do in this cruel world. 

When I got to Gratitude Slam I was in a very dark place. I was on the heels of losing my beloved father. My stepdad died and my mother almost died. Right before this, I had gone through brain surgery. One major thing after another kept knocking me down. So, I felt like life was a never-ending nightmare. The light inside of me was buried underneath the quicksand of heartache and grief. Gratitude Slam, LOYT, Michael Ian Cedar, his partner Elizabeth and all the members that I call my tribe saved my life. They came with their lights and helped me climb the ladder out of the pit of darkness that had engulfed me.

I had a sponsor named Gail in AA for many years. She died recently and I deeply miss her. She explained the journey that we were on together like this: All of us are on the same journey in sobriety and life. Her sponsor was ahead of her on the path and she had a flood light. Gail was just ahead of me with a cheap Walmart plastic flashlight. I was right behind her with a tiny pen light. There was another young woman behind me with a match that had a tiny ember still glowing on it. If any of us turned off our lights, the one at the very back who needed the most help would not see that there was any hope. It did not matter if my light was bigger or smaller than anyone else's. What mattered most is that I kept my light shining for others so they could find their way on the path of life too. My sponsor called all of us light bearers.

I have no clue what 2024 has in store for any of us. I do feel like things are a little lighter today. That is because of the light bearers God has put my life today. You know who you are. Without your light I would not be here. I would have given up the fight. So, one minute at a time, one hour at a time, one day at a time I will shine my light for the next person that needs to know that there is hope.

Happy New Year Everyone!!