Message to a Friend About Grief

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

I wrote this to a friend in response to her pleas for help in dealing with grief:

I am responding in case you think no one read what you posted. Here is what I think and let me warn you, I'm not sugar coating it for you:

1. I have no idea what your relationship is like with your sister. However you DO have a family even if its small. When we are grieving loss like yours its a time for family to come together to be supportive and not get in fights over petty things. Life is too short, you most of all know that.

2. For myself, when I have been in the depth of grief it has been very intense. Its not pretty at all. I tend to send off vibes that push people away even though that's not what I want. People don't know how to handle me so they back away. I suspect you might be doing that too. It is what it is so hold on while you're riding the tsunami of grief. It will eventually get better and your family and friends will get closer.

3. Self pity is not a requirement for working through the sorrow of losing someone you loved. I am certain your husband would not want you slogging around in self pity. So, try doing something to get out of yourself. How about volunteering at a homeless shelter or the nursery at church or something? I found when I focus on helping others, even in a small way, instead of my problem, somehow it heals my heart too.

4. Find a face-to-face support group for grief or a counselor. Just find something that makes you get up and get out and focus on your own journey and recovery through this.

5. There are no quick fixes. Grief sucks. Its unpredictable, its ugly, it a rollercoaster from one day to the next emotionally. Be kind to yourself.

6. Instead of uprooting your life all at once, why don't you plan a take some trips to different places that you've always wanted to go? Figure out what YOU like first. Then if you want to move go for it!

7. Nobody can fix you. While its nice to have the company of friends, grief is a journey we walk alone. So, start taking care of yourself and stop whining. My grief therapist told me that years ago and she was right. Get up every day, put your makeup on, go for a walk or drive or whatever you can find even small bits of joy in. Eventually the small bits of joy turn into big ones and your heart will start to heal.

8. Come to Tulsa any time you want. I'd be happy to have lunch with you or something. I really do love you, ya know? ❤

9. Last but not least, pray continually. Hang on to God with all your might. Trust Him and let Him guide you. He will never let you down.

I'll get off my soapbox now.

Sending much love from this grief survivor to you. My prayers are always going up for you! 🙏🙏🙏

Prayer for My Family

My family is going through alot right now. My daughter and her two youngest girls are battling the flu right now. So far, my daughter doesn't have it. My daughter-in-love has some health issues going on and my son has his ongoing battles. My nephew, Jere is having a medical procedure tomorrow. So, I am posting a prayer for them. Please, if you believe in the power of prayer stand in agreement with me.

Prayer for My Family

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

Father God, I come to you tonight and I ask you to wrap Bella and Courtney up in your arms and give them rest and peace. I pray that you touch them and heal them from tops of their heads to the soles of their feet. I rebuke this sickness that is plaguing them and I plead the blood of Jesus over them. I speak complete healing into their bodies right now. I command, in your name that their bodies line up with your word that says by your stripes they are healed. Lord, I pray a hedge of protection around my daughter, that she will not get the flu, that it dies if touches her. I speak health and energy into her body and peace for her mind. I pray that you grant Alicia unmerited favor with her employer during this difficult time. Please give Alicia the peace passes all understanding and help her rest.

Lord, I lift Sedrick and Victioria up to you. Lord, I speak healing into Victoria's body. I pray that her immune system strengthens and heals the infection she has. Father God I pray that you give my son strength and relieve his pain. I rebuke and I cast lupus into the pits of hell where it belongs. Lord I know you have the same love for my son that you have for David. I know the lyrics and music he writes are your greatest joy and all of Heaven rejoices when he sings. Father God break Sedrick free from the writer's block he has. Loose the chains from his heart and mind and make the anointing of the Holy Spirit overtake and consume him. Lead him to the job he needs and make him prosper so he can take care of his young family.

Lord I hold up my nephew Jere to you. God I am many states away from him but you are right there with him. God, please take care of him and bring him through the procedure tomorrow safely and give him a speedy recovery. Bring all the help he needs for him and his boys to him. Calm his spirit and ease his mind in Jesus name.

Lord please bless and strengthen my parents too. Give them energy and vitality. Please keep them safe.

Father God I rebuke the spirit of fear that seems to plague us all. I pray that you would give us the stability and security that comes from knowing that you will never leave us or forsake us. Lord, I ask you to shut the mouths of those who would speak negativity into our lives and try to tear us down. Remove the bullies from our lives. Bring us all the agape love you taught us while here on earth even though we do not deserve it. Help us to treat others with that same love too.

Father God, I believe and know that my prayers go on for eternity. They don't just hit the ceiling and bounce back. The prayers my grandmother prayed for me so many years ago got me sober and keep me sober today. So, I pray in faith now for my family, my children, grandchildren and generations to come. I call down a legion of angels to surround and guard and protect them all and those to come. I rebuke the evil one who is trying to destroy them in the name of Jesus. I pray that the Holy Spirit will reach out and touch my family and give them discernment so they know which way to go in life.

Lord, I have faith in you and know you hear the prayers of this lowly woman who loves her family with all that I am. I know you answer prayers because I'm living proof. Please, protect and bless my family, children, grandchildren and those to come. Give them peace, health and prosperity. Make a way when it looks like there is none. Guide them and shelter them all the days of their lives, long after I am gone.

I pray this in the holy, blessed name of my savior and brother and your son Jesus.

Amen

Hellos from Heaven

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

Most everyone knows by now that my family and I have been through great losses over the years. My children's father Mike, my granddaughter Zoey, my grandson Mikey, my grandparents, my sister-in-law Rhonda...the list goes on and on. Grief has been a constant companion in my life because it is inevitable when I have lost those I love so much.

Over the years I have found my own ways of grieving and dealing with loss. I have found ways to find joy in the midst of deepest sorrows. There is one thing that I have done for a long time. I am not even sure when or how it started now, I just know it worked so I kept doing it. I always watch for what I call "Hellos from Heaven". These hellos are random things that happen that remind me my loved ones are still around me in spirit. For example, when I see frogs I know my grandson is near, if I see a cardinal I know it my grandmother Mary, etc. One that is particularly special to me is butterflies because I always feel my granddaughter Zoey is near.

Like most people, I often get busy and wound up in the chaos and worries of life. I forget to be still and watch for the "Hellos from Heaven". Today was one of those days. I have been very busy at work all week and also very concerned about my two granddaughters Bella and Courtney. They are both home with the flu. My daughter Alicia is a single mom and working and taking care of them. She is worn out. I have been so worried and praying like crazy for them.

Today, I decided to work straight through lunch and leave a little early so I could take a care package to the girls. I decided I would wear gloves and a mask to protect me from exposure to the flu. I stopped by the drugstore and could not find any masks. I was searching hurriedly through the store and running all kinds of ideas through my mind of what else I could use. Just as I was about to give up something orange caught my attention in the corner of my eye. I looked and there laid a beautiful orange bandana with butterflies all over it. It was just the right size to tie around my nose and mouth. I stopped in my tracks and smiled because I knew it was my sweet Zoey telling me she was with me and everything would be okay. So, I tied my butterfly bandana around my face when I went in to see the girls. They laughed and I told them about the "Hellos from Heaven" and that Zoey wanted them to know everything was going to be okay. We all laughed with joy together and I know Zoey was there laughing with us.

There are many people in this world who think my "Hellos from Heaven" are not real and that I am crazy. Those kind of people are not a part of my life for long. I know our spirits live on forever because I have seen them. I also know that just when I need it most "Hellos from Heaven" appear. Thank you my sweet Zoey for finding a way to bridge the divide and reach my heart today with your beautiful hello. I love you forever my sweet granddaughter. ❤

My Little Boy

Written with love for my son Sedrick on January 5, 2019 - the day before his 37th birthday

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

37 years ago today I was in the midst of long, hard labor with my first child. Back then we did not have ultrasounds to tell us what we were having before our baby was born. Yet, I just knew it was a boy. I had picked his name when I was 14 years old. I had seen a movie called Little Lord Fauntleroy. It was a story about the love between a mother and her son who was named Sedrick. I knew at that moment I would have a little boy who would have the same name someday and we would share the same deep love for each other. I remember when Sedrick was born, the first time I heard his cry it was like music to my heart and soul because I knew he was alive and well. From that moment on he has been one of the deepest loves of my life. 

I was only 19 when I had him. Him being my oldest child and me being so young, he and I grew up together. As a little boy he was always the one that woke up happy. Every morning he would jump in my lap and kiss my cheek and tell me how much he loved me. Even when I was at my worst, face down in my puke drunk this little guy never gave up on me. He just loved me for me. No expectations, no hatred, just pure love.

As time marched on I got sober and he road that crazy roller coaster with me. He's been through hell and back with me many times over. From me learning how to live again in sobriety, to divorce, to my crazy idea to move to Las Vegas for awhile. Even through it all he always managed to be my comedian. He has always found a way to make me laugh and smile even in my darkest hours.

As a young teenager he found music and took off like a rocket. His music is the oil of joy to me. I will never forget the day he sang a song that he wrote for me. It was just another hectic day and Mother's Day was close. In the middle of the chaos he stopped me in my tracks when he said, "Mom, listen to this song I wrote!" I begrudgingly stopped what I was doing. Then he started singing, "Happy Mother's Day Momma, I made you breakfast in bed! Oh how I love you Momma even when you've done wrong." As he sang my heart melted and tears filled my eyes. I saw there before me the beautiful gift God gave me in him. That song has saved me many times when life has kicked my teeth in. It always comes up in my heart and reminds me that there is one person left in this world who loves me...my son.

Eventually, this beautiful young man graduated school and got married. I will remember the day my son became a man in my eyes like it was yesterday. It was when I watched him place his little baby girl's casket in the ground. I knew the love he had for her and I knew how much pain he was in. Yet, he loved her so much he laid her to rest himself. Words cannot describe how horribly beautiful that moment was. I stood in awe of him and I still do today. I realized again, how blessed I was to be chosen to be his mother.

Over the years we have been through alot. Most of it together; some of it apart for awhile. But somehow we have always found our way back to each other again. We have argued, fought, yelled, cried, played, joked and laughed together. We have not done life perfectly but we are still there for each other. Our love for one another has never died.

I have watched him raise his daughter and seen what an awesome father he is. Now, I get to watch him raise his newborn son. I watch from the outside in on his life and I am so proud of him. He has grown into such a fine, loving man, husband and father. Even though he's fighting his own battle with a chronic illness he never gives up. He always pushes and gives his all.

If I had been asked to draw a picture or write a story 37 years ago about the son I would have I would have short changed myself. I could have never imagined the man I would so humbly call my son today. He is a bright and shining spirit full of love and compassion. He is not perfect. He's an awful lot like me, opinionated and passionate. He deeply loves his family and most of all he deeply loves the Lord.

So, on the eve of your 37th birthday, my dear sweet Seddy, I just want you to know that no matter how crazy life gets I am still here. I love you and I am proud of you. I was your first and most devoted fan and I always will be. I knew and loved you long before anyone else. You had my heart then and always will. Happy birthday!

Love,
Momma ❤

Grandpa Shelby

I wrote this on 12/20/12. Here it is another birthday without you Grandpa Shelby. I sure miss you! In honor of you I am reposting this today.

Grandpa Shelby

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

I am thinking about my grandpa Shelby Morrison today. He died many years ago. His birthday is today. I don't remember how old he would have been but it does not matter. He will always be alive in my heart.

On the outside he was big and clumsy. People often assumed he was an oaf and stupid. Boy were the wrong! Turn on some good music and he could dance like Fred Astair. My favorite memory of him is dancing in the livingroom with me and him twirling me around.

He was a quiet man and he worked hard at the railroad as a switchman most of his life. On the side he had a concession business. He sold snow cones, cotton candy and other stuff. He also sold balloons at all the area Christmas parades. He was a shrewd business man and wise beyond his years.

He was a good man and loved the Lord. He always gave food to the hungry, shelter to the homeless and clothes to the naked. He never judged anyone. He just loved people. My grandma always said he took in stray people instead of stray dogs. I only hope to be as good as him.

Every one in the neighborhood knew him as the snowcone man. To me, he was my grandpa and I loved him dearly.

I miss you grandpa! Keep watch over my grandbabies and other loved ones till I get there! I'm still dancing!!

Love you!!!  ~Andi~

My Grandson Michael Charles Zelsnack 12/12/18

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

As I sit today watching my beautiful daughter-in-love in labor with my little grandson Michael Charles my eyes fill with tears and my mind fills with memories. Tears of incredibly, indescribable joy at the amazing gift we are being given. Memories of those who've gone on before us who I know are here in spirit welcoming this new life into the world. Birth is such a crazy amazing journey. Its filled with utter joy and anticipation at its inception. There are struggles along the way. The final leg of the journey is the worst pain one could ever go through and yet the product is a total manifestation of unending, life altering love.

For me, to be present to see a woman give birth is a holy and sacred moment. Such a humbling and blessed gift. I have only been to one other besides the birth of my own children. i feel the Holy Spirit so heavy, loving and magnificent in this room today. I am awestruck once again at God's creation and the love I see between a man and woman, my son and daughter-in-love. It reminds that God's love never fails.

I am reminded again of the sacred duty God has  given me as a grandmother. I cannot wait to welcome this little boy to the world. Most of all, I cannot wait to watch him grow and learn.

So, welcome to this world and welcome to our family my little, tiny friend!! I will always be here whether in person or in spirit when this body is long gone to love, guide and protect you through this crazy thing called life.

This day...these sacred, holy moments will be forever etched on my heart. I will always love you Sedrick and Victoria. Most of all I will always love you more little Michael Charles, my beautifully and wonderfully made grandson.

Love,

Your Proud GeGe

💖💖💖

Thoughts On Revenge

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

Revenge gives some people sick satisfaction even if it hurts innocent bystanders, especially the ones closest to them. The price for Revenge is high. In the end Revenge sucks the very life out of you and kills all that you loved the most because you would rather hold on to the hate than reach for something good. You would rather bask in the twisted and familiar feeling of hateful Revenge than let go and allow God's forgiveness to heal your broken heart. Revenge will leave you cold and dead inside, alone in a selfmade prison. Yet the whole time you hold the very keys to let yourself out.

My Journey of Grief

I am writing this for my dear, sweet friend Alice who recently lost her beloved husband. I hope it helps others as well.

My Journey of Grief

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

I have been through tremendous loss in my life. Many loved ones have gone on...from mere minutes old to over a century old and all ages in between. There are no two ways about it, loss and grieving that loss hurts and it is devasting.

For me, grief comes in waves just like sitting at a beach. Some days there is a nice cool breeze, I can feel the soothing wind in my hair and see the calm ripples of the waves of memories on the water and I am at peace. Other days, there are storm clouds on the horizon and the waves are fierce and slam against the shore with fury, leaving my heart pulverized in sorrow again. On those days, I am doing good to simply utter a whispered prayer for help and simply breathe. Occasionally a tsunami overtakes me out of nowhere and I am sucked under the turbulent waves with sorrow like I have never known. Even in the depths of this grief, God, in His tender loving way, always somehow lifts my head above the water and I am able to fight to live another day. His grace always amazes me. This unfortunately, is all part of the process of letting someone go whom I have loved with all I am. It is, for me, the price I pay to love so deeply.

Grief is not pretty. Its ugly and painful and most of those left around us do not know what to do to help. So, they say heartfelt phrases like "it will get better", "just remember the good times", "be grateful they are in Heaven", the list goes on ad nauseam. While they mean well, these do not help us, the grief stricken ones, they only soothe the other's guilt for not knowing what to do to help. For me, the best thing anyone has ever done is just be there. No words. No "fix it" kind of things. Just their presence in my life is all I need because, grief is a journey that one must walk through alone. At least it is for me.

I have learned through tremendous never ending loss at one point in my life, to be gentle with myself. The greatest soothing balm for me has always been my grandchildren and other young ones in my life. Children are so full life and joy, especially babies. God has always managed to have a baby in my life during my deepest sorrow. Just rocking them was soothing because in reality it was me who was being rocked.

Another thing I do which I believe comes from my Native American ancestry is I look for signs of my loved ones around me. Cardinals, butterflies and frogs are messengers from them for me. The cardinal is my grandmother, the butterfly is my granddaughter, and the frog is my grandson. When I see these it is like a, "Hello, I am still here in spirit around you!" from Heaven.

People always say "time heals". I frankly think that is a lie. It will take an eternity to heal from loss for me. I do believe though, that with time I learn to live with the loss. The gaping hole in my heart heals over but it will always be tender there. There are still what I call "tsunami days" but they are farther apart with time.

I always say, "Heaven is so far away yet so close its only a heartbeat and breath away." So, remember to take time to be still and watch for little "hellos from Heaven" once in awhile. They are there around to remind you that you are not alone and your loved is there watching over you.

I love you!

~ Andrea ❤

The Sweaty Buttcrack Story

The Sweat Buttcrack Story

10/24/2018

by Andrea Tadpole-Broussard 

I love all of my grandchildren and am crazy about them, the ones here as well as the ones in Heaven. However, this story is about a few special and what I consider holy moments with my beautiful granddaughter Courtney. 

Courtney has sky blue eyes and gorgeous long, blonde hair. Her smile and energy light up a room. She is like an old, creative soul and loves all forms of art and music. Her imagination is magnetic and draws me in like a moth to a porch light. In many ways she is my mini me because I have that same creative spirit. When she and I are together its like we have known eachother for many lifetimes. We play and just totally enjoy eachother. Its as if time stands still and nothing else exists but me and her and that holy moment. We always pick up right where we left off. She is one of my greatest joys and treasures.

Courtney has an innocence about her that few people can comprehend. She is usually very optimistic and always believes the best in people. So, in the rare moment that I find her unhappy I always try to cheer her up. This past summer she and her mom and sisters stayed with us for a little while. One day I came in from work and Courtney was sitting on the couch looking sad. She was worried about things happening in her life and all the uncertainty around her. 

Of course, I had to lift her spirits up so I pulled her to my lap to tell her a story. I have always had my own stories made up of a mishmash of others I have heard over the years. I told her this story, which is now known to us as "The Sweaty Buttcrack Story". It made us both laugh and hopefully it will you too.

The Sweaty Buttcrack Story

by Andrea Tadpole-Broussard 

Life can often be like a parade. Imagine that you are marching in a band in the parade. All you can see is the person in front of you. Maybe they are skinny or fat, tall or short. Maybe their clothes look nice or maybe they are torn. Regardless, all you can see is the person in front of you. Sometimes all you can see is the sweaty buttcrack in front of you. 

When you have been marching in this parade and staring at this sweaty buttcrack in front of you for a long time, it can be tiring and frustrating. You wonder why God has you marching where you are, behind this sweaty buttcrack. You might even feel like quitting and giving up because all you are ever going to see in life is a sweaty buttcrack!

When you go through times like this in life you have to trust God because He is the ruler of the universe and can see the entire parade, not just the sweaty buttcrack in front of Him. He loves you and is always there watching and protecting you. So, the sweaty buttcrack you are behind is there for a reason. When it is time, God will move you to a place that is more awesome than you could ever imagine. You just have to be patient, keep marching and trust Him because you know that not every day will be a sweaty buttcrack day.

Of course,  Courtney and I were laughing our heads off by the end of the story. A few days went by. I came in tired from a hard day of work and said hello to Courtney. I asked her how her day was. She nonchalantly said, "It was just another sweaty buttcrack day grandma!" Little did she know I had one too!! I hugged her and we both laughed. The "sweaty buttcrack" comment is our inside joke now and oddly enough, it is our reminder that God loves us and is still there, ever present in our lives, even on sweaty buttcrack days.

You might find the term sweaty buttcrack offensive and totally "ungodly" but I do not. I believe that God has the most awesome sense of humor. Why else would He gives us the oil of joy? Courtney has always been my oil of joy and I can think of no one better to march next to on sweaty buttcrack days than her.

I love you more Courtney! 💖😜💖😍💖

The Tiniest Little Angel Named Zoey

February 28, 2006 I met an angel. Her name is Zoey and she's my beautiful granddaughter. I found something I wrote about her on Christmas Eve 2006. This is my edited version of it. The words I wrote then still ring true today. I love you Zoey. You are alive in my heart and I still feel your touch when I see butterflies!

Here is my writing:

The Tiniest Little Angel Named Zoey

by Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

At Thanksgiving dinner in 2005 my son Sedrick announced to us all that he and his now ex-wife were pregnant. Over the course of the next few months our excitement grew. We were not only expecting Sedrick's new baby, but my daughter Alicia was pregnant too. I was the proudest grandma you would know. Sedrick sent me ultrasound pics as he got them and every day at work I would look at the latest one on my computer monitor. I imagined how the baby would look and was so excited, we all were. I prayed for what I called "my little peanut" and my other grandchildren every day as I always do.

Looking back, the day before Zoey was born was rather surreal. Her mom hung out with me all day, which was unusual, but I was happy about it. I remember I kept thinking what an exciting time this was going to be. Two newborns in our lives at once! We talked about the upcoming baby showers and planned and dreamed that day. Little did we know what was about to transpire.

The next morning I got the call to rush to the hospital. This day is now known to me as "the most horribly beautiful day of my life". I will explain why I call it this eventually. As the day wore on family began to arrive and we embarked on this journey. We all prayed that God would intervene and save our little baby. Sedrick was such a wonderful, tender loving man all the way through. He never left her side. Held her, whispered words of encouragement to her, cried with her, wiped her tears. I was in total awe of the man my son had grown up to be.

Time seemed to stand still. The night seemed to last 100 years. We all held out hope that things would change. Then God sent an angel in the form of a nurse to give the devastating news. The baby would be coming and to prepare for the worst. I call this nurse an angel because she handled all of us in an honest yet loving way. She had walked this road many years ago herself and knew exactly the words to say to us.

The kids asked me to take the pictures when Zoey was born. Even though I knew what a daunting task this was, I considered it an honor to do so. I also know that it was God who took the pictures because I could barely see through all the tears. I personally view these pictures as a celebration of the life of the tiniest little Angel I have ever known. The images are seared in my mind's eye forever and Zoey's spirit is etched in my heart for all eternity.

These photographs also represent the love of a family and its ability to pull together and hold each other up when a tragedy such as this strikes. So, please know that these photos were taken out of desperate love for Zoey so her memory will survive.

When Zoey was born she was at 18 weeks gestation. The doctors stood there in amazement that she was even alive when she came out. Her heartbeat was so strong and I know if she could have, she would have stayed here with us. Yet, that was not in God's plan.

I am humbled by the memories I have of the strongest and most beautiful young man I have ever know....my son Sedrick. The loss he endured has been worse that any nightmare I have ever had, yet I have watched him keep trudging forward, sometimes gracefully and sometimes screaming and crying all the way. That is okay with me. Who would not be devastated? No one ever said you had to live gracefully through tragedy; you just have to live in spite of it and live he has.

My favorite photos are two....one is of Sedrick singing Jesus Loves Me to Zoey at her last moment of life. The other is of Zoey grabbing her daddy's finger with her little hand. Tell me there is no life at conception!! I am not buying it. The most beautiful picture of love was given to me in that moment. Someday when my heart can bare it I will paint this picture. Still today, 12 years later, the tears are too heavy to even try.

The saddest thing for me that first Christmas after Zoey was born was not being able to hold her. I miss her more than I know how to say. I can only imagine how her daddy must feel. If I could I would switch places with Zoey so he would not hurt anymore.

We all grieve in our own way, and mine has been in silence with a void deeper than the Grand Canyon. I do not have the ability to "suck it up and move on" nor do I ever desire to be that callous. One cannot walk through this kind of event without being forever changed. I say this because I beg you all to please just love us where we are at and help us ride the waves of emotion when they hit no matter how long ago it was. If we keep pulling together and grieve together, the load we have to bare will not be as heavy.

I myself believe that I will never "get over" Zoey, nor do I want to. In her brief moments Zoey taught me about the most important things in life…..love and family. Zoey declared her love for us all by reaching out and grabbing her daddy's finger; by hearing her daddy sing and by fighting to live 11 minutes. This little, teeny, tiny girl managed to make us all stop our chaotic lives and gather together in a hospital room to witness the miracle that she was.

Zoey taught me not to take people for granted and to cherish each moment because we do not know when it will be our last. I believe that Zoey is still among us in Spirit. She shows herself to me in Courtney's vivid imagination, in the twinkle in Bella's eye, in Kaylee's infectious laughter and in Destiny's tenderness.

As I said before, the day Zoey was born was the most horribly beautiful day of my life. Horrible because I could not fix it, I could not switch places and give her life. Horrible because of the sorrow and pain I have seen my son walk through. Beautiful because I have watched a family lift each other up and weather this storm together. Beautiful because I was blessed to know Zoey and see her mighty spirit in that hospital room that day. Beautiful because Zoey will be in our hearts forever.

So, in case life gets crazy and I forget to post this on February 28th (I am getting older ya know) Happy Early 12th Birthday Zoey! GeGe will never forget you, I will always love you until the end of time.

Reposted for my grandson Mikey

My little grandson Mikey would have been 10 today. Happy birthday in Heaven my sweet lil one ❤🙏❤🙏❤

Thiis is for you...

Ode To Mikey

By Andrea Tadpole Broussard

Born on a stormy sea of silence
His tiny life beyond my grasp
His spirit carried away on angel's wings
With all my hopes and dreams

I never got to see him smile
I never saw his eyes
I never felt his tender touch
Or listened to his cries

Waves of sorrow pulled me down
To horrid depths of grief
I feared I'd never reach the top
Breathe free or find relief

What was his purpose
Why was he here
Why was he meant to be
There had to be a lesson
If I could only see

Then I heard him in the silence
Calling out my name
Rise up, go home and live your life
Walk on amidst the pain

Take care of those I've left behind
Never let them go
Forgive them even if it hurts
And when your pride says no

Hold tight to God
Keep the faith
And then you'll see
That I am always with you 
I am happy
I am free

30 Years Ago

30 Years Ago

By Andrea Broussard

I'm sitting here tonight remembering myself 30 years ago. I was 24 or 25 years old and newly sober in AA. I think I had about a year sober. I was just trying to pull my life together so I could give my son and daughter a decent life.

In the midst of this time a friend of mine and I started a Christian based group locally for anyone to attend, not just alcoholics. It was for anyone who needed help be it addiction, alcoholism, mental or emotional issues, whatever. I was young bouncing all over the place but I managed to help start this group.

After a while I moved on but my friend continued it. It is still going today. I have had many friends and family who have found relief from life's troubles in this group. Through a set of circumstances my son found this group tonight. He's not an alcoholic or addict. Life has just served him a crap load of loss and difficulties including a dibilitating illness. He called me after his first meeting tonight to tell me how awesome it was, how much it helped and how he couldn't wait to go back. I could here the hope back in his voice. It was music to my ears!

I have been praying so hard that God would bring him relief and help. Little did I know 30 years ago that this group would survive and thrive and be here today to help my son.

Once again I stand awe of my Abba Father, my God and my Creator. I am reminded that God is always working way in advance to help us. He always has a plan. He uses us even when we don't realize it to lay the groundwork for others to be helped in the future. I am humbled to think the tiny part I played to start this group is now helping my son. I'm even more grateful to those who kept this group going even after I left. God is so good and mercy endures forever.

Getting Out of Myself

I wrote this for my son, Sedrick today. He's going through a hard time. I didn't want to lose the words so I'm posting them here.

Written: 12/29/17

Getting Out of Myself

By Andrea Broussard

I was thinking about something. When I was 24 years old I had surgery on my left ear. It was supposed to restore hearing in my ear. A one hour surgery turned into eight hours and a dismal failure. My left ear drum fell apart and they put a fake one in. I woke up from surgery with horrid ringing in my ears. My balance and equilibrium were shot. I could take two to three steps before I passed out. It was horrible and scared me to death.

Here I was with two little kids who depended on me. I had just a year sober. I had surgery on spring break from college classes. I couldn't miss class. I stationed folding chairs all around the house and out to the car so I could make it to the car without falling. If i was sitting I was ok. It was only if I was moving that I pass out within a few steps.

You and Alicia helped me. A classmate of mine met me at my car every day to carry a folding chair and help me walk in to class.  It took me all semester to get to where I could walk a long distance without falling. But little by little it got better. At the same time of all this I had to learn to live life with hearing loss and hearing aids. I was scared to death but I kept pushing forward baby step by baby step.

The next semester of college a deaf, black man started class with me. The teacher asked if someone would be is notetaker and lab partner. I remember looking around and not one person volunteered so I did. Here I am about half deaf myself trying to help this man. He was probably forty years old. I learned that he just woke up one day about six months  before to go to work and was completely deaf. It devastated him. He was trying to get retrained to care for his family.

He and I became good friends. He taught me about getting out of myself to help others even when I think I have nothing to give. He put my life in perspective and helped to see all I have to be grateful for. After that semester I never saw him again but I've never forgotten the gift he gave me of learning to get out of myself and help others.

Someday Sedrick when you're better God will put someone in your path to help. I promise you, then you'll understand why you're going through this. I know you can't save the world, no one can. But if you'll pray and ask God to put the person you're to help in your path and be receptive to it that person will come. It might be a family member or a random stranger. The help you give might be an encouraging post on facebook, a bended knee in prayer with someone or a fellow lupus sufferer who just needs to talk to someone who understands. See, I was the only one that could help that deaf man so long ago. When I was busy getting out of myself to help Him, God was working out my problems. Just ask God to show you what to do. He will. ❤

I guess I'm trying to tell you that God has a plan and a reason for this. I promise you, you will get through this. If I can make it through all the hell I've been through and still have a spark of hope in me you can too. I love you Sedrick!

Sebastian

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

I have an orange, tiger cat named Sebastian. I succumbed to the pleadings of my granddaughter Destiny one day about 8 years ago and adopted him from our local Petsmart. At the time, I really did not want another cat but I could not say no to my granddaughter's big brown eyes. Sebastian should have been named Garfield because he is natured alot like that cartoon character. Everything is done on his terms and in his own time most days. He is however very attentive to me if I am sick or heartbroken. In times of trouble he never leaves my side. But, like I said on most normal days he is independent. He comes up for a pet one minute and turns surrly the next. He and I have a love-hate relationship the majority of the time.

Before I go any further I must explain that I believe animals have spirits and God puts them in our lives for a reason. I have had dogs, cats and birds who taught me lessons over the years when I slowed down and paid attention. Sebastian is no exception to this.

Sebastian has always had one ritual with me. I take a bath almost every night. He has to be in the bathroom with me when I bathe and often pushes his way in. I have learned to accept this as part of my bedtime ritual. Every night, there I am in the bathroom doing my stuff with Sebastian staring intently at me. I often wonder he is thinking but I guess it is better I do not know.

Tonight was nothing different. I went in to brush my teeth and run my bath water. I looked over and there was Sebastian straddling the open toilet about to fall in the water. He looked like he was hanging on for dear life. I reached over to help and he hissed at me as if he did not want or need my help. Just as he was about to fall in the water I grabbed him real fast, closed the lid and sat him back down. I finished brushing my teeth and got in the tub. He calmed down and just sat there staring at me like he always does.

While I was soaking I started thinking about how similar I am to Sebastian. I pray for God's help every day, but live my life as if I do not need Him. Even when He is there trying to tell me that I am going to fall in the water and help me, I push Him away like a stubborn old cat. Yet, He is always there to grab me before I fall in. If I would just trust Him in the first place I would save myself alot of heartache most of the time. Still, here I am a "Doubting Thomas" even though the touch of His hand is so apparent in my life.

I am so grateful that God never gives up on me and always finds ways to get my attention. He even uses a cat I never wanted, but really secretly love to teach me spiritual lessons. His grace and mercy is undeserved yet absolutely beautiful to me. I am once again in awe of my Creator.

Prayer for My Children

I always worry that people will think I'm a religious nut if they know how I pray but tonight I don't care. My family is under attack and so this is my war room prayer right now...

Prayer for My Children

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

Father God, I come to you tonight and I ask you to wrap Alicia up in your arms and give her rest and peace. I pray that you touch her and heal her from top of her head to the soles of her feet. I rebuke this sickness that is plaguing her and I plead the blood of Jesus over her. I speak complete healing into her body right now. I command, in your name that her kidneys and heart and whatever else is wrong line up with your word that says by your stripes she is healed.

Lord, I lift Sedrick and Victioria up to you. Lord, I know their hearts are aching and mine aches for them. Father God, I know how much they long for a child and I know losing these 3 pregnancies has crushed them. Father, I don't have the answers as to why this is happening. All I know is you are faithful to us all and our hope is in you. I ask you Lord to give them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning and garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness. Lord, please quiet their minds and give them peace in the midst of their grief. Please continue to carry Victoria during the physical loss she is going through right now. Please give her peace and strength. God I know their babies are in Heaven with you. It's just so hard when Heaven so close yet so far away.

Lord, I bring Sedrick to you and I speak healing and peace into his tired body. Lord, please give him strength. I rebuke this anxiety and insomnia that tortures him in the name of Jesus. I speak calm and rest into his spirit and mind. Show him that you are there and have him and his family in the palm of your hands. Give him faith and serenity in the middle of the storm. Light the Holy Ghost fire in him again and give him more songs to sing for you.

Father God I rebuke the spirit of fear that seems to plague us all. I pray that you would give us stability and security that comes from knowing that you'll never leave us or forsake us. Lord, I ask you to shut the mouths of those who would speak negativity into our lives and try to tear us down. Remove the bullies from our lives. Bring us all the agape love you taught us while here on earth even though we don't deserve it. Help us to treat others with that same love too.

Father God, I believe and know that my prayers go on for eternity. They don't just hit the ceiling and bounce back. The prayers my grandmother prayed for me so many years ago got me sober and keep me sober today. So, I pray in faith now for my children and grandchildren and generations to come. I call down a legion of angels to surround and guard and protect my children, their children and those to come. I rebuke the evil one who is trying to destroy them in the name of Jesus. I pray that the Holy Spirit will reach out and touch my children and give them discernment so they know which way to go in life.

Lord, I have faith in you and know you hear the prayers of this lowly mother who loves her children with all that I am. I know you answer prayers because I'm living proof. Please, protect and bless my children, grandchildren and those to come. Give them peace, health and prosperity. Make a way when it looks like there is none. Guide them and shelter them all the days of their lives, long after I'm gone.

I pray this in the holy, blessed name of my savior and brother and your son Jesus.

Amen

God's Love

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

The first morning after my granddaughter Destiny was born I picked her up to put a clean diaper on her naked butt. She peed and pooped all over my lap and puked in my face. I looked at her and said, "So this is how its going to be huh?" I swear, she gave me the orneriest grin. I have been in love with her ever since. I believe a mother's love and a grandmother's love for her children is the closest one ever gets to the unconditional love God has for us. It barely scratches the surface of the immense love He has for us. No matter what messes we make in life, no matter how horrible we are to God, He is always there and loves us no matter what. The minute we run back to Him He is there to clean us up and change our clothes. What a beautiful love!

Love You More

Love You More

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

10/10/17

I have been thinking about the ways in which I try to treat the ones I love the most as special to me, in particular my husband and family. One thing I do is I always say "love you more" to them. To me the words "love you more" aren't a meaningless cliche to be used on anyone and everyone. I don't say these words to anyone else, only my husband and family because I love them the deepest and more than anyone else in this world. I thought those I love did the same. It really hurts to know that they don't. I thought I was special to them and they loved me more too.

My Dreams

My husband Andre texted this to me today 9/24/17 and I don't want to lose it so I'm posting it to my blog. His words are precious to me!!!! ❤❤😍😍😍

My Dreams

By Andre Broussard

Sometimes I don't tell you about all my dreams. Well every night I used to have the same one.They stopped a few years ago. I used to wake up all upset because it was just that, a dream. My life was all about going to sleep to dream those dreams. Again and again I would just wake up to the dream. Not long ago while asleep I realized those dreams was long gone. It's hard for me to see and say how I feel at times. But the easy part is looking at dreams and reality. I realize now looking at reality you was many dreams come true! I would do anything to make this dream last the rest of my life. Each day I realize I don't miss those dreams. I live with it while I am awake. No longer is it a dream, it is the love of my life!!! I Love You So MUCH MORE!

Worth Sharing Again

I wrote this on 9/17/16 so its been 5 years now. It's worth sharing again...

For My Sweet Andre

By Andrea Tadpole Broussard

It's11:51pm on September 16th, 2016. Before the clock strikes midnight I want to say that 4 years ago today I met my sweet Andre. He is the most loving and caring man. I am truly blessed to call him my husband today. He and I have a good life together.

We both have gone through hell in the past and by God's grace come out the other side. We understand that about each other. Life isn't always a nice pretty picture. Quite often it's a big mess. Yet, even in the hardest times Andre and I have always ended the day together in each other's arms. He's not perfect and neither am I. Yet, we are perfectly imperfect together.

Andre is my gentle giant, my soft landing when the hard, old world knocks me down. He's my safe place where I feel loved and protected. He has renewed in me the belief that there is still good in the world. He has done this by the way he treats people. He's the most kind hearted man one could ever meet. He's always willing to help out a friend. He takes care of his family and now mine too in different ways that most people never hear about.

Andre has learned to live with my hearing impairment and always supports me in dealing with it. He never has belittled me when he has to repeat something for the fifth or sixth time. He just deals with it. This may not mean much to those of you who can hear, but to me it means the world. I trust him with my life.

Andre is a good man. He makes me want to be a better person. I am blessed to have him by my side and honored to be his wife. I love you more my sweet Andre! <3

5 Years Ago Today

5 Years Ago Today

By Andrea Tadpole Broussard

I wrote this for my husband Andre today, 9/16/17

Andre,

I was going to buy you a card but I decided since you keep texts and emails maybe you'd read it this way more. So, I sent it to both.

5 years ago today on 9/16/12 you messaged me on OKCupid and I met you face to face on 9/17/12. So began our journey through life together. You are the most awesome man in the world and you have made me the proudest woman in the world. Life is not perfect and we have had our share of struggles. Yet, our love for eachother has carried us through...the greatest of these is love.

The day I met you, you captivated me with your smile. I saw your heart in your eyes and I fell in love with you. I have been head or heels for you ever since.

Like you said in your vows to me the day you gave me the sacred honor of being your wife..."We aren’t promised tomorrow but I have the joy of loving you today.”

I love you MORE my sweet Andre and I always will.

❤❤❤ Andrea ❤❤❤

P.S. This is my favorite recent picture of us because we made an awesome memory together that day. May we make many more!! 😍😍😍