Jan 26, 2016

Fwd: Writing for Zoey

I found this today....Zoey 

-------- Original message --------
From: Andrea Tadpole <atadpole@sbcglobal.net>
Date: 24/12/2006 4:09 PM (GMT-06:00)
To: seddysbride@aol.com, Elmer Tadpole <elmer.tadpole@nielsenmedia.com>, Elmer Tadpole <tadpolesplace@cox.net>, Bubba Tadpole <etadpole@cox.net>, Valeri Honafius <itsbreezyintexas@yahoo.com>, vtarrant@sbcglobal.net
Subject: Writing for Zoey

Hi All:
Apparently there was technical difficulties in the album I sent for Zoey. Here is the message I wrote to go with it. The album link was sent separate:
 
This last album contains pictures of the life of my beautiful granddaughter Zoey Ellen Zelsnack. She was born on 2/28/06 and lived for 11 minutes. Please use caution in opening this album around little ones as some of the photos are graphic in nature.
 
I would like to share my thoughts on Zoey so please indulge me for a moment – its my way of grieving:
 
At Thanksgiving dinner in 2005 Kiley and Sedrick announced to us all that they were pregnant. Over the course of the next few months our excitement grew. We were not only expecting Sedrick and Kiley's new baby, but Alicia was pregnant too. I was the proudest grandma you would know. Kiley sent me ultrasound pics as she got them and every day at work I would look at the latest one on my computer monitor. I imagined how the baby would look and was so excited, we all were. I prayed for what I called "my little peanut" and my other grandchildren every day as I always do.
 
Looking back, the day before Zoey was born was rather surreal. Kiley hung out with me all day, which was unusual, but I was thrilled since I love Kiley like my own. I remember I kept looking at Kiley and thinking how beautiful she was and how blessed Sedrick was to have her. What an exciting time this was going to be in our lives! Two newborns in our lives at once! We talked about the upcoming baby showers and planned and dreamed that day. Little did we know what was about to transpire.
 
The next morning I got the call to rush to the hospital. This day is now known to me as "the most horribly beautiful day of my life (I'll explain why I call it this eventually). As the day wore on family began to arrive and we embarked on this journey. We all prayed that God would intervene and save our little baby. I know that Kiley was terrified. Sedrick was such a wonderful, tender loving man with Kiley all the way through. He never left her side. Held her, whispered words of encouragement to her, cried with her, wiped her tears. I was in total awe of the love between the two of them, love that I rarely see these days. Love that I know will last forever.
 
Time seemed to stand still. The night seemed to last 100 years. We all held out hope that things would change.  Then God sent an angel in the form of a nurse to give Kiley the devastating news. Her baby would be coming and to prepare for the worst. I call this nurse an angel because she handled Kiley and all of us in an honest yet loving way. She has walked this road many years ago and knew exactly the words to say to Kiley and Sedrick. The kids asked me to takes the pictures when Zoey was born. Even though I knew what a daunting task this was, I considered it an honor to do so. I also know that it was God who took the pictures because I could barely see through all the tears.
 
I personally see these pictures as a celebration of the life of the tiniest little Angel I have ever known who etched her spirit in my heart forever. When she was born, the doctors stood there in amazement that she was even alive when she came out. The images are forever seared in my mind's eye. Her heartbeat was so strong and I know if she could have, she would have stayed here with us. Yet, that was not in God's plan. These photographs also represent the love of a family and its ability to pull together and hold each other up when a tragedy such as this strikes. So, please know that these photos were taken out of desperate love for Zoey so her memory would survive.
 
I am humbled by the memories I have of the two strongest and most beautiful young adults I have ever know....Sedrick and Kiley. The loss they have endured has been worse that any nightmare I have ever had, yet I have watched them keep trudging forward, sometimes gracefully and sometimes screaming and crying all the way. That's okay with me. Who wouldn't be devastated? No one ever said you had to live gracefully through tragedy; you just have to live in spite of it.
 
My favorite photos are two....one is of Kiley and Sedrick singing Jesus Loves Me to Zoey at her last moment of life. The other is of Zoey grabbing her mommy's finger with her little hand. Tell me there is no life at conception?? I am not buying it. The most beautiful picture of love was given to me in that moment. Someday when my heart can bare it I will paint this picture. For now, the tears are too heavy to even try.
 
The saddest thing for me this Christmas is not being able to hold Zoey. I miss her more than I know how to say. I can only imagine how Kiley and Sedrick must feel. If I could I would switch places with Zoey so they wouldn't hurt. We all grieve in our own way, and mine has been in silence with a void deeper than the Grand Canyon. I do not have the ability to "suck it up and move on" nor do I ever desire to be that callous. One cannot walk through this kind of event without being forever changed. I say this because I beg you all to please just love Kiley and Sedrick where they are at and help them ride the waves of emotion when they hit. If we keep pulling together and grieve together, the load we have to bare won't be as heavy.
 
I myself believe that I will never "get over" Zoey, nor do I want to. In her brief moments Zoey taught me about the most important things in life…..love and family. Zoey declared her love for us all by reaching out and grabbing Kiley's finger; by hearing her daddy sing and by fighting to live 11 minutes. This little teeny tiny girl manages to make us all stop our chaotic lives and gather together in a hospital room to witness the miracle that she was. Zoey taught me not to take people for granted and to cherish each moment because we don't know when it will be my last. I believe that Zoey is still among us in Spirit. She shows herself to me in the twinkle in Bella's eye, in Kaylee's infectious laughter and in Destiny's tenderness.
 
As I said before, the day Zoey was born was the most horribly beautiful day of my life. Horrible because I could not fix it, I could not switch places and give her life. Horrible because of the sorrow and pain I have seen Kiley and Sedrick walk through. Beautiful because I have watched a family lift each other up and weather this storm together. Beautiful because I was blessed to know Zoey and see her mighty spirit in that hospital room that day. Beautiful because Zoey will be in our hearts forever.
 
GeGe will never forget you Zoey. I will always love you until the end of time.
 
So, thanks for hearing me out and Merry Christmas everyone.
 
Love,
 
Andrea
 
P.S. Kiley, please forward to everyone you want and Sedrick's new email address as well...I don' know it.

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