The Grasshopper

The Grasshopper 

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard 

I wrote this on 8/17/19

Today I hurriedly got in the car to go get my nails done. I jumped in and took off real fast. Just as I rounded the corner out of my neighborhood I noticed there was a grasshopper sitting on the outside of my windshield. I did not want to turn on my windshield wipers and kill him. I figured he would get blown away or jump soon. As I was driving, I started thinking about how much my granddaughter Destiny hates grasshoppers. They scare her because they jump so high and fast.

I realized that grasshoppers have been all around me this summer and it was obvious that this one wanted to hitch a ride. I was heading to the other side of town from where I lived to an area called Jenks, it is much nicer than my neighborhood. By now I was on the highway several miles away from home. The grasshopper was still there hanging on for dear life to the windshield wiper. As the wind picked up he moved behind the wiper where he was shielded from the wind.

I started thinking about how God always uses even the smallest animal to teach me things and here was this tiny grasshopper on this journey with me. It was no coincidence. It occurred to me that wherever this grasshopper decided to finally jump off at would be a whole new world for him. He was going from the ghetto that I lived in to a much better place.

I thought about what a windshield does. It actually shields me from the wind. I started laughing and thinking about all the different sermons I have listened to lately. They have been about God's love and how He grants us favor and shields us during life’s storms. They have spoken of how His mercies are never-ending and how He moves swiftly to elevate us to higher levels.

Then I thought, I am just like this grasshopper. I live in the ghetto, I have all these true needs and troubles on my mind. So, not too long ago I decided to jump on God’s car and hitch a ride. So, here I am now on His windshield hanging on for dear life because my world is crazy right now. I have managed to get behind the wiper, to His hiding place where I am shielded from the wind. I am careening through space at what feels like warp speed on God’s highway. I do not know where I am going but it has to be better than where I have been.

My favorite story in the Bible is Doubting Thomas because that is who I am. I do not understand what I call the “name it claim it, nab it blab it” churches that say you must have enough faith to get something. I do EVERYTHING afraid most of the time. I just keep getting up every day and asking God if He is real and He lets me poke His side and see the nail scars in His hands. Then, just like the grasshopper, I jump on His windshield for another day and hitch a ride. So far He has never let me fly off and I always eventually end up in a better place.

Thank you tiny grasshopper for letting God use you to teach me something today. Hope where you hopped off was Heaven to you!

Adonai

by Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

When my granddaughter Zoey died I used to listen to this CD over and over because it comforted me. One time I saw Zoey at God's throne dancing and worshipping in a vision. She looked at me and grabbed my hand and said, "Dance GeGe, dance!!" She pulled me out from the side and we danced around the throne together. I will never forget it. I lost the CD years ago and have longed for it but I could not remember the name of it, only what the cover looked like. Today, I have felt like giving up. My eyes are worse, I'm tired and other stuff going on. I sit down and open YouTube to listen to something inspirational and what pops up out of nowhere just now? Zoey and my grandson Mikey always find a way to say hello from Heaven!!! I am just so humbled by God's love right now as I listen with tears running down my face. Even in the one of the hardest times of my life He gives me this...the very thing my heart, mind and spirit needed.

Watch "Various Artists - Adonai: The Power Of Worship From The Land Of Israel" on YouTube
https://youtu.be/TJC5djHAliA

Thirty-three Years Sober

It is midnight on July 5, 2019 and I am celebrating 33 years of sobriety. I always call July 5th my rebirth day because it was the day God gave me my life back and I was reborn. This past year has been hell. In many ways one of the worst of my sobriety. I have not picked up a drug or drink thanks to God's amazing grace and mercy. Yet, there have been many things that have happened beyond my control that cut me to the bone. Most days I have literally trudged through the day fighting back tears. I have buried my grandmother, buried my husband's brother, dealt with family drama that ripped my heart apart, survived the recent flood, then spent 9 days in the hospital with a vision problem that still is not solved. I have other problems going on too every day.

Yet, in the middle of all the seeming chaos and sorrow of my life I have had some very awesome and beautiful things happen. We celebrated the birth of my beautiful grandson Michael Charles in December. He was an answer to many prayers from myself and our family. He is the happiest little boy and his smile and laughter is the medicine for my broken spirit.

We celebrated the high school graduation of my oldest granddaughter Destiny in May. That moment was one of the proudest for me. See, when she was born I did not know how we could provide for her. Yet, step by step and day by day God has always made a way for her.

I have watched my son, daughter, daughter-in-love, granddaughters Kaylee, Bella and Courtney push through life one day at a time as well. All of my granddaughters made it through another year of school. My kids have survived despite bumps and sometimes craters in the road of life. Despite their imperfections I am so proud of them and love them with all that I am.

Tonight I was sitting in the house thinking I always buy and watch the kids shoot fireworks to celebrate my sobriety birthday and this year I did not have the money. I thought well it is what it is. Then, Andre came inside and said come watch the fireworks. So, I went out to the yard and the neighbors put on a show. It was just what I needed. Sometimes I forget that God is ALWAYS there, even in the littlest things like fireworks for me to watch and celebrate my sobriety.

I asked my son yesterday, "Where is your gratitude?" The reality is, I was asking myself. There are lots of changes coming in the future...some good, some bad, some sad, some unexpected. Yet, I am reminded again to count my blessings and be grateful for all that I have. I do not know what the next year brings, but with God's grace and mercy I will face it sober. For, without my sobriety I have nothing.

One last thought, when I got sober 33 years ago I was young and scared. I had no idea how to do this thing called life and I wanted to die. Yet this little boy Sedrick and little girl Alicia desperately needed me to pull it together and be the mother I needed to be. So, I took it scary step by scary step, minute by minute, day by day. If had relapsed back to drinking and drugging I would have died and missed out on these two beautiful children and their lives. They have grown with me and often raised me, but we made it. I am so grateful I did not miss out on them and my grandchildren. What a gift!

The Flood of May 2019

I live about 2 miles from the levy walls on 65th W Ave and Charles Page. This is the scariest thing I've gone through in my life other than getting sober a long time ago. At one point the other night I didn't know if I should hide in the basement from a tornado or climb on the roof because of a flood. I prayed and God gave me the clarity I needed. My granddaughter, my animals and I are safe. People stepped up to help, they are my angels. I wish my husband was here but he stayed home to keep looters away. I hope he doesn't get hurt.

I was laying in my hotel bed after I evacuated in the wee hours of Sunday morning thinking and I realized this flood and storms is a metaphor for my life. I am dealing with a problem with my vision and I have random spells of blurred vision and sometimes blindness, it's a possible brain tumor or something. I'm waiting on a cancellation at Claremore Indian hospital for an MRI of my eyes and brain. If they don't get a cancellation soon my appointment is July 30th. I'm scared...BIG TIME SCARED. I can't wait that long!! I'm also looking for another job and have other issues to deal with.

This whole flood nightmare has made me go back to one day, one hour, one minute at a time. I have to take life that way right now or I'll go crazy. So, all this crap life is throwing at me is in God's hands. I can't, He can, I think I'll let Him.

I have a granddaughter Zoey who died many years ago and she always comes to me as a butterfly. Today I was out walking my dog and a tiny little butterfly flew ahead of me all along my walk. Any time I stopped it stopped. I know it was Zoey telling me that even though I don't know what the future holds or what the plan is everything will be ok.

Reposting for Rhonda

I realized it's my sister-in-law Rhonda's birthday today so in her memory I am reposting this.

Note: I wrote this for my "Big Sis" Rhonda...I will miss her and never forget her...RIP Rhonda :'(

The Oldest

by Andrea Tadpole

You were told
From the very start
You're the oldest
You must be strong

Take care of your
Little brothers and sisters
Protect them
And guard their
Every heart

You must always
Be there
Whatever is needed
You do

Yet never
Show your
Weakness
Lest you fail
The little ones
They're always
Looking up to you

Problem is
You never learned
To let anyone
Care for you

You hid your worries
Deep inside
After all
You're the oldest
That's what you were
Supposed to do

Why does God
Let some live
While others
He let's die

It seems
He takes the
Beautiful ones
And leaves
The rest of us
To cry

I suspect
He looked down
And saw your
Every pain

Knew you couldn't
Take it and
Brought you home
Out of the rain

Thoughts on Faith

I texted this to my son today and I don't want to lose it. I'm going to put in the book I write before I die someday.

Thoughts on Faith

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

You remember when Destiny was born? When Alicia got pregnant I had no clue how I was going to take care of a baby. I had no money and a crappy job. I look back and I see God's hands all over us then. If He can do that then He will take care of you and Victoria and Michael. Help will come from the strangest most unexpected places. Look at where it came from for us and Destiny.

People who didn't even know us came out of the woodwork. We were given diapers and clothes enough that I didn't buy any for a year! God reminded me of money Mike had hidden years before and I was able to get a car for Alicia. Someone gave her just enough $ for a crib and carseat. Someone else gave us the pack n play.

You and I are both in a scary spot in life but these are times when God shines the brightest.

Sonya texted me this the other day:
God writes your story. Praying you are able to live the story God wrote about you! Also, in Exodus, there is a scripture when the Hebrew people left Egypt and were up against the sea God spoke to them and said "Stand still and watch the salvation of the Lord". Same goes for you! 

When I read that I got this picture in my heart of little old me standing at the Red Sea with parted walls of water towering over me on either side. I could hear God saying, "Walk through, I got this." Could you imagine that? I stood there for a minute amazed and terrified but then I saw the Egyptians or enemies fast approaching so I thought what the hell go for it. Somehow despite my humanity and Doubting Thomas personality,  God still pulls me through and saves me. He does the same for you.

So, you tell me to have faith and I'll tell you. We will get thru this thing called life together. Ok? I love you son.

Tears

It's been 235 days since my grandma Lillian died. This came in my email today. I like what it says.

Tears - Day #235

My most recent hospice client hated to cry. Part of it comes from being unable to wipe her own tears away; part of it comes from family members who tend to get annoyed or angry when she cries – because they are powerless to “fix things,” not because they’re mean. Her tears make her really mad; and this anger has nowhere to go either: she is literally paralyzed in bed and has no way to rid herself of rage. She is physically frozen, but emotionally seething.

One day I read her a passage from a book about the healing power of tears, and it was the key to moving her forward into expressing her grief around her own imminent passing. She cried for a long time; not sobbing, just a quiet weeping. I wiped her eyes, and cheeks, sat very close, and looked at her with compassion and love.
Don’t forget to cry, and do it often. Every drop carries away the toxins of sorrow, and leaves your body refreshed and more able to carry on through the overall grieving process.

Quotation of the Day
And with tears of blood he cleansed the hand,
The hand that held the steel:
For only blood can wipe out blood
And only tears can heal. - Oscar Wilde

Butterfly Message

My husband wrote this for his sister who died in 2001. I'm sharing it on my blog so I do not lose  it. I think its beautiful.

Butterfly Message for Dearest Carolyn
Our Daughter, Our Sister, Mother, Wife and Friend

July 1, 1965 – May 9, 2001

By Andre M. Broussard

Your beautiful smile now will be shared by all to see. You smiled through the pain. Your many Journeys through life have been a challenge. You have managed to continue on, when so many would have given up. Your strength and courage has been a personal testament to us all. You have earned your wings among the Angels.

Your growth and development reminds us all of the Butterfly Message which went as follows:
A man found a cocooned butterfly. One day a small opening appeared. He sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through that little hole. Then it seems to stop making progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could, and it could not go any farther. So, to help the butterfly he took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon. The butterfly then emerged easily, but it had a swollen body and small-shriveled wings. The man watched and waited for the butterfly to fly.

What the man, in his kindness and haste, did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the tiny opening were God’s way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings, so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.

Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in all of our lives. If God were to let us go through our lives without any obstacles, it would cripple us. We would not be as strong as what we could have been. We could never fly! Carolyn, God healing your wings enabling you to soar above us all, has given us hope, that one day our wings will be healed, and each of us will be able to fly together someday.

Now, when we look up among the stars, and gaze at the many beautiful wonders of the night, your star will be the newest and brightest of them all. When we feel the heat from the sun upon us, it will be you embracing us all, letting your loved ones know, you have arrived safely into God’s arms, and you have been greeted by other loved ones, who arrived earlier. And you have been welcomed with open loving arms.
From time to time, there will be signals from you above, reminding each of us that you are keeping a watchful eye on us all. Each time we see a butterfly, we will see you.

We release you for your long awaited journey home. We all know you have left a piece of you here, to protect the many memories of you.
You are loved and cherished and will always be remembered.

Love, your family and friends.

My Journey with Nanuk

by Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

I have always believed that animals have spirits. I also believe that animals are sent to be in our lives like people are. Back in mid February, a friend of mine, April Rain Wind, rescued a dog and posted it on Facebook in hopes that someone would foster him. I usually scroll on by those types of posts but this one stopped me in my tracks. Nanuk, as he has been dubbed, is a White Siberian Husky. His eyes are a beautiful, ice blue and they captivated me from the start, even in pictures. Nanuk had been obviously abused. His 2 front legs had been broken. He also had a choke collar with teeth that had been on him so long it had grown into his neck. He ended up having surgery on his legs and they had to cut the choke collar off.

One thing lead to another and Nanuk came to live with us. From the moment we met he has been like a long lost friend to me. Its as if we've known eachother forever. He is sweet and loving in spite of past hurts. His eyes are even more beautiful in person and I know he can see into a person's soul. I'm very blessed to get share this journey with him.

Over the last few weeks we have all worked hard with him. We have done everything the vet said. He's been on very limited activity, crate to leash to outside for bathroom breaks or eating only. Worn a cone around his neck 24/7. Absolutely no running or jumping. When he first came to us he had splints on both front legs and they were wrapped. At his first checkup the vet found that the splints rubbed sores on his legs that got infected. He spent a few days in the hospital then back home with even more limited activity. If anyone has ever had a Husky you know what a challenge this has been!

Slowly over the weeks Nanuk was getting better and better. He was also making inroads in my heart.  My life had been pretty stressful and he made me focus on something besides me. Needless to say, we have become close friends. I believe you can do that with animals. It's strange, no words every really spoken, yet a bond has grown out of the seeds of love and hope that were planted every day in the commitment to be there.

Anyway, last Saturday, Nanuk took a turn for the worse. He would not use his right leg at all. It started swelling and he was in alot of pain. April and I rushed him to the vet and they said his body might be rejecting the hardware in his legs. We were so scared and I was an emotional wreck inside. The vet started him on antibiotics and we posted a call for prayer for him on Facebook.

All I can say is, PRAYER WORKS!!! Yesterday morning when I took Nanuk for a walk he was putting weight on his right front leg on the walk outside. On the way back in he started limping, I assumed from being tired. As the day went on he got better and better. April, whom I now call his his rescuer and "angel extraordinaire", and I  took him to the vet after work anyway. The vet said he thought the infection was localized and not a rejection to the hardware. He put him on 6 weeks of antibiotics to make sure all infection completely clears out. He said he did not have to wear the cone anymore and next Monday we can start with gradual normal activities. The vet said everything is healing nicely!!

I am so grateful to everyone who has touched Nanuk's life in any way, be it through donations, time, and prayers. I know prayer works!! I am also grateful to this beautiful dog, Nanuk for pulling me and my dear friend April back together. Life makes us all crazy busy sometimes and we lose each other in the pursuit of God-knows-what...I know I'm guilty of it. I believe all animals come to us to teach lessons. Nanuk has taught me to refocus and make time for the ones I Iove.

Thanks again for the prayers everyone! I will keep you updated.

P.S. I let him off the leash for just a few seconds, the first time in weeks. Of course he had to do a victory lap!!! I'm sure next Monday he'll really go crazy! 😍

Nanuk Update 4/2/19

by Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

Last Saturday Nanuk took a turn for the worse. He would not use his right leg at all. It started selling and he was in alot of pain. We rushed him to the vet and they said his body might be rejecting the hardware in his legs. We were so scared and I was an emotional wreck inside. The vet started him on antibiotics and we posted a call for prayer for him on Facebook.

All I can say is, PRAYER WORKS!!! Yesterday morning when I took Nanuk for a walk he was putting weight on his right front leg on the walk outside. On the way back in he started limping I assumed from being tired. As the day went on he got better and better. April Rain Wind, his rescuer and angel extraordinaire and I  took him to the vet after work anyway. The vet said he thought the infection was localized and not a rejection to the hardware. He put him on 6 weeks of antibiotics to make sure all infection completely clears out. He said he did not have to wear the cone anymore and next Monday we can start with gradual normal activities. The vet said everything is healing nicely!! I am so grateful to everyone who has touched Nanuk's life in any way, be it through donations, time, and prayers. I know prayer works!! I am also grateful to this beautiful dog Nanuk for pulling me and friend April back together. Life makes us all crazy busy sometimes and we lose each other in the pursuit of God-knows-what...I know I'm guilty of it. I believe all animals come to us to teach lessons. Nanuk has taught me to refocus and make time for the ones I Iove. Thanks again for the prayers everyone! I will keep you updated.

P.S. I let him off the leash for just a few seconds, the first time in weeks. Of course he had to do a victory lap!!! I'm sure next Monday he'll really go crazy! 😍

Nanuk

I wrote this back in February when I first started fostering my rescue dog Nanuk, a Siberian Husky.

by Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

I have always believed that animals have spirits. I also believe that animals are sent to be in our lives like people are. Recently, a friend of mine rescued a dog and posted it on Facebook in hopes that someone would foster him. I usually scroll on by those types of posts but this one stopped me in my tracks. Nanuk as he has been dubbed, is a White Siberian Husky. His eyes are a beautiful ice blue and they captivated me from the start even in pictures. Nanuk had been obviously abused. He had 2 broken legs. He also had choke collar with teeth that had been on him so long it had grown into his neck. He ended up having surgery on his legs and they had to cut the choke collar off.

One thing lead to another and Nanuk came to live with us. From the moment we met he has been like a long lost friend to me. Its as if we've known eachother forever. He is sweet and loving in spite of past hurts. His eyes are even more beautiful in person and I know he can see into a person's soul. I'm very blessed to get share this journey with him. I love you Nanuk! ❤

If I Died Tonight

by Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

If I died tonight
Would you miss me
Would you have regrets
Things you should have said or done

Would you miss my smile
Crave my touch
In the very depths of your soul
Yet know that you’d never have it
That I’d never be there to hold

If I died tonight
Would your heart ache
And grasp desperately at any way
To cross the great divide
For just a second with me
With your arms open wide

Out of nowhere
Would you hear my voice
Calling out your name
Would you feel your heart leap
Maybe even look
Then remember I’m gone forever
I won’t be coming back again

Eternity is a long time
There are no overs
So why are you wasting your life
And why are you wasting mine

If I died tonight
How would you feel
Really
Stop for one minute and think
How would you feel

I guess I’m the only one that’s real
I live in the moment
I live in now
Sometimes that’s not pretty
Sometimes it’s not happy, joyous and free
It sucks
It’s just reality

See I understand
We don’t live forever
Today is all we have

If you need me
I’m there
I’ll listen
I’ll carry the burden with you
Because I know

If you died tonight
I’d miss you
You’re in my heart
Part of me would die too

If I died tonight
Would you miss me
Just asking
Just need to know
It seems like I'm not that special
Easily forgotten
Even easier to let go

Message to a Friend About Grief

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

I wrote this to a friend in response to her pleas for help in dealing with grief:

I am responding in case you think no one read what you posted. Here is what I think and let me warn you, I'm not sugar coating it for you:

1. I have no idea what your relationship is like with your sister. However you DO have a family even if its small. When we are grieving loss like yours its a time for family to come together to be supportive and not get in fights over petty things. Life is too short, you most of all know that.

2. For myself, when I have been in the depth of grief it has been very intense. Its not pretty at all. I tend to send off vibes that push people away even though that's not what I want. People don't know how to handle me so they back away. I suspect you might be doing that too. It is what it is so hold on while you're riding the tsunami of grief. It will eventually get better and your family and friends will get closer.

3. Self pity is not a requirement for working through the sorrow of losing someone you loved. I am certain your husband would not want you slogging around in self pity. So, try doing something to get out of yourself. How about volunteering at a homeless shelter or the nursery at church or something? I found when I focus on helping others, even in a small way, instead of my problem, somehow it heals my heart too.

4. Find a face-to-face support group for grief or a counselor. Just find something that makes you get up and get out and focus on your own journey and recovery through this.

5. There are no quick fixes. Grief sucks. Its unpredictable, its ugly, it a rollercoaster from one day to the next emotionally. Be kind to yourself.

6. Instead of uprooting your life all at once, why don't you plan a take some trips to different places that you've always wanted to go? Figure out what YOU like first. Then if you want to move go for it!

7. Nobody can fix you. While its nice to have the company of friends, grief is a journey we walk alone. So, start taking care of yourself and stop whining. My grief therapist told me that years ago and she was right. Get up every day, put your makeup on, go for a walk or drive or whatever you can find even small bits of joy in. Eventually the small bits of joy turn into big ones and your heart will start to heal.

8. Come to Tulsa any time you want. I'd be happy to have lunch with you or something. I really do love you, ya know? ❤

9. Last but not least, pray continually. Hang on to God with all your might. Trust Him and let Him guide you. He will never let you down.

I'll get off my soapbox now.

Sending much love from this grief survivor to you. My prayers are always going up for you! 🙏🙏🙏

Prayer for My Family

My family is going through alot right now. My daughter and her two youngest girls are battling the flu right now. So far, my daughter doesn't have it. My daughter-in-love has some health issues going on and my son has his ongoing battles. My nephew, Jere is having a medical procedure tomorrow. So, I am posting a prayer for them. Please, if you believe in the power of prayer stand in agreement with me.

Prayer for My Family

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

Father God, I come to you tonight and I ask you to wrap Bella and Courtney up in your arms and give them rest and peace. I pray that you touch them and heal them from tops of their heads to the soles of their feet. I rebuke this sickness that is plaguing them and I plead the blood of Jesus over them. I speak complete healing into their bodies right now. I command, in your name that their bodies line up with your word that says by your stripes they are healed. Lord, I pray a hedge of protection around my daughter, that she will not get the flu, that it dies if touches her. I speak health and energy into her body and peace for her mind. I pray that you grant Alicia unmerited favor with her employer during this difficult time. Please give Alicia the peace passes all understanding and help her rest.

Lord, I lift Sedrick and Victioria up to you. Lord, I speak healing into Victoria's body. I pray that her immune system strengthens and heals the infection she has. Father God I pray that you give my son strength and relieve his pain. I rebuke and I cast lupus into the pits of hell where it belongs. Lord I know you have the same love for my son that you have for David. I know the lyrics and music he writes are your greatest joy and all of Heaven rejoices when he sings. Father God break Sedrick free from the writer's block he has. Loose the chains from his heart and mind and make the anointing of the Holy Spirit overtake and consume him. Lead him to the job he needs and make him prosper so he can take care of his young family.

Lord I hold up my nephew Jere to you. God I am many states away from him but you are right there with him. God, please take care of him and bring him through the procedure tomorrow safely and give him a speedy recovery. Bring all the help he needs for him and his boys to him. Calm his spirit and ease his mind in Jesus name.

Lord please bless and strengthen my parents too. Give them energy and vitality. Please keep them safe.

Father God I rebuke the spirit of fear that seems to plague us all. I pray that you would give us the stability and security that comes from knowing that you will never leave us or forsake us. Lord, I ask you to shut the mouths of those who would speak negativity into our lives and try to tear us down. Remove the bullies from our lives. Bring us all the agape love you taught us while here on earth even though we do not deserve it. Help us to treat others with that same love too.

Father God, I believe and know that my prayers go on for eternity. They don't just hit the ceiling and bounce back. The prayers my grandmother prayed for me so many years ago got me sober and keep me sober today. So, I pray in faith now for my family, my children, grandchildren and generations to come. I call down a legion of angels to surround and guard and protect them all and those to come. I rebuke the evil one who is trying to destroy them in the name of Jesus. I pray that the Holy Spirit will reach out and touch my family and give them discernment so they know which way to go in life.

Lord, I have faith in you and know you hear the prayers of this lowly woman who loves her family with all that I am. I know you answer prayers because I'm living proof. Please, protect and bless my family, children, grandchildren and those to come. Give them peace, health and prosperity. Make a way when it looks like there is none. Guide them and shelter them all the days of their lives, long after I am gone.

I pray this in the holy, blessed name of my savior and brother and your son Jesus.

Amen

Hellos from Heaven

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

Most everyone knows by now that my family and I have been through great losses over the years. My children's father Mike, my granddaughter Zoey, my grandson Mikey, my grandparents, my sister-in-law Rhonda...the list goes on and on. Grief has been a constant companion in my life because it is inevitable when I have lost those I love so much.

Over the years I have found my own ways of grieving and dealing with loss. I have found ways to find joy in the midst of deepest sorrows. There is one thing that I have done for a long time. I am not even sure when or how it started now, I just know it worked so I kept doing it. I always watch for what I call "Hellos from Heaven". These hellos are random things that happen that remind me my loved ones are still around me in spirit. For example, when I see frogs I know my grandson is near, if I see a cardinal I know it my grandmother Mary, etc. One that is particularly special to me is butterflies because I always feel my granddaughter Zoey is near.

Like most people, I often get busy and wound up in the chaos and worries of life. I forget to be still and watch for the "Hellos from Heaven". Today was one of those days. I have been very busy at work all week and also very concerned about my two granddaughters Bella and Courtney. They are both home with the flu. My daughter Alicia is a single mom and working and taking care of them. She is worn out. I have been so worried and praying like crazy for them.

Today, I decided to work straight through lunch and leave a little early so I could take a care package to the girls. I decided I would wear gloves and a mask to protect me from exposure to the flu. I stopped by the drugstore and could not find any masks. I was searching hurriedly through the store and running all kinds of ideas through my mind of what else I could use. Just as I was about to give up something orange caught my attention in the corner of my eye. I looked and there laid a beautiful orange bandana with butterflies all over it. It was just the right size to tie around my nose and mouth. I stopped in my tracks and smiled because I knew it was my sweet Zoey telling me she was with me and everything would be okay. So, I tied my butterfly bandana around my face when I went in to see the girls. They laughed and I told them about the "Hellos from Heaven" and that Zoey wanted them to know everything was going to be okay. We all laughed with joy together and I know Zoey was there laughing with us.

There are many people in this world who think my "Hellos from Heaven" are not real and that I am crazy. Those kind of people are not a part of my life for long. I know our spirits live on forever because I have seen them. I also know that just when I need it most "Hellos from Heaven" appear. Thank you my sweet Zoey for finding a way to bridge the divide and reach my heart today with your beautiful hello. I love you forever my sweet granddaughter. ❤

My Little Boy

Written with love for my son Sedrick on January 5, 2019 - the day before his 37th birthday

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

37 years ago today I was in the midst of long, hard labor with my first child. Back then we did not have ultrasounds to tell us what we were having before our baby was born. Yet, I just knew it was a boy. I had picked his name when I was 14 years old. I had seen a movie called Little Lord Fauntleroy. It was a story about the love between a mother and her son who was named Sedrick. I knew at that moment I would have a little boy who would have the same name someday and we would share the same deep love for each other. I remember when Sedrick was born, the first time I heard his cry it was like music to my heart and soul because I knew he was alive and well. From that moment on he has been one of the deepest loves of my life. 

I was only 19 when I had him. Him being my oldest child and me being so young, he and I grew up together. As a little boy he was always the one that woke up happy. Every morning he would jump in my lap and kiss my cheek and tell me how much he loved me. Even when I was at my worst, face down in my puke drunk this little guy never gave up on me. He just loved me for me. No expectations, no hatred, just pure love.

As time marched on I got sober and he road that crazy roller coaster with me. He's been through hell and back with me many times over. From me learning how to live again in sobriety, to divorce, to my crazy idea to move to Las Vegas for awhile. Even through it all he always managed to be my comedian. He has always found a way to make me laugh and smile even in my darkest hours.

As a young teenager he found music and took off like a rocket. His music is the oil of joy to me. I will never forget the day he sang a song that he wrote for me. It was just another hectic day and Mother's Day was close. In the middle of the chaos he stopped me in my tracks when he said, "Mom, listen to this song I wrote!" I begrudgingly stopped what I was doing. Then he started singing, "Happy Mother's Day Momma, I made you breakfast in bed! Oh how I love you Momma even when you've done wrong." As he sang my heart melted and tears filled my eyes. I saw there before me the beautiful gift God gave me in him. That song has saved me many times when life has kicked my teeth in. It always comes up in my heart and reminds me that there is one person left in this world who loves me...my son.

Eventually, this beautiful young man graduated school and got married. I will remember the day my son became a man in my eyes like it was yesterday. It was when I watched him place his little baby girl's casket in the ground. I knew the love he had for her and I knew how much pain he was in. Yet, he loved her so much he laid her to rest himself. Words cannot describe how horribly beautiful that moment was. I stood in awe of him and I still do today. I realized again, how blessed I was to be chosen to be his mother.

Over the years we have been through alot. Most of it together; some of it apart for awhile. But somehow we have always found our way back to each other again. We have argued, fought, yelled, cried, played, joked and laughed together. We have not done life perfectly but we are still there for each other. Our love for one another has never died.

I have watched him raise his daughter and seen what an awesome father he is. Now, I get to watch him raise his newborn son. I watch from the outside in on his life and I am so proud of him. He has grown into such a fine, loving man, husband and father. Even though he's fighting his own battle with a chronic illness he never gives up. He always pushes and gives his all.

If I had been asked to draw a picture or write a story 37 years ago about the son I would have I would have short changed myself. I could have never imagined the man I would so humbly call my son today. He is a bright and shining spirit full of love and compassion. He is not perfect. He's an awful lot like me, opinionated and passionate. He deeply loves his family and most of all he deeply loves the Lord.

So, on the eve of your 37th birthday, my dear sweet Seddy, I just want you to know that no matter how crazy life gets I am still here. I love you and I am proud of you. I was your first and most devoted fan and I always will be. I knew and loved you long before anyone else. You had my heart then and always will. Happy birthday!

Love,
Momma ❤

Grandpa Shelby

I wrote this on 12/20/12. Here it is another birthday without you Grandpa Shelby. I sure miss you! In honor of you I am reposting this today.

Grandpa Shelby

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

I am thinking about my grandpa Shelby Morrison today. He died many years ago. His birthday is today. I don't remember how old he would have been but it does not matter. He will always be alive in my heart.

On the outside he was big and clumsy. People often assumed he was an oaf and stupid. Boy were the wrong! Turn on some good music and he could dance like Fred Astair. My favorite memory of him is dancing in the livingroom with me and him twirling me around.

He was a quiet man and he worked hard at the railroad as a switchman most of his life. On the side he had a concession business. He sold snow cones, cotton candy and other stuff. He also sold balloons at all the area Christmas parades. He was a shrewd business man and wise beyond his years.

He was a good man and loved the Lord. He always gave food to the hungry, shelter to the homeless and clothes to the naked. He never judged anyone. He just loved people. My grandma always said he took in stray people instead of stray dogs. I only hope to be as good as him.

Every one in the neighborhood knew him as the snowcone man. To me, he was my grandpa and I loved him dearly.

I miss you grandpa! Keep watch over my grandbabies and other loved ones till I get there! I'm still dancing!!

Love you!!!  ~Andi~

My Grandson Michael Charles Zelsnack 12/12/18

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

As I sit today watching my beautiful daughter-in-love in labor with my little grandson Michael Charles my eyes fill with tears and my mind fills with memories. Tears of incredibly, indescribable joy at the amazing gift we are being given. Memories of those who've gone on before us who I know are here in spirit welcoming this new life into the world. Birth is such a crazy amazing journey. Its filled with utter joy and anticipation at its inception. There are struggles along the way. The final leg of the journey is the worst pain one could ever go through and yet the product is a total manifestation of unending, life altering love.

For me, to be present to see a woman give birth is a holy and sacred moment. Such a humbling and blessed gift. I have only been to one other besides the birth of my own children. i feel the Holy Spirit so heavy, loving and magnificent in this room today. I am awestruck once again at God's creation and the love I see between a man and woman, my son and daughter-in-love. It reminds that God's love never fails.

I am reminded again of the sacred duty God has  given me as a grandmother. I cannot wait to welcome this little boy to the world. Most of all, I cannot wait to watch him grow and learn.

So, welcome to this world and welcome to our family my little, tiny friend!! I will always be here whether in person or in spirit when this body is long gone to love, guide and protect you through this crazy thing called life.

This day...these sacred, holy moments will be forever etched on my heart. I will always love you Sedrick and Victoria. Most of all I will always love you more little Michael Charles, my beautifully and wonderfully made grandson.

Love,

Your Proud GeGe

💖💖💖

Thoughts On Revenge

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

Revenge gives some people sick satisfaction even if it hurts innocent bystanders, especially the ones closest to them. The price for Revenge is high. In the end Revenge sucks the very life out of you and kills all that you loved the most because you would rather hold on to the hate than reach for something good. You would rather bask in the twisted and familiar feeling of hateful Revenge than let go and allow God's forgiveness to heal your broken heart. Revenge will leave you cold and dead inside, alone in a selfmade prison. Yet the whole time you hold the very keys to let yourself out.

My Journey of Grief

I am writing this for my dear, sweet friend Alice who recently lost her beloved husband. I hope it helps others as well.

My Journey of Grief

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

I have been through tremendous loss in my life. Many loved ones have gone on...from mere minutes old to over a century old and all ages in between. There are no two ways about it, loss and grieving that loss hurts and it is devasting.

For me, grief comes in waves just like sitting at a beach. Some days there is a nice cool breeze, I can feel the soothing wind in my hair and see the calm ripples of the waves of memories on the water and I am at peace. Other days, there are storm clouds on the horizon and the waves are fierce and slam against the shore with fury, leaving my heart pulverized in sorrow again. On those days, I am doing good to simply utter a whispered prayer for help and simply breathe. Occasionally a tsunami overtakes me out of nowhere and I am sucked under the turbulent waves with sorrow like I have never known. Even in the depths of this grief, God, in His tender loving way, always somehow lifts my head above the water and I am able to fight to live another day. His grace always amazes me. This unfortunately, is all part of the process of letting someone go whom I have loved with all I am. It is, for me, the price I pay to love so deeply.

Grief is not pretty. Its ugly and painful and most of those left around us do not know what to do to help. So, they say heartfelt phrases like "it will get better", "just remember the good times", "be grateful they are in Heaven", the list goes on ad nauseam. While they mean well, these do not help us, the grief stricken ones, they only soothe the other's guilt for not knowing what to do to help. For me, the best thing anyone has ever done is just be there. No words. No "fix it" kind of things. Just their presence in my life is all I need because, grief is a journey that one must walk through alone. At least it is for me.

I have learned through tremendous never ending loss at one point in my life, to be gentle with myself. The greatest soothing balm for me has always been my grandchildren and other young ones in my life. Children are so full life and joy, especially babies. God has always managed to have a baby in my life during my deepest sorrow. Just rocking them was soothing because in reality it was me who was being rocked.

Another thing I do which I believe comes from my Native American ancestry is I look for signs of my loved ones around me. Cardinals, butterflies and frogs are messengers from them for me. The cardinal is my grandmother, the butterfly is my granddaughter, and the frog is my grandson. When I see these it is like a, "Hello, I am still here in spirit around you!" from Heaven.

People always say "time heals". I frankly think that is a lie. It will take an eternity to heal from loss for me. I do believe though, that with time I learn to live with the loss. The gaping hole in my heart heals over but it will always be tender there. There are still what I call "tsunami days" but they are farther apart with time.

I always say, "Heaven is so far away yet so close its only a heartbeat and breath away." So, remember to take time to be still and watch for little "hellos from Heaven" once in awhile. They are there around to remind you that you are not alone and your loved is there watching over you.

I love you!

~ Andrea ❤