Angel In Disguise

by Andrea Tadpole

The day I met you
My heart took flight
It was the end of
A long dark night

You must of come
From somewhere above
An angel in disguise
Wrapped in love

When Will It Be My Turn

NOTE: I wrote this a year ago. I understand now. He waited because he DOES love me. We are getting married on Valentine's Day next year!!

by Andrea Tadpole

I've tried to show him
How much
Love I have
Tried to breathe
New life into his
Broken Heart
But I fear I've failed
Miserably

I've waited patiently
For him
Like a butterfly
To land on me
Careful not to
Scare him away

Yet it seems
He will never stop
And trust me enough
To give his
Whole heart
And commit

I've racked my mind
Sleepless night
After night
I don't understand
Why he still flits away

Is it me
Am I just
Not good enough
Maybe I don't work
Hard enough
Or maybe I make
His life worse

I don't know anymore
I just know that
My heart is broke
Because he won't
Make me his wife

Father's Day Letter 1987

Dear Daddy,

Today I've been thinking a lot about my past; I guess because it's Father's Day.

I've spent the last twenty-three years of my life constantly reminding you how sorry I was that you were my dad. I did a lot of things to try and hurt you and I didn't want to get close to you. I wasted so much time. I wish that I could take back all the bad things I said to and about you, but I can't. They tell me in AA that I had to go through everything I went through to get to where I am at today.

I feel like there's so much lost time to make up for with you. I have tried the best I could this past year to be a responsible, sober, mature young lady. See, they tell me in AA the only way I can truly make amends to my family is by living life sober one day at a time.

I know that you don't understand my disease of alcoholism, and lots of times I feel like you think this "AA thing" is just another "phase" I'm going through. Lord knows I've went through enough. I can assure you this is no phase. AA and it's 12 steps of recovery have become a way of life, a design for living for me today. For the first time in my life I love myself.  I'm beginning to know who Andrea is and what she wants, what she feels and believes. I spent all of my life running from me. I put the blame for all my problems on you and mom, anyone close to my life.  Today I know if I have a problem I've 99.5% of the time created it myself. There's no one else to blame.

You know? You really surprised me when I went into treatment. You stuck by me. I just knew that you were gonna tell me I had really gone over the deep end this time and disown me. In some sense of the idea I had gone over the deep end, but you were there. You will never, never know how much that helped me. For the first time in my life I realized how much you loved me. That is truly the neatest feeling I've ever had.

They also told me that God would restore my relationships with my family. They being AA, of course. I can see where God is doing that. I am no longer deathly afraid of you. I know that I can come and talk to you not just as my dad, but as another person. You know, I think a lot of the change has come because I have accepted you as a human being. I no longer have unrealistic expectations set on you. You don't have to be perfect, you don't have to be wealthy, you don't owe me a damn thing. I just love you very much and I want so much to be closer to you (I feel I am to some extent). I know for me today to have all these things I want, I must stay sober and keep a real close relationship with my Higher Power (God) and He'll give me all I need or ever wanted just because I'm putting Him first.

I also want to thank you for never down grading me for my choice to be an active member in AA. I've always longed to be accepted by you and for a long time I looked to you to make me feel okay; and when you couldn't I would get angry and resentful. I know today that the only one that can make me feel okay is God and me. If I'm doing the best I can to be honest with myself and willing to change my attitudes instead of expecting everyone else to dance to my tune I will feel okay and I will stay sober and live a happy joyous and free life one day at a time. I guess I've rambled enough.

I just want you to know how much I truly love you. I always will -- you're my daddy! For that I am truly grateful to God.

Hugs and kisses,
Andrea

Her Eyes Give Her Away

I wrote this for my friend Stella DeVille on May 14, 1993 at 8:40pm CST in Sulphur Springs, AR while at a women’s AA retreat. I have tried to find it many times over the years to give to her again but I never did. I prayed and asked God to show me where it was today and to my amazement found it. I guess I wasn’t supposed to find it till now. I loved Stella deeply. God gave me the honor of watching her come into AA, sober up and grow. I sponsored her for a while in the beginning and heard her 5th step. I have sat in many meetings with her over the past few years and she has taught me so much more than I ever did her. I will miss her and never forget her. Here is what I wrote so long ago about Stella:

I am sitting here on the porch watching the sun sink slowly behind the hills. Stella asked me to write something for her and about her. I have been thinking of what to write. It has to be inspirational. I feel so inadequate. I want to write something that will touch her spirit. I keep “trying” to come up with something. I know when I let go, God will write through me. I just need to get out of the way. One of my greatest desires is to be a writer – to publish a book. Is that ego or is that God? I am not sure. Time will tell.

Now back to Stella. What do I admire in Stella? I admire her sense of humor, her willingness, her passion; I love her little child within. I love to play with her and can read her eyes.

Her Eyes Give Her Away

by Andrea Tadpole

She tries to look so strong
Yet her eyes give her away

Her eyes say I’m scared and lonely
I don’t know where I fit

She’s been through tremendous pain
I wish I could take it away
I can’t

I watch her grow
I’ve seen her change
She doesn’t like to admit it
But she’s grown
Her eyes give her away

Today they say
I’VE SURVIVED
I’M ALIVE
Show me what to do
I need to learn to live

Her eyes are full of
Excitement
Uncertainty
Joy and pain

Today she can feel
And she can cry

The tears
Wash away the dirt
And heal the wounds
They give life clarity
And help things grow

She’s a beautiful lady
I love her
She’s my soulmate
She's my sister
And her eyes give her away

Rhonda Nannette Broussard-Dicks

Created by Andrea Tadpole & Lamont Broussard with love

The Oldest

Note: I wrote this for my "Big Sis" Rhonda...I will miss her and never forget her...RIP Rhonda :'(

The Oldest

by Andrea Tadpole

You were told
From the very start
You're the oldest
You must be strong

Take care of your
Little brothers and sisters
Protect them
And guard their
Every heart

You must always
Be there
Whatever is needed
You do

Yet never
Show your
Weakness
Lest you fail
The little ones
They're always
Looking up to you

Problem is
You never learned
To let anyone
Care for you

You hid your worries
Deep inside
After all
You're the oldest
That's what you were
Supposed to do

Why does God
Let some live
While others
He let's die

It seems
He takes the
Beautiful ones
And leaves
The rest of us
To cry

I suspect
He looked down
And saw your
Every pain

Knew you couldn't
Take it and
Brought you home
Out of the rain

Andre

by Andrea Tadpole

I once dreamt
I'd find the one
To share a love
That's deep and true

I searched and searched
With all my heart
But everything
Just fell apart

I gave up hope
Refused to look
When out of nowhere
There you stood

You're the man
I dreamed of
All my life
The reason my heart
Took flight

I cannot believe
You've chosen me
From all the fishes
In the sea

We both work hard
To build our life
Meet up together
In the late night light

Our stolen moments
So tender and sweet
Revive my soul
And bring me peace

In all my life
I've never known 
The kind of love
I have for you

If I could have
One wish come true
It would be
To spend
Forever with you

My Man

Andre and I have been together for 10 months now. He is the kind of man I always dreamed of but feared I'd never find. He's not perfect and neither am I. I don't think either of us were looking for perfection. We were looking for the kind of love that stands the test of time. The kind of love that's built on mutual trust and respect with that special "chemistry" and passion that keeps life fun even in hard times. I waited to announce our relationship on Facebook until we were both sure about us and where we are going. Andre and I went to Florida for vacation together last month and we both agree that this trip is what sealed the deal for us. Andre and I "officially" moved in together last week. I'm the happiest woman in the world!

Andre, I love you with all my heart! I wrote this for you:

My Man
by Andrea Tadpole

My man
Found me
Deep in the night
Like an angel
Brought me
Back to life

When we met
His eyes twinkled
With pure delight
His smile
Illuminated me
At first sight

I fell fast and hard
From the very start
Yet he was there
To catch me
He captured
My heart

Dark brown skin
Smooth as silk
Honey sweet kisses
That make me melt
He has a way of
Touching me
In places
No one else
Has ever felt

Strong and protective
Yet soft and tender
Its finally safe
I can surrender
To the love
We share
To this man
My man
Now
Forever

He Always Touches Me

by Andrea Tadpole

He always touches me
Always
And when he does
It draws me in
Like a moth
To the full moon light

He always touches me
Tenderly
Sweetly
As if to say
You're my woman
All mine

He always touches me
And his sparks
Ignite my hidden passion
Into a raging fire
Of sensuality
And desire

He always touches me
And reminds me
I belong to this man
Who loves me
Safe and warm
In his arms
Forever more

Thoughts On Love

Thoughts On Love
by Andrea Tadpole

Love is a fragile gift
Beautiful to behold
When tasted
One is insatiable
With an unquenchable
Fiendish thirst
For more and more

Yet love cannot
Be possessed
Or reigned in
It cannot be forced
It can only be experienced
Between two lovers
Intertwined at the heart

Love can last
Forever
When cultivated
And grown
In the garden
Of two
Star-crossed souls

Courtney's 1st Birthday Letter

by Andrea Tadpole

Note: This is taken from a book my daughter and I write together called Love Letters. I wrote it for my youngest granddaughter Courtney on her first birthday. I’m sure my daughter won’t mind me posting it here, it seems appropriate. 


1/22/2008

Today is Courtney’s 1st birthday! Can you believe it?! Time runs so fast – she is already walking and trying to talk. Wow! So here is a letter to her. Hopefully she will read it someday when I’m long gone and remember how much her GeGe loves her – here goes.

Dear Courtney,

The day you were born was one of the most wonderful days of my life. The first time I saw you through the hospital nursery window my heart leapt with joy. You had this beautiful head of red hair just like my grandma Mary’s. I am sure she was dancing in heaven! Your eyes were big, beautiful blue like the ocean. From the first time you looked at me you had the ability to pierce the very depths of my soul with your gaze.

While I loved you just as much as I love all my grandchildren, I had no idea what gift you were meant to be to me. Just a few short days after your joyous birth, your cousin Michael Aydn was still born. I went from the highs of welcoming you to the very depths of sorrow at the loss of my beautiful grandson. That night after he was born I was driving around and the pain was so horrible from losing another grandbaby that I could not think straight, much less stop crying. I found myself on the side of the road crying into my cell phone to my confidant, Sandra. Apparently I had thought about driving over a cliff to end it all so the pain would stop forever. Sandra asked me what I could do at that moment that would help stop the pain in my heart. The only thing I could think of was to hold and rock you. So, I called your mom and asked if I could come over and do that. From the moment I held you in my arms it was as if you put this warm soothing medicine on my devastated soul. Here you were a mere six days old and yet you were snuggled right up to me. I sat and rocked you as tears of joy and sadness all rolled into one streamed down my face. I knew that there was hope when I looked at you and I knew that I had to stay alive for you and my other family. That night you and I forged a bond of love with each other that did not need words.

Since then I have watched you grow and learn. We have spent many hours rocking together. You always end up on my lap wanting to be rocked. I think at some level you know that you are the one rocking me. Your love has been and is what the Bible calls “the oil of joy for mourning” to me. You have a spirit of compassion and understanding like no one I have ever known. Well, your mom has that same spirit. It’s beautiful; don’t let life snuff it out.

You are so full of energy and joy. You have made me laugh and smile when I thought I never would again. I have watched you study your big sisters and I know you are taking notes. I know if you could talk you would tell them that when you get big you’re going to be like them. You don’t miss a thing.

Another thing that you have done is totally fall in love with your Uncle Sedrick. When he walks in the room the whole world stops and your eyes are fixed on him. You demand his attention and stay glued to him. I think you know he needs you. I can only imagine what losing Mikey was like for him.

So, I said all that to say this – if you ever doubt that you are here for a reason or think that God has no purpose in your life look around you. Find the one that’s hurting and down hearted and show them the love you have shown to all of us in this brief first year of your life. Go kiss your mom and babies and let them know how much you care. Treasure every second of your life because you never know when it will be your last. Whatever you do – do not lose the hope and inspiration I see in your beautiful blue eyes. Stay connected to your family, especially your mom and sisters. I wasted too many years being mad at mine for things I don’t remember now. In the end all you have is God and family so hang on to them.

Thank you for loving me my beautiful little girl.

I will love you forever,

GeGe

Laying In Bed

by Andrea Tadpole

Laying in bed
In the middle of
The night
Thinking about you
Makes my heart
Take flight

I imagine our bodies
Intertwined
In a dance of
Ecstasy 
So divine

I've dipped my toe
In the ocean of
What might be
Is it real
Or just a fantasy

Laying in bed
In the middle of
The night
Praying for answers
I gotta know
Should I stay
Should I go
Pull you close
Or run away

Your touch
Sends me reeling
In infinite bliss
I look into
Your eyes
See forever
Taste sweet nectar
In your kiss

Feelings so intense
I cannot sleep
Is what we're doing
Right
Should I take
The leap

Laying in bed
In the middle of
The night
Thoughts battle round
Till I finally give in
Start counting sheep
Till I drift off
To sleep

Do You Feel Me

by Andrea Tadpole

Do you feel
The vibration
Between us
When our
Eyes meet
Across a
Crowded room
That indescribable
Energy
Pulsating
To and fro

Do you feel
My heart
Beating next
To yours
Even though
I'm not near

Do you feel
My breath
On your neck
My sweet lips
On your cheek
Hear me whisper
Sweet nothings
In your ear

I think of you
And your scent
Comes back to me
I close my eyes
See your smile
Taste your lips
Crave your touch

Do you feel me
Cuz baby I'm
Feeling you

One Look

by Andrea Tadpole

One look
One glance
Our eyes locked
Was it fate
Or happenstance

I saw your heart
You saw mine
Undeniable
Indescribable
Connection
Born lifetimes ago

Knocked my world
Off its axis
Spinning blind  
Or was it finally
Aligned

I saw a moon
Orbiting a planet
At least I think
Or maybe it was
Two planets
Dancing together
Around the sun

One look
Is all it took
To mesmerize me
With your Essence
Make me long
For your touch
And thirst
For your love

Forbidden Fruit

Note: I wrote this a long time ago. I found it in a box I was digging through the other night.

Forbidden Fruit
by Andrea Tadpole

Forbidden fruit
Can’t you see
What the thought of you
Does to me
I dream of you all through
The night
I see you glisten
In the full moonlight
So close Yet so far away
Should I run
Or should I stay

Forbidden fruit
Can’t you see
How I long
To climb your tree
Pick your fruit
Taste your juice
Set myself free
Just let loose
Yet I know
If I dare go
It will only
End in woe

Family

This is in response to the comments being made on Facebook by certain people in my family about the latest drama: First and foremost, its better to talk/argue/whatever FACE TO FACE instead of being a coward and posting bullshit in social media such as Facebook (you know who you are). If can't do it face to face its better to just stay out of it altogether. Second, when my grandma died the ONLY ONES at her side were her FAMILY. Ya know, the ones she laughed with, cried with and yes, fought like hell with? All her so called "FRIENDS" were nowhere to be found. In the end all that's left is one's FAMILY, good or bad. Its best to love and cherish them while we still can. Life is but a flicker. Here and gone too fast. For the love of God, MY FAMILY should know this! Or did you already forget Michael, Zoey and little Mikey? There are many things I did in my youth to my FAMILY that hurt them, yet they're still here. I wish I could take it all back but I can't. I can only live today and do my best not to be the same cruel person I was in my youth. I'm not perfect and never claimed to be. I can promise you one thing though: I LOVE MY FAMILY whether they deserve it or not. I thought I had taught my children to do the same. Today, I am facing the mortality of my parents. My dad has cancer AGAIN. I'm hoping and praying that the radiation and chemo he has to do kills the cancer and not him. My mom told me last night she heart problems and has to see a cardiologist and may have to have some kind of surgery. Somehow all the stupid arguments about who's right and who's wrong don't matter anymore. What matters is my FAMILY. Someday, hopefully a LONG, LONG time from now, my life will come to a close. I hope and pray that MY CHILDREN will have spent all the time before then loving each other and not fighting. I would hate like hell to know that the only time they saw each other was at funerals. Life is too short for the kind of bullshit ripping my family apart right now. We have spent too much time dealing with hard, sad stuff in our lives the past few years. We NEED to celebrate the GOOD STUFF together too. Please stop the fighting.

Artwork of Andrea Tadpole

Check out my new artwork section on my blog! Look on the right hand side of the page and you will see the link or click on the picture above. Enjoy!!

I Don't Want To Miss

by Andrea Tadpole

I don't want to miss
Another minute with you
Me lying alone
Longing for your kiss
Missing your strong arms
Holding me tight
With my head on your chest
Listening to your heartbeat
As I drift off to sleep

I don't want to
Reach for you deep
In the night
Only to find that
You're not there

A piece of me is gone
When we are apart
For wherever you go
You carry my heart

Letter to Sedrick 12/21/2012

by Andrea Tadpole

Sedrick,

I was lying in bed last night thinking about the last year and what all our little family (you, me, Alicia and the girls) have been through. I wanted to tell you this:

I know that your life is not perfect. I know that there is so much more that you long for. We all do. However, STOP for one moment and look at where you were at last year and where you are now. I remember. You were encamped with the enemy, all for the undying love for your little girl. I watched you have your heart ripped out by ones who supposedly loved you. I watched you lose everything.

Yet, I have watched persevere through it all. I have watched you learn to rebuild from the holocaust of divorce. I have watched you continue to be an awesome father to your little girl. I have watched you walk through the heart attack you had and face your own immortality with dignity.

You may think there is no hope. You may think you are a failure. You may think you will never find "the one" and be alone forever. Those are all lies.

See, Sedrick, in many ways you are my hero and my beacon of hope. I am so proud of you. God truly blessed me when He let me be your mom. So, stop for a minute, thank God that He has brought you through and give yourself a little pat on the back because you deserve it.

I love you forever!

~Mom~

Grandpa Shelby

by Andrea Tadpole

I am thinking about my grandpa Shelby Morrison today. He died many years ago. His birthday is today. I don't remember how old he would have been but it does not matter. He will always be alive in my heart.

On the outside he was big and clumsy. People often assumed he was an oaf and stupid. Boy were the wrong! Turn on some good music and he could dance like Fred Astair. My favorite memory of him is dancing in the livingroom with me and him twirling me around.

He was a quiet man and he worked hard at the railroad as a switchman most of his life. On the side he had a concession business. He sold snow cones, cotton candy and other stuff. He also sold balloons at all the area Christmas parades. He was a shrewd business man and wise beyond his years.

He was a good man and loved the Lord. He always gave food to the hungry, shelter to the homeless and clothes to the naked. He never judged anyone. He just loved people. My grandma always said he took in stray people instead of stray dogs. I only hope to be as good as him.

Every one in the neighborhood knew him as the snowcone man. To me, he was my grandpa and I loved him dearly.

I miss you grandpa! Keep watch over my grandbabies and other loved ones till I get there! I'm still dancing!!

Love you!!!  ~Andi~