Feb 19, 2015

Our Wedding Ceremony - February 14, 2015

This was written by André and I and the minister Chaz Wesley who married us:

A Ceremony of Marriage

Prepared Especially For

Andrea & Andre’

(Andrea Tadpole & Andre Broussard)

OKAPI Center – 2550 W. Edison

February 14, 2015 - - 1pm

Music begins

2 Moms (or sister) light individual candles

2 Candle Lighters

Andre & Best Man

2 flower girls

2 bridesmaids

Banner - Joshua

<’You & I’ - - bridal march>

Bride and Father

CHAZ:  Who gives this bride away?  Father (Elmer): her mother/family and I.

CHAZ:  Dear friends and family, - We are here tonight to celebrate the love that Andrea and Andre’ have for each other, and to witness and bless their union in marriage.  We join them to recognize their relationship, show our support, and honor their path.  We as their community, friends and family join with them in celebrating their commitment to each other. 

If any person now present can show just cause why these two persons should not enter into the agreement of marriage let them now speak or forever hold their peace.  

(Everyone holds their breath and) Silence follows.

Before we begin this wedding ceremony Andre and Andrea have asked that we stop for a moment and honor and welcome the presence of the spirits of all those who have gone before them today. Among them are Andre's Sisters Rhonda & Carolyn and Grandmother Mattie Bradley; Andrea's grandchildren Zoey & Mikey Zelsnack & baby Bogle, their grandparents and many other family and friends who have gone before them. We honor them today with a moment of silence.

SONG:  The Prayer

CHAZ:  From 1 Corinthians 13 New International Version (NIV)

“If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.  If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.  If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.  For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears.  When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.  For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”

PRAYER

In honor of heritage and tradition, please join me in a moment of silence as I recite:

A Cherokee Prayer:

God in heaven above please protect the ones we love.
We honor all you created as we pledge our hearts and lives together.
We honor mother-earth - and ask for our marriage to be abundant and grow stronger through the seasons;
We honor fire - and ask that our union be warm and glowing with love in our hearts;
We honor wind - and ask we sail through life safe and calm as in our father's arms;
We honor water - to clean and soothe our relationship - that it may never thirst for love;
With all the forces of the universe you created, We pray for harmony and true happiness as We forever grow young together. Amen.

CHAZ (to audience):  Andre’ and Andrea have come to perform today, in the presence of family and friends, an expression that is, indeed, heavenly and harmonious – an act of courage in each other and themselves, giving voice to a story of honor and love. The heart of this marriage will be the relationship created moment by moment.  --- In a world where trust often falls short of expectation, it is a tribute to these two who now join hearts in perfect faith . . . 

<<<Bouquet to attendant>>>

CHAZ - VOWS:  Andrea and Andre’ have each prepared their own, personal vows to express to one another . . . . and so I invite you to witness their heartfelt promises of Love and commitment . . . . . these are their words:

From Andrea to Andre:  “I give myself to you unreservedly. I leave my old life behind and cleave unto a new life with you. As I embark on this journey with you I promise always to keep you in the forefront of my mind. I promise always to be loyal to you, even if that means personal sacrifice.

I will treat you with respect, dignity and gentleness. I will be there for you no matter what. When it looks like the world has walked out on you, I will be there right by your side. I will love you, encourage you, and support you in all that you do. I promise never to abandon you.

You do not always have to be strong and you do not have to do life alone anymore. You can rely on me. I will be a source of strength to you when you are weak.

I promise always to conduct myself in an honest and trustworthy manner, not only with you, but others. I promise to set special time aside to spend with you regularly. I promise to be attentive to your needs and feelings, I promise to listen to you even when we don’t agree. When we do disagree I promise to ‘not let the sun go down on my wrath’ - - I promise to endeavor to live in a spirit of unity and compromise with you - - I give you my heart and all my love.

From Andre to Andrea:  “If I had my way, we would have these past three years stand still. I have learned to love you more each and every day that goes by. As I look at the world around us and see war, poverty and injustice – I need only look into your eyes and see Peace, Abundance, and Light . . . . a place that we go from time to time called “our world.” In this world lives strength, music, magic, joy and love. But the greatest of these is love. Our family and friends here today completes this world – and knowing this kind of peace is the greatest joy of my life. We aren’t promised tomorrow but I have the joy of loving you today.”

VOWS:  CHAZ:   Will you please, now join hands, and face me.

Will you, Andre’, give yourself completely and joyfully, as you choose Andrea to be your wife; to live and share your life together in the covenant of marriage . . . . Will you love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in laughter and in sorrow, in conflict and peace, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, be faithful to her as long as you both shall live?

ANDRE’:  “I will/do.”

Will you, Andrea, give yourself completely and joyfully, as you choose Andre to be your husband; to live and share your life together in the covenant of marriage . . . . Will you love him, comfort him, honor and keep him, in laughter and in sorrow, in conflict and peace, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, be faithful to him as long as you both shall live?

ANDREA:   “I will/do.”

CHAZ:  Friends, Andrea and Andre’ are absolutely delighted that all of you, their dearest family and friends, could be here tonight to share this special moment with them. They have asked me to thank each of you for your love, appreciation and support … and for sharing this most special and intimate of moments with them, their wedding day.

And so, in your best voices, and with the words, “We Will,” I now ask all of you, family and friends, if you are willing now and always to sustain and strengthen this marriage by upholding both Andrea and Andre’ with your love and support and your faith in whom they will be together?

Response:  “We Will.”

<RINGS: take rings from BEST MAN> CHAZ:  So we come, Andrea and Andre’, to the presentation of the rings by which you affirm and bind your love for each other  -  

These rings, fashioned to have neither a beginning nor an end will sit quietly on your fingers, reminding you of the power of your vows and the pledge of your partnership. Your wedding rings are an outward and visible sign of the inward and spiritual bond which you share.

These rings are the symbols of vows taken, a circle of wholeness. These rings mark the beginning of a journey filled with wonder, surprises, tears, laughter, celebrations, grief and joy. May these rings glow with the warmth and love that flows through you today – and remind you of the growing relationship you have come to celebrate and confirm.

Andrea will you take this ring and place it upon Andre’s finger, and as you do, repeat after me:

I give you my heart and my faithfulness

From this day forward  ~ you shall not walk alone ~ My heart is your shelter

And my arms are your home – with this ring, I thee wed.

Andre will you take this ring and place it upon Andrea’s finger, and as you do, repeat after me:

I give you my heart and my faithfulness ~

From this day forward  ~ you shall not walk alone ~ My heart is your shelter

And my arms are your home – with this ring, I thee wed

CHAZ – Minister’s Message:  And now, a few words of blessing:

Andre’ & Andrea - May your marriage bring you all the exquisite excitements a marriage should bring, and may life grant you also patience, tolerance, and understanding in the moments it doesn’t seem to be happening.

May you always need one another - not so much to fill your emptiness as to help you to know your fullness. A mountain needs a valley to be complete; the valley does not make the mountain less, but more; and the valley is more a valley because it has a mountain towering over it. So let it be with both of you.

Before us today you’ve created a rainbow of décor, color, creed, faith, equality, and harmony. For the rainbow experience to happen, three things are needed:  sunshine, raindrops, and a spectator. It is not that the sun and the raindrops cease to exist if there is no one there to see them . . . but unless someone is present at a particular point in which to witness the occurrence, no arch of blended colors can be seen – and thereby shared with another. When the causes and conditions come together to create the rainbow, it appears to be there because it is witnessed through another’s eyes.

Today, in this place, there exists an environment in which all three parts come together:

· The radiance expressed through the eyes, smiles, and hearts of those around you – as well as through the two of you (representing the sun)

· Tears of joy (the moisture)

· Those who support you and stand with you on this wondrous occasion (these friends/ family/witnesses/spectators)

May this be a union witnessed through the eyes of many – and may it be a rainbow so brilliant, so unique, and so vivid, that the world stops for a moment to observe it, honor its beauty, and stand in awe….

Unity Candle Ceremony

Today Andre and Andrea come here from two different families and heritages. We are especially grateful for the values which have flowed into them from those who have loved and nurtured them and pointed them along life’s way.

The values and heritage each brings to this marriage will continue to be an important element in their lives, but now will be shared between them. Out of these two families, a new family will be created.

At the beginning of the ceremony today, members from each of Andre and Andrea’s families lit the individual candles which represent the two separate families.

When the two individual flames merge as one, it will symbolize the union of their two families in this marriage and the rich heritage each brings to it.

To Andrea and Andrea:

Today you have decided to share the rest of your lives with each other.

This beautiful union is now symbolized by the lighting of the Unity Candle.

The individual candles represent all that you are and all that you have been until this moment

It is a candle of Unity because both candles must come together to create the new light.

Its fire is miraculous because it represents the light of two people in love.

This candle is also a candle of Commitment because it takes two people working together to keep it ablaze. - - Love is like a flame; it has the heat of passion, it is constantly changing, its radiance is there for all to see and together you must protect it from being extinguished. - -Andre and Andrea please light the center candle to symbolize the union of your lives.

After center candle is lit:

Today, as you have lit this candle, may the brightness of these flames shine throughout your lives…

May it be known from this moment forth, that you enter this commitment and partnership with one another, never forgetting you are first an individual –unique and divine, completely whole as you are . . . . And may you remember this day as a day of choosing the courage and reassurance of a greater Light – a Light of Oneness that comes from each of you – where you will find you way in darkness; warmth and safety in the cold; and grace and joy in your family and friends; and peace and strength in your bodies, minds, and spirit.

CHAZ:

As I read earlier from the apostle Paul in his letter to the Corinthians; what I believe to be the one message demonstrated by every master-teacher that has shared their truth with the masses; and what each generation gathered in this place today most appreciate from any great love song ever proclaimed – they have all said the same thing:  “All you need is love.”   

Love is the unifying, harmonizing power of the Divine – the single greatest treasure that we have the ability to share with another.  May you have that love, may you know that love, and may you honor it over and over again by loving one another.

Andre’ and Andrea, in this company of friends and family, you begin a new life today, joined together in holy matrimony.  May the commitment and devotion that you feel for one another grow stronger every day of this union.

By the love that has brought you here, by the vows you have exchanged and by the integrity of your commitment… in the presence of your dearest family and friends, and by virtue of the authority vested in me by the State of Oklahoma, I now pronounce you Husband and Wife.

Andre’, you may kiss your most beautiful bride.

<The Kiss>

Ladies and gentleman, with honor and privilege, I proudly announce for the first time:

Mr. and Mrs. Andre’ & Andrea Broussard

Dec 15, 2014

For #HEARTHEWORLD

#HEARTHEWORLD

I wrote this in 2010 after a bad day dealing with hearing loss...

Rantings of A Hearing Impaired Person

by Andrea Tadpole

I have severe hearing loss in my left ear and moderate in my right. I have a voice because I didn’t lose my hearing until I was in my 20s. I don’t sign, I read lips. When I was 24 I had surgery on my left ear to fix it and it went bad. I lost even more hearing in it. From 23 years ago when I woke up from surgery until today my left ear has rang 24/7 sometimes so loud I cannot hear or understand anything, much less hear my own voice. My heart has beat in my ears really loud most of the time all my life because the artery that runs in my neck is unusually close to my middle ear. Surgery to fix it would kill me. I usually don't gripe about it, I just try to do the best I can to live with it.

Yet, today, I am complaining. I am sick and tired of people expecting me to be able to hear like a “normal” person. I CANNOT MAKE MYSELF hear any better than I do. If I could I would. I cannot help it that I cannot hear MY OWN VOICE very good at times. I cannot explain why one minute I can sit and talk to someone and the next I can't understand a word they are saying because the background noise drowns everything out. It’s not personal; I have hearing loss that's all. Hearing aids don't make me hear "normal" they make me hear EVERYTHING and my brain doesn't know how to filter sounds anymore. Sometimes the “NOISE” from wearing hearing aids overwhelms me to the point that I can’t think. Is that my fault? Is it something that gives you the right to be pissed off at me about it? I can't fix it. I can only live with it.

When the one's I love get mad at me and give me the silent treatment because I couldn't understand or spoke too loud or whatever it is that I did that day to "embarrass" them again because I can't hear it breaks my heart. My heart is broken today.

DO NOT EVEN TELL ME YOU UNDERSTAND if you CAN HEAR because YOU DON'T. Try walking in my shoes before you are so quick to kick me when I'm down. Try a little bit of compassion for me instead of shutting me out. IT HURTS.

Nov 27, 2014

My Response to Ferguson

I'm fed up with all the racial slurs, bullshit posts and name calling from EVERY RACE right now concerning Ferguson and the whole issue surrounding races in the US today. So, I'm going to say my peace and if you don't like it, feel free to unfriend me. I don't really care anymore. Part of this is from a comment I just made on another post so here goes:

I agree that there have been MANY horrific atrocities done in the past in this country. Native Americans were systematically exterminated. I have ancestors in my family line of Cherokees who died on the Trail of Tears. African Americans were enslaved and treated inhumanely. It was horrible. There are other races who've been persecuted too. I agree IT WAS WRONG. It breaks my heart that anyone of ANY COLOR has been treated like that. ALL LIVES MATTER. However, I cannot change the PAST. I can only live in the present and make choices TODAY that will hopefully  change the future.

I read post after post, some of my friends, shouting down with whites and others yelling down with blacks. All this does is feed the evil corroding thread of violence in our nation today. Some people scream stop racism and apologize for the race they are all in the same breath. So how does that stop racism?  To me, it just keeps the hatred going.

I REFUSE to apologize for the color of my skin. I don't expect anyone else to apologize for theirs either. I "look" white but I have Native American ancestors and I'm Irish, Scottish, Dutch and German that I know of. Just because I might look one color or the other should not matter in this world.

If everyone would stop whining about and wallowing around in the past and move on things would get better. I'm sick of people saying how bad one race or the other is. Enough is enough. Let it go. Instead of sowing into the hatred, maybe try sowing into unity and harmony. Instead of rioting and protesting why not start in your OWN home and every day lives to embrace our differences instead of apologizing for them? Enough is enough.

In the words of the late Rodney King, "Can't we all just get along?!"

Nov 22, 2014

Gratitude November 2014 Day 21

Gratitude November 2014 Day 21

by Andrea Tadpole

I am tired today. Long day at work. I'm grateful simply for another day above ground :-)

Nov 20, 2014

Gratitude November 2014 Day 20

by Andrea Tadpole

Today I am grateful that I actually love myself today. For the longest time I hated myself and as a result I allowed people into my life who tore me down. Today I don't have many friends, but the ones I have build me up and I do the same for them. If I had not learned to love me first those friendships would of been impossible.

Gratitude November 2014 Day 19

by Andrea Tadpole

Today I am grateful for the gift of writing.  Having the ability to put my feelings and thoughts into words has saved my sanity and life many times over in my life. It's given me a way to paint pictures with words. Some beautiful,  some not so pretty. All in all though, when I look back in my writings I am reminded of where I've been and what I've lived through. It allows me to see the hand of God ever present in my life and in the lives of those I love.

Gratitude November 2014 Day 18

Today, November 18th is my mother's birthday. I know it's selfish, but I'm grateful my mom is still alive. I hope and pray the doctors can relieve her pain and get her back well in the upcoming surgery. I hope I can see her soon. I miss her deeply.

Gratitude November 2014 Day 17

Today I am grateful for the gift God has given me of having a sense of humor. Laughter and the ability to see the hilarity and absurdity in life has carried me through the tough times.

Nov 16, 2014

Gratitude November 2014 Day 16

With the cold weather outside today I am grateful for a home with a warm bed, warm clothes and shoes,  a decent car, good food to eat, and a man and family and friends who love me and I them. There are many people alone on the streets and cold today. I've been there. It's a tough and hard road. So grateful for the life I have today.

Gratitude November 2014 Day 15

I was not feeling well Friday and Saturday so I didn't write my Gratitude for day 15. Here it is, I wrote it to my sweet Andre:

I'm laying here remembering a time when I had the flu and I was all alone. I didn't have anybody that cared enough to check on me or sit with me. It was one of the worst times in my life. I felt like an insignificant speck in the vast universe. Today you and I have each other. It is so comforting to know that you're the one person in the world who will always be there for me just like I will always be there for you. I'm still feeling a little bad. Fever comes and goes. I read and think it's from the pneumonia vaccine. It makes me feel better to know that you'll be home soon and I'm not alone anymore. I love you more than I have words to say! <3

Now that's what I am grateful for!!

Nov 14, 2014

Gratitude November 2014 Day 14

by Andrea Tadpole

I'm not into country music but this song touched me like no other. It made me think of my own mom, Alice Tarrant. She not well right now and in Florida way too fat away from me. I love her so much. Her birthday is this Tuesday and I wish I could be there. I miss her deeply.

I thought of my daughter, Alicia Zelsnack too. She became a mom at barely 16. She chose life for her daughter Destiny when she didn't have to. Now she's the mother of three beautiful girls. She is the most awesome loving and compassionate mother and woman. I admire her. She has no idea how beautiful she is. That makes her radiate beauty even more.

Last but not least, I though about my "other mom, my step mom Linda Tadpole. We are kindred spirits. We are both artists. From the moment I met her I knew we met in another lifetime somewhere. I love her deeply.

So, tonight day 14 of my Gratitude list, I am greatful for all the strong, compassionate,  loving women God has blessed me with along life's journey. My life would so incomplete without them.

Garth Brooks - Mom - Live on Good Morning Americ…: http://youtu.be/cRduDpZ52UA

Nov 13, 2014

Gratitude November 2014 Day 13

People might think I'm crazy but the one thing I'm grateful for today is Google. I have a new job and this job has stretched me beyond belief. The things that I've been asked to do on the computer with different software packages were daunting. Some of it I had no clue how to do. But, like I always do when I'm faced with a challenge, I prayed and asked God to show me what to do. Then I consulted the Oracle aka Google. One search led to another and then there it was the answer to a problem that I had. I'm so grateful because I was able to impress my boss and feel a little more secure about my new job. I'm praying that I get to keep it for a long time.

Gratitude November 2014 Day 12

Today I am grateful for peace of mind. When I was young my mind raced nonstop and I worried about things continually. I was thinking that it's been a long time since my mind raced and what a blessing that is.

Nov 11, 2014

Gratitude November 2014 Day 11

Today I am grateful for a warm, comfy bed to sleep in. There was a time in my life when I didn't have one. The streets are hard, especially when it's cold.

Gratitude November 2014 Day 10

When the economy went belly up a few years ago I was without a job for 4 years despite having a college education. I pretty much lost everything material. The only thing left was the love of family and friends...the thing that really counts. Those were scary times for me. I've always worked since I was 14 years old. When I couldn't find a job I didn't know what I was going to do. Yet God carried me through. Today I am so grateful for a good job!

Gratitude November 2014 Day 9

Today I am grateful for my sobriety.  Without it I would have been dead long ago. I would've missed out on so much. Today my life is better than I could've ever imagined it.

Nov 8, 2014

Gratitude November 2014 Day 8

Finally! I'm caught up with my Gratitude list. I have had this one on my mind all morning.

Today I am grateful for my son, Sedrick Zelsnack. For a couple of years Sedrick and I were estranged. I missed him deeply and prayed every day that God would bring him back to me. In April he came home. I have no words to describe the joy it gave me to have him back in my life! Life has not been perfect since then. We have faced some tough problems together and not always agreed but we did it TOGETHER. Life is too short to spend it no talking to ones you love so much. Before you know it, you turn around and they're gone. I thank God every day now that I have my son back. I love you Seddy!

Gratitude November 2014 Day 7

I was driving home from work today and stuck at a stoplight. I looked over and there was 3 women standing on the sidewalk in a circle holding hands and praying. It occurred to me that there are places in this world where a person will be imprisoned or killed for doing that. I am so grateful that I live in a country where I have the freedom to pray in public like that. Don't get me wrong I'm not a "religious" nut but I am a spiritual person and I believe in the power of prayer. Most of us take our freedom for granted here in this country. I'm grateful for that today.

Nov 7, 2014

Gratitude November 2014 Day 6

Wow I just realized I missed day 6 on the gratitude list so I'm going to do that one now.

Today I am grateful for my daughter Alicia. She is the light of my life. She's the mother of three beautiful girls who I love deeply too. Alicia works hard and loves deeply. She's an awesome mother and daughter. In her adult years she has become my best friend and I thank God for the beautiful gift that she is to me.

Nov 5, 2014

Gratitude November 2014 Day 5

Today has been a tough day for me. My anxiety level was skyrocketing. I've had lots of things on my mind. Some bad, some scary and some good. Change, any kind of change good or bad is always difficult for me. It gets me spun up inside. When I get like this its hard. I want to shut down and not breathe till it passes. Yet I know the best thing to do is reach out to ones who understand. So that's what I did.

I am so very grateful to two friends (you know who you are) for talking to me today. I'm also grateful for the love and understanding my man Andre gave me. I went and hung out at my dad's for a little while tonight. It felt so good. We didn't have to say a lot just watched TV.

Just knowing that I have family that loves me,  a man (soon to be my husband) that cares for me in spite of me and friends who willingly walk this sometimes crazy journey with me are more precious to me than anything money could buy. I am forever grateful for all of them.

Nov 4, 2014

Gratitude November 2014 Day 4

Sometimes I surprise myself. I found this writing I did last year on November 23. It made me stop in my tracks. It seems apropos to repost it for my Gratitude writing today:

Gratitude Day 23: Tonight I need to purge my mind for a few so please allow me to do so here. Sit back, relax and read. Hopefully it won't be too out there ;)

Anyway...I had an odd day today. In my mind I had it all planned out: go help Andre clean his restaurant; eat lunch; get my granddaughter Destiny; go to the mall; get nails done and shop around a little and go home. All went as planned till I got done with my nails. Then an unexpected opportunity arose to go to far south Broken Arrow to get a surprise for my daughter and granddaughters. Did that and on the way back got a call from Andre at the restaurant to run to the store for him to get some last minute items for tomorrow's Route 66 marathon breakfast downtown where he works. So I hauled ass back to Tulsa got his stuff and ran to Sapulpa and gave my daughter and granddaughters the Wii game system I got for a steal. They were thrilled with it! Then I took me and Destiny out to eat. Whew!! What a long crazy day!

I finally got home a little while ago and I realized I hadn't written my Gratitude thing today. Those of you who know me realize that I don't like the word gratitude. I especially hate meetings that have the topic of gratitude for discussion. The main reason is because most of the crap people say they are grateful for (me included) has nothing to do with gratitude. I mean who isn't grateful for material success? Anyway like I said, I was thinking about what to write on my list today because I made a commitment to myself to do the Gratitude thing every day this November whether I liked it or not.

So, I was soaking in a hot bath thinking about my day. It occurred to me that even though my day was different from what I had planned, it was ok. That's not normal for me so I realized something good has happened inside of me. Maybe a little bit of selfishness has died...well one can hope.

Then my mind went back to thinking about about gratitude. I drifted back to a meeting I was at one day years ago. The topic was gratitude. I was sitting across the table from a friend of mine named Dewina. I will use her name now because she's in heaven with the angels. She was blind and she had a leg amputated, all from diabetes. I remember sitting here trying to think about what I could say I was grateful for. I heard myself think, "Boy I'm grateful I'm not in her place! At least I have two legs and I can see." Then a voice as loud as a megaphone went off in my head (I assume it was God). It said to me, "WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH GRATITUDE?!" It stopped my thinking in its tracks. I realized being "grateful" I didn't relapse like that person or have cancer or some other crisis like someone else was nothing more than being selfish and judgemental. If I'm truly grateful then my actions will show that. Gratitude is not a feeling it's an action, a verb.

I sat there that day and I watched my friend Dewina laugh and share joy and love with everyone. I remembered when I met her the first time at a meeting with my best friend whom I sponsored at the time. It was one of her first meetings. She was one of those women that I thought was hopeless and could never make it. Yet here she sat all these years later; still sober in spite of all the physical hell she was going through. Still doing all she could to bring joy to people. And I realized what a blessing it was to know her. She died a few months later.

I wrote a poem after that about gratitude. It was inspired by Dewina. I have been so blessed to sit in meetings day in and day out for years with the most beautiful spiritual giants I have ever known. Dewina was one of them. So tonight I am posting the poem at the end of my diatribe that I wrote, in honor of Dewina and countless others that God has blessed me with on my path. I am forever indebted to them for my sobriety.

GRATITUDE

by Andrea Tadpole

Gratitude is not all the flowery words we say
Or how good we look on the outside
It's found in the silent places
In the stillness of our hearts
It's seen in the small unnoticed things we do for those in need
It's in the art of listening
In shouldering someone's burdens without reward or accolades
True gratitude is not a nostalgic feeling we have when we look to our past
Its a choice we make to love the unloveable
Those we meet along God's path before us
Gratitude is an action
A response to the grace God has given us
And evidence of the miracle
He has wrought within our hearts

Nov 3, 2014

Gratitude November 2014 Day 3

Before the day gets away from me I will give my Gratitude for the day. Today I'm grateful for phones. If it weren't for phones I wouldn't be able to talk to my mom and hear her voice. She's not well right now and it weighs heavy on my heart. She lives in Florida and I'm not in a position to be able to go see her. If she were here I'd take care of her. At least we have the phone and can connect that way. Please pray for her healing.

Nov 2, 2014

A Grandmother's Lament

by Andrea Tadpole

NOTE:
I transcribed this on November 5, 2010 at 12:53am from a recording I found that I did on January 31, 2008 at about 1:45am after my grandson, Michael Aidyn Jude Zelsnack went to be with the Lord. I do not remember recording this and in the recording I was obviously completely emotionally distraught. The words are not edited in any way. They are raw, like the pain I felt that day. I hope you understand. ~Andrea~

Well, my little Mikey died today
I don’t even know what day it is
I think its like the 3oth, 29th, whatever
I’ll look on the calendar
Anyway, it’s 1:45 in the morning
It was actually yesterday

You know, I look at life some times
And I just don’t understand
I don’t
Everything’s just so fucked up

How do I tell Sedrick and Kiley to not lose hope
When they’re working so hard and being so good
And then everything bad happens
TO THEM
Their good people God

I got to find a place in my heart
To write about this little boy

I mess up and I get attached
I get attached so fast
Because I believe life begins at conception
And I believe that life is viable
The minute that little child is there and there’s a heartbeat
I don’t understand how people can say
That at this week or that week you’re not viable
I hate that fucking word
What does VIABLE mean anyways

How do you keep from losing hope
When everything looks so hopeless

How do you pick your foot up
And put it in front of you
And take the next step
When all your energy is gone

How do you smile
When your heart's broken in a million pieces

How do you have faith
When your faith hasn’t worked

There was this little boy named Mikey
I felt him kick once
I saw him in his mother’s womb
He moved around
He was lively
I saw a 3D ultrasound of him
And he looked just like his daddy
He did

How can he be alive one hour
And gone the next

How can you
How do you get past all the pain

I’m tired
I’m just so tired

I went today and I held my little Courtney
Cuz it gave me peace
I rocked her
And I listened to her snore
Cuz it gave me peace

I thought I would die when Zoey died
I watched her heart beating out of her chest
And I couldn’t make her live

Little Mikey didn’t even have a chance
I don’t know how to reconcile that in my mind
I don’t understand it

I don’t understand
I don’t have answers anymore
For anything

I’m broken hearted
I’m tired of going to see my grandchildren in a grave
When I should be the one in the grave
Not them
I can’t make anybody understand that

I don’t have any answers anymore
About anything
And I don’t even know if it matters

I gotta pick one foot up
And put it in front of the other
And keep moving
And I don’t know how
God I don’t know how

It’s like I’m playing the same song again
Only a different verse
And I can’t get out of it

God, this is just too hard
I don’t have no answers
And I hate it

Maybe I can find some words
Come on, think about it

Okay

I’m sitting here watching the minutes
Click on the clock

No,  try again

Sitting in the cold silence
Watching the clock tick
Minute by minute goes by

Dreading this job
That I know I have to do

Holding the camera
Knowing that I have to take pictures
Of the birth of my stillborn grandson
Dreading it with all my heart

Begging God to let me switch places
Begging God to bring his heartbeat back
Begging God to make my son stop hurting
And my daughter-in-law okay and whole

And yet I have no choice
And I have no control
And I feel like my prayers bounce back
And smack me in the face

How do I go on
How do I surmount this mountain of pain once again

I tell myself that he’s in Heaven with Zoey playing
Up there somewhere
But what exactly does up there somewhere mean

I’m so confused in my mind
And grasping at straws desperately

Maybe if we did this
Maybe if we did that

Thumbed through the Bible
Trying to think of that verse that says
Whatever is perfect and pure
And all that
To focus on that
I don’t even know how

The only little grandson 
I’ll probably ever have
I didn’t get to see him laugh
I didn’t get to feel him
Warm and cuddly next to me

Somehow being up there in Heaven
Just ain’t enough right now

And yet I find myself
Clicking the camera
One picture after another

Desperately hoping that it’s not what it is
Hoping that the nightmare ends

And yet it still keeps coming
There’s no way out of it
Except through

I know I’ll make it
I just don’t want to

I’m tired
I want the trouble to end
I just want to have peace
I just want my family to be healthy and whole

I want Kiley and Sedrick to be happy
They deserve another child

I don’t know
I just don’t have the answers

Now I hear in my mind
Put your trust in Jesus
Rest in Him
God knows every little sparrow that falls
I know all that stuff
But somehow it just ain’t enough right now

I don’t have the answers
I’m lost and I’m tired
I just need some rest

I hear in my mind
Let the dead bury the dead
I don’t know what that means

Cuz my little grandson
He was a part of me
And I don’t know how to get past the hurt

I don’t have a poem left in me
I just don’t know
Maybe poems don’t have to rhyme anymore

Gratitude November 2014 Day 2

Today I am most grateful for my father, Elmer Tadpole,  Jr. While he and I started out rough and locked horns early in life, as an adult he has become my best friend. He is my hero in so many ways. He has taught me a lot in life, especially to love and help those that are less fortunate than myself. He has always been the one that fought for the underdog even when people didn't understand why he did it. Today I understand. My father is also a veteran. He served in the US Navy. That makes me very proud. I love you daddy!!

Nov 1, 2014

Taken By Surprise

Once in awhile, right in the middle of the chaos of my life, God takes me by surprise. Right when I least expect it, He allows me to witness the most beautiful metamorphosis. It's always happens on the day that I am wound up all inside about my problems and my pain. It's always on a day when I feel depleted and as if I have nothing left inside of me to give. I think God does that to remind me that it is His work, not mine and I'm a mere spectator in the miracle He's about to perform. When it happens it always brings my life to a screeching halt for a few sacred and holy moments.

I had such an occurrence today. In honor of the tradition in AA of anonymity I will not use the person's name. She knows who she is. I will tell you though, that I witnessed a beautiful, young woman embrace Step 3 today. Both of us had our days planned out, yet God had another agenda. I sat and watched her spirit unfold like a beautiful flower and I saw God touch her face. It took me back to the first time I did Step 3 so many years ago. It reminded me of what a miracle each of us are and what a sacred gift our recovery is.

Today will be forever etched in my heart. I am humbled that God allowed me to be the one to pray the 3rd Step Prayer with her. Once again, I stand in awe of the Creator and His deep love for us all.

Gratitude November 2014 Day 1

Last year I made it a point to write something I was grateful for every day in November in honor of Thanksgiving. I have decided to do it again this year. Since it is November 1st today this my first day to write.

I will start off with the one thing I am most grateful for in my life today. It is not really a thing it as a person and that person is my fiancé Andre Broussard. We are going to get married on Valentine's Day next year. I am the happiest girl in the world.

I don't see marriage as the final destination, I see it as a public declaration of something that has happened between our two hearts in private. I only hope our wedding is a celebration of the love we have found in each other and the life we build with together day by day.

I don't think that life is supposed to be perfect. If it were it would be boring. I don't believe that people are perfect either, especially when they're in a relationship together. However, Andre is the perfect man for me. We have been through good times, bad times and very devastating times together in the last 2 years. Yet we have always stood together through it all.

Andre is man of character and he is intelligent beyond anything that I could ever be. He is wise beyond his years and he has taught me to look at life in a positive way. I don't know why but for some reason he loves me in spite of all my insecurities, warts and bruises. See, to the outside world I look strong, but Andre is the only one that sees my weakness. Even then, he picks me up when I am down and carries me if needed. I always try to do the same for him. Like we always say to each other....TEAM WINS!

Andre has instilled a sense of hope in me again. He has brought back my smile.

I am so grateful to God for giving me Andre. He is a rare and precious jewel to me. I am proud beyond words to be his woman and someday soon his wife. I only hope that I can make him feel as proud to be my husband.

I love you more Andre!  <3

Oct 24, 2014

My Thoughts On Singleness of Purpose & Special Internet Groups in AA

I have no use for "special interest" groups. I see no point in segregating men, women, straight,  bi, gay, Spanish, etc ad nauseum. If we actually practiced the 12 steps,  12 principles and 12 traditions in AA meetings there would be no need to segregate would there?
I have done all kinds of mood altering stuff including alcohol, drugs and other stuff I'm not even sure could be classified. I could go to every 12 step meeting around and identify on some level. I even did that in my early recovery. Hell I was going to so many different 12 step meetings I couldn't remember which one I was in half the time.

Then one day I went to an AA meeting and did my typical introduction "my name is Andrea and I'm an alcoholic, addict, sexaholic, overeater, etc." After the meeting an old timer pulled me aside and asked me what my MAIN PROBLEM was, what was the one thing in all the plethora of things I used that if there was nothing else left I would find. I told him alcohol. He then said:
"Well instead of trying to fix everything at once and risking relapse as a result, why not try just focusing on alcohol and just be an alcoholic when your in AA meetings? See we have this slogan KISS Keep It Simple Stupid. If you keep it simple, just focus on AA, get a sponsor and work the steps all that other stuff will take care of itself. Oh and by the way we define sobriety as not using ANY mood altering stuff including alcohol and drugs."

That old man pissed me off at first and still for a while I had my long intro at meetings. He never said another word to me about it. A few weeks later I found myself thinking about relapsing and that man's words came back to me. I went straight to an AA meeting, introduced myself as just an alcoholic and have ever since. I stopped going to 10 different recovery programs and focused solely on AA. Funny, all those other issues took care of themselves thru working the steps with a sponsor.

I have 28 years of continuous sobriety today. I owe Harold Inman, God rest his soul, credit for my sobriety. He had enough courage to tell me the truth and it set me free.

Aug 14, 2014

Death and Robin Williams

I have been through way too much death over the past decade. Some unavoidable due to illnesses, others unexpected and unexplainable, and several were suicides. Death of any loved one is heartbreaking. Grief is a horrible, often ugly process. We don't just "get over it". We walk through it one breath at a time, one minute at a time, one day at a time.

I am usually not too affected by the death of a far off celebrity, but the death of Robin Williams has really hit me hard. Maybe because the recent death of my would be sister-in-law in January is still fresh on my heart. Also because Robin Williams appeared to be such a beautiful soul. There are many things in life that are unexplainable, his death is one of them.

I watched one of Robin Williams' last movies entitled "The Angriest Man in Brooklyn" today. I had never heard of it until he died. The media reported the movie as a flop. I will admit it wasn't your typical high action, blood, guts and violence that sells these days. It was an actual story about a family going through the grieving of the loss of a loved one. In the movie Williams attempts suicide over it all. This movie spoke to me on so many levels. It was a simple, poignant movie that showed the heart of Robin Williams, a true actor and artist. 

I have heard it said by callous, mouthy bystanders at funerals of suicides that the person who took their own life is doomed to rot in hell for eternity. I think not. I believe that the day of our birth and the day of our death is appointed by God. I also believe that if it is not our time, God will not allow us to pass on, even if we try to take our own lives. I'm living proof of that. For those who do commit suicide, I think God allows their suffering to end. I think He sees this world is just too hard for them and He brings them home.

So to Robin Williams, my grandchildren who have gone before me, and the countless other loved ones I've buried, may God bless and keep you with Him forever. Rest in peace and fly high with the Angels. Save me a place till I meet you there some day.

Jul 9, 2014

Early Morning Hours

By Andrea Tadpole

I love the
Early morning hours
When all the world's asleep
Lying in your arms
Skin to skin
Cheek to cheek

My nose pressed
In your chest
Your scent
So sweet

Nothing else matters
Family drama falls away
Worries disappear

Just you and me
Bodies intertwined
Playing footsie
In the dark

Jun 19, 2014

Angel In Disguise

by Andrea Tadpole

The day I met you
My heart took flight
It was the end of
A long dark night

You must of come
From somewhere above
An angel in disguise
Wrapped in love

Mar 18, 2014

When Will It Be My Turn

NOTE: I wrote this a year ago. I understand now. He waited because he DOES love me. We are getting married on Valentine's Day next year!!

by Andrea Tadpole

I've tried to show him
How much
Love I have
Tried to breathe
New life into his
Broken Heart
But I fear I've failed
Miserably

I've waited patiently
For him
Like a butterfly
To land on me
Careful not to
Scare him away

Yet it seems
He will never stop
And trust me enough
To give his
Whole heart
And commit

I've racked my mind
Sleepless night
After night
I don't understand
Why he still flits away

Is it me
Am I just
Not good enough
Maybe I don't work
Hard enough
Or maybe I make
His life worse

I don't know anymore
I just know that
My heart is broke
Because he won't
Make me his wife

Feb 11, 2014

Father's Day Letter 1987

Dear Daddy,

Today I've been thinking a lot about my past; I guess because it's Father's Day.

I've spent the last twenty-three years of my life constantly reminding you how sorry I was that you were my dad. I did a lot of things to try and hurt you and I didn't want to get close to you. I wasted so much time. I wish that I could take back all the bad things I said to and about you, but I can't. They tell me in AA that I had to go through everything I went through to get to where I am at today.

I feel like there's so much lost time to make up for with you. I have tried the best I could this past year to be a responsible, sober, mature young lady. See, they tell me in AA the only way I can truly make amends to my family is by living life sober one day at a time.

I know that you don't understand my disease of alcoholism, and lots of times I feel like you think this "AA thing" is just another "phase" I'm going through. Lord knows I've went through enough. I can assure you this is no phase. AA and it's 12 steps of recovery have become a way of life, a design for living for me today. For the first time in my life I love myself.  I'm beginning to know who Andrea is and what she wants, what she feels and believes. I spent all of my life running from me. I put the blame for all my problems on you and mom, anyone close to my life.  Today I know if I have a problem I've 99.5% of the time created it myself. There's no one else to blame.

You know? You really surprised me when I went into treatment. You stuck by me. I just knew that you were gonna tell me I had really gone over the deep end this time and disown me. In some sense of the idea I had gone over the deep end, but you were there. You will never, never know how much that helped me. For the first time in my life I realized how much you loved me. That is truly the neatest feeling I've ever had.

They also told me that God would restore my relationships with my family. They being AA, of course. I can see where God is doing that. I am no longer deathly afraid of you. I know that I can come and talk to you not just as my dad, but as another person. You know, I think a lot of the change has come because I have accepted you as a human being. I no longer have unrealistic expectations set on you. You don't have to be perfect, you don't have to be wealthy, you don't owe me a damn thing. I just love you very much and I want so much to be closer to you (I feel I am to some extent). I know for me today to have all these things I want, I must stay sober and keep a real close relationship with my Higher Power (God) and He'll give me all I need or ever wanted just because I'm putting Him first.

I also want to thank you for never down grading me for my choice to be an active member in AA. I've always longed to be accepted by you and for a long time I looked to you to make me feel okay; and when you couldn't I would get angry and resentful. I know today that the only one that can make me feel okay is God and me. If I'm doing the best I can to be honest with myself and willing to change my attitudes instead of expecting everyone else to dance to my tune I will feel okay and I will stay sober and live a happy joyous and free life one day at a time. I guess I've rambled enough.

I just want you to know how much I truly love you. I always will -- you're my daddy! For that I am truly grateful to God.

Hugs and kisses,
Andrea

Jan 20, 2014

Her Eyes Give Her Away

I wrote this for my friend Stella DeVille on May 14, 1993 at 8:40pm CST in Sulphur Springs, AR while at a women’s AA retreat. I have tried to find it many times over the years to give to her again but I never did. I prayed and asked God to show me where it was today and to my amazement found it. I guess I wasn’t supposed to find it till now. I loved Stella deeply. God gave me the honor of watching her come into AA, sober up and grow. I sponsored her for a while in the beginning and heard her 5th step. I have sat in many meetings with her over the past few years and she has taught me so much more than I ever did her. I will miss her and never forget her. Here is what I wrote so long ago about Stella:

I am sitting here on the porch watching the sun sink slowly behind the hills. Stella asked me to write something for her and about her. I have been thinking of what to write. It has to be inspirational. I feel so inadequate. I want to write something that will touch her spirit. I keep “trying” to come up with something. I know when I let go, God will write through me. I just need to get out of the way. One of my greatest desires is to be a writer – to publish a book. Is that ego or is that God? I am not sure. Time will tell.

Now back to Stella. What do I admire in Stella? I admire her sense of humor, her willingness, her passion; I love her little child within. I love to play with her and can read her eyes.

Her Eyes Give Her Away

by Andrea Tadpole

She tries to look so strong
Yet her eyes give her away

Her eyes say I’m scared and lonely
I don’t know where I fit

She’s been through tremendous pain
I wish I could take it away
I can’t

I watch her grow
I’ve seen her change
She doesn’t like to admit it
But she’s grown
Her eyes give her away

Today they say
I’VE SURVIVED
I’M ALIVE
Show me what to do
I need to learn to live

Her eyes are full of
Excitement
Uncertainty
Joy and pain

Today she can feel
And she can cry

The tears
Wash away the dirt
And heal the wounds
They give life clarity
And help things grow

She’s a beautiful lady
I love her
She’s my soulmate
She's my sister
And her eyes give her away

Jan 15, 2014

Rhonda Nannette Broussard-Dicks

Created by Andrea Tadpole & Lamont Broussard with love

Jan 11, 2014

The Oldest

Note: I wrote this for my "Big Sis" Rhonda...I will miss her and never forget her...RIP Rhonda :'(

The Oldest

by Andrea Tadpole

You were told
From the very start
You're the oldest
You must be strong

Take care of your
Little brothers and sisters
Protect them
And guard their
Every heart

You must always
Be there
Whatever is needed
You do

Yet never
Show your
Weakness
Lest you fail
The little ones
They're always
Looking up to you

Problem is
You never learned
To let anyone
Care for you

You hid your worries
Deep inside
After all
You're the oldest
That's what you were
Supposed to do

Why does God
Let some live
While others
He let's die

It seems
He takes the
Beautiful ones
And leaves
The rest of us
To cry

I suspect
He looked down
And saw your
Every pain

Knew you couldn't
Take it and
Brought you home
Out of the rain

Jul 24, 2013

Andre

by Andrea Tadpole

I once dreamt
I'd find the one
To share a love
That's deep and true

I searched and searched
With all my heart
But everything
Just fell apart

I gave up hope
Refused to look
When out of nowhere
There you stood

You're the man
I dreamed of
All my life
The reason my heart
Took flight

I cannot believe
You've chosen me
From all the fishes
In the sea

We both work hard
To build our life
Meet up together
In the late night light

Our stolen moments
So tender and sweet
Revive my soul
And bring me peace

In all my life
I've never known 
The kind of love
I have for you

If I could have
One wish come true
It would be
To spend
Forever with you

Jul 15, 2013

My Man

Andre and I have been together for 10 months now. He is the kind of man I always dreamed of but feared I'd never find. He's not perfect and neither am I. I don't think either of us were looking for perfection. We were looking for the kind of love that stands the test of time. The kind of love that's built on mutual trust and respect with that special "chemistry" and passion that keeps life fun even in hard times. I waited to announce our relationship on Facebook until we were both sure about us and where we are going. Andre and I went to Florida for vacation together last month and we both agree that this trip is what sealed the deal for us. Andre and I "officially" moved in together last week. I'm the happiest woman in the world!

Andre, I love you with all my heart! I wrote this for you:

My Man
by Andrea Tadpole

My man
Found me
Deep in the night
Like an angel
Brought me
Back to life

When we met
His eyes twinkled
With pure delight
His smile
Illuminated me
At first sight

I fell fast and hard
From the very start
Yet he was there
To catch me
He captured
My heart

Dark brown skin
Smooth as silk
Honey sweet kisses
That make me melt
He has a way of
Touching me
In places
No one else
Has ever felt

Strong and protective
Yet soft and tender
Its finally safe
I can surrender
To the love
We share
To this man
My man
Now
Forever

Jun 28, 2013

He Always Touches Me

by Andrea Tadpole

He always touches me
Always
And when he does
It draws me in
Like a moth
To the full moon light

He always touches me
Tenderly
Sweetly
As if to say
You're my woman
All mine

He always touches me
And his sparks
Ignite my hidden passion
Into a raging fire
Of sensuality
And desire

He always touches me
And reminds me
I belong to this man
Who loves me
Safe and warm
In his arms
Forever more

Jun 14, 2013

Thoughts On Love

Thoughts On Love
by Andrea Tadpole

Love is a fragile gift
Beautiful to behold
When tasted
One is insatiable
With an unquenchable
Fiendish thirst
For more and more

Yet love cannot
Be possessed
Or reigned in
It cannot be forced
It can only be experienced
Between two lovers
Intertwined at the heart

Love can last
Forever
When cultivated
And grown
In the garden
Of two
Star-crossed souls

May 24, 2013

Courtney's 1st Birthday Letter

by Andrea Tadpole

Note: This is taken from a book my daughter and I write together called Love Letters. I wrote it for my youngest granddaughter Courtney on her first birthday. I’m sure my daughter won’t mind me posting it here, it seems appropriate. 


1/22/2008

Today is Courtney’s 1st birthday! Can you believe it?! Time runs so fast – she is already walking and trying to talk. Wow! So here is a letter to her. Hopefully she will read it someday when I’m long gone and remember how much her GeGe loves her – here goes.

Dear Courtney,

The day you were born was one of the most wonderful days of my life. The first time I saw you through the hospital nursery window my heart leapt with joy. You had this beautiful head of red hair just like my grandma Mary’s. I am sure she was dancing in heaven! Your eyes were big, beautiful blue like the ocean. From the first time you looked at me you had the ability to pierce the very depths of my soul with your gaze.

While I loved you just as much as I love all my grandchildren, I had no idea what gift you were meant to be to me. Just a few short days after your joyous birth, your cousin Michael Aydn was still born. I went from the highs of welcoming you to the very depths of sorrow at the loss of my beautiful grandson. That night after he was born I was driving around and the pain was so horrible from losing another grandbaby that I could not think straight, much less stop crying. I found myself on the side of the road crying into my cell phone to my confidant, Sandra. Apparently I had thought about driving over a cliff to end it all so the pain would stop forever. Sandra asked me what I could do at that moment that would help stop the pain in my heart. The only thing I could think of was to hold and rock you. So, I called your mom and asked if I could come over and do that. From the moment I held you in my arms it was as if you put this warm soothing medicine on my devastated soul. Here you were a mere six days old and yet you were snuggled right up to me. I sat and rocked you as tears of joy and sadness all rolled into one streamed down my face. I knew that there was hope when I looked at you and I knew that I had to stay alive for you and my other family. That night you and I forged a bond of love with each other that did not need words.

Since then I have watched you grow and learn. We have spent many hours rocking together. You always end up on my lap wanting to be rocked. I think at some level you know that you are the one rocking me. Your love has been and is what the Bible calls “the oil of joy for mourning” to me. You have a spirit of compassion and understanding like no one I have ever known. Well, your mom has that same spirit. It’s beautiful; don’t let life snuff it out.

You are so full of energy and joy. You have made me laugh and smile when I thought I never would again. I have watched you study your big sisters and I know you are taking notes. I know if you could talk you would tell them that when you get big you’re going to be like them. You don’t miss a thing.

Another thing that you have done is totally fall in love with your Uncle Sedrick. When he walks in the room the whole world stops and your eyes are fixed on him. You demand his attention and stay glued to him. I think you know he needs you. I can only imagine what losing Mikey was like for him.

So, I said all that to say this – if you ever doubt that you are here for a reason or think that God has no purpose in your life look around you. Find the one that’s hurting and down hearted and show them the love you have shown to all of us in this brief first year of your life. Go kiss your mom and babies and let them know how much you care. Treasure every second of your life because you never know when it will be your last. Whatever you do – do not lose the hope and inspiration I see in your beautiful blue eyes. Stay connected to your family, especially your mom and sisters. I wasted too many years being mad at mine for things I don’t remember now. In the end all you have is God and family so hang on to them.

Thank you for loving me my beautiful little girl.

I will love you forever,

GeGe

May 19, 2013

Laying In Bed

by Andrea Tadpole

Laying in bed
In the middle of
The night
Thinking about you
Makes my heart
Take flight

I imagine our bodies
Intertwined
In a dance of
Ecstasy 
So divine

I've dipped my toe
In the ocean of
What might be
Is it real
Or just a fantasy

Laying in bed
In the middle of
The night
Praying for answers
I gotta know
Should I stay
Should I go
Pull you close
Or run away

Your touch
Sends me reeling
In infinite bliss
I look into
Your eyes
See forever
Taste sweet nectar
In your kiss

Feelings so intense
I cannot sleep
Is what we're doing
Right
Should I take
The leap

Laying in bed
In the middle of
The night
Thoughts battle round
Till I finally give in
Start counting sheep
Till I drift off
To sleep

Do You Feel Me

by Andrea Tadpole

Do you feel
The vibration
Between us
When our
Eyes meet
Across a
Crowded room
That indescribable
Energy
Pulsating
To and fro

Do you feel
My heart
Beating next
To yours
Even though
I'm not near

Do you feel
My breath
On your neck
My sweet lips
On your cheek
Hear me whisper
Sweet nothings
In your ear

I think of you
And your scent
Comes back to me
I close my eyes
See your smile
Taste your lips
Crave your touch

Do you feel me
Cuz baby I'm
Feeling you

May 16, 2013

One Look

by Andrea Tadpole

One look
One glance
Our eyes locked
Was it fate
Or happenstance

I saw your heart
You saw mine
Undeniable
Indescribable
Connection
Born lifetimes ago

Knocked my world
Off its axis
Spinning blind  
Or was it finally
Aligned

I saw a moon
Orbiting a planet
At least I think
Or maybe it was
Two planets
Dancing together
Around the sun

One look
Is all it took
To mesmerize me
With your Essence
Make me long
For your touch
And thirst
For your love

May 2, 2013

Forbidden Fruit

Note: I wrote this a long time ago. I found it in a box I was digging through the other night.

Forbidden Fruit
by Andrea Tadpole

Forbidden fruit
Can’t you see
What the thought of you
Does to me
I dream of you all through
The night
I see you glisten
In the full moonlight
So close Yet so far away
Should I run
Or should I stay

Forbidden fruit
Can’t you see
How I long
To climb your tree
Pick your fruit
Taste your juice
Set myself free
Just let loose
Yet I know
If I dare go
It will only
End in woe

Apr 19, 2013

Family

This is in response to the comments being made on Facebook by certain people in my family about the latest drama: First and foremost, its better to talk/argue/whatever FACE TO FACE instead of being a coward and posting bullshit in social media such as Facebook (you know who you are). If can't do it face to face its better to just stay out of it altogether. Second, when my grandma died the ONLY ONES at her side were her FAMILY. Ya know, the ones she laughed with, cried with and yes, fought like hell with? All her so called "FRIENDS" were nowhere to be found. In the end all that's left is one's FAMILY, good or bad. Its best to love and cherish them while we still can. Life is but a flicker. Here and gone too fast. For the love of God, MY FAMILY should know this! Or did you already forget Michael, Zoey and little Mikey? There are many things I did in my youth to my FAMILY that hurt them, yet they're still here. I wish I could take it all back but I can't. I can only live today and do my best not to be the same cruel person I was in my youth. I'm not perfect and never claimed to be. I can promise you one thing though: I LOVE MY FAMILY whether they deserve it or not. I thought I had taught my children to do the same. Today, I am facing the mortality of my parents. My dad has cancer AGAIN. I'm hoping and praying that the radiation and chemo he has to do kills the cancer and not him. My mom told me last night she heart problems and has to see a cardiologist and may have to have some kind of surgery. Somehow all the stupid arguments about who's right and who's wrong don't matter anymore. What matters is my FAMILY. Someday, hopefully a LONG, LONG time from now, my life will come to a close. I hope and pray that MY CHILDREN will have spent all the time before then loving each other and not fighting. I would hate like hell to know that the only time they saw each other was at funerals. Life is too short for the kind of bullshit ripping my family apart right now. We have spent too much time dealing with hard, sad stuff in our lives the past few years. We NEED to celebrate the GOOD STUFF together too. Please stop the fighting.

Feb 20, 2013

Artwork of Andrea Tadpole



Check out my new artwork section on my blog! Look on the right hand side of the page and you will see the link or click on the picture above. Enjoy!!

I Don't Want To Miss

by Andrea Tadpole

I don't want to miss
Another minute with you
Me lying alone
Longing for your kiss
Missing your strong arms
Holding me tight
With my head on your chest
Listening to your heartbeat
As I drift off to sleep

I don't want to
Reach for you deep
In the night
Only to find that
You're not there

A piece of me is gone
When we are apart
For wherever you go
You carry my heart

Dec 21, 2012

Letter to Sedrick 12/21/2012

by Andrea Tadpole

Sedrick,

I was lying in bed last night thinking about the last year and what all our little family (you, me, Alicia and the girls) have been through. I wanted to tell you this:

I know that your life is not perfect. I know that there is so much more that you long for. We all do. However, STOP for one moment and look at where you were at last year and where you are now. I remember. You were encamped with the enemy, all for the undying love for your little girl. I watched you have your heart ripped out by ones who supposedly loved you. I watched you lose everything.

Yet, I have watched persevere through it all. I have watched you learn to rebuild from the holocaust of divorce. I have watched you continue to be an awesome father to your little girl. I have watched you walk through the heart attack you had and face your own immortality with dignity.

You may think there is no hope. You may think you are a failure. You may think you will never find "the one" and be alone forever. Those are all lies.

See, Sedrick, in many ways you are my hero and my beacon of hope. I am so proud of you. God truly blessed me when He let me be your mom. So, stop for a minute, thank God that He has brought you through and give yourself a little pat on the back because you deserve it.

I love you forever!

~Mom~

Dec 20, 2012

Grandpa Shelby

by Andrea Tadpole

I am thinking about my grandpa Shelby Morrison today. He died many years ago. His birthday is today. I don't remember how old he would have been but it does not matter. He will always be alive in my heart.

On the outside he was big and clumsy. People often assumed he was an oaf and stupid. Boy were the wrong! Turn on some good music and he could dance like Fred Astair. My favorite memory of him is dancing in the livingroom with me and him twirling me around.

He was a quiet man and he worked hard at the railroad as a switchman most of his life. On the side he had a concession business. He sold snow cones, cotton candy and other stuff. He also sold balloons at all the area Christmas parades. He was a shrewd business man and wise beyond his years.

He was a good man and loved the Lord. He always gave food to the hungry, shelter to the homeless and clothes to the naked. He never judged anyone. He just loved people. My grandma always said he took in stray people instead of stray dogs. I only hope to be as good as him.

Every one in the neighborhood knew him as the snowcone man. To me, he was my grandpa and I loved him dearly.

I miss you grandpa! Keep watch over my grandbabies and other loved ones till I get there! I'm still dancing!!

Love you!!!  ~Andi~

Dec 14, 2012

Butterflies

by Andrea Tadpole

Everywhere I turn
I see butterflies
As if you are saying
Hi
I'm still here

An ever present
Reminder of
The brevity of life
The beauty
And wonder
Encapsulated in
The flutter of
Angel's wings

In 11 minutes
You captured me
Emersed me
In your love
Etched your spirit
On my heart
Forever

The years may pass
But you will never be
Forgotten

Every time
I see a butterfly
Your brought
Back to life
For me
Again and again
I remember
How you fought
To stay with us
And how your
Spirit filled the room
With light
Brighter than
The sun

Merry Christmas
My sweet little butterfly
I love you
Forever

Dec 13, 2012

Fall

I heard this song last night the touched me like no other has in a long time, the lyrics are beautiful…

Fall

by Clay Walker

Oh, look, there you go again
Puttin' on that smile again
Even though I know you've had a bad day
Doin' this and doin' that
Always puttin' yourself last
A whole lotta give and not enough take
But you can only be strong so long before you break

So fall
Go on and fall apart
Fall into these arms of mine
I'll catch you
Everytime you fall
Go on and lose it all
Every doubt, every fear,
Every worry, every tear,
I'm right here
Baby, fall

Forget about the world tonight
All that's wrong and all that's right Lay your head on my shoulder, and let it fade away
And if you wanna let go, baby, its okay

Fall
Go on and fall apart
Fall into these arms of mine
I'll catch you
Everytime you fall
Go on and lose it all
Every doubt, every fear,
Every worry, every tear,
I'm right here
Baby fall

Hold on, hold on,
Hold on to me

Fall
Go on and fall apart
Fall into these arms of mine
I'll catch you
Everytime you fall
Go on and lose it all
Every doubt, every fear,
Every worry, every tear,
I'm right here
Baby fall

Here is the link to Tate Stevens singing it on XFactor:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6KzIO8CUUhM&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Dec 11, 2012

Happy Mother's Day Momma

My son sang some of his music for me for my birthday because I love it so much!! Here is my all time favorite that he wrote just for me many years ago!!

Watch "Happy Mother's Day Momma by Sedrick Zelsnack" on YouTube

Kaylee's Song

My son sang some of his music for me for my birthday because I love it so much!! Here is one:

Watch "Kaylee's Song by Sedrick Zelsnack" on YouTube

Cistern

My son sang some of his music for me for my birthday because I love it so much!! Here is one:

Watch "Cistern by Sedrick Zelsnack" on YouTube

Listen to Our Hearts

My son sang some of his music for me for my birthday because I love it so much!! Here is one:

Watch "Listen to Our Heart by Sedrick Zelsnack" on YouTube

My Heart Yearns

My son sang some of his music for me for my birthday because I love it so much!! Here is one:

Watch "My Heart Yearns by Sedrick Zelsnack" on YouTube

Weakness

My son sang some of his music for me for my birthday because I love it so much!! Here is one:
Watch "Weakness by Sedrick Zelsnack" on YouTube

Dec 10, 2012

Elaine

by Andrea Tadpole

Today is my 50th birthday and I found myself rushing across town on my lunch break to pick up a package from my best friend, Elaine. It occurred to me on the crazy drive over that I did it because it's all about the connection I have with her. She lives hundreds of miles away in Pennsylvania, yet she has been my friend for over 20 years. After she moved from Tulsa several years ago, we remained friends and she has been my lifeline over the phone.

She is 20 years older than me biologically and I am 5 years older than her in sobriety. See, I took her to her first meeting and I really had no idea whether she would stay sober or not. Honestly, I thought all was lost and she was beyond all hope. I just knew she could not be saved. Yet, I was given the glorious gift of getting to watch her rebirth. Over the last 20 years I have watched God fashion her into a mighty, beautiful woman. She has grown in stature and strength. To be given the gift of watching her grow in sobriety is a rare treasure. The wisdom, love and brutal honesty she has given me along the way are worth more to me than all the riches in the world.

Over the years we have laughed and cried, we have cussed and screamed when life has kicked us in the teeth, yet we have kept trudging together. There was, at one point, a period of months when we did not talk at all. Looking back I can see that my life got too dramatic for anyone to handle and I understand why she stepped back now. But we eventually reconnected and our friendship survived. We are brutally honest with each other. I think that is what has held us together.

The longest term relationship I have ever had is with her. It is one I will treasure for the rest of my life. Elaine I love you, thank you for the gift. I hope we see each other again soon!

Fifty

by Andrea Tadpole

Wow!! I'm sitting here on my 50th birthday at 12:07am. I am both grateful and stunned that I've lived this long. I keep counting the years and thinking I must have added wrong. Yet I didn't. Here I am. I'm 50. I've lived half a century. It blows my mind!

I have spent my life hurrying to get to one age or another. I could not wait to get to 16 so I could drive. I wanted freedom so bad and 16 symbolized that for me. Then there was 18. I wanted to be an adult so I could call my own shots and not answer to anyone. Of course I wanted to be 21 so I could get in a bar or liquor store without having to lie.

Then I got sober at 23. It was as if time stood still in a way. I stopped counting days to the next age and just lived for today. I focused on my recovery from alcoholism. I worked the steps and tried to set my life right. I did not do everything perfect but through God's grace I celebrated 26 years of sobriety this past July.

I got busy focusing on raising my family. Looking back I don't think I did a very good job of it, but I put my whole heart into it. God blessed me with the most wonderful son and daughter a mother could ever have. There are not enough words in the English language to describe the depth of love and pride I have a for them. It seems like just when I got the hang of being a mom they grew up and moved away. A day does not go by that I don't long for the the sound of my son's music in the background and my daughter chattering away to me about something. Those are lost moments that I blurred through with the busyness of life and now I treasure with everything.

I spent my 40s getting my college education that everyone said I wasn't smart enough to do. I followed my heart, my passion and I got a degree in art. I graduated Summa Cum Laude. I also earned a 4.0 GPA while I got an MBA. I even surprised myself! I don't have much to show for all my education but I KNOW I DID IT! I loved every minute of college. I realized I love to learn. I believe that learning keeps my mind sharp and it keeps me young.

In the middle of all that came my grandchildren. Oh what an awesome, awesome gift and surprise my granddaughters are. I have 4 of them. Each of them are exquisite and beautiful jewels. They make my heart sing and keep me young. They bring me the greatest joy because I don't have to be anybody special with them. I just have to be me and love them. They have no idea the depth of love I have for them. I only hope that I am able to impart a tenth of the wisdom that my grandparents gave to me. How else will they survive in a world that I will never see?

When I was younger I had a plan for my life and I had an idea of where I should be at each stage in my head. Problem is I never planned past the age of 25... I really thought I'd never live past that. Yet here I am! OMFG! I AM 50!

I have a million thoughts running through my head. I have the shouldas. You know the ones that say you shoulda done this or you shoulda done that? Then there's the couldas. You know how those go...why was I so stupid? I coulda done this or I coulda done that? Last but not least the oughtas. I oughta be this or I oughta do that. I could write all these thoughts out but I'm sure that you know what they are.

There's a part of me that wants to panic because I think OMG I've lived most of my life. In the grand scheme of things I don't have much time left. I have so much more living to do. How am I going to cram it all into 20 or 30 years? I also think about the responsibility I have to my children and grandchildren. I think of all the things that I need to teach them. I think of all the things that my grandma taught me. Things that took her a lifetime to teach me. I hope I didn't get started too late.

I have more questions today than answers and I'm okay with that. See, I finally figured out I don't have to know everything. I just have to be open to God. I have to trust Him and follow the path where He leads even when the road is twisty-windy and I'm afraid. I have found some of the most beautiful gifts in the weirdest twists along the path in my life. I believe that's when God has taken my screw ups and made them into something awesome.

The last year and a half has been difficult yet good. I've done a lot of growing. I have ended some relationships and started new ones. The most important relationship I have started is one with myself. For the first time in my life I've lived alone. No man. No children. Just me. I think I finally figured out how to take care of myself. I finally understand what "I am responsible for my own happiness" means. Most of the time when I am unhappy it is because I am not being true to myself. I am busy trying to people please to make someone else happy at my own expense. As long as I stay true to who I really am, I am at peace within myself and I am happy.

God has blessed me with good friends and with people that I love with all my heart. I hope they are there in my future. Time will tell. A good friend of mine told me one time that it's okay to plan for the future just write it in pencil and carry a big eraser. Yet there are some people in my life that I want to write in with a sharpy marker so they will never leave. Like I said time will tell. ;-)

One last thought...I am a lot like my grandmother Lillian who is still living at over 90 years old. She is still very active and has her mind about her. She is a very fiesty, strong and independent woman. She told me that age is just a number. That if we think we're old we will act old no matter what our age is. I for one refuse to get old. I don't care what is socially acceptable or unacceptable for anybody at 50 years of age or older to do or not do. I am going to do whatever I want the way I want. If I want to dress crazy I'm going to dress crazy. If I want to do my hair weird I'm going to do my hair weird. If I wanna go dance in the street I'm going to go dance in the street. If you don't like it don't watch. I'm going to be like my grandma and I'm going to LIVE every moment I have left until the day I die. So if you're one of my intimate friends or family members, humor me, come along with me and enjoy the ride!

Dec 4, 2012

Lying Here Beside You

by Andrea Tadpole

Lying here beside you
Watching you sleep
Thinking you're an angel
I hope I get to keep

Passions ignited
In ways unknown to me
Never thought
I'd see the day
My dream
Would come to be

Your heart is
Bright and beautiful
It takes my
Breath away
Your spirit
Strong yet gentle
In everything
You do

You mind is sharp
Your word is true
Your wise beyond
Your years

Your smile contagious
Your laughter infectious

Oh my God
I'm so
In love with you

Surely you're an angel
Sent from God above
For when
All hope was lost
I was throwing
In the towel
You swept me up
In your strong arms
And gave me life anew

Lying here beside you
Watching you sleep
Feeling you touch me
In places oh so deep
Knowing that I'm safe
As long as
I'm next to you

Thinking you're an angel
I hope I get to keep

Nov 27, 2012

Lost In A Fog

by Andrea Tadpole

Lost in a fog
A daze
Of wasted time
And spent
Emotion

Trying to find
My way
But I'm blinded
By an
Ocean

Consumed with
Regrets
About what
Shoulda been
Fears
Of what
Could be

If only I could
Clear my mind
And find a
Guiding light

Maybe then
There'd be an
End to this long
Dark night

Then I would
Be free
From the ache
That's deep within

I could once
More embrace
My world
To rise and
Live again

Nov 25, 2012

Why I Love Elephants and Michael Jackson

A lot of people never knew what an awesome writer Michael Jackson was. His poetry and essays spoke volumes to me. Here is one of his essays that describes why I have been captivated by elephants for my entire life. Enjoy!

So The Elephants March

by Michael Jackson

A curious fact about elephants is this: In order to survive, they mustn't fall down. Every other animal can stumble and get back up again. But an elephant always stands up, even to sleep. If one of the herd slips and falls, it is helpless. It lies on its side, a prisoner of its own weight. Although the other elephants will press close around it in distress and try to lift it up again, there isn't usually much they can do. With slow heaving breaths, the fallen elephant dies. The others stand vigil, then slowly move on.

This is what I learned from nature books, but I wonder if they are right. Isn't there another reason why elephants can't fall down? Perhaps they have decided not to. Not to fall down is their mission.

As the wisest and most patient of the animals, they made a pact -- I imagine it was eons ago, when the ice ages were ending. Moving in great herds across the face of the earth, the elephants first spied tiny men prowling the tall grasses with their flint spears."What fear and anger this creature has," the elephants thought." But he is going to inherit the earth. We are wise enough to see that. Let us set an example for him." 

Then the elephants put their grizzled heads together and pondered. What kind of example could they show to man? They could show him that their power was much greater that his, for that was certainly true. They could display their anger before him, which was terrible enough to uproot whole forests. Or they could lord it over man through fear, trampling his fields and crushing his huts. In moments of great frustration, wild elephants will do all of these things, but as a group, putting their heads together, they decided that man would learn best from a kinder message. 

"Let us show him our reverence for life," they said. And from that day on, elephants have been silent, patient, peaceful creatures. They let men ride them and harness them like slaves. They permit children to laugh at their tricks in the circus, exiled from the great African plains where they once lived as lords.

But the elephants' most important message is in their movement. For they know that to live is to move. Dawn after dawn, age after age, the herds march on, one great mass of life that never falls down, an unstoppable force of peace.

Innocent animals, they do not suspect that after all this time, they will fall from a bullet by the thousands. They will lie in the dust, mutilated by our shameless greed. The great males fall first, so that their tusks can be made into trinkets. Then the females fall, so that men may have trophies.The babies run screaming from the smell of their own mothers' blood, but it does them no good to run from the guns. Silently, with no one to nurse them, they will die, too, and all their bones bleach in the sun. In the midst of so much death, the elephants could just give up. All they have to do is drop to the ground. That is enough. They don't need a bullet: Nature has given them the dignity to lie down and find their rest. But they remember their ancient pact and their pledge to us, which is sacred.

So the elephants march on, and every tread beats out words in the dust: "Watch, learn, love. Watch, learn, love." Can you hear them? One day in shame, the ghosts of ten thousand lords of the plains will say, "We do not hate you. Don't you see at last? We were willing to fall, so that you, dear small ones, will never fall again."

Nov 24, 2012

Dancing All Alone

by Andrea Tadpole

I'm so tired of
Dancing all alone
I feel like my heart
Doesn't have
A home

I go out
On the weekends
To find release
In the rhythm
Of the beat
Hoping it will
Soothe the ache
Set me free

Yet I'm always
Reminded
That I'm
Dancing alone
When the slow dance
Comes
And I've no one
To hold

Its as if I'm
Invisible
Nobody sees
That I just want
A partner
To dance with me

Nov 10, 2012

Someone To Hold On To

I just need
Someone to
Hold on to
When life throws
Me for a spin
I don't know where
It begins or ends
And the answers
Don't come from within

Just need strong arms
To grasp me
Never let me go
Hold me through
The long dark night
When I feel alone
Find no strength within
Need an anchor
When storm clouds roll

Just be there
Hold me
Let me fall apart
With you

In your arms
I find the
Peace and strength
To stand up again

Nov 7, 2012

Response to White Devil Comment on Facebook

I sure hope I'm not included as one of those white devils in your diatribe. You know I'm not racist. While I agree with the spirit of what you are saying, African Americans are not the only race that has been disenfranchised in our nation's history.

Lets not forget the OUTRIGHT EXTERMINATION of Native Americans...all in the selfish pursuit of land. It breaks my heart to think that MY ANCESTORS died being forced to leave their homes and walk across this country in the dead of winter when the federal government took their homes away. Funny everyone so easily forgets that.

As for myself personally, I am disenfranchised and discriminated against every day by employers, government officials, businesses and individuals because I am disabled. Don't start preaching about ADA laws to me either. They are worthless because most officials refuse to enforce them. I am treated like a stupid deaf girl everywhere I turn. I could bring you to tears with stories of outright public humiliation I have endured. Yet when I have sought help by officials, attorneys, dept of justice, etc. NO ONE WAS THERE.

The reality is until we ALL drop our blinders and embrace the differences in everyone no matter what our race, religion, creed, sexual preference, disability or ability, class, etc we are still doomed. Until we drop our sad stories (me included), stop living in the past and UNITE for the future we will never get any better as a nation no matter who the president is.

Thankful List 2012

Everyone is posting a daily thing they are thankful for on Facebook so I figured if you can't beat em join em...my thankful list all at once since I'm too busy to stop every day (I never follow the rules anyway)

1. God, AA and my sobriety
2. My daddy for being there for me
3. My son Sedrick Zelsnack. I only hope to be as wonderful as him when I grow up! Oh and his music is awesome :)
4. My daughter Alicia Zelsnack. She is beautiful, sweet and a awesome mother. I adore her!!
4. My granddaughter Destiny who has given me a reason to keep going when things get tough.
5. My granddaughter Kaylee who has shown me the true meaning of love.
6. My granddaughter Bella whose artwork makes my heart sing!
7. My granddaughter Courtney who always reminds me to laugh!
8. Old doors closing
9. New doors opening
10. A good job
11. My best friend Elaine Lamont. She has been a voice of wisdom and there when no one else was.
12. My new friend Lindsey Vandeventer. Can't wait to see what the future holds!
13. Music...the healing balm to my weary soul
14. Art...because it gives me a way to express myself
15. My sponsor Gail for hanging in there with me all these years!
16. My ex husbands for teaching me what I DON'T WANT in a relationship
17. Dancing...it has set my spirit free!
18. A place to live that's warm and safe. Some of my friends don't have that right now :(
19. Food to eat...this time last year I didn't have any.
20. Peace of mind and hope
21. Passion...life would be so boring without it!
22. Love...for without love none of the other stuff matters!

Happy Turkey Day to all!!

Oct 20, 2012

Forgiveness

This is an answer to my son's question posted in Facebook. He wanted to know if we asked God for forgiveness for a sin we were about to commit, would God forgive us. Here is my answer:

Forgiveness

By Andrea Tadpole

What if your daughter did that? Would you forgive her? While you would not shelter her from the consequences of her actions I suspect that you would forgive her because you love her so deeply and unconditionally. Forgiveness is not about US as people. Forgiveness is about GOD and WHO HE IS. He loves us because of WHO HE IS not because we are perfect enough. He loves us in spite of our humanity.

I refuse to believe that God plays mind f*** games with us like that. You know...give us free will then impose rigid rules impossible to follow so that He can slap us down when we falter? No way! God loves us and FORGAVE before we were conceived. Why else would He have sacrificed His only son?

I don't mean to brow beat you Sedrick. Just sharing what I believe. See, your MY SON, my firstborn. I never knew what unconditional love was till I held you in my arms. There is NOTHING that you could ever do to separate my love from you. I forgave you of anything you ever do (assuming I have that ability - that's another discussion for another day) before you were born even though I didn't know it at the time. That's what unconditional love is. Its a bond like no other. I believe that God's love is lifetimes stronger.

I'm sure your other FB friends will chime in and slam my comments to hell and back with Biblical references and religious dogma. That's cool discussion helps one clarify what and why we believe things. But, in the end, listen to your OWN heart. The answer is there deep within. Let the Holy Spirit guide you. I love you to infinity ~Mom~