Courtney's 1st Birthday Letter

by Andrea Tadpole

Note: This is taken from a book my daughter and I write together called Love Letters. I wrote it for my youngest granddaughter Courtney on her first birthday. I’m sure my daughter won’t mind me posting it here, it seems appropriate. 


1/22/2008

Today is Courtney’s 1st birthday! Can you believe it?! Time runs so fast – she is already walking and trying to talk. Wow! So here is a letter to her. Hopefully she will read it someday when I’m long gone and remember how much her GeGe loves her – here goes.

Dear Courtney,

The day you were born was one of the most wonderful days of my life. The first time I saw you through the hospital nursery window my heart leapt with joy. You had this beautiful head of red hair just like my grandma Mary’s. I am sure she was dancing in heaven! Your eyes were big, beautiful blue like the ocean. From the first time you looked at me you had the ability to pierce the very depths of my soul with your gaze.

While I loved you just as much as I love all my grandchildren, I had no idea what gift you were meant to be to me. Just a few short days after your joyous birth, your cousin Michael Aydn was still born. I went from the highs of welcoming you to the very depths of sorrow at the loss of my beautiful grandson. That night after he was born I was driving around and the pain was so horrible from losing another grandbaby that I could not think straight, much less stop crying. I found myself on the side of the road crying into my cell phone to my confidant, Sandra. Apparently I had thought about driving over a cliff to end it all so the pain would stop forever. Sandra asked me what I could do at that moment that would help stop the pain in my heart. The only thing I could think of was to hold and rock you. So, I called your mom and asked if I could come over and do that. From the moment I held you in my arms it was as if you put this warm soothing medicine on my devastated soul. Here you were a mere six days old and yet you were snuggled right up to me. I sat and rocked you as tears of joy and sadness all rolled into one streamed down my face. I knew that there was hope when I looked at you and I knew that I had to stay alive for you and my other family. That night you and I forged a bond of love with each other that did not need words.

Since then I have watched you grow and learn. We have spent many hours rocking together. You always end up on my lap wanting to be rocked. I think at some level you know that you are the one rocking me. Your love has been and is what the Bible calls “the oil of joy for mourning” to me. You have a spirit of compassion and understanding like no one I have ever known. Well, your mom has that same spirit. It’s beautiful; don’t let life snuff it out.

You are so full of energy and joy. You have made me laugh and smile when I thought I never would again. I have watched you study your big sisters and I know you are taking notes. I know if you could talk you would tell them that when you get big you’re going to be like them. You don’t miss a thing.

Another thing that you have done is totally fall in love with your Uncle Sedrick. When he walks in the room the whole world stops and your eyes are fixed on him. You demand his attention and stay glued to him. I think you know he needs you. I can only imagine what losing Mikey was like for him.

So, I said all that to say this – if you ever doubt that you are here for a reason or think that God has no purpose in your life look around you. Find the one that’s hurting and down hearted and show them the love you have shown to all of us in this brief first year of your life. Go kiss your mom and babies and let them know how much you care. Treasure every second of your life because you never know when it will be your last. Whatever you do – do not lose the hope and inspiration I see in your beautiful blue eyes. Stay connected to your family, especially your mom and sisters. I wasted too many years being mad at mine for things I don’t remember now. In the end all you have is God and family so hang on to them.

Thank you for loving me my beautiful little girl.

I will love you forever,

GeGe

Laying In Bed

by Andrea Tadpole

Laying in bed
In the middle of
The night
Thinking about you
Makes my heart
Take flight

I imagine our bodies
Intertwined
In a dance of
Ecstasy 
So divine

I've dipped my toe
In the ocean of
What might be
Is it real
Or just a fantasy

Laying in bed
In the middle of
The night
Praying for answers
I gotta know
Should I stay
Should I go
Pull you close
Or run away

Your touch
Sends me reeling
In infinite bliss
I look into
Your eyes
See forever
Taste sweet nectar
In your kiss

Feelings so intense
I cannot sleep
Is what we're doing
Right
Should I take
The leap

Laying in bed
In the middle of
The night
Thoughts battle round
Till I finally give in
Start counting sheep
Till I drift off
To sleep

Do You Feel Me

by Andrea Tadpole

Do you feel
The vibration
Between us
When our
Eyes meet
Across a
Crowded room
That indescribable
Energy
Pulsating
To and fro

Do you feel
My heart
Beating next
To yours
Even though
I'm not near

Do you feel
My breath
On your neck
My sweet lips
On your cheek
Hear me whisper
Sweet nothings
In your ear

I think of you
And your scent
Comes back to me
I close my eyes
See your smile
Taste your lips
Crave your touch

Do you feel me
Cuz baby I'm
Feeling you

One Look

by Andrea Tadpole

One look
One glance
Our eyes locked
Was it fate
Or happenstance

I saw your heart
You saw mine
Undeniable
Indescribable
Connection
Born lifetimes ago

Knocked my world
Off its axis
Spinning blind  
Or was it finally
Aligned

I saw a moon
Orbiting a planet
At least I think
Or maybe it was
Two planets
Dancing together
Around the sun

One look
Is all it took
To mesmerize me
With your Essence
Make me long
For your touch
And thirst
For your love

Forbidden Fruit

Note: I wrote this a long time ago. I found it in a box I was digging through the other night.

Forbidden Fruit
by Andrea Tadpole

Forbidden fruit
Can’t you see
What the thought of you
Does to me
I dream of you all through
The night
I see you glisten
In the full moonlight
So close Yet so far away
Should I run
Or should I stay

Forbidden fruit
Can’t you see
How I long
To climb your tree
Pick your fruit
Taste your juice
Set myself free
Just let loose
Yet I know
If I dare go
It will only
End in woe