Thoughts On My Life

Thoughts On My Life

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

6/17/23

I have had a lot of major stress going on for a very long time. I had brain surgery in December 2020, the next summer my mom nearly died and her husband, Vernon did die. I brought her home from Florida and then my dad got sick. He eventually died February 2022 and we buried him. That was one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. Part of my heart was buried that day too. Somewhere in the middle of that God blessed me with a beautiful home. This spring I spent a couple of months out of state with my daughter while she recovered from neck surgery. Somehow Andre and I have made it through and we are still standing even when it would have been easier to fall. When I look back at all this I can see the hand of God woven through everything. Even with darkest storms around me, they have not consumed me.

I have found the greatest comfort and joy in my children and grandchildren. I have watched Sedrick, Alicia and Victoria (my daughter-in-love) mature into the most amazingly beautiful adults. They have weathered their own struggles with life. Yet, they are still standing strong. Despite the sorrow we have been through as a family, they have never left my side, even when it probably would have been easier to run. They are my greatest blessings.

I have watched my two oldest granddaughters, Destiny and Kaylee graduate high school and college. They are growing into such beautiful young women! My other granddaughter Bella is a senior in high school now and will graduate this time next year. My granddaughter Courtney is making her way through adolescence. She is so much like I was at her age. She is a beautiful and an "old soul". My grandson Michael is 4 years old and obviously got all the "smart genes" in our little family. He loves to learn and soaks things up like a sponge. He has this infectious joy that pours over me like a healing balm for the grief I feel in losing my dad.

Most people who really know me know that I rarely do much for myself. I work all the time. I am there for my family. I keep pushing, trudging and flailing through life. The one thing that has kept me going is my relationship with my Higher Power who I know as Jesus. This time of year is always so precious to me because I remember being a 23 year old girl that was so angry at the world and scared to death. I had 2 little children that I was raising alone and I was failing badly. On top of it all, I was in the grips of alcoholism and addiction. At that time I really believed the world would be better off without me. I saw no hope.

The last couple of weeks before what I now know as my rebirth date and Damascus Road experience on July 5, 1986 were a living hell. Despite my many attempts to end it all, God would not let me die. Through a number of holy moments in my life, God sent me angels in the flesh and on July 5, 1986 I began my journey living sober and clean. I have not had a drink or drug since that day.

I promise you, I have not stayed clean and sober because I am so strong. On the contrary, I am a wuss inside. I stay sober because in my weakness Jesus is strong. He is my everything. My favorite story is where He kept a prostitute from being stoned. I saw a picture one time depicting the Lord literally standing and hovering over this woman and holding back the angry crowd who wanted to stone her to death. That was me. He saw something in me worth saving, even when I wanted them to stone me. The neverending love and grace I felt on July 5, 1986 has never left me since then. Life has been hard and devastating at times by my Jesus has always been there in every step, breath, heartbeat, and tear. His grace is so incredibly beautiful and amazing.

So, I started this post to share about finally pushing myself to make changes in my life since last fall. After brain surgery and everything else, I got lazy. I gained a massive amount of weight. I decided in October to make small changes and get this weight off. I am nowhere close to where I want to be, but I have lost 39 pounds so far. I am not telling this for accolades. Actually, I have realized it is okay to celebrate and care for myself too. I will not promise to never gain weight again, that is my business. However, I have made a commitment to myself to take better care of myself in all areas, one day at a time.

One of the things I have done to celebrate myself was go get my hair done the way I want it and to hell with anyone who does not like it! (Yes, I still have a little bit of that stubborn, nonconformist streak in me.) God blessed me with an amazing stylist. Cristy always makes me feel like the only client she has when I see her. I very seldom relax. When I go see her, just her very presence and spirit set me at ease. She always makes me feel beautiful. She has no idea what a blessing she is to me. I went to see her last night and she did my hair and I love it! Even more though, I sat and actually relaxed and that ache of sorrow in the depths of my heart and soul left for a little while. I know God sent me this beautiful angel named Cristy to help heal my heart. She is well worth it and even more, I am worth it.

On July 5th I will celebrate my rebirth date. I will have 37 years sober. I am so grateful that Jesus has never left me. Even when my old fleshy self gets in the way, no matter how bad life's storms are He has never let me fall. If I had succeeded in taking my own life all those years ago I would have missed out on so much.

I am not a churchy person. If it works for you awesome but it is not always my thing. However, someone belittled me the other day for my love for and faith in the Lord. I snapped back and set them straight. See, I understand that without Jesus, life is not worth living. That is where alcoholism and addiction took me. Jesus pulled me out and has given me such a beautiful life. So, I will never apologize for that.

To my inner circle of family and friends, thank you for staying the course in this crazy world with me!! I love you more than I know how to say!! 💖💖💖