By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard
2/7/23
I personally choose not to focus on God's wrath. As a child and young, troubled adult, the threat of God's wrath was used as what I consider a form of spiritual abuse by so called Christians who went to church on Sunday and looked really pretty and righteous; yet in reality outside of church were nothing more than white washed tombs. They used the threat of His wrath to belittle me and try to scare me into hanging on to "my salvation" lest I die and go to hell without Him. So, frankly, they did nothing more than make me hate God and church.
When I got sober at 23 years old, I found Jesus again at the foot of my bed in tears and crying in desparation for help. I did not find Him again in a church. Some people do, and that is awesome. It just was not my path. When I found the Lord again, I experienced His unconditional tender love and certainly undeserved grace and mercy. That same love is what has carried me through life's peaks and valleys. The Lord has granted me the daily gift of sobriety ever since that day at the foot of my bed.
I remember some time in my first year of sobriety telling God that if the only reason I had to serve Him was because I was afraid of Him, then I would not do it. I was not going to be another white washed tomb. I begged Him to reveal Himself to me in a way no one ever had. I demanded that He prove to me that He was more than wrath and fear.
Over the next few months, the Lord came to me in very quiet yet beautiful and loving ways. Things happened that no human, including me, could take credit for. He showed me the immense love He had for me, if I would only open up and receive it. He showed me that He loved me just as much when I was face down in my puke drunk as He does today all these years later sober.
Over the years, I have come to realize that the "wrath" I experienced that drove me to my knees was self-imposed. It had nothing to do with God at all. See, I understand today when I turn away from the Lord, my very act of pushing Him out of my life opens the gates of hell and wrath upon me. I do it to myself. Yet, He is still there begging me to turn around. I know for a fact that when I was in the grips of the wrath of alcoholism the Lord was there to cover me at times and take on the wrath, so I would live another day. He kept calling me home to Him even though I would not listen. I am so grateful He did not give up on me when everyone else did.
I am not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. I am a spiritual being having a human experience. I battle with my humanness every day. Some days are better than others. I have learned that God is not the enemy. He is my ever loving Abba Father. As long as I keep my focus on Jesus, admit to Him when I am wrong, do my best to clean up my messes and let His grace and mercy flow through me; the amount of wrath I experience in my life is pretty much non existent.
It is not about me getting perfect before I run to Him. It is about me letting Him love me just the way I am; put together, or pulled apart. It does not matter. It is all about His love. Honestly, there is not a word in the human language that I have found yet that adequately describes His love. I suspect one does not exist.
So, if everything looks chaotic and maybe even what I call "wrathy" in your life, focus on JESUS. His love, grace, and mercy truly do endure forever. I am living proof.
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