Thoughts on Grief

By Andrea Tadpole-Broussard

5/4/22

I had brain surgery in December 2020. I was barely recovered from that and my mom nearly died last summer. Then my stepdad died of COVID in the middle of my mom being so sick from an infection after major surgery. I had to move her from Florida to Oklahoma in with me. That was no easy task. I no sooner got her settled in and my father got real sick. He had knee surgery that turned into an infection.

I worked from home every day and then would go take care of my dad all evening and sometimes all night. He was in/out of hospitals. This started November last year. Somewhere in the middle of this nightmare he contracted COVID while in the hospital. Between the massive infection and COVID it tore my father's body apart. I was with him through it all even though it tore my heart to pieces. He made his transition to the arms of the Lord on February 11th. I held his hand till he died.

My family is a twisted up dysfunctional mess. Death brings out the ugly in people and it sure brought it out in mine, who by the way were nowhere to be found when my father was sick and dying. I helped my stepmom with my father's cremation and memorial service. Everyone who was not there to help my dad before he died suddenly had an opinion on his service. My stepmom shut them all down and put me in charge since I was the oldest. Horrible lies were spread on social media by the dysfunctional ones. They said that we had COVID and were hoping to infect people with it at the memorial service. It obviously was not true, but it scared alot of people away. I officiated the memorial service since we couldn't find anyone else. It was small, intimate and heartbreakingly beautiful.

There are days that I feel okay and can keep myself distracted with various things to do. Then there are the days that grief grabs me by the throat and slams me to the ground over and over again. The things that have helped me hold on every day are my relationship with my God and my kids and grandkids. I pray all the time, not because I'm so holy and put together; but because I am a wretched human being that is falling apart inside most days. I try to remember to be still and know that He is God, He is there with me in the midst of the sorrow and I watch for hellos from Heaven. Grief is a journey that we all experience differently but it helps to shoulder the burden together so I reach out to others when I need help. I try to remember that I am not alone and remind myself of something a dear friend always tells me...don't forget to breathe. 🙏🏼❤️🙏🏼