For those of you who care (all 2 of you who read my blog), I was hospitalized a year ago this past summer for unknown vision and balance issues. They never could figure out what it was. I don't know if things got better or if I got tired of being jacked around by doctors who didn't really care. Or, its possible I just accepted this "new normal" and ignored it. I don't know. Fast forward to this summer, I was in a car wreck (not my fault). I wasn't injured but my head was sloshed around and made me feel wonky for a few minutes. A couple of weeks after that I noticed when I would look down some kind of water-like fluid would randomly drip out of one side of my nose. It kept getting worse so I went to the doctor. Since then I have fallen 3 different times and fractured my right leg.
After again, being treated like I was crazy and me going bad ass bitch on Indian Health Care, I got referrals done and tests run. I finally saw an ENT right before Thanksgiving and had labs done to see if the fluid randomly dripping out of my left nostril was cerebral spinal fluid or not. My doctor personally called me today and confirmed that I have a cerebral spinal fluid leak somewhere in the lining between my skull and brain. He is not sure where the leak is.
So, here is the game plan...
1. Guided CT scan in the next few days once referral is done. He wants to determine exactly where the leak is and make sure there is nothing else there, no others tumors or cysts.
2. He wants me to see an ophthalmologist to make sure nothing is pressing on my optic nerve.
3. His partner is a Neuro surgeon. He wants him to look me over since he will be assisting during eventual surgery.
4. Once all that is done he will know exactly what he is dealing with and whether he is going thru my nose or through my skull to patch the leak.
5. He will try to do surgery between Christmas and New Years if he can get all this done by then and find a surgery suite available due to COVID causing a shortage. It may be in mid January though.
I have said all that to say this...
I work hard all the time. I rarely ask for help, although I'm very grateful when it comes. My parents especially, have always been there and show up amazingly in the knick of time. Us parents are like that. Since I got sober, I have always been the strong one that my little circle knows they can count on. The problem I have grappled with most of my life is when I'm weak people don't believe it or understand because I'm always strong. Its not until I'm completely down that they realize I wasn't kidding when I said I'm not ok. Well, right now I AM PHYSICALLY TIRED. I AM A LITTLE CONCERNED ABOUT WHAT IS AHEAD. I won't say I'm scared. I just do not like the unknown. I'm am exhausted. I'm doing all I can right now to work and keep my household running. I'm not going to die from this. I will get through it. However, I'd much rather have a little reassurance and help when I need it while I'm trudging through this. I have to stay in as much as possible to avoid being exposed to meningitis and COVID of course.
So, I am asking you, if you are in my circle please, at least take the time to text me or private message me and ask how I'm doing, send me an inspirational quote, a funny meme or whatever. It only takes a few seconds and soothes my heart. I just need to know I'm not alone. Most of all, please pray for me. I believe in the power of prayer. When I reply with "๐๐๐" on a post I mean I am praying and believe me, I do. I may not talk to you every day, but I pray. So please just say one for me. I will come up for air and keep everyone updated as I can.
Rant over...thanks! ๐๐
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