My Personal Vows

By Andrea Tadpole

Written 6/22/2001

I give myself to you unreservedly. I leave my old life behind and cleave unto a new life with you. As I embark on this journey with you I promise always to keep you in the forefront of my mind. I promise always to be loyal to you, even if that means personal sacrifice.

I will treat you with respect, dignity and gentleness. I will be there for you no matter what. When it looks like the world has walked out on you, I will be there right by your side. I will love you, encourage you, and support you in all that you do. I promise never to abandon you.

You do not always have to be strong and you do not have to do life alone anymore. You can rely on me. I will be a source of strength to you when you are weak.

I promise always to conduct myself in an honest and trustworthy manner, not only with you, but others. I promise to set special time aside to spend with you regularly. I promise to be attentive to your needs and feelings, I promise to listen to you even when we don't agree. When we do disagree I promise to “not let the sun go down on my wrath”. I promise to endeavor to live in a spirit of unity and compromise with you.

I give you my heart and all my love.

If I Died Tonight

By Andrea Tadpole

If I died tonight
Would you miss me
Would you have regrets
Things you should have said or done

Would you miss my smile
Crave my touch
In the very depths of your soul
Yet know that you’d never have it
That I’d never be there to hold

If I died tonight
Would your heart ache
And grasp desperately at any way
To cross the great divide
For just a second with me
With your arms open wide

Out of nowhere
Would you hear my voice
Calling out your name
Would you feel your heart leap
Maybe even look
Then remember I’m gone forever
I won’t be coming back again

Eternity is a long time
There are no overs
So why are you wasting your life
And why are you wasting mine

If I died tonight
How would you feel
Really
Stop for one minute and think
How would you feel

I guess I’m the only one that’s real
I live in the moment
I live in now
Sometimes that’s not pretty
Sometimes it’s not happy, joyous and free
It sucks
It’s just reality

See I understand
We don’t live forever
Today is all we have

If you need me
I’m there
I’ll listen
I’ll carry the burden with you
Because I know

If you died tonight
I’d miss you
You’re in my heart
Part of me would die too

If I died tonight
Would you miss me
Just asking
Just need to know
It seems like I'm not that special
Easily forgotten
Even easier to let go

I Have No Muse

NOTE: This was written several months ago. I am just now getting it added to my blog.

By Andrea Tadpole

I have no muse
I have decided

Maybe I’m wrong
I don’t know

Maybe it’s the whole world
The circumstances
That I find myself in
Situations that prick my heart
Make my soul bleed
Make me want to beg for breath

Maybe it’s the things that bring me
The greatest joy
And the deepest sorrow

Maybe it’s the events and moments
That I find so tantalizing to my mind
That I don’t know how to say it
Or put it into words

I’m an artist
I’m a painter
I’ve lost the use of my hand
I cannot paint reality anymore
I struggle so hard
I want more than anything
To paint what I see
Yet I’ve lost my voice
I’ve lost my brush

All I have left
Are mere words
And somehow
They’re not enough

To open up my heart
To put it on a canvas
The colors speak and say
What I feel

But words
They aren’t enough

And yet I keep trying to write
To show you who I am
If you would just read and listen
You’d see my soul
You’d see my heart
You’d see my mind

But why don’t you take the time
Why don’t you let me in

I feel like I’ve lost my muse
I know I did

His heart was beautiful
And strong and true
Eyes blue as the sky
Touch deep as the ocean
Kiss sweeter than any sugar on earth
Yet he won’t let me in
My heart is broken

So here I am once again
Writing a damned poem about it
That nobody will ever read
It doesn’t matter

So easily forgotten
That’s me
Always am

So I sit with my paper
And I write

No one listens
No one reads

Just silly words
Just stupid feelings
So much for me

I have no muse
What does it matter
Who cares what I see

I Am A Woman

By Andrea Tadpole

Do not try to possess me
For in the pursuit of me
You will lose me

I am not an object
To obtain
I am a woman
To experience

Do not try to rein me in
Or dress me like a doll
I’m not a trinket on your arm
Not just a hole to stick it in

I am a being
With a heart and spirit
I have a mind
I am alive

Do not try to contain me
For I cannot be subdued
Let me run
Wild and free

When you do
I will return
To the seat of your soul
Like your missing rib
I will be there
For you to have and to hold

But only if you
Let me be
Set me free
Give me breath and life

If you try to tame me
I will run
I always do

I am not a possession
I am a woman
A gift sent from above
For you

You Kiss Me

By Andrea Tadpole

You kiss me
And I dream about you
For days

Our eyes meet
My heart takes flight
All I can think of is you
Holding me
Through the night

I long for you
When you’re not near
A piece of me is gone

Your touch
Lingers on my skin
Your scent
I can’t erase

Everything about you
Your stature
Your face
Drives me wild
With insatiable delight

You’re my soulmate
My lover
My best friend

I Just Want A Lover, I Just Want A Friend

By Andrea Tadpole

Don’t ever try to pull me up
Unless somebody knocks me down
Just walk beside me
'Cause I like having you around

I don’t need a rescuer
I don't need a prince
I just want a lover
I just want a friend

You say I’m strong and independent
And while those things are true
I still need someone at times
To stand beside me
And lend an ear or hand

I do not want charity
Or patronization
I hate games
And dramatization

I don’t need a rescuer
I don't need a prince
I just want a lover
I just want a friend

With no agenda
No expectations
Let’s walk together
See where it begins and ends

I don’t have the answers
I never will
I just know we're not meant
To travel alone

So come with me
Embark on this journey
For as long as it lasts
Like I said

I don’t need a rescuer
I don't need a prince
I just want a lover
I just want a friend

Forever With You

by Andrea Tadpole

You burst into my life
Like an shooting star
My long lost prince
Come from afar

To take me away
Make me your bride
Beside you forever
Is where I’ll abide

With your smile you pulled me in
Like a magnet to my heart
From you
I will never part

I lay awake at night
Dream of you
Feel your breath on my neck
Your body pressed against mine
Your kiss on my lips
Tastes sweeter than wine

How long must I wait
For you to appear
When all I want
Is for you to be near

We steal sacred moments
Alone in the dark
With oceans between us
We’ve nowhere to park

At a screen with words
Worth more than gold
We plot and plan our future
And talk of growing old

Someday we say
We will walk hand in hand
In this life
Never feel sorrow
Or have any strife

Oh how I want to believe
You’re the man of my dreams
Yet here I wait hoping you really are true
That you’ll come take me away
Forever with you