The Four Leaf Clover

When I was a little girl I used to spend hours and hours searching for four leaf clovers. I would lay in the yard all day and evening lost in my pursuit. Nothing else mattered. All the hurt and pain of my crazy life and the abuse would fade away when I was picking through the clover. When I would get tired of looking I would roll over on my back and watch the clouds. I loved to pick out shapes and animals. It was as if time stood still when I did that.

One evening I was watching the clouds right at sunset. The sky was a beautiful golden orange color. All at once it was as if the clouds were a gate and they opened. I saw a brightly lit figure. A man yet a spirit. I could not see his face because the light was so bright but I knew it was Jesus. I laid there for what seemed forever totally transfixed on Him. At total peace and in total awe. Finally this holy moment was broken by the sound of my mom calling me in for dinner. As I rolled over to get up I found a four leaf clover.

That day is forever etched in my mind. When life knocks me down I remember that moment. I call to mind the peace He gave me while I hunted for four leaf covers.

Smoldering

By Andrea Tadpole

I sit here smoldering
With thoughts of you
The passion we shared
Takes my breath away
Your scent lingers on me
Your sweet lips on my thighs
Your tender touch
I long to feel

Where Are You

By Andrea Tadpole

It's as if I don't exist
I'm trapped in a black abyss
Everyone says they love me
They will be there if I fall
Yet when I'm scared
Need someone's touch
There's no one there to call

Problems lie before me
They seem bigger
Than the world

No solution
Or resolution
Can't fix them
On my own

I know there is a God
That He loves me
Through and through
He has a plan to save me
But it most likely
Includes you

So where did you go
Your presence gone
Your touch withdrawn
My heart aches so

I cannot wait any longer
Must move on
And start anew
I guess it doesn't matter
Least of all
Not to you

Sitting On the Porch

By Andrea Tadpole

Sitting on the porch
Throbbing with desire
Heart pounding
Wanting you so bad

Mind racing madly
Searching for a clue
As to why
You don't see me

Did I come on too fast
Push too hard
Open up too much

Not trying to grab you
Don't want to cling
Just want to experience
The moment
The now
With you

Is that wrong
Too much
Too soon
Too fast
What

I don't understand
Come here
Go away
You pull me close
Then push me away

I want to stay
Close to you
In your arms
Just for today

The future is uncertain
All that exists is now
If we hesitate
It's lost forever
Far beyond our grasp

Nothing lasts but this second
Please don't throw it all away
By letting fear get in the way

Maybe if we jump together
The fall
Won't hurt at all

On the River Bridge

by Andrea Tadpole On the river bridge Wishing you were here Holding my hand Kissing me Caressing me Talking about nothing Spending time together With no agenda Just to be I sit and wait But you don't call Seems I don't even Cross your mind Was it real Did we make love Share the ultimate gift Explode together with passion Or was it all a dream A silly fantasy The one I want The most Is the furthest From my reach What are you afraid of Why do you shut me out And run away When all I want Is for you to stay Everyone else is invited In your life Yet I am held at bay I know where I'm not wanted Seems I just Get in the way So there's nothing Left to say

Begging for Crumbs

by Andrea Tadpole I realized last night I have wasted my life Sitting under the table Begging for crumbs That never come When God has a banquet Prepared in another Space and time I'm not sure why It has taken me so long To release myself from The pain of rejection That comes from waiting For little scraps of Attention Affection Just some little sign That never appears Yet now that the scales That blinded me Have lifted I've set myself free No more It ends here Now I'm not wasting my life Waiting under a table Begging for crumbs That never come

My One and Only Muse

by Andrea Tadpole My one and only Muse When I watch you From afar Passion envelopes me You have invaded me You occupy my mind When our eyes meet Two universes collide New stars are born My creativity is fired In levels I never knew When we aren't together I imagine your ways Your sky blue eyes flash When you smile at me My heart skips a beat Your rough hands Touch so tenderly Your lips are soft and sweet Insatiable desire Stirs deep within me I am left with mere words To convey the feelings You ignite inside me My one and only Muse

2:30 In the Morning

by Andrea Tadpole

2:30 in the morning

Should be sleeping

Yet cannot stop

Thinking about you

The way you look at me

From across the room

The way I feel when our eyes meet

You touch me

It lights a fire within me

You kiss me

My knees go weak

You whisper in my ear

Sending tingles down my spine

You're an unexpected treasure

A rare jewel tossed aside

Yet here you are

In front of me

A precious gift

Sent from above

Listening to Some Old Timer Blather

by Andrea Tadpole

Sitting here
Listening to some old timer blather
Just wish he'd shut up
Sit down
Put a sock in his mouth

He's a liar
A fraud
Sure not a winner
Always preying
On young girl beginners

What the Hell
Did he ignore the steps
Fucking sicko
I'd like to wring his neck

Years of sobriety
Dont mean shit
When one never
Changes the way
That they live

Guess the lesson
I've learned is
How not to be
Real in a meeting

Fuck it
I'm outa here
I'm done
Walking away
Before I vomit

So Far Away

by Andrea Tadpole Time goes slowly When you're So far away My mind's eye sees Your sexy smile I imagine Your tender touch Want to call you Just say hi Yet I know you need This time alone So I sit here imagining Your return Hope you wrap me In your arms Kiss me long With passion Hope the time So far away Doesn't make you Forget me

Subdued In a Corner

by Andrea Tadpole Subdued in a corner Tigress locked deep inside Quietly watching you Passion overflows I imagine the feel Of your sweet lips Pressed against mine Your scent Your touch Our bodies intertwined Visions pass through My mind Of stolen moments Alone with you Where time is suspended In rhapsody divine Then I come to my senses Remember where I'm at Subdued in a corner Tigress locked deep inside Quietly watching you

Play In the Rain Together

by Andrea Tadpole

This poem is for a very special friend of mine – you know who you are :-)

Storm clouds on the horizon

Uncertainty beckons at the door

You’re in the tempest tossed

You don’t know whether to

Embrace your life

Or give up because all is lost

The way looks dark and lonely

You don’t know just what to do

The rain comes

You hear a voice inside you say

You can’t go out and play

Who says you can’t

What’s gonna happen

Catch a cold

Not true

So grab a friend

Go splash and play

Live for the moment

Just for today

Reality is

All we have is this second

If we miss it

It’s gone forever

Then we’ll never know

What it would have been like to

Play in the rain together

Places No One Else Has Ever Been

by Andrea Tadpole

You never cease to amaze me
With your eloquent words

They ignite a fire of passion
Deep within my soul
Leave me with a thirst
That only you can quench

Oh, how I want to feel
Your tender touch
Your gentle kiss

Smell you
Taste you
Take you deep within

To the places
No one else has ever been

Slow Dancing With You

by Andrea Tadpole

Slow dancing with you
In the darkness of my mind
Keeping perfect rhythm
To the beat of our two hearts

Passions ignited
Bodies intertwined
As you rock and roll me
All thru the night

In the fire light
You take me
To another world
Where time is suspended
Nothing else exists

You totally consume me
As I suck you deep within
Feel you rub against me
Body soft and warm

Your scent
Your touch
Your tender kiss
Boy you drive me wild

Then I awake
It was only a dream
Where I was
Slow dancing with you
In the darkness if my mind

Hidden Fantasy Locked Inside

by Andrea Tadpole

Hidden fantasy Locked inside As I secretly watch you From across the room Your big strong arms Your flashing smile That sexy voice Those gorgeous eyes Set me on fire Drive me wild I want to taste you Suck you deep within Feel your gentle kiss Tender touch Our bodies Writhing together In rapturous ecstacy Then I realize its A hidden fantasy Locked inside Only you Hold the key To set me free

Destiny's Shoes

by Andrea Tadpole

I wrote this note to my 11 year old granddaughter Destiny. She has a hard time finding pretty, girly shoes for her age. Unfortunately, she inherited a disorder from me that makes her toes look different from most peoples. She is embarassed and teased about her feet all the time. We went and bought some shoes one day and she got teased about them so I sent her this note:

Do not let anyone make you feel bad about your shoes or feet. When people make fun or say something bad about a person's differences it just shows how stupid and mean they really are. You are beautiful. What your feet look like or what shoes you wear don't make you who you are. Who you are is what is in your heart. You have a beautiful heart and I love you very much. So wear your shoes proudly with your head held high.

The Story of Walter Pigeon

by Andrea Tadpole

Before I tell you this story let me preface it with this. I am a Christian, but not a very strict one. By that I mean that I do not choose to practice organized religion on a regular basis. That’s not to say I never go to church, I’m just not one that is devoted to any one church or denomination. I am a spiritual person, not religious. I believe in God and Jesus, I pray every day, but I am not a holy roller if you know what I mean. My relationship with God is very personal and not up to scrutiny by a bunch of religious nuts. I allow everyone the right to worship God however they want and expect the same in return. So I don’t want you to think I’m a Bible thumper, I’m not. If you are that’s cool. I’m not opposed at all; I just am not as rigid as most. Anyway, here’s the true story of a pigeon named Walter:

The Story of Walter Pigeon

One cold, dreary, rainy fall day when I was picking my kids up from school I rescued an injured pigeon from a group of kids who had surrounded it and were yelling and kicking water in its face. I wrapped him in my coat and took him home. I put him in my dog crate in the garage with a blanket on the floor of it so he would stay warm. He was thin for a pigeon. His chest and under his wing was scraped up. He was freaked out too. I had never seen a pigeon’s eyes that big before!! I named him Walter. All winter he recuperated in the garage. I fed him, put Neosporin on his wounds and made sure he had plenty of water.

At the same time my second marriage was falling apart. My husband at the time had been in Narcotics Anonymous for 12 years and relapsed. He started using drugs again, they were prescription drugs but he was playing every doctor in Tulsa and abusing them. He turned into a monster and I was trying so hard to hold our marriage together because I loved the man he used to be. I was going to counseling to try to cope with it all. When I would get overwhelmed with everything, usually late at night, I would go sit on the steps inside the garage next to Walter and pet his head and talk to him about everything that was going wrong. He listened intently, probably because he had no choice, but I like to tell myself that he really cared about me since I had rescued him from the throng of kids. Anyway, over the months, Walter ate good and got nice and fat and happy. We became good friends. The counseling sessions had started to pay off for me and I was gaining confidence in myself. I took my focus off the passed out elephant in the bedroom that would rather sleep his life away than be a part of his family and put it on me and my kids. We had a life without him. I knew that if he did not get clean again it was over but I tried to hang on and give him a chance.

Eventually my kids and I decided that we would release Walter on the first day of spring. We were all excited. We took his cage to the porch and said our goodbyes. Then I opened the cage thinking Walter would come running out and fly away. To my amazement, he didn’t. He just sat there looking at me. I kept saying, “Your free Walter, you’re free, you can fly away now!!” He didn’t move. I sat there looking at him for a minute wondering why he didn’t want to leave. I finally reached in, picked him up and put him on the porch outside of his cage. He sat there for a minute and looked at the cage and then the sky as if he was trying to decide what to do. Finally, he took off! Wow! What a beautiful sight!! He flew around and around, swooping and diving. He came and landed on the eave of my house and looked at me as if to say thank you. Then he flew away. I never saw him again.

That night I sat out on the porch and watched the stars. I thought about my whole experience with Walter Pigeon. I believed then and still do today that God comes to me in many ways to get my attention especially through animals. I suspect He came to me through Walter. Here was this pigeon, the one bird that is considered the nastiest, most unwanted and outcast bird in our society. Much like me he was hurt and alone in the rain. I came along and rescued him, fed him, gave him a warm place to live and heal from the hard knocks of life just like God has done that for me countless times in many different ways. Then when he was well and could fly free he was afraid and did not move until the one person he trusted the most reached in and helped him out. Like Walter I have been in my own cage or prison, a self imposed one many times despite the fact that God has already opened the door. I still let fear consume me at times and stay in the cage because it is familiar and safe even if I am locked up. Yet, God loves me enough that He will always reach in and ever so gently coax me out of my cage and into the beautiful flight of freedom.

I realized that night that God had been trying to tell me all this time that no matter what I chose to do He loved me and would take care of me and my kids. I could stay married and in this sick crazy world with my husband who had no intention of getting clean again or I could fly free, it was my choice. It was as if the weight of the world fell off my shoulders that night. I felt free. It was another year before my marriage ended but I knew that I was not alone. Since then my ex-husband eventually died of a drug overdose. It’s sad and there are days I miss him. Yet, I am still free and flying!!

Many years have passed since then. My kids are grown and I have beautiful grandchildren. Yet, every time I see a pigeon I still think of one very special pigeon named Walter who taught me how to be free. Fly high and free Walter!!