What I Want for Christmas

by Andrea Tadpole

For too long
You’ve isolated
Locked me away
In the dark

Left with sorrow
And devastation
I grieve for what we’ve lost

What I want for Christmas
Cannot be bought
Only you can give

Your open heart
With Love’s pure light
Willing to let me in
And hold me close again

How I long
To see your smile
Hear your laugh
And dance with you ‘round the house

I hunger for your sweet caress
To taste your kiss
To feel our bodies
Join as one
As we fall together
In euphoric love and passion
To truly unite again

I long to hear
Your sweet words
I love you
You’re the one
My baby
My woman
By my side you’ll always be
And maybe someday my wife

But your silence
Is so loud
Its deafening
To my already broken ears

I am powerless to change things
Only you hold the key to your heart
You must be willing
To forgive
Start over
Love me again
And renew the fire within

For what it’s worth
I love you - Forever
You're my best friend
Just wish you’d let me back in

Till then
I'm left all alone
Waiting and watching
For some little sign or crumb
A ray of hope
For the Christmas present
That only you can give

I Hate Watching Romantic Movies

by Andrea Tadpole

I hate watching romantic movies
They remind me of what I long for
Of what we use to have
That was lost long ago

The absence of passion
The ache within my heart
My yearn for reconnection
Your refusal to forgive
Be open and love once again

Yet here I sit all alone
Night after night
Day after endless day
Holding my breath
Waiting and watching
For any sign from you
Praying that you will let go
Of the resentment that consumes you
Like Berlin's wall
It separates us
Hoping you will start anew with me
To rekindle the fire that was once between us
And refuel the embers of love that still dimly glow

I long for your warm embrace
A tender kiss
A wink or smile
A gentle touch

But I am left with nothing
Your silence is deafening
Your stillness crushes me

Yet here I sit all alone
Night after night
Day after endless day
Paralyzed by the pain Thoughts of losing you create
Sent from my U.S. Cellular BlackBerry® smartphone

Ocean View

by Andrea Tadpole

If I could I'd build you
A mansion with an ocean view
And we'd have nothing to do
But walk on the beach
Gather shells
Have fun
And play in the sun

Time would be suspended
We'd have nowhere to run
Everything would be beautiful
Peaceful and true
There would be no sorrow
And no pain for you

And yet I understand
That there's a greater plan
Life isn't always perfect
There's not always an ocean view

So instead of playing in a fantasy world
I know what I'm to do
Teach you to live
In the real world
While keeping your heart pure

Just don't forget the view
The ocean
The shells
The joy and peace
That swells within your heart
When you stop for a moment

God's creation is beautiful
And yet we cannot see
Sometimes the forest
Because of all the trees

Life throws us curve balls
That crush our hearts
And make us think
There is no living
There is no art
When those times come

Remember that I’m with you
Walking every step
Along life's path
I’m with you in spirit
No matter where I am

See, I know love knows no bounds
I know that one doesn't have to be around
To feel them in my heart
And see them in my mind

Years from now
When my days are through
Do not fret

Take time once in a while
To go to the ocean
And enjoy the view
Think of me
And the shells that we gathered

For it is in the breeze
In the peace and quiet
That you'll find me

Remember all we did together
When I was here with you
Whether watching TV
Creating art or playing
Remember the joys
And the tears too

Don't forget to say
I love you to your children
Every night before you go to bed
The last thing you want
Swimming in their head
Is that their family loves them
Through the thick and thin
It’s true

If I go before you
And it's quite likely that I will
Just know that I'm in heaven
Waiting patiently on you

When you’re old and gray
And your time on earth is through
Come meet me in our mansion
We'll gather shells
And enjoy the ocean view

My Little Kaylee Bug

by Andrea Tadpole

One day when I was adrift
Angels brought me
A beautiful gift

With dark hair
Bright eyes
And a shining smile
You toddled right into my life
And brought me joy from above

At first I approached you with hesitation
Because I already loved you so
And I was afraid you'd have to go

I withheld my affection for a time
And waited on the sidelines
While I watched you grow

Then on that first Gotcha Day
When you became ours for good
I could finally show the love
I had hidden in my heart so long

For you see
You've always been my granddaughter
From the moment our eyes first met
But on our Gotcha Day
You were mine forever
And I knew you'd never go away
No, never

I know God brought you
From heaven above
With your bubbly smile
And your big heart of love

So, when life is no longer amusing
When you feel sad and blue
When the road before you is confusing
And you haven't got a clue what to do

Hold on tight to Jesus
He'll always see you through

But most of all remember
Your GeGe is looking out for you

So today here I am
It's your 8th birthday
And we're celebrating your life

Happy Birthday
My Little Kaylee Bug

I love you forever
For I'm your GeGe
Don't you see

My Little Courtney

by Andrea Tadpole

Golden blonde hair
Piercing blue eyes
With a smile that illuminates
The darkest of skies

She's full of energy
Wise beyond her years
Has a plan of her own
And fast at switching gears

Never slowing down
Always on the go
Her momma's little baby
Though she rarely lets it show

She's my one girl fan club
Always greets me with a kiss
Her laughter is infectious
There's not a thing she'd miss

She loves her sisters dearly
Brings us all great joy
But you'd better be careful
Or she'll get you
If you take her toy

She's my little ray of sunshine
In this wild and crazy time
She's my hope for tomorrow
Peace for my weary mind

I will always love her
Forever she will be
My beautiful fireball
She's my little Courtney

My Little Destiny Jade

by Andrea Tadpole

From the moment I saw you
On the ultrasound
Deep inside your mother's womb
Turning and flipping like a little acrobat
I knew you

At that moment I knew
What a bright light you were going to be
Your spirit was so beautiful
I cannot explain it
I just knew you

I understood what God meant when He said
I knew you in your mother's womb
I am not saying I am God
But I know
I knew you

I knew you were a little girl
Even though you were too bashful to let us see
On the screen

Little did I know
How much more precious
You were going to be to me
Than you are now

When you were born
I saw you take your first breath
I saw your spirit come alive
Like a golden, bright light
That left me speechless
And in total awe for days

I watched everyone welcome you
Hug and hold you
The first few hours of your life
Yet you were so sacred to me
That I did not touch you
Because I was captivated by your beauty

Then in the stillness of the night
When your momma was sleeping
And no one else was around
I finally held you and quietly sang
This Little Light of Mine
As you slept peacefully in my arms

I knew for the first time
What an awesome gift and blessing
Being a grandmother was
I realized I was holding you
Our future generation
In my hands
I saw the purpose and responsibility
God had given me
And I accepted in gladly

As the years have gone on
I have watched you grow
I saw you take your first step
Heard your first words
Watched you learn and play
We have laughed and we have cried

I got to see your eyes fill with wonder
When you saw the ocean for the first time
A priceless gift your mother gave me
That is forever etched on my heart

You see
I understand that you really are
My Destiny
The things I teach you now
You will carry
To your children and grandchildren some day

You are a beautiful, beautiful light
As you go through life
Some people will try to snuff it out
DO NOT LET THEM

All these outside things
Whether you have a boyfriend
Whether you become a doctor
A housekeeper
A veterinarian
Whatever
Do not matter
They are important
But they are not who you are
They are what you do

Who you are is in your heart
And your heart is alive and pure
Don't let this old world steal that from you

I love you
I believe in you
I know how wonderful you are
Because I have seen your spirit shine
And I know your tender heart
For I have known you since the day I saw you
In your mother's womb

My love for you reaches
Across time and space
And it goes on forever

So when you are having a bad day
Or when you are in your 30s
And your kids are driving you crazy
When you're sitting in your car alone
And you think you're at the end of your rope
Or when you're old and gray
Do not forget
Your GeGe is there
Whether in person
Or ever present in spirit
I am there

You are my jewel
One of my beautiful treasures
I love you forever
My little Destiny Jade